Chapter Text
“Liu-shidi,” Shang Qinghua said weakly. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate you coming. I do. But all I need is Bai Zhan’s budget requests for the new quarter—”
“—so I said, I could slay at least three Diamond-Clawed Mammoths, and Luo Binghe went and defeated an entire herd of them, but I’m the one Shen Qingqiu scolded for upsetting their delicate ecosystem? Like I made him do it!” Liu Qingge said, either not hearing or entirely ignoring Shang Qinghua’s attempt to redirect him.
Shang Qinghua sighed. He could see his chances of a completed budget request sailing further and further away. Or maybe being violently killed, like a rare and apparently clawed mammoth. He reached over for a handful of melon seeds to shove in his mouth. If he wasn’t going to get out of this conversation, at least he could snack.
Lately, for reasons Shang Qinghua could only guess at, his fellow peak lords had been knocking down his door at strange hours to ask him for… advice? Maybe not advice, per se, since few of them seemed inclined to actually listen to him about anything. They’d just stop by, yap about their relationship woes or the other peak lords, and then leave after having drunk some of his good tea. Qi Qingqi came over to complain about her latest paramour leaving the martial arts world to go and get married to some lord. Yue Qingyuan sighed extra hard and gazed extra longingly out at the garden after coming to speak with Shang Qinghua about a trade deal. Wei Qingwei cornered him to loudly rank the asses of every other peak lord on the merits of shape, volume, strength, and style. Even, horrifyingly, the Ku Xing preak lord had come calling to discuss some mortal temptation of the flesh he’d been afflicted by.
After decades of frosty-at-best (and trust him, he knew frosty) relations between himself and his fellow peak lords, Shang Qinghua was at a loss for what could have caused this sudden influx in gossip sessions. Sure, he’d written millions of words of questionable romance in his last life (and a few thousand words of anonymous erotic pamphlets in this one), but the Shang Qinghua of this world had never had so much as a serious fling! Why did his martial siblings think their workaholic, virgin coworker was the person to go to to solve their relationship problems or gush about their crushes?
“—and then I found out that Shen Qingqiu let Luo Binghe do–do–do that on the Bai Zhan Peak training grounds!” Liu Qingge exclaimed.
Shang Qinghua perked up, wiping salt off his fingers and reaching for a brush.
“Oh? That? Liu-shidi, my martial brother, my trusted comrade—tell me everything.”
Okay, so this new trend in Shang Qinghua’s life had some benefits. At least it made for good material for his writing!
——
Despite his mild annoyance and the lack of completed paperwork, Shang Qinghua couldn’t say he minded playing relationship counsellor to his martial siblings too much. Sure, they were an annoying, immature, ridiculous, and somewhat destructive lot, but Shang Qinghua had made them that way. It was a little nice to spend time with them. He was still left wondering what had happened to cause all of them to think he was a good person to go to for wisdom, but he could live with the mystery.
Until Mobei-jun showed up at his Leisure House, at least.
“Qinghua,” he said, Shang Qinghua’s breath already turning to steam as Mobei-jun approached him. He was frowning, dark brows drawn into a scowl. “This King… seeks Shang Qinghua’s advice. In a romantic matter.”
God dammnit! Shang Qinghua really could not take this!!