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They’d been going for more than 48 hours. No one wanted to sleep, not with Sam still out there dealing with God knows what. Dean saw his mom stifle a yawn as they sat across from each other at one of those late night diners with the sticky formica table tops and lights that buzzed just a little too loudly overhead.
Dean ordered for them both while they waited for Cas to come in from out at the car. He wanted to stay in the car a bit longer to finish searching something on the laptop. He had a thread of a wifi connection, and he was going to do what he could, despite his lack of faith in the technology.
Mary stifled another yawn and the waitress came over to refill her coffee mug. “Long night huh?” She offered as she poured.
“The longest,” Mary said as she looked up at her past drooping lids. “Thanks.” The waitress stepped away to fill other mugs down the line of tables. The lot out front was filled with a whole slew of big rigs humming away under the amber glow of the street lights.
“We’re gonna get a room at the motel over there. You need the sleep.” Dean’s face was all parental concern, which was several kinds of odd given the situation. Well, everything in the last 48 hours had been more than odd, surreal might be a better word for it.
“Not ‘til we find Sam,” she said.
“Look, I get that, I really do, but we gotta be ready. Not enough sleep and one of us could wind up dead. That ain’t doing Sam a bit of good.” Dean folded his hands in front of him. The door to the diner opened, and Cas strolled in on a rush of wind. It was a bit of an entrance, and Dean was reminded a little of the first time they had met. Cas came to the table and stood awkwardly at the edge of it waiting for one of them to slide over and make room for him.
Dean moved, and Cas settled in next to him. As was often the case, he slid into the bench seat until they were right up next to each other. “So I found a couple of warehouses that I think might be relevant, given the last lead that we had. They are each pretty far from each other. It might be best if I go on ahead to the more distant ones and let you two take care of the nearer ones.” Cas had folded his hands in front of him on the table in a mirror image of Dean’s posture.
“No.” Dean’s response was almost harsh. He changed his tone. “We’re stronger together. ‘Sides remember the weird mojo that chick had in those brass knuckles. What’re you gonna do if one of them pulls out something like that?”
“I’d figure it out. I’m not weak, Dean.” Cas had the tone of the permanently defensive. He also seemed to puff up a little as he asserted himself.
“I’m not saying that, not at all. I just think that the three of us need to stick together. No one goes rogue on this. Besides, we need you in our corner too. It isn’t just about you needing us.” Dean hoped that he’d smoothed things over. Cas actually seemed a little pleased with the pronouncement, his lip curling up a little.
“It was just a thought.” Cas drummed at the table. Mary yawned again. “You will need sleep. I’ve heard that four hours is necessary.”
“I just can’t see myself falling asleep.” The food came to the table, and Mary looked like she might fall asleep right there despite the pronouncement.
“We’re gonna get a room next door at the motel.” Dean picked up his burger and started eating. Mary didn’t fight him this time. They ate in silence, and Cas reached over to pick up a fry which he popped into his mouth with a grimace.
They finished the meal ten minutes later, and Dean slid a credit card over to Cas. Mary watched the exchange and said, “Wouldn’t it be better if we just got a little closer to one of the warehouses?”
Cas shook his head slowly and got up from the seat with the credit card. “No, we may need to fight, and you two need your strength. Sam is strong. We’ll get to him soon.” Dean and Mary got up next.
“Go ahead and get us some rooms over at the motel.” Dean nodded toward the door, and Cas moved toward it. “Thanks, Cas.”
He left, and Dean took care of the dinner bill. When they were done, he and Mary walked out into the chill night. Cas was already standing just outside of the office door, an old set of keys hanging from his hand. “They only had singles. Lots of truckers here tonight.”
“Oh,” Dean said, looking around at the vast lot full of vehicles. “Well, this’ll keep you from learning that I sometimes snore.” Dean smiled at his mom. Truth be told, he didn’t think either of them would be comfortable sharing a room. It was all just a little awkward still.
“Actually, it’s your night terrors that are the problem. You rarely snore.” Cas offered up good-naturedly.
“Thanks Cas.” Dean rolled his eyes for extra effect. “Let’s go." Cas handed Mary the key that was in his hand. She took it and looked at the number. “Are we close?”
“Yes.” Cas pulled out the other key from his pocket and showed him.The numbers were adjacent, so maybe they’d have one of those adjoining doors. Mary took her key and strolled off toward the room. She had no bags to take with her. Dean moved up alongside her.
They got to her door and she opened it. Dean stepped in past her and moved through the space to see if it was all clear. There was no reason to assume that something was lurking in the bathroom or the closet, but he wanted to be sure. “Looks good. I’m gonna get my bags and then hit the hay. We’ll be right next door if you need us.” Dean stood close to her, wondering if he should hug her or just touch her arm in a move of reassurance. She looked so tired, so worn down.
“Does he sleep?” She nodded toward the door at Cas who was just standing out in the parking lot staring at the vast sky overhead.
“No, he’ll likely research leads while we sleep.” Dean moved to the door. He cast a little smile at her as he moved outside again. “Don’t worry, mom. Sam and I have been through worse. We always get through it. We’ll save him.”
The look that fell on her spoke volumes. He knew this wasn’t what she wanted for him, and though he intended for her to feel comforted by his experiences, he realized that it wasn’t comforting at all. “Goodnight, Dean.” She donned a smile, small and tired.
“Goodnight, mom.” He pulled the door closed between them and stepped over to Cas. “I’m gonna go grab my bag. I’ll be in the room in a sec.” He waved at the room so Cas would go on ahead. He turned away from him and wandered to the car. He felt the weight of the days past pressing him into the ground beneath him. He felt the nearly unbearable pressure of it all crushing his bones to powder and mind to mush. His shoulders sagged now that he thought no one was looking.
He opened the trunk to the Impala and pulled out his bag. He let it slam shut, the echo of it rolling out into the distance with the hum of the trucks and the sounds of the night bugs. He didn’t look up as he walked back to the room, just watched his feet drag one in front of the other.
He’d been conscious of Cas in the diner, his warmth pressed up next to him. He’d been conscious of the way he looked at him, like he just couldn’t believe that he was alive, as if that was the greatest miracle. It was a little funny given that Mary had been sitting at the same table with them, but Cas had looked at Dean like he was the miracle.
Dean was worried that Sam was slipping farther and father away with each moment. He pushed those fears down though. He had to focus. He also had to sleep.He wasn’t paying attention as he walked to his door. When he looked up and saw Cas, it startled him. “Hey. You okay?”
Cas hadn’t entered the room. He’d clearly just been standing in the door watching him. “I’m okay. I just felt like I had to keep an eye on you. No place is safe.” He looked back over Dean’s shoulder.
"If something shows up, you’ll notice with your super angel hearing. I’m not worried.“ Dean downplayed it and put his hand on the door to open it. Cas was filling the door frame. Dean would have to squeeze past him.
"I didn’t hear her when she was in the bunker. I failed you.” Dean stared at him.
He moved past him into the motel room which was a mirror image to Mary’s room next door. Cas followed him in, pulling the door closed behind him. Dean tossed the bag onto the bed and turned back to Cas. He was leaning against the low set of drawers that had an ancient television perched on top of it. He looked like he was bracing for the full brunt of rage that he seemed to think that Dean was feeling regarding Sam’s situation.
“You aren’t to blame. She banished you.” Dean moved closer.
“I didn’t hear her. I should have heard her. I was just...” He looked up quickly at Dean then back at his feet.
“You were just,” he prompted.
“I was unable to think of anything beyond the fact that you’d sacrificed yourself. You were gone, but I could still feel you. I didn’t stop feeling you.” His hand curled up into a fist, and he moved it to his chest.
Dean was right in front of him now. He reached out and settled a hand on his arm. He let his thumb rub a trail back and forth. “I’m not dead. It’s no wonder you didn’t stop feeling my presence. I prayed to you.” Cas’ fist unclenched a little.
“I thought I was imagining it, like an echo of something you said long ago. I was certain I’d gone crazy. I was doing what I could to just stay in the moment, listen to Sam. I didn’t do enough though.”
“We’ll find Sam. It’ll be okay.”
“You gave me one task, one last wish, and I couldn’t even get that right. Just keep an eye on Sam. And just hours later, I failed to do that simple thing.” He looked up into Dean’s face now, eyes nearly too intense to focus upon.
Dean laughed a small sniff of a sound. “Yeah, right, Cas. When is keeping any Winchester safe a simple thing? This isn’t on you. Not even a little.” Dean let his hand slide down Cas’ arm to his hand that was gripping the edge of the dresser. He breathed in deeply of the air between them. Cas glanced down at their hands on the dresser together. He slowly dragged his gaze back up to Dean’s face.
“I’ll make this right. I promise.” Cas moved his other hand to Dean’s chest then and settled his palm flat over his heart. It was as if he wanted to show just how deep this promise went.
“We’ll all make it right, for Sam.” Dean felt his body waver. The intensity of the days gone by was too much. Cas’ fingers curled around his shirt a little to keep him upright.
“You need to sleep. You’re barely awake now.” Cas’ voice was all low and hard, like he was just daring Dean to fight him on this.
“Yeah.” Dean leaned down though, and kissed him instead. His lips brushed softly against Cas’. His hand came up around Cas’ back to hold them in place. He could feel Cas’ fingers tightening on his shirt just a little. He didn’t close his eyes. He was afraid that he’d fall asleep if he did. He didn’t deepen the kiss. He didn’t rock forward to fully press their bodies into one space. He thought about it though. Instead he leaned away to gauge a reaction.
Cas ran a hand up to his cheek and said, “You really need to sleep.” His lips curled up into a small hint of a smile. Dean stepped back, and Cas guided him to the bed with a hand on his waist. He reached down and pulled back the sheet, beckoning Dean to the newly revealed spot. He let himself be guided down to the bed. Cas let him go and stepped back.
Dean toed off his shoes and pulled off his belt. He dropped it onto the floor. He’d sleep in his clothes, ready to go at first light. Cas hovered near him, but not near enough. Dean reached out to him, took his hand, and pulled him to the edge of the bed. “Stay.” He nodded down to the bed. Dean scooted into the middle of the mattress, making room for Cas to join him. “Lose some layers. You don’t need your coat.”
Cas pulled off the coat, letting it fall into the space with Dean’s shoes and belt. He got into the bed beside Dean and pulled up the blanket over them both. He curled around Dean’s side. “Is this okay?”
Dean nodded and rolled a little more onto his side as Cas wrapped his arms fully around him. “Thank you, Cas, for everything.” He set his hand over Cas’ and finally closed his eyes. He could feel the slight press of lips on the back of his neck, the curl of Cas’ warmth surrounding him. Sleep came to him, and in the morning, they’d find Sam. Together, they’d fix this.