Work Text:
med team on lunch
A much needed talk
Synopsis A continuation of that awkward conversation where they are actually forced to talk to each other to sort this out the best they can.
The carriage bumped along the paved road heading back to the capital of Li. The subject of the awkward conversation still hung in the air. The two of them sat in silence watching the scenery go by from outside of the carriage. Maomao cast a glance over at Jinshi who was still staring out the window avoiding her gaze.
Perhaps I said the wrong thing at that moment. It’s not unusual for me to do so. I often do that. Maomao thought to herself. She wasn’t sure what came over to tease Jinshi like that minutes earlier. Early on in their interactions, Jinshi did his fair share of teasing to her, small touches and brushes, not to mention the honey incident. His strange “proclivities” had gotten them into sticky and awkward situations before but this felt a tad different. Jinshi, of late, appeared to be steering clear of her even though in the past he’d shown no hesitation when it came to touch. However it seemed since that interaction when she’d shown up to his chambers that night and he rebuffed her. To her it seemed a bit odd, all this time without hesitation various iterations of his touch and contact only to be avoided and turned away. Jinshi technically “owned” her in the early days plus he was ranked so above her meaning he was free to do whatever but it became clear over time that was not his intention. Still even though she came to him at her free will that time, he’d still refused.
Jinshi sat looking out the window. Even the heat was gone from his face he replayed their conversation in his mind. He almost willed for the ground to swallow him whole. If Jinshi gave into his desires, the things he would do, if he didn’t hold himself back. Why didn’t it seem to register in her mind he was trying to protect from his impulsive desire to hold on to her forever and never let her go among other things. He would keep her only to himself and she’d never leave his side but he would not subject her to a life like that knowing that what she desired was freedom to pursue her special interest. So the young master did what he could to keep himself from getting to that point.
“Master Jinshi,” Jinshi heard a voice say but it didn’t quite register to him.
“Ahem, Master Jinshi,” the voice said again, this time closer.
Jinshi looked up and noticed Maomao had scooted closer to him.
“Are you feeling quite alright sir” she asked looking genuinely concerned.
“Quite alright,” Jinshi said, clearing his throat, avoiding her gaze looking at his hands.
“Pardon my directness, but you don’t seem alright, sir,” Maomao said.
Jinshi didn’t answer.
Perhaps I took it a bit far with the teasing this time. I’ve never been good at gauging these sorts of situations.
The two sat in silence for a few minutes longer.
“It wasn’t anything you said or what I meant to say, you didn’t say anything out of turn,” Jinshi said.
Maomao was quiet, allowing him to continue.
“What I said earlier. I truly do want to do those things but I….I’m hesitant because if I start I fear I may not be able to stop,” Jinshi said. “And when you do certain things it makes it harder to resist.”
“Hmm,” Maomao responded. “it never was an issue before.” Even though she knew the reason why she wasn’t going to acknowledge those complicated issues right now.
“You know things are different now,” Jinshi said as if reading her mind. “I don’t want to do anything that places you in a compromising position.”
“Even if I go along with it willingly?” she asked.
Perhaps the reason Maomao teased him the way she did is because she wanted him to give into his possessive impulses even if she didn’t want to admit it to herself. Maybe she wanted to challenge him to see how far he would go and if he’d follow through with what he mentioned earlier. Additionally, from this recent distance between them came an underlying desire for the chasm to close.
For all of his faults and complications that came with being closely associated with Jinshi, he made her feel heard and seen in a way others did not. Not to mention she felt safe with him which to her was an unfamiliar feeling throughout her life. Even in declaring his feelings for her and making his intentions known never did he attempt to trap her in any sort of way allowing her to pursue her passion for medicine.
“There are so many things at play here, but one day there won’t be any more obstacles,” Jinshi said more to himself than her. Until that day came though, he was determined to show restraint.
“You’re free to do whatever you want to me technically. I’ve never been one to shy away from experimenting,” Maomao said, trying to be a bit helpful.
Jinshi’s face reddened. As much as this conversation was awkward, best to just air it out.
“I know but I don’t want to!”
You don’t want to?”
“I don’t want to start something I can’t stop. What if you end up in a position where I can’t help you? What if I end up hurting you?” Jinshi spiraled a little bit with this train of thought. Hurting or placing Maomao in a precarious position because of his overwhelming desire to “have” her was the last thing he wanted.
“I don’t think you’re capable of intentionally hurting me, Master Jinshi,” Maomao said matter of factly.
Jinshi looked up at her.
“Of course we’ve had misunderstandings and incidents in the past but it’s difficult to imagine letting your impulses drive you to a place of irreparable harm to me,” Maomao said. She sighed before continuing. “I feel a sense of safety when I am within your proximity, Master Jinshi.” It wasn’t normal for her to be so direct but it seemed the occasion called for it lest her master continue to spiral.
Jinshi gazed at her with a good amount of surprise and admiration in his eyes. For Maomao to be so direct with a statement as such meant significance.
“I am pleased to hear that,” he said. “Your presence anchors me amidst the chaos that my position binds me to.” Though one day I hope to be free of its tethers.
“I don’t always have the right words to say at a given moment but I wouldn’t exploring more of this territory with you when the time is right. What’s important is we are tuned to each other’s needs,” Maomao said.
Jinshi didn’t respond but wrapped his hand around Maomao’s smaller hand and loving squeezed it as the carriage continued on.
Reflections of the Prestige a Chue study An injured Chue questions her new place in the world.
The journey back to the western capital after the events that had unfolded seemed to drag on endlessly for the injured woman in the wagon. There was a point in which after Chue had been unconscious through the surgery did she have a faint sensation of her body being lifted and placed somewhere. It was an odd and unsettling phenomena for the normally chipper woman to be rendered silent by a vicious attack that left a part of her limb useless. The woman’s ever faithful companion, the young apothecary woman, remained at her side during the sojourn to the capital. She kept a watchful eye on the unconscious woman, her demeanor vigilant with underlying concern and worry. Thankfully the surgery went smoothly or as smoothly given the circumstances but with the shattering of bone, the woman’s hand would be no more.
At some point, Chue gained some consciousness enough to know they were in a moving transport. She opened her eyes, brain still foggy but able to visually scan her surroundings. Turning her head to the side she saw the sleeping form of her companion, the one who worked tirelessly on her surgery. Chue’s lips upturned for a second before the fog rolled back in and she went under once more.
When full consciousness came back to her, she was indoors in a room that would be familiar once the brain fog cleared. Chue’ s eyes scanned her immediate surroundings, seeing if anyone else was in the room with her, no one was. Her gaze went to her right bandaged arm in a sling, a poignant reminder.
Oh there it is I suppose. I fear it serves no purpose now, so what now? Chue pondered sadly, her normal exuberance and confidence now dimmed by this new reality. It brought back unpleasant memories with overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and incompetency.
For as long as she could remember, she was valued based on the condition of her use to others. Having cultivated a plethora of various skill sets, Chue had paved for herself a career that led to a marriage and place in a family that was advantageous for outside parties. Since her mentor had discovered her in her mother’s residence, he’d drilled her to see herself as a tool to further the interests of others. Before that she had been a nameless urchin wandering the streets looking for a mother and father that had long since been gone. Discarded and thrown away once her mother’s duty was fulfilled. Without a glance behind or a thought, had started another family and regarded her daughter as a stranger. Once Chue’s mentor took her under his wing, he saw potential and use for her so seizing upon the opportunity he further sharpened her assets.
Marrying into the Ma clan and serving the Moon Prince further sealed her ambition and dedication to this job. She’d formed a sturdy established relationship with those in her vicinity but it was conditional that she’d continue to prove that she was competent. Though now with the loss of function in one of her hands she contemplated her future.
It has been a good run I suppose. Though I shall miss working for the Moon Prince. There have been so many adventures and Miss Maomao’s company too. I’ve greatly enjoyed it. I hope those two find each other’s company more frequently. Chue allowed herself a small mischievous smile at the thought.
What will become of me? Perhaps the Ma clan will kick me out and I will lose my position. My child will be in good hands though but me, only fate knows. Oh, oh how unfortunate this is. Where will Miss Chue go now, who knows now that she is worthless to anyone. They should have left me behind and poor Miss Maomao went through all that trouble to take care of me only for me to be rendered invalid. I’m not worth her effort now that I am no longer effective. My mentor did not invest in me to be inadequate and yet here I am. He surely would berate me for this if he ever found out I’m sure.
Before Chue had realized it, a tear slipped out landing in a barely noticeable area on her lap. Not wanting to further give into this display of emotion, she took a breath and collected herself. Crying would do no good nor would it delay the inevitable. Just when Miss Chue thought she’d found her place in the world, a place and position she was content to be in, only for it to be ripped away.
A knock at the door interrupted her thoughts.
“Excuse me, Miss Chue, I’m coming in,” a familiar voice called.
“Oh it’s, Miss Maomao, come to see Miss Chue in her pitiful state,” Chue said, giving Maomao a sad smile.
“I’ve come to examine and change your bandages. I do apologize ahead of time for any pain you may experience,” Maomao set her things down already with a clinical mindset to keep emotions at bay.
“Miss Maomao shouldn’t go through all this trouble for poor Miss Chue,” Chue said watching Maomao work.
“I meant what I said days ago, Miss Chue,” Maomao briefly paused her work to give Chue a piercing look before resuming.
Said woman, due to her extensive injuries, retained a vague memory of something Maomao said before she lost consciousness. She remembered she’d said something about Miss Maomao confessing her love to her in response to something said a moment earlier. It must have been something important Miss Maomao wanted Miss Chue to know but it remained unclear at the moment.
Chue watched Maomao tend to her injuries and give short instructions for rest and sustenance.
“Be sure not to overexert yourself and rest plenty. It will take some time getting used to ... .this,” Maomao said, unsure of how to address Chue’s situation delicately.
“Miss Chue understands,” Chue said with a rueful look. After a minute she said, “If it's not too much to ask, can Miss Maomao stay with me until I fall asleep?” Chue wanted Maomao’s company while she could.
“Of course,” Maomao sat in a chair near the bed. “I understand this is an uncertain outcome but please consider that your worth isn’t necessarily tied to what you do for others.”
Chue paused for a moment mulling over Maomao’s words before lying down to sleep.
Sometime later
Chue had time to pause and think about what Baryou said to her along with what Maomao said. Even though her arm would never be the same, perhaps there was a way to forge a new future.
If Baryou and Miss Maoamo still believed she was capable despite the handicap then who was she to question those who she held dear. There was so much she could offer but the idea of her having intrinsic value besides her abilities began to take root because of those two individual’s words. It did relieve her Baryou did not have divorce on his mind so it seemed she would remain within the Ma clan at least. As far as her position with the Moon Prince that was a conversation to be held another day. However Miss Maomao had the prince’s favor, maybe she could put in a good word if needed.
With these renewed thoughts beginning to take root Chue turned her mind to a lighter matter. Has Miss Maomao changed her mind about the sheer nightgown! I’m more than happy to let her have it if it means more ‘alone time’ with the Moon Prince. Miss Chue hopes she can stay in the Moon Prince’s service to help push Miss Maomao to her full potential. Chue smiled as she contemplated this. The Moon Prince and Miss Maomao would make a fine pair and rock this country to the core.
Chue looked down at her arm in a sling as well as her remaining hand. She didn’t have the answers yet as to what fate would have in store for her but as long she had those who care for her she could face it head on.