Work Text:
Moving was a pain – moving countries particularly so. Having moved to Ottawa a week ago, Ilya Rozanov was on the floor of his study trying to build a desk without instructions. He was in charge of building all the furniture because Shane had almost had an aneurysm when he'd heard Ilya had thrown out the building instructions. Ilya didn't trust that it wouldn't break his beautiful man, his handsome boyfriend, the love of his life, to have to figure out how to build furniture without detailed steps to follow, so here he was: a screwdriver to save him from the world (or from a lack of desk to play his video games from). He had instead assigned Shane with the task of organizing his closet ("You've been in there so long, you'll be great at it." "Fuck you, asshole!") which Shane had gotten to with great excitement.
"Ilya", he heard, "Can you come in here, please?"
"What is it, sweetheart?" Ilya said, walking towards his closet, snagging a bottle of water on the way. He had been too busy chugging water to realize the trap he had walked into when he heard the question, "Why do you own an official Montreal Metros Hollander jersey?"
Hoodwinked and bamboozled. If he had not just swallowed some water, Ilya would be spitting it out like a Real Housewife.
"It is probably yours, Shane", Ilya tried to lie like a lying liar.
"It definitely isn't mine. For one, I've never come to your place with my jersey on. For another, I hate the way the tags feel, so Mom has my jerseys come directly from the manufacturer before they sew them in. And for a third, this is two sizes larger than I am which means it is a size larger than you are. So, I ask again. Why do you own my merch jersey?", Shane said, his gaze intently probing Ilya.
So, while Russians did not blush, Ilya Rozanov definitely was when he muttered, "Rose Landry."
---
When Ilya had seen Rose Landry pose with a Shane Hollander jersey on, his most minor but also most easily addressable quibble had been that it should have been him wearing that jersey given that he’d been sleeping with that man for 7 years and had had big feelings for him for just about that long (Ilya had refused to name those big feelings, but he was perceptive enough to know they were there). She’d stood there all pretty in a jersey a size too large, like she belonged in it. Like the jersey didn’t belong to Ilya’s man. It had felt uncanny, because in the deep recesses of his mind, he was Shane’s WAG. So, in a mindless haze of sadness, rage, and jealousy, Ilya had done the unthinkable.
The Official Montreal Metros merchandise page was easy to navigate. He did partially blame them for his wild actions. Given that Hollander’s jersey was the most purchased merch item, all he’d had to do was go to the home page, click on the jersey, click on the size (a size larger because despite the fact that Hollander was smaller than Ilya, Ilya did want to feel like a dainty WAG) and click Buy Now. He’d not even had to get up to find his credit card due to the marvels of technology. Three clicks were not enough time to rethink what he was doing. He had not been given a moment to be rational. When it had arrived four days later, Ilya had stood in front of his mirror with a Metros jersey on, and imagined a better world in which he could be with the man he had big feelings for, make him tuna melts every day, cheer for him at his games… And then he’d tossed the jersey into a dark, unexplored corner of both his closet and mind, and forgotten all about it.
—
Which brought them back to the present, with Shane on the floor, jersey in hand, and Ilya sheepishly looking at him with a bottle in his.
“So, let me get this straight. You bought a jersey of a team you hate because you saw Rose wear mine at a game,” Shane asked, humour seeping into his voice.
“It wasn’t hers to wear. You’ve been mine for a really long time, no matter where you stray,” Ilya mumbled angrily.
“Oh, Ilya. You jealous man. I am your boyfriend now. You could always ask me for my actual jersey, you know. I can get you one of those now. You are my WAG, baby. And my actual jersey has no itchy tags either!”
Ilya listened to Shane rant about how Ilya should wear his actual jersey, how Ilya should be the little tomato and not Shane, how Shane found it hilarious that Ilya was jealous of Rose, and realized he really did live in his dream world now. It wasn’t perfect and they had to hide, but he had his man and a plan for a future together and Ilya would hold onto that forever.
—
BONUS:
“You do look really cute in a jersey that is slightly larger than you but the only person I can think of that size is Scott Hunter.”
“Fuck you, Hollander. I do not like what you are implying.”