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Changbin didn’t know what to do with himself. He felt tears in his eyes, some had already fallen. The song was over and all he wanted to do was run over to the man who just finished singing, tell him how proud he was. They weren’t even in the same room. Not yet atleast. He couldn't afford to break down now. Not in the middle of recording, not in the middle of Kingdom.
The minutes went by, they watched as the MC announced that they won yet another category, he hugged Han tightly. He felt like he was going to explode. He needed to sit down, he needed to calm himself, he couldn’t be like this in front of the camera.
He was still trying to find his bearings when the taller man stepped into the room. He felt his 5 other band members immediately run over to him, showering him in compliments and congratulations. Changbin was still on the sofa, staring at the other man, the man was smiling brightly. That big grin that made Changbin feel all warm, like when he saw that smile everything was right in the world. Everything in the world was brighter. He slowly stood up, brain feeling fussy.
They locked eyes and Changbin saw how Seungmin’s smile somehow lit up even more. That kinda smile and look that’s only reserved for Changbin. Changbin took a step forward, Seungmin did too. Changbin took another step, and all of a sudden Seungmin had rushed into his arms. Curled his head into the shorter man's neck, hands gripping into the back of his white shirt. One arm curled around Seungmin’s waist, the other going up to the back of his neck, massaging in slow circles.
He really hoped they wouldn’t include this in the show. Even if it was only a hug, it felt too intimate, too raw, only his. He wanted to take Seungmin and hide him from the world. Only keep him for himself. His light. His boy. His love. He wanted to show him off on the biggest of stages. Give him everything he deserves. His singer. His muse. His world.
They stood there, the rest of the group quietly talking to each other, careful to not disturb them. They knew that the two needed some space, and they were all tired, no matter how happy they were after today’s win. After a minute or two Seungmin's grip on him started to loosen and Changbin reluctantly let go of his waist. With his grip on the back of younger’s neck he moved Seungmin’s head to look him in his eyes, the love and softness he knew his eyes were showing being mirrored back at him.
“Hi.” the older said quietly. He felt out of breath. Like he had done an entire show.
“Hi.” the other man replied back. The smile was still there, a bit shyer, eyes shining with happiness.
“You were amazing out there. I’m so proud of you.” Changbin said it in almost a whisper. He was still in awe of the performance his boyfriend had just put on. He hoped that he portrayed everything he meant with those words, every feeling, big and small. He hoped Seungmin understood. Changbin had seen the nervousness before, the restlessness. He had tried to keep him calm, make him understand how amazing he was. He knew the perfectionist in him, it being worse because he was performing with people outside of his group. His family.
“Thank you, hyung.” A smile even brighter than before, he understood. Changbin wanted to kiss him. He wouldn’t, he couldn’t, not in front of the cameras. This wasn’t TALKER, or SKZ-CODE, or anything else that would be edited by their editors, he couldn’t risk it. He wanted to go home. He knew Kingdom wasn’t over. He knew that they had more performances to make, that Changbin needed to get back into the studio with 3Racha. But he wanted to be selfish. He wanted to go home, and crawl into his bed with Seungmin. Hold him. Whisper praises late into the night. Kiss him with all the love he felt for the younger. But he couldn’t. Not tonight. It would get too late. He knew how much Seungmin depended on his sleep, he couldn’t be selfish when it came to the other.
Changbin finally let him go and they both turned to join the rest of the group in the excitement of winning. But the excitement didn’t last long before they all started to filter out of the room they were kept in between performances. Changbin not leaving Seungmin's side whilst walking, hands brushing ever so often. When they got to the cars the last thing Changbin wanted was to get into the other car going to the JYP building with Chan and Jisung, but duty called and he grabbed Seungmin’s hand quickly giving it a squeeze before letting it and his boyfriend go.
On the drive to the studio he tried to keep himself occupied, discussing ideas with Chan and Jisung, writing down lyrics in his notes app, anything, but Seungmin didn’t leave his mind. He rarely did these days. But he was persistent this time, the image of Seungmin on that stage, his beautiful face, his siren-like voice, shining so brightly on that stage lingering in the front of Changbin's mind. If he was being more quiet than normal, Chan nor Jisung commented on it. Neither in the car nor in the studio. He was trying to help, he really was. He put in ideas, pointers and corrections. But all he really wanted to write was a love song, one that wouldn’t be shown to the world, one that can be kept close to his heart. A love poem. One for Seungmin’s ears only.
It was way past midnight when 3Racha decided to head back to the dorm. Walking into the dorm, Changbin nearly headed towards Seungmin dorm room, just to see his face, but quickly decided against it when Jisung went towards his own dorm room and not the room Seungmin, Minho, and Hyunjin shared. If Changbin accidentally woke Minho up by opening the door, he knew it would be hell to pay. But if Jisung did it whilst crawling into Minho's bed, his hyung would be happy and not bother with Changbin. So without his human shield he accepted defeat and headed with Chan to their shared room with Felix as quietly as possible so as to not wake up the latter. Changbin changed into sleep clothes as quick as he could, exhaustion weighing him down. He could barely see in the darkness, but he knew his way around the room. Stepping closer to his bed he realised that someone was already under the covers, a tall and slender frame. A smile spreading on his lips.
”Hi puppy.” he whispered as he got under the covers, wrapping his arms around the younger and tangling their legs together. A small content noise was heard from the other whilst he burrowed himself closer into the older’s muscled chest.
“Your bed smelled nicer. Like you.” Seungmin whispered, Changbin barely catching it as it was muffled against chest. He hadn’t asked for an explanation, he was just happy to have the younger man close. His left hand moved to Seungmin’s neck, slowly tilting his head upward. Catching his eyes with his, looking at the younger with so much love, and the love that was shining in the darkness back at him almost made him break. They looked at each other for a while.
“I'll be there, 홀로 걷는 너의 뒤에(behind you when you walk alone)” Changbin said in barely a whisper, breaking the silence. He is not sure why, but it’s the one line that has stuck with him since watching Seungmin sing it at rehearsals. Maybe he wanted to mean something with it. Something about them, about him.
“Singing 'til the end, 그치지 않을 이 노래(this song will be endless)” the younger replied, quiet, like a secret only for them. It was a response, it was a promise. Changbin kissed him then, tenderly, like something might break, and held him tighter like he might float away. A few more quick but tender kisses were traded, before a comfortable silence stretched between them. Seungmin’s moving til his body was on top of the older, head hiding in his neck. Changbin felt the exhaustion through his bones, and with his favourite person resting on top of him, safely tucked in his arms, sleep drew ever closer.
“Thank you, hyung.” barely audible with the vibrations going through Changbin’s neck. A confused noise leaving Changbin, he tried to look down at the younger man still hiding.
“For what, hm?” a soft and careful whisper. Seungmin looked up into his eyes, bright and sparkling in the darkness, like they were reflecting the stars themselves. The milky way could be above him and he isn’t sure it would compare to Seungmin’s eyes.
”For today, for everyday, for everything. For what you said after rehearsals, and before the performance. For being you. For being there.” Seungmin whispered, lips nearly touching. Changbin knew they were both each others calm in the hectic storm that was their job. As much as neither of them would change their job for the world, knowing that at the end of the day they had each other. Changbin’s steady hands being able to ground Seungmin when he became to restless, and Seungmin bright playful smile being able to brighten Changbin’s day when they became too dark. Changbin didn’t know what to respond, maybe he didn’t really need to, so he said the only thing he knew.
”I love you.” Changbin said against his lips, eyes still connected. A small gasp escaped the Seungmin. It wasn’t the first time either had say those words, not by far. But there was something in his tone that made the younger shudder. They’re lips met properly in a deep kiss. Seungmin sighed contently into the kiss. Changbin felt how the taller boy relaxed in his arms, all the worries of today’s performance finally leaving him. Just being them. Just being boyfriends. Late at night in the dark. One day, maybe one day, they wouldn’t have to hide. But for now hiding was safety, it was comfortable, it was love.
“I love you too.” he whispered back. Changbin kissed his forehead and let him nuzzle his head back into the crook of his neck. Everything felt right in the world when they were here, in each other's arms. And that’s how they both drifted off.