Chapter Text
Reki's heart hurt. In all honesty, he had no clue as to why… Sure, he hated that Adam bastard more than words could describe, but why did his chest feel so tight when Langa so willingly accepted to race against him? He'd wracked his brain searching for the answer for so long that he ended up giving himself a headache… multiple times. It pissed him off.
It wasn't like Langa couldn't have other friends, like hell that was the case! But there was something about Adam that made every bone in Reki's body scream for him to punch the guy. Maybe it was the over the top outfits, or maybe it was the dramatic entrances that Adam so insisted on making, or maybe it was the way Adam grabbed at Langa's body like it was his, like it was something that belonged to him and him alone. It made Reki's blood boil in a way he wasn't all too proud of.
Reki knew Langa was better at skating than him, he wasn't that stupid. He'd known for a bit now that Langa would certainly surpass him by a long shot… but the way Adam didn't even treat him like he was human… it really got on his last damn nerve! That jerk! He was all over Langa, yet he treated Reki like a dog! No, not even a dog! He treated Reki far worse than any dog! It was like Reki was the fly hovering over some cake that Adam just swatted away while taking it all for himself.
The more Reki thought about it, the more it made him toss and turn at night. He couldn't even count the amount of times he'd lost sleep over something as stupid as this! He barely managed to pull himself up in the mornings in time for school, he barely even acknowledged Langa throughout the day... Something about the way Langa looked at him made his heart squeeze… the pitying look in his eyes… like Reki was breaking right before him… It made Reki feel weak.
It was doomed from the start, wasn't it? Langa was so bright, he was always a shining star, it only made sense for him to burn brighter and bask in the light of others who matched his glory… and Reki wasn't one of those stars… Sure, Reki was a pretty good skater, he would even go as far as to say he was someone of note at S. It had always been something fun for him. Skating was something fun… at least, that's what it was supposed to be…
Reki really didn't know what it was… something — everything about seeing Langa shine… it made him feel so damn jealous and he hated it. That was his friend! He shouldn't have felt that way, but he did… that skin crawling feeling as he watched Langa and Adam go toe to toe… he hated it all.
Reki squeezed his hand into a fist in front of him, digging his nails into his skin. It hurt… but it was just enough to remind him he was human… Besides, it wasn't that bad, he'd dealt with worse. His eyes trailed along his fingers down to his palm, his gaze traced down his hand to his arm… the arm that had been wrapped up in bandages only a few weeks before. There were scratches lining his body up and down from injuries he'd gotten while skating, he'd always worn them around proudly, as a way to show how far he'd come… but now they felt like nothing more than a reminder of how much less than he was.
Langa didn't have scratches.
Langa didn't have countless bruises.
Langa didn't show a sign of his failure… because he hardly had any. There was trial and error, sure, but nothing close to failure… How did someone manage to be so effortlessly perfect? Get everything right in his first few attempts?
"Damnit…" Reki muttered under his breath, squeezing his eyes closed shut for a moment and letting his head hang between his knees. His hands grabbed at the back of his neck, fingers racking through his messy hair that had gone on a little bit too long without a wash…
"Langa…" Reki's voice was barely audible, it was barely a whisper he managed to rasp out.
He sounded small. He sounded pathetic. He hated it. He hated the way his eyes darted to his phone when the screen lit up, he hated the way his heart squeezed as he read the text, he hated the way he rushed to answer only to drop his phone like it would bite him.
"Are you coming to S?"
The screen was still on, it was staring at Reki and burning a hole into his soul. Over and over again, every night, Langa had been asking if Reki would come to S. Over and over again, he'd been left on read. Reki didn't understand… he didn't get why someone like Langa, someone as great as Langa, was so insistent on having some slime accompany him.
His phone was the only light in the room, illuminating half of Reki's face in the darkness. He picked up the phone to reply, eyes unmoving from the three dots and bubble bouncing away from Langa's side of the messages.
"I have a beef with Adam," the first message came through and it made Reki's jaw clench and his stomach churn. Just the thought of the two racing was enough to upset him, he claimed he was just worried, "I want you to be there."
Reki stared at the second message for a while. He didn't get why it was taking so long for the words to sink in. Sure, Reki knew he wasn't the smartest guy around, he just didn't get why Langa was so sure he wanted Reki there. It didn't make sense. They were friends, sure, it wasn't like that had changed… but something else had, and Reki couldn't quite place his finger on what. He knew something was up, he knew something had shifted inside himself but the fact that he didn't know what it was pissed him off.
"Sorry," Reki found himself writing, "I can't tonight. Busy."
He was lying. He knew damn well he was lying… blatantly. It was almost midnight, what would he be busy with? He knew Langa knew he was lying… and somehow, something about that made it so much worse. How could Reki sit there lying and call himself a friend? How could he sit in his own bed wallowing in his own self pity and call himself a friend? How could Reki be so jealous and call himself Langa's best friend?
He felt like a damn fraud… and a pretty useless one at that… He didn't even want to think about Langa's face… didn't want to think about that soft, pale hair, or the way Langa's face lit up every time he did something new on his board that he'd been practicing so hard to get right… and especially not that face… The way his brow softly curved and pressed stress lines into his skin, his lips pressing into a thin line, his eyes crinkling at the sides as he stared at Reki with a face of pure worry… displaced worry…
Reki watched Langa start to type, then delete, then start to type again, only to delete the message once more. The bubble popped up a few times, hesitating for a moment only to disappear the next.
"Ok," Langa replied finally.
Reki should have been happy, should have been content… he was the one who put himself in this situation in the first place… yet he felt anything but.
A horrible empty feeling started to engulf his chest, like he couldn't get enough air into his lungs… no matter how much he tried gasping it down… His hand grabbed at his chest, tugging at the shirt that felt far too tight for his empty chest, pulling it away only for the back of the shirt to cling to his skin.
He didn't let the air out, it wasn't enough to fill his lungs. He gasped over and over, trying his best to fill them as best he could but… nothing. Over and over again, he tried to fill his lungs but… it was never enough. His head started to feel light, his ears started to ring, but the feeling felt like it would never end…
Reki didn't know how much time had passed, nor did he know why he started to freak out in the first place. It just felt like everything in his life had been shifted one inch to the side and he couldn't adapt to the change, despite how minor it seemed… He missed how things were, he missed just having fun and skating with his friends… It was so ironic to think about, only a few months prior he had talked to Miya about how it didn't matter who won or who lost, as long as they had fun… It was supposed to be fun, right? That's all of what skating had been about for him… It was supposed to be fun…