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Mike has never been good at expressing affection, aside from the occasional hug and the usual fist bumps or the encouraging tap on the shoulder. His family certainly never had been good to begin with. Sure, Karen offered the hugs and kisses that moms always do, but he was already too old for them and Mike felt Ted's indifference towards his existence down to his bones, which never prompted him to feel like he could want any affection from his dad. Nancy never really showed much affection towards him either, stuck in her room doing whatever girls do — sometimes he hears her on the phone though — and Holly was way too young to understand anything beyond cry, eat, sleep, repeat.
Point being, Will was different from the moment he met him.
Will showed him that it was nice to hold hands while watching movies, to lay on his shoulder when Mike felt sleepy or even sleep next to each other during sleepover. It was warm, cozy and something that just felt them, like it wasn't build to be done by anyone else but each other to each other; Mike wanted to be wrapped around it like a soft blanket on the coldest of winters. And what surprised Mike the most was the kisses. They were innocent, comforting ones or simply because they were allowed to — the forehead when Mike cried from a nasty fall or a cheek kiss whenever Will said thank you —, and Mike adored all of it.
However, one day, Mike was at the Byers home to give Will a birthday present: a purple cloak with silver stars scattered across it and a hat with the same pattern. Will was so excited that day, he had been given several different things — 120-crayon set from Joyce, a mixtape cassette from Jonathan, and several of his favorite sweets from friends who had given it to him at school —, but that cloak made him especially happy. They were alone in Will's room, and Will hugged him tight saying thank you over and over again, then one kiss on his right cheek.
It was just one, but it was enough to throw Lonnie into an anger fit when he walked into the room. Mike remembers seeing Lonnie grab Will by the arm with a brute force, calling him names and yelling profanities that he wasn't going to understand until much older.
Both Jonathan and Joyce intervened soon after and Will managed to escape Lonnie's grasp running out of the house, and Mike ran out right after. He knew where Will was going.
It was truly so unfair; that day had been so cold, they were going to stay inside all day for Will's birthday. They were going to play as their D&D characters against a big fiery dragon attacking an innocent village; they were going to be triumphant and legends to everyone who bore witness to their feats. They were going to be heroes.
But instead, Will was crying inside the Castle Byers, while Mike awkwardly sat next to him. Usually, Mike would kiss Will's forehead, listen to whatever his troubles were, and whisper that it was going to be okay, maybe a joke to make the situation feel less heavy on Will. However, it was the first time Mike felt ashamed to initiate it. It was obviously something bad, right? If Lonnie — one of the adults that were supposed to know better than him — had such a visceral reaction towards it, had Mike been unintentionally hurting Will? If it was such a bad thing, why did it feel so right?
"I'm sorry." Will said quietly mid sobs, rubbing his palms over his eyes. They weren't any drier.
Mike's heart tightened. He lowered his chin to try look at Will, "For… what?"
"For… doing that, I didn't- know it was bad, I thought-" Will stopped talking, letting out another sob. He never finished the sentence.
Mike was shivering and his eyes were glassy, but Mike was determined to do something. Anything at all. "It's okay, we don't have to do it again. You're my friend, it's okay."
"Are you… sure?" Will finally looked at him, but Mike felt no less heartbroken.
Will's eyes were bloodshot red, tears tracks all over his cheeks, and he kept sniffling. Mike also noticed that Lonnie's palm print was left on Will's arm, and he desperately wanted to make it disappear somehow.
"Yes," Mike's voice was a little shaky, but his eyes and words were earnest. "We're friends forever, remember?"
That seemed to relax Will at last. He nodded, "I remember."
Mike picked up the blanket from the mattress and threw it on top of both of them, using this opportunity to sit closer to Will. It's for warmth, Mike thought to himself, as he felt Will's shoulder touch his and Will's head lay on him. He was no longer crying, just the wind whistling and this deep understanding, yet a sense of unfairness sat between the two.
And that sense of unfairness, wrongness of mere existence never truly left Mike's heart ever since.
The 5th of November 1983 was a little different though. Something had been nagging at him, and for the first time in years, Mike needed to feel Will's presence. But he was there, wasn't he? Will, Dustin and Lucas had been sleeping over at his house since Friday, only to leave Sunday night. Will was only a few steps away, in the basement using one of the spare mattresses to sleep.
Mike tossed and turned inside his covers, while simultaneously trying to reason with himself why would he need Will's hugs in the middle of the night. Maybe not a hug — Mike wouldn't say no to one, but maybe it was too much —, but maybe just a hand to hold. A pinky to curl around his own like a promise.
A promise to what?
Mike finally accepted that he will not be sleeping any time soon, leaving his bed and avoiding each creaky parts of the floor towards the basement door. As he slowly opened the door, the hinges sounded louder than Mike remembered them to be, but he persisted. The basement was dark, only a nightlight on near where Will was laying down, and the stuffy smell that never seemed to leave this room invaded his nose; he didn't mind it though.
Will looked so peaceful while sleeping; his chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm, his hands were bundled together near his face, curled up on his side. Mike felt slightly bad for even wanting to disturb such peace, but he also needed his best friend right now, surely Will would understand?
Mike's hand hesitated for a moment, before settling on Will's shoulder, shaking it lightly. "Will? Will?" He whispered.
Will sleepily groaned, looking up at his crouched friend. "Mike? Why are you awake right now? Your mom said we could sleep in."
Will rubbed his eyes and stretched his arms up with a yawn, Mike felt his cheeks warm up with embarrassment.
"I couldn't sleep, and I need- I need to ask you something," Mike whispered, fidgeting with the ends of his sweater sleeves. Will seemed to notice something amiss, slowly sitting up. "And please, don't make fun of me."
"I won't." Will's voice was full of sleep, albeit earnest.
"Okay, um," Mike cleared his throat, though he didn't need to. "Would you… be comfortable with sleeping… next to me? In my room."
Will's eyes widened.
"Oh."
"You don't have to!" Mike said a little too loudly and too quickly, before whispering again. "You don't… have to. I just- felt like I needed to ask."
"I- um, I'm comfortable with that, it's just…" Will looked over Mike's shoulder warily. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, everyone's asleep so we can… just go."
Will seemed to ponder, and Mike for a moment gets lost inside Will's green eyes, like a vast field during spring season. He could run around free and unconcerned about anything other than laughter with his best friend in the whole entire world.
"Okay."
That was all Mike needed. Both he and Will stood up, walking back to Mike's bedroom while avoiding each creaky step as much as they could. Mike felt insane doing all of this, especially how late it was; he could see the soft moonlight coming through the crevices of the curtains, bathing everything in a cool light. They could probably see the stars if they were to open the curtains, but Mike was desperate the explore the galaxy in Will's eyes. He was so kind, despite having a shit show for a father and bullies that made Mike's blood boil.
Mike hoped he would be better than his own when he was older, but Mike was certain Will would never be like Lonnie. Ever.
The bed was big enough for the two of them, each having a pillow for themselves and one blanket to cover both of them. While facing each other, Mike observed that the moonlight made it easy to tell each and every expression; maybe not every detail, like Mike couldn't see certain moles he knew were there, but enough to make it easier to speak. He wondered if Will could see him.
"Promise me you will continue to be my best friend when we grow up. Please." Mike asked. Pleaded.
He was whispering, but his voice felt so loud yet small. Desperate.
"I promise, Mike, but are you… okay? You just seem- nervous," Will seemed to want to reach out — a twitch of his fingers towards Mike —, but he decided against it. "I'm not going anywhere, you asked me to stay."
"I know, I'm okay, I just… It's a bit crazy. I keep having this feeling something is going to happen, you know?" Mike could not believe he was verbalizing this, but there were always something about Will that just… felt safe. Mike felt no need for secrets. "Like there is something… waiting."
"Waiting?" Will parroted. He shifted a little, unsure of himself maybe.
"Yeah, but it's okay, it's just me being an idiot."
"You're not an idiot," Will responded like it was as obvious as the Earth being round. "Sometimes crazy is good, like whenever we come up with new ways to fight enemies in your campaigns. We get to be crazy together, take risks, and go on adventures, you know?"
Mike felt his face warm up. Maybe he should've let his window a little open. "Yeah, yeah, you're right. Crazy together then?"
"Of course." Will smiled, really smiled.
Mike did too, his stomach felt like he had just dropped from a rollercoaster, something he had opted to ignore for the past couple years; it always seemed like it was about Will specifically, something about him sometimes had adrenaline running through his veins. Mike wasn't scared though, it was more like… winning at the arcade! An excited adrenaline.
"Can I ask something crazier then?" Mike whispered.
"Sure, what is it?" Will's curious gaze made him so nervous.
"I know we haven't done it in years, but do you…" Mike cleared his throat. "Do you remember when we used to hold hands?"
Will nodded, almost shyly.
"Would it be okay if we do it now?" Mike asked, then quickly added. "Just- just so I can sleep! You, um, you can let go once I fall asleep. Or in the morning."
A complicated look flickered on Will's eyes, and Mike began to second guess himself. Was that too far?
"We can. I'm… okay with that." Will smiled again, the previous uneasiness fading away. He extended his hand to Mike.
"Okay." Mike breathed out, smiling to the point his cheeks hurt.
Mike gently took Will's hand, the stark contrast of his coldness against Will's warmth sent goosebumps all over his body. He made no comment though.
"Well… Night, Will. Thank you."
"Night, Mike."
Mike almost mourned having to close his eyes, losing the image of his best friends, but Will became part of his being a long time ago. Mike's mind could easily visualize what Will looked like behind his eyelids: the softness of his cheeks, the mole on the left side of his mouth, a bunny-like smile, the greenest and brightest eyes… Mike suddenly had no difficulty on falling asleep.
Will, on the other hand, was struggling a little. His eyes were heavy, but something within him wanted to savor this quiet moment as much as he could and save every detail in a very Mike shaped part of his heart — Mike's hair falling on his eyes (the sweetest light brown Will would ever come across, like the best quality chocolate), the cold fingers sharing the warmth evenly, the nose bridge that Will has always wanted to brush his fingers on…
Before Will could second guess himself, he left a gentle kiss on Mike's knuckles. His lips barely touching, afraid that Mike would suddenly jolt awake. But he didn't, only let out a satisfied sigh, moving closer to Will.
As Will felt sleep taking over him, no longer able to keep his eyes open, Will gave a final squeeze to Mike's hand. A quiet, yet clear message of reassurance.
I'm here.
He was already asleep when Mike squeezed back.