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Another day, another schedule, another event…
Seungmin loved STAY, don’t get him wrong. He loved his job, he loved his members, he loved the fans. But some days, on some events he just felt stuck. Especially the brand deal events. Having to sit there, serious, not moving around, not being a menace. It made his skin crawl. He already had struggled to sleep last night and being the perfectionist that he is, he hated it and it just made everything about his current situation worse. He wasn’t really listening what the organisers were saying or what questions were being asked. He just kept moving around on his small chair as much as he could without it being noticed how restless and spaced out he was. He really hoped STAY didn’t notice. He was grateful for them being here, he didn’t want them to think otherwise.
But Changbin noticed, he always did. All of a sudden there was a hand on his neck from the man next to him. The fingers dig slightly into his neck, not hurting, just grounding and very welcomed. The taller man felt his body immediately melt into the touch. His brain immediately went blank, focusing on the touch. No stressful thoughts about acting correctly. No urges to constantly move. He tilted his head back into the touch, letting himself relax even more. He didn’t know how long Changbin was massaging his neck, it was probably just a few seconds, but could have been a month. He wanted it to be a month, he wanted it to be forever. He didn’t even believe in forever. He wanted Changbin to hold him with all his strength and never let go. Maybe carve a hole next to his heart and crawl in there when he wanted to hide, when the world was too much and too loud. Just laying next to his stable and strong beating heart.
All of a sudden Changbin's hand was gone. Seungmin stayed frozen for a bit more. Taking the room of STAY, press and staff back in. And the world continued to spin. He continued the panel without a hitch, still not really focusing on the panel and just answering the questions when asked. Still thinking about the hand the was on his neck just a few minutes ago. He looked at the shorter man a few times. Every time looking so relaxed and collected in his white cardigan. He was glad Changbin was wearing it, cuz sitting next to the man and trying to keep himself from using his arm muscles as stress balls was a lot easier when they weren’t exposed. The restlessness was creeping back in, but he managed, this time.
He felt relief flood him when the panel was over, he smiled at STAY waved goodbye and went backstage. He wanted home. No, not the physical home. No, he needed someone. He looked over at Changbin talking to Hyunjin. Right Changbin wouldn’t be at home, he would be at his house with Hyunjin. The shorter man must have felt that he was being stared at my the man, and when he looked into his eyes, some form of silent communication seemed to have happened one way. Changbin looked like he had understood something Seungmin didn’t know he had been projecting. He leaned over to Hyunjin and said something and the other man just nodded and quickly turned to walk towards Felix. Before Seungmin could get through the door heading towards the cars, Changbin had caught up with him.
No proper greeting, no words at first. Just a hand on the back of his neck back where Seungmin wanted it the most. Again his body melted. He didn’t even realise he was still so tense. Changbin steered him around a corner. Not private but enough.
“You’re coming with me to my place.” Changbin said, looking so softly at him. He melted more into Changbin's hand like he was candy floss. It wasn’t a question, but it wasn’t a command either. Seungmin knew if he didn’t want to he could say no. He could say no and go back home with Felix. But that wasn’t what he wanted or needed. He loved Felix, he loved sharing a dorm with the blond. Today he needed Changbin. He needed his hold. He needed to be grounded.
“Okay, hyung” was all he could muster. As Changbin yet again started to steer him towards the exit and the cars waiting. Changbin took him to the car that was planned for him and Hyunjin to get back home. Apart of Seungmin’s brain was going to ask if Hyunjin was gonna join them as well, but the exhaustion had started to take over and when Changbin told the driver to go he guessed not. He slightly recalled Hyunjin walking over to Felix and took a guess where he was going. It wouldn’t be the first time they did this either and he knew neither Felix nor Hyunjin would complain.
At some point during them getting to the car Changbin had let go off his neck and he missed the touch. The normal, adult thing would be to ask or to take his hand, but as much as Seungmin liked to say that he was the normal one in the group that really didn’t say much. Just as he had done multiple times earlier during the panel, he poked Changbin in the leg.
“What?” Changbin said softly, looking away from his phone and up at Seungmin. The taller one just poked him again. Feeling actually kinda good getting rid off some of that pent up menace energy that he so desperately had wanted to get rid off earlier. He saw Changbin move and then he had a hand back on his neck. Changbin knew, he always knew what Seungmin wanted. No words needed. Well some words needed, sometimes. but they had known each other for years now. They had talked, Seungmin had told and Changbin had listened. Now they worked like a well oiled machine. Changbin always knowing what Seungmin needed and Seungmin knowing when to back off. Seungmin smiled in content and closed his eyes.
He woke back up when Changbin lightly shook him awake. Rubbing his eyes and looking at looking at the other man groggily. The other man scoffed.
“I would carry you, but I feel like that would pull a lot of unwanted attention.” Changbin said smiling brightly at him. Maybe too brightly, they always said that Felix was sunshine or that his own smile was bright. But in this moment Changbin was his sun, it felt blinding. Like he was the earth, circulating the sun, forever connected by gravity to live in his light.
He grunted and got out of the door Changbin had opened for him. They walked together inside, and a hand quickly found his neck once they got into the elevator. Seungmin put his hand over Changbin’s, not to move or adjust, just to keep it there. Sometimes massaging, sometimes holding. He felt safe, and like he could fall asleep standing. The door opened and yet again he was guided forward. Changbin unlocking the door and moving him inside both kicking off their shoes. Seungmin wants to place them properly on the shoes rack, he even feels himself move down, but Changbin quickly reassures him that he will deal with it later. This was nice not having to think. Usually he would wanna have control of everything himself but sometimes, just sometimes it was nice to let go and let Changbin guide him. He would never with anyone else. Not even Chan, he never wanting to burden the leader.
Changbin moved them to the couch, carefully removing his hand from Seungmin’s neck once the man has sat down. A quiet whine leaves Seungmin’s lips before he can catch it. He feels a bit embarrassed, but then Changbin smiles at him, lovingly, like he is exactly where he wants to be with the person he wants to be with. And maybe he is.
“I’m just gonna go and get us some water and place the shoes in their place. And then I’ll be back. Okay?” Changbin says as he is getting up. Placing a blanket over the other man. Seungmin nods and curls his hands into the blanket. He feels himself spacing out again, but this time he could just let himself. There was no camera here, no staff, no STAY, just Changbin. He was suddenly placed back on earth when the door bell rang, making him jump. Confused, he looked over to where Changbin was now walking from the kitchen to the door. Changbin opened the door carefully, taking something from outside the door, then getting back in with a bag in his hand. The smell of food filled the room making Seungmin realise how hungry he was.
“Thought you were probably hungry so I ordered some food when we were in the car.” Changbin explained placing the food down on the coffee table in front of the sofa. Giving Seungmin a spoon. Seungmin looked at the kimchi stew and rice in front of him and happily started eating, meanwhile Changbin went back to the kitchen bringing back the water he had started filling up before the food arrived. Sitting down next to the man balled up in the blanket.
They ate in comfortable silence. After a few minutes Seungmin had finished his food and rested his head on the other man's shoulder. He was very glad for his muscles, making a perfect pillow. He quietly watches Changbin finishing his food and then slowly moves his head when Changbin moves to put the containers back into the bag. Changbin moves back to Seungmin and picks him up bridal style, the latter making a small noise of protest but nothing more. Knowing Seungmin would hate going to bed without brushing his teeth he moves them into his bathroom where an extra toothbrush is always kept under the sink. Putting him down on the cold floor and giving him the toothbrush before leaving the bathroom. Seungmin looks up in the mirror, and just seeing a tired but relaxed version of himself staring back before starting to brush his teeth and stealing some of Hyunjin’s skincare, smiling to himself. Changbin comes back after a couple of minutes having changed into sleep clothes and putting hand on his lower back. Seungmin turns and puts his head onto his collarbone, the shorter moves his free hand up to Seungmin’s neck. No pressure, just lightly trails that make Seungmin shudder.
“I have left some clothes for you on the bed.” He says softly into the taller's hair. He hums in reply, staying right where he is. Just for a bit longer, he doesn’t want to move, not yet. Eyes closed he basks in the warmth coming off the other. After a few seconds or minutes, he isn’t quite sure, he forces himself to move out of the others hold and goes into Changbin’s room. He changes into the newly washed t-shirt that smelled like the laundry detergent that he knew Hyunjin and Changbin used. The shorts smelled the same but were definitely Hyunjin’s which we was glad for, they were baggy but still stayed up. And the hoodie, soft and worn from all the washes, Seungmin knew it was Changbin’s favourite. It wasn’t washed, it still smelled like him. It felt like comfort, it felt like home. He put it on and smiled into the fabric on the sleeves. Old habits die hard.
Changbin walks into the room not long after, Seungmin is waiting for him on the edge of the bed. Without any words Changbin lays on his back urging Seungmin to lay down on top of him. He slowly followed the direction and put his head deeply in the crook of Changbin’s neck. He feels the other man’s hands coming back to cradle his neck and on his lower back.
“Thank you, hyung.” he murmured into Changbin’s neck, the words coming out hoarse after not speaking since leaving the event building. Eye’s closed again just taking in the feeling of the bigger man under him. The warmth, the comforting touches. He couldn’t remember if they had something to do tomorrow, and for once he didn’t care. He wanted to tell Changbin more, he wanted to tell him properly how much he loved and appreciated him.
“Always. Now sleep.” Changbin murmured into the top of his head. A light kiss being pressed into his head. Hands lightly tracing his spine.
He could tell him tomorrow.