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Lovro wasn't the biggest fan of Ivan playing basketball with his friends, to put it lightly. There was the worry about his injured knee and how he sometimes kept playing even though he was already limping and scrunching up his face in discomfort. He also worried because it used to be part of his mania, but he tried not to overthink it too much. Then there was the irrational part of him that wanted to rip his own hair out when he thought about Mihael guarding Ivan with his whole buff body.
Time had passed since their last encounter at Ivan's house, when Ivan got so hammered that Mihael had to take him home to Lovro. Somehow Lovro was still thinking about his tense expression that night, and it drove him crazy that he couldn't read the guy. Maybe it was just awkward, maybe he just sensed that Lovro wasn't exactly his biggest fan (well, of course he did; he had eyes and ears and everything). But the possibility of it being something entirely different was seriously eating him up.
What if Mihael is still in love with Ivan?
Would it even change anything? Lovro couldn't quite give a rational answer to the question because the painful twist of his insides was still taking over him at just the thought. Of course he still trusted Ivan, but he also wasn't sure if it would change something for him. Maybe it was for the better if they never found out.
-
However, watching Ivan play basketball was still something Lovro thoroughly enjoyed. The obvious reasons were his trained legs in shorts and his arm muscles flexing when he was dribbling the ball. But what made Lovro's insides flutter even more was the absolute joy on his face whenever he was back on the basketball court. So, of course, he accepted to join him to watch on this lovely Saturday afternoon. It sure as hell helped when Ivan had explained that Mihael couldn't join them because he was injured (boo-hoo!).
When Lovro thought about how often Ivan had sat on a bench at the skate park to watch him and Jakov practicing their silly stunts, and how rarely he had joined him at the basketball court, he actually felt bad. And he didn't even look somewhat appealing while trying to stay on his skateboard and not break a bone (Ivan would most definitely object, but Lovro still had a hard time believing him most of the time). He really tried not to let his jealousy take a toll on their relationship, but avoiding Mihael had been the best solution so far — he was the king of avoidance, after all.
The park was quite empty, but Lovro still didn't feel brave enough to show any physical affection in the middle of the city. So he kept his hands busy, because sometimes they seemed to forget and reach out for Ivan before he could think about it. Somehow it still broke his heart a little when he saw Ivan was doing the same. In a perfect world, he would wrap his arms around his hot basketball-boyfriend and pull him into a long kiss until his friends would shout his name. In this world, Lovro gave him a small smile and waved him goodbye like he was just another friend to him. He fucking hated it.
There was still a pit in his stomach when he sat down on the very familiar green bench and immediately spotted a very familiar face coming through the gate in the fence. Oh, for fuck's sake.
"Can I sit here?" Mihael asked guardedly, threw his backpack next to the bench, and — sat down without waiting for an answer. So that was that, then.
"You're already sitting, dude," Lovro snapped and tried to keep his breathing calm. He knew Ivan could tell already how tense he was from afar, because he was furrowing his eyebrows at him. However much he hated sitting here, he really didn't want to ruin it for Ivan, so he pulled himself together for a reassuring smile.
"I don't mind," he added with a forced smile, almost amicable. He could do this; he was doing very well.
"We're the Ivan Kovačić fan club after all," Mihael said lightheartedly; he was probably trying to lighten the mood.
Doing well, but maybe just killing him is still the better option, though.
It took Mihael about ten seconds until he realized what he had just said and for his face to turn beet-red.
"Buraz, do us both a favor and just stop talking, please." Lovro's blazing eyes fixed on him. His hands started fidgeting, and he didn't know what to do with them until he remembered the anxiety bracelet that Ivan had got him. He pulled it out of his sleeve and started rolling the little metal pearls between his fingers. His breath slowly calmed down.
"Sorry, I mean you're obviously the head cheerleader of the club. But we — I mean, we're rooting for the same team." Mihael started rambling and actually made it worse.
If Lovro was the 'head cheerleader,' then what was Mihael in this weird scenario? Was he basically confessing to still liking Ivan? Was he seriously saying that his eyes were also fixated on his broad shoulders and flexing arm muscles? Lovro was going to be sick.
Mine, mine, mine.
He took another shuddering breath and considered if he really would ask the question that had been burning on his tongue for the longest time. Damn, he had expected to be way more drunk for this conversation; now he didn't even have a single drink in him.
"What part of the fan club are you, then?" His eyes were still narrowed and everything was so fucked up. He should have just asked him the question straight.
Are you in love with my boyfriend?
"Uh, just a basic cheerleader in the back, admiring the view from afar?" Mihael had thought quite a bit about his answer, and Lovro was bewildered that this was what he would come up with. He really tried not to worry Ivan, who was constantly looking in their direction, probably to check the mood. But it kept getting harder to control his facial expressions. Admiring the view.
"Dude, have you maybe considered admiring the view somewhere else? It's been years." And he's all mine.
Lovro was quite proud of his argumentation technique. Unbelievably, he still hadn't thrown his fist into Mihael's face, which was also a win. Licking his lips, he tried to concentrate on Ivan.
"Have you ever considered just being grateful for what you've got instead of constantly wearing yourself down over nothing? What even is your fucking problem?"
Oh.
Well, he didn't exactly expect Mihael to snap like that so easily. Apparently, he really had been observing Lovro the whole time, really thought he wasn't good enough for Ivan and, even worse, thought Lovro took everything he had for granted. He couldn't be more wrong, though. Lovro was well aware that he didn't deserve Ivan and his unconditional love. He was more than fucking grateful that he got to have this every single day. And he always felt like he was on the edge of losing it; he didn't need any reminder of that.
"So, you would be grateful to have it; is that what you're trying to say here?" Lovro's voice was calm, but he knew his face still showed all his discomfort about the situation. He wanted to either run away or finally punch the guy in the face, but both options would have hurt Ivan — so he couldn't.
"Don't try to make me say it, it won't change anything anyway," Mihael said in a very low voice, while looking down at his shoes like they were the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. However, this was basically a confession, he really wasn't denying anything then.
Lovro had expected it to feel like a shock, had feared a big physical reaction from his body, but — nothing. The usual stinging feeling in his chest (plus the usual urge to kill the guy, of course) was still present, but he felt indifferent about the new information. Maybe because it wasn't new, he had known all along. The way Mihael looked at Ivan felt way too familiar.
Ivan really had a talent sometimes for sensing that Lovro needed a rescue from an uncomfortable situation. They were still sitting in silence when he approached the bench to give both of them a fist bump. A freaking fist bump. Lovro's lasted distinctly longer, at least.
"You okay?" Ivan's whole attention was visibly on his boyfriend; Mihael didn't get a single glance after the greeting. It made something in Lovro's chest loosen, even if he still felt far from okay. It just wasn't fair. He didn't want a freaking fist bump from Ivan; he felt vulnerable and on edge, and that's when he needed to be the most clingy.
He just nodded and tilted his head a little because he knew Ivan could read it as I really want to kiss you right now. There was a sad smile on his face.
"Tell me if you want to go home," Ivan said in his warmest voice and ruffled his pink hair. And Lovro knew that he was saying: Me too, just wait until we get home.
Then he was running back to his friends and taking the ball out of one of their arms. It was the first time since sitting down there that Lovro got to admire the view in peace. It lasted for about two minutes.
"I've known Ivan since we were kids, but I truly never saw him this happy and devoted to anyone." There was something heavy in Mihael's voice. Ivan and his presence really had Lovro forgetting that he was still sitting there for a moment. He couldn't quite wrap his head around what the guy wanted to hear from him.
"Just wanted to let you know," Mihael added eventually because Lovro still hadn't said anything. He probably just wanted to be nice, but Lovro was having a hard time returning the favor.
"Thank you, I guess," he eventually managed and tried to make the thin line that was his mouth turn into a smile. It still somehow felt good to know that Mihael saw Ivan as someone who was happy in a very committed relationship.
Ironically, he just realized now that he was sitting on exactly the same bench where they had sat on their first date — the first time Ivan had asked him if he was jealous of Mihael. He really wasn't at the time, but little did Lovro know what was actually about to come a few months later. Now he even remembered Ivan calling Mihael "great" back then with a bitter taste in his mouth. He would probably always feel this way about the only boy he shared the experience of being loved by Ivan Kovačić with.
–
When they got home, Ivan had already given up asking him why he was so quiet. He probably expected Lovro to outrageously ramble about all the things Mihael had said or even be angry at him, but he wasn't prepared for him to be so pensive.
They were just about to get into the shower when it just burst out of Lovro. He just had to know.
"Ivan, what if Mihael really still had feelings for you?" He was nervously fidgeting with his bracelet again.
Ivan just shrugged. "Why would that change anything?"
"Wouldn't it make you feel uncomfortable?" Lovro's brows were furrowed and he looked up to meet Ivan's gaze, which was still neutral and maybe even indifferent.
"No." The answer was so simple and yet it made Lovro want to scream. How could he always be so cool about everything?
"And nothing else?" Lovro was still looking at him scrutinizingly while pulling his shirt over his head.
"Lovro, if you are constantly thinking and talking about Mihael, am I the one who should get worried?" There was a smug expression on Ivan's face; not a trace of irritation or insecurity in his voice. He was really trying to test Lovro's patience.
"Ivannnn! I wanted to have a serious conversation here," he whined, pouted and threw his hands in the air.
"If you want a serious conversation, you really should stop undressing yourself at the same time." Ivan emphasized his point with his hands tracing Lovro's bare chest and waist; he looked at him like someone who had just been served a five-course meal.
Lovro tried to roll his eyes and stay annoyed, but when Ivan started to kiss his neck and push him into the shower, he was done for.