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The waitress dropped their check directly in the middle of the table without even looking, already running to tend to another pair of customers, out of the dozens of pairs that filled the café during lunch hour. Ren and Akechi exchanged a look.
They both knew that it was customary for the bill to be placed in front of whoever was expected to pay. For straight couples, that meant the man, but for queer couples, that usually meant the top. Ren and Akechi were not dating, but all of the employees prior had assumed they were (for some reason), so that rule should apply to them as well.
Therefore, the waitress placed the check in the middle of the table because she could not tell whether Ren or Akechi would be more likely to top.
That made it a competition to them.
“I’ll get the bill,” they said in unison, both reaching their slender arms across the wooden table and grabbing the check at the same time. Ren’s right hand tugged at the paper receipt while Akechi’s left held the checking book in an iron grip as he said, “Please, allow me.”
“Nah, I got it.”
“I couldn’t let you do that.” Akechi put on a pleasant smile. “I brought you here, I should pay. I received my paycheck Friday night so I can afford it.”
“Didn’t you spend half of it on that new get up of yours?” Ren nodded to the fancy dress shirt and fake, star-shaped earring hanging off Akechi’s left ear. He also decided to wear his hair in a low ponytail, for some reason (when asked, Akechi merely said that he didn't want to be recognized like last time and stopped talking). “And Boss gave me my check last night, so I have a lotta extra cash on me right now.”
The detective tilted his head, causing his earring to quietly jingle. “Even so, I believe my salary far exceeds yours as a barista. On top of that, I earn royalties for all my public appearances, and any products made in my name.”
The thief chuckled. “Yeah, I bet they pay a lot to slap your face on stuff.”
Ren didn’t notice the way Akechi’s eyebrows twitched ever so slightly.
It was a small physical tick of his that he couldn’t control; one that only came out when he caught a criminal during an interrogation.
“Anyways,” Ren continued, oblivious, “You may have royalty money, but I also work at 777, Ore no Beko, and Crossroads, so-”
Akechi brought up his right hand in a silencing motion. “Why did you mention my face?”
“Huh?”
“Moments ago, you brought my face into the discussion when I hadn’t mentioned it. I merely said products made in my name grant me royalties, but you said you believed my face is what makes me that money. Why? What is it about my face that you find…valuable?”
…Shit.
Akechi was staring.
“Oh, just cause of your fans,” Ren lied, “They’re crazy, so I bet they’d pay good money for a product just cause they think you’re hot-”
“They’d pay good money for any of my products,” Akechi said, “regardless of if they feature any aspect of my physical appearance, and yet you seem to believe that their loyalty comes from finding my looks appealing.” His red eyes narrowed. “Again, I didn’t mention my looks, but you did. In fact, you called me physically appealing-”
“I didn’t say that!” Ren slapped the table, trying to recover. “I just said your fans thought that, cause they don’t shut up about it, that’s all-”
“That still doesn’t address the fact that you brought it up unprompted.” Beneath his pleasant smile his teeth were barred, like a trained hunting dog about to rip a deer to shreds. “Considering the circumstances, I can’t think of a reason for why you would mention my looks at all, and certainly not for why you’d say they earn me money. That is, unless…”
Sweat trickled down the back of Ren’s neck; Akechi was in complete control.
“...Ren Amamiya, do you find me attractive?”
Ren swallowed.
Under the table, he squeezed his right hand into a fist. As his fingernails dug into his palm, discomfort shooting across his veins and digging into sensitive skin, the lively conversation throughout the restaurant slowed, slowed to the point of being incomprehensible. Then it stopped altogether. Ren's thundering heartbeat became the loudest sound in the quiet until he let the check drop on the table. The world around him faded away to nothing.
Nothing could move, no one could speak. Time itself had stopped.
Ren stared at his three only choices.
– “No.”
– “Doesn’t matter when you’re insufferable.”
– “Duh, you think I’m blind?”
He swore under his breath (despite the fact that no one could hear him). No, no, none of those would work! None of them were funny enough!
Ren’s feelings on Akechi were complicated, and those words in that order were the greatest understatement in all of human history. Akechi was obnoxious and intelligent, sweet in a way that felt fake and a little dangerous, but that was exciting, and Ren would never trade places with him but he was always a little jealous of him, but despite that he pitied him sometimes, and Ren couldn’t decide if he wanted to knock his teeth in or cradle him in his arms and keep him safe. The answer was usually both, plus a new random and confusing emotion that changed every time he saw Akechi, and all of them screamed in Ren’s heart just as loudly. He felt a lot around him.
But more than anything, Ren didn’t wanna lose to him, and admitting he found Akechi attractive, to his face, would feel like losing to him; that wasn’t gonna happen.
So, he needed a joke. He’d never be able to lie about the attraction entirely, Akechi was too hot for that, but if it was funny enough he could pass it off as just a joke, then he could change the subject, and then he’d never have to talk about it again and Akechi would never know how much Ren thinks about him naked! Besides, the right joke could piss Akechi off, and there was hardly a sweeter victory than watching the detective prince grit his perfect teeth while trying to keep his composure! Ren needed a joke to survive this interaction!
But none of his options were good enough!
The first was an obvious lie and way too straight forward, the second was insulting but didn’t deny anything which was pretty much the same as outright admitting to it, and the third was funny from how blunt it was, but not funny enough to completely derail the conversation! He needed something else, something else, something…
While Ren stared at his options, the singing of an ancient choir trickled into his ears. It was the first sound he heard since he froze time, and he knew exactly what it meant. He wasn’t too surprised when a small electric rod angrily slammed into the table.
“Time’s up, Inmate!” Caroline shouted, “Pick an option already or you get the rod!”
“I know, I know, just give me a sec!”
“Inmate, you know full well that extended use of these powers are only allowed in the Meta-verse,” Justine said while looking over her clipboard. “Its use is permitted for 60 seconds in the real world, and you have spent that time. You must pick one of your options.”
“What are you even doing?” Caroline looked at the frozen Akechi with knitted eyebrows. “Are you doing an interrogation or something?”
“He asked me if I think he’s hot.”
Justine and Caroline both stared at him. “...That’s it?”
“You wouldn’t get it.”
Ren turned back to his dialogue options as nervous sweat forced his curls to cling to his forehead. “Justine, change the second one! I can’t say that!”
“Those options came from your thoughts, Inmate, you can’t expect us to change them.”
“But it’s not funny! If I said that, then I’m just admitting that I think he’s hot!”
Caroline kicked his chair. “You do think he’s hot, you moron!”
“I know, but I can’t let him know that!” Ren would rather let himself get shot than let Akechi’s ego get any bigger than it already was. “C’mon, I just gotta think for a little longer, I swear-”
Something in the world’s balance shifted. A deep blue color enveloped the corners of Ren’s eyes while the ancient choir grew in his ears; the mark of the velvet room. Ren turned his head and jolted back when he discovered a long nose hanging down next to him.
“Good evening, Trickster.” Igor stood mere inches away with his gloved hands folded over his stomach. “I see you are caught in a dilemma.”
Ren couldn’t help but stare for a few seconds before he came to his senses. “Igor, er, Mr. Igor, you gotta help me! I need a little more time!”
Caroline slammed her electric rod down onto the table again. “Silence, Inmate! You’re not worthy to speak in his presence!”
Justine came to the old man’s side as she shook her head. “Master, you must dissuade him from his line of thinking. The inmate is trying to take advantage of his powers in the conscious world, and for a most idiotic purpose at that. You must-”
“I’ll allow it.”
“...What?”
Igor, with a static grin and stare, pulled a chair from behind him up to Ren and Akechi’s table, scraping the tile floor as he did. He sat between the two of them. “The Trickster and his rival are locked in mental combat, with the Trickster at a disadvantage no less. How could he recover from this? How could he overcome such an obstacle? I find this situation most intriguing.” He folded his hands under his chin. “Trickster, I will offer you a deal. You will be given exactly 5 minutes to defeat your opponent in oral combat. Time itself will freeze to allow such an exchange. However, whether you fail or succeed, you must submit to the outcome. Do you agree to such terms?”
Ren didn’t have any other choice. “Deal!”
Igor gave out a gruff laugh. “Very well. The game begins.”
Justine stared at her master with wide yellow eyes. Caroline muttered something about humans being stupid. Ren brought his focus back to Akechi’s mocking smile.
He had to think of a joke, he needed a joke, he needed a joke!
– “You’re not my type.”
Justine glanced at the new dialogue box. “It’d be wise to pick this option, Inmate. It dismisses the notion that you have interest in him, while being clear and direct.”
“...Can’t.” Ren shook his head. “It’s funny but it’s a lie, he’ll know that.”
“3 minutes remain,” Igor said.
That’s fine, he’s fine, he could do this. He just needed somethin’ with a little more bite to it, more insulting. Something to wipe that stupid pretty smile off his face! If he really wanted to piss ‘em off (which Ren always did), maybe he should go with…
– “You sound desperate. You wanna hear me say that so bad, huh?”
“Aha! I’ve found the superior option!” Caroline grinned from ear to ear as she pointed. “Go with this one, Inmate! Throw that stupid question back in his face!”
Squeezing his knuckles did nothing to relieve Ren’s panic. “Can’t, it’s too defensive! He’d call it out immediately…”
“1 minute remains.”
C’mon! He needed something, something, to say to this insufferable, conniving, beautiful, annoying, charming, awful, lonely detective with no friends who couldn’t even let Ren pay a bill and needed to prove he was better than him all the time and-
– “Just make out with me, already.”
…That was all Ren could think of anymore.
It was hopeless. That line could be funny from how out of pocket it would be, but Ren knew for a fact he’d deliver it wrong and make it sound like an actual, desperate request. Which it kind of was.
“Time’s up, Trickster.”
Damn it.
The velvet attendants disappeared as the world came back into focus. A waitress passed by their table, eyeing the unsigned check. Murmurs could be heard throughout the restaurant, people whispering about their food, friends and lives. Time moved forward.
Akechi continued to smile. “Well?”
“...You’re attractive, I guess,” Ren grumbled, “By conventional beauty standards or whatever…”
Akechi’s smirk became even wider, even more proud of himself. He pulled the check closer to him and brought out his wallet, slowly counting dollar bills just so the two would have to stay in this moment longer. Ren wanted to knock his teeth in and kiss his stupid beautiful lips.
“I suppose I won’t be able to get anything specific out of you, now?” Akechi asked.
Ren frowned. “Over my dead body.”
“Nothing you specifically find attractive about me?”
His loose wavy hair, his dangerous smile, the awful glimmer in his eyes when he knew he was winning.
“Nope.” Ren forcibly turned his head away, looking for anything else in the restaurant that they could talk about. After a quick scan, his eyes landed on a couple sitting at a table in the back, with the woman kneeling down beside the man’s chair. He could see the glimmer of a ring between the woman’s fingers. “That couple back there gettin’ married?”
“Ah, I think they are.” Akechi hummed as he zipped up his wallet. “Good for them.”
Ren turned his head back around to stare at him.
“Hm? Is something wrong?”
Ren scrunched his nose with curiosity. “You don’t sound surprised. Do people usually get married in here?”
There was a slight pause. “Occasionally,” Akechi said. He stuffed his wallet into his back pocket and scooted his chair back as quietly as he could. For some reason, it made Ren suspicious.
“Hey.” He glanced around at the other tables, spotting more and more happy pairs together. “I didn’t notice before, but there’s a lot of couples in here. It’s almost everyone.”
…Wait a minute.
“Well, it’s been fun.” Akechi quickly stood up and grabbed his briefcase. “Thank you for sharing lunch with me, Amamiya, and thank you for complimenting my appearance, but I’m afraid I must be getting back to my work-”
Before Akechi could escape, Ren grabbed the edge of his briefcase. “Hold it.” His black eyes had already widened with excitement. “There’s way too many couples here. Is this a dating spot?”
“I fail to see how that concerns me.” The detective forced a smile and tried to subtly pull his briefcase out of Ren’s grip but it didn’t budge.
“You brought me here. You brought me to a dating spot for lunch. Unprompted!” A sly, cat-like grin spread across Ren’s face, the way he always grinned when he knew he was winning. “Why is that?”
Akechi grit his teeth. “It was just convenient for me, I had a coupon for a 2 person meal and I didn’t want to waste-”
“Then how come you didn’t use it to pay? You just paid and I didn’t see a coupon.” Adrenaline rushed into Ren’s veins as he slapped the table. “Sounds like a bad lie, Detective!”
“You’re making a scene-”
“Oh, and that reminds me!” Ren pulled on the suitcase so that Akechi was jerked closer to him, his tied up hair and fake earring bouncing slightly. “Nice outfit. I’ve never seen you wear anything like it in my life and when I pointed that out, you said that you didn’t wanna be recognized! You wanted this to be private, didn’t you? Honestly, it makes me think-”
“People are staring!” Akechi spat, but he couldn’t hide the desperation in his eyes, like a mouse quivering under a cat’s claws; there was nothing he could do.
“Akechi…” Ren smiled even wider. “...Is this a date?”
“...”
The thief didn’t notice the world freezing around them.
………………………………
Amamiya’s smirk silently mocked Akechi as he stared at his dialogue options.
– “Of course it’s not a date.”
– “Are you implying you’re interested?”
– “...You bastard.”
No, no, none of those would work! The first sounded too defensive, implying he’s concealing an interest (he was but he’d rather shoot himself than admit that outloud), the second implied that even more so, and the third revealed the murderous rage towards Amamiya boiling inside Akechi at all times! No, he couldn’t use any of them, he needed something else, something else…
Akechi began to hear the singing of an ancient choir and saw a door appear out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head to see Justine and Caroline, the twin gladiators, glaring at him.
“Oh, c’mon!” Caroline shouted, stomping her sandaled foot and tugging on her toga. “We don’t have time for this, Warrior!”
Justine looked up from her papyrus scroll with disappointment. “Warrior, surely you realize how moronic this use of your power is.”
“Quiet,” he growled, “the both of you! I need to think of something clever to say back, but it can’t be too violent, and it needs to shut down his idea that I have any interest in him!”
“You do have interest, you imbecile! That’s why you’re here!”
“Quiet.” He dug his fingers into his gloved hands, trying to think of something better to say, something to say, he needed something!
– “I’m flattered you would consider me, but I’m afraid I’m not interested.”
No, that wouldn’t work now! That response could only come from the ‘detective prince’ but Akechi was far too angry to keep that facade up, Amamiya would see through it immediately! Something else, something else!
– “You ask, as if you’re in my league. Do you think of yourself so highly?”
That was better, but it wasn’t good enough! It turned the question back to Amamiya, but it didn’t initially answer him and Amamiya would revel in that! ‘Oh, dodging the question?’ he could just hear him say with his infuriating, charming smile, that mischievous glint in his eye, tossing that perfectly frizzy and messy hair that begged to be combined through with delicate fingers so-
– “I’m going to strangle you with my bare hands.”
That was all Akechi could think of anymore! Damn it, damn it, damn it!
Through his rage Akechi felt the balance of the world shift. Velvet blue grasped at every corner of his eyes, snared them, until he turned to see the old man in the tux seated at his table.
“Ah, Trickster. It seems you’ve found yourself in another battle, with another opponent halting your conquest. Do you mean to conquer this young man?”
“Don’t phrase it that way!”
“I refer to the battle, Trickster. The master of the velvet room holds no care for desires of the physical-”
“Stop talking,” Akechi hissed, “Don’t leave me to die here, I can think of something, I swear! Just spare me more time, I beg of you!”
Igor gave out a gruff laugh. “Very well. I give you 5 minutes, Trickster. Use them to conquer to your heart’s content.”