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"Alright lads listen up." Coach Wiebe called across Bood's back garden. It was the summer after a particularly good season, it was the closest Ottawa had ever come to getting the cup and all the team was feeling hopeful for next season. They were having a barbecue at Bood's with the whole team, laughter and general joy eminating across the whole garden.
"As you know the draft announcements come out in a few hours, so I thought I might aswell just tell you all while we're all here." Wiebe continued causing Dykstra to call,
"Drum roll!" All the rest of the Centaurs and the WAGs beginning to bang their hands on whatever surface they could find Wiebe shaking his head at their antics.
"Alright, alright settle down." Wiebe called waiting till they all stopped before starting again, "Its Leo Russo." The whole garden cheered loudly, with a few calls of disbelief sprinkled in.
Leo was one of the best players on the draft, they had been playing since they were a child and made a name for themselves at the world junior hockey championship playing very well dispite Italy's poor placement as a team. However they made the news more for a different reason.
Leo had been very open about their non binary identity all throughout the championship and then the subsequent draft. While some people had been supportive of them the majority of the press had been very hard on them. First they seemed insistent on spreading the narrative that they were born female and therefore shouldn't be allowed to play in the mens league which Russo had made a statement proving it false with photos of them growing up as a boy. Then they decided that they were taking hormones and therefore shouldn't be allowed to play causing Leo to have to reveal honestly too much of their medical history for a player not even in a league yet to prove they weren't and be able to still play. Still lots of people kept fighting having an openly non binary player in a professional league.
Ilya couldn't help the slight pain in his chest watching the hoops this kid was already having to jump through just to be able to play the game they loved. He had held off more than once sending them a DM saying how sorry he was they were having to deal with all that. Ilya had thought it might scare the kid slightly getting a random DM from him and decided he would wait till they was drafted and he knew what team they were playing for before saying anything. Not that he would not say something if they were playing for a team Ilya didn't like but more that he would be able to tell how queerphobic the team was and therefore how much Russo would need the support.
Ilya also knew all the hate had been getting to Shane. Shane had told Ilya he was non binary almost a year ago at this point and while he had begun being more feminine at home Shane hadn't shown any progress in telling anyone else. Ilya had caught Shane more than once scrolling through comments about Russo his hands gripping the phone a little too hard. It hurt Ilya to know Shane was taking all the comments about Russo to heart, almost as if they were talking about him instead.
Ilya could practically see Shane shoving his identity further down inside them. He had been hoping Shane would be able to come out soon, not publicly, but atleast to his parents, maybe Hayden and Rose, possibly the team but he could feel the hope shrinking now. Shane had always cared a little too much about what people thought, and he knew when it was something Shane was still so fragile about it would affect him even more. It made Ilya's heart ache even more when he started to notice Shane wearing skirts less or letting his nail polish completely chip off before reapplying it again.
Yet maybe this would change things.
Ilya looked over to Shane who he had an arm around. They were watching the others with wide eyes a smile gently rising to his lips as he watched the team celebrate getting a non binary player. Ilya hoped it would help Shane feel more comfortable having another non binary person around even if he didn't feel comfortable telling Russo that they were also non binary.
Ilya squeezed Shane slightly causing Shane to look up at him a silent smile passing between them.
"How did we get them? Not that I'm complaining but they're really good." Troy asked when the team began quieting down. They had all been aware they would probably not be getting a particularly good player this season considering how well they placed and really they couldn't be upset about it with Shane and Ilya on their team. Still Leo was good, like really good, much better than they should have gotten considering their placement.
Wiebe hesitated slightly seeming growing slightly awkward as the team looked at him, "I think...alot of the other teams either didn't want a non binary player or didn't want to deal with the press around it." Ilya could feel the air of distaste surrounding them, they all knew how queerphobic the league could be, they weren't called the gayest team for nothing, but it still didn't feel great being shown it head on.
" Well their loss!" Ilya called the rest of the team jeering in agreement.
"Yeah." Wiebe began, "I'm sure this goes without saying but Russo is going to need all our support. I know you will all be respectful toward them but they'll need support with the press aswell."
"We've got them coach." Bood replied clear certainty in his voice that the team would be at Leo's side.
"Yeah no need to worry." Troy replied. Coach just nodded seemingly ready to end the conversation saying all he needed to say.
"These other teams have got not hope with Roz, Holzy, Haas and Russo on our team. They'll regret letting their transphobia get in the way." Dykstra commented.
"And their homophobia," Wyatt added, "We wouldn't have Holzy if Montreal wasn't full of homophobic bigots."
"Fuck all those bigots!" Chouinard called lifting his drink up in a cheers causing the rest of the team and the WAGs to raise their drinks calling out a fuck them before drinking.
Russo continued to be a topic of conversation for the rest of the afternoon. Watching clips together of them playing on their phones or ranting about the shit people had been saying about them. Ilya stayed near Shane the whole afternoon. He could feel the slight tension in Shane's body, the way he moved slightly more robotically, answering quickly and shortly whenever anyone directed a question towards him about Russo. Ilya was desperate to talk to they about it but he knew they wouldn't be able to talk as freely as they wanted to with everyone there. So Ilya stayed by them the whole night making sure conversation stayed positive, even if he hadn't needed to do much redirecting, and staying a hopefully comforting presence next to Shane.
—––——————––—————––——————–
Shane collapsed onto the sofa almost immediately after they got home, Ilya grabbing them both a drink before joining Shane placing an arm around their shoulders.
"Cool Russo is joining us next season, da?" Ilya asked causing Shane to sigh slightly before looking up at him.
"Can we talk about this in a bit, I just need a minute?" Shane asked Ilya nodding kissing Shane gently.
Sometimes Shane needed a bit of no conversation after coming home from seeing lots of people, especially if they were going to talk about something serious. So Ilya turned on the TV some show rerun playing, pulling Shane closer to him running a hand through their hair.
It was about an hour later when Shane sat up, turning to face Ilya fully.
"Okay I'm ready." Shane said, Ilya sitting up straighter, mirroring the way Shane was sat. Ilya waited for a moment to see if Shane would start before deciding to start the conversation himself.
"The team seemed cool with it." Ilya commented causing Shane to nod.
"Yeah it was...nice seeing them react like that." Shane said, Ilya smiling reaching forward to grab Shane's hand.
"It just sucks the way the league is treating them already." Shane began.
Ilya had held off bring Russo treatment up to Shane, it was something they both knew was happening but had both just silently decided not to talk about. Ilya knew Shane would talk to him if it was bothering him too much but he didn't want to make anything worse by bringing it up.
"Like they should have been one of the first picks. Don't get me wrong I'm glad their with us because I know the guys aren't going to like shout slurs at them or anything but they shouldn't be with us, they wouldn't be if they weren't...non binary." Ilya squeezed Shane's hand, they had always struggled slightly saying the word out loud," It just sucks its already affected their career so much. "
" I know moya lyubov, but we will look after them yes?" Ilya pulled Shane towards him, Shane falling into his lap buring himself in Ilya's chest, shoulders loosing slightly.
—––——————––——————––——————
They first met Russo during their first training before the season began. They were all already in the locker room getting changed when Leo walked in anxiety and awkwardness practically oozing off them.
"Russo!" Ilya called as they entered drawing the teams attention, Ilya walked over to them smiling widely.
"Welcome to the team! I am captain, Ilya Rozanov, though you probably know that already-"
"-He also has a massive ego-"
"Shut your mouth Barrett." Ilya teased before turning back to Russo glad to see the small smile on his face. Ilya introduced each of the team all offering a small hello in turn.
"You come to me if you have any issues with these idiots, but you shouldn't." Ilya said turning to the team raising two fingers from his eyes to the others in a 'Im watching you motion' the boys all laughing at him. Ilya patted Russo's shoulder,
"Welcome to the team." before walking back to his stall. Ilya watched Russo go to their stall in between Haas and Young, Haas beginning to talk with Russo, Russo laughing softly as they got ready.
"I think they'll fit in well." Shane commented as he pulled on his jersey.
"Yeah me too." Ilya smiled gently squeezing Shane's shoulder before turning back to reach into his bag.
—––——————––——————––——————
The season started this Monday so Ilya and Shane decided to invite the team over to their house to celebrate before the season began. Shane was pouring some crisps into the bowl when he started speaking,
"I was thinking..." Shane began causing Ilya to look up from his phone at him. "I might talk to Rus about being non binary."
"You want to?" Ilya asked, Shane had relaxed slightly now Russo was on the team, going back to how he was before. Harris and the media team had been doing well at addressing the negative comments about Russo without it taking over all the publicity about them, sandwiching statements between clips of the team at practice especially ones where Russo made good plays.
"I just thought it might be nice, for both of us. They'll know their not alone on the team and - and I can have someone to talk about it with, someone who understands it." Shane mumbled, looking down until he felt Ilya's arms wrap around him pulling him to a hug.
" I think it is a good idea, for both of you."
Shane found Russo down the bottom of the garden looking at his phone.
" You okay, Rook?" Shane asked as he approached causing Russo to look up at him glancing down at his phone once more before pocketing it.
" Yeah." Russo glanced back up the garden where most of the team was still talking, "Just needed a moment."
"Yeah they can be a bit much sometimes." Shane smiled, grimacing slightly as Young shouted at Chouinard for stealing his phone.
"Your getting on alright though right?" Shane asked, Russo nodding.
"Yeah, yeah its - its nice. My old team...they...well they weren't as close as you guys are." Russo explained.
"Yeah were a bit of an anomaly in that area, most teams are close dont get me wrong, but the Cens are closer than alot of teams."
Russo just smiled gently rubbing his shoe into the grass.
"I...uh...I wanted to say were glad to have you, even if you shouldn't have been with us." Shane said causing Russo flush embarrassed.
"I'm serious Rus you should have been a top ten pick easy, probably top 5. I'm sorry it didn't turn out that way." Shane continued causing Russo to turn redder looking down.
"Uh...thanks. I'm honestly kind of glad the Centaurs drafted me, I was hoping for it." Russo explained.
"Oh?" Shane probed.
"I just thought there was less chance of people being transphobic on the gayest team in the NHL...My old team - they weren't like horribly transphobic but they just ingored it mainly-"
"That's still transphobia if they're misgendering you Leo." Shane interrupted, anger in him that Russo had put up with that for who knows how long.
"I know, but it could have been worse. I was afraid it would be worse depending on where I was drafted." Russo explained. Shane nodded, humming pointedly, he knew what it was like being on team that didn't accept him.
They stood in silence for a moment watching Ilya, Wyatt and Troy kick a football around. Ilya tried to tackle the ball from Troy before shoving him and causing Troy to fall to the floor, Ilya shouting back at him as he ran from Wyatt.
"I wanted to thank you actually." Russo said.
"Me?" Shane turned to face Russo again.
"Yeah, and Ilya, Hunter and Troy aswell I guess. I probably wouldn't be able to be public about my gender without you guys coming out." Russo explained, Shane nodded looking down, trying to find the words. He had lots of people say he made a difference but coming out, but it still felt slightly unreal. He just wanted to love his husband publicly, it still shocked him it had helped others so much.
"I'm glad we could help." Shane said waiting a second before asking, "Why didn't you decided to keep it a secret, surely it would have made things alot easier?"
Shane watched Leo cringe slightly and they was suddenly aware of how ignorant that sounded. He was aware how much being closeted ate you alive, it was eating him alive, but they knew he was hiding it to protect his career, they couldn't help but wonder why Russo had chosen something different.
"My best friend, she saw how miserable I was sometimes on my old team, because of the whole misgendering thing...and she didn't want me to go through that for the rest of my career. She just kind of said if the NHL didn't want me as myself then they didn't deserve me anyway. Good job she said that I guess otherwise I probably would have ended up on queerphobic team my whole career." Russo explained, avoiding Shane's eyes the whole time.
" Do you regret being public about it?" Shane asked his voice weaker than he wanted it to be. Russo glanced over at him, his eyes searching before saying,
" No. Being closeted...it almost killed me, quiet literally." Leo chuckled darkly before continuing, "I found hiding that I was non binary ten times harder that hiding I was gay. Both are hard, but when you can't look in a mirror or catch your reflection in a window and not just feel absolutely disgusted in how you look or the way other people see you...it's like your living in someone else's skin. I just...I couldn't put myself through that for the rest of my life, especially now I know what its like not to have that."
Russo flushed slightly clearly realising how long they had been speaking for,
" Sorry that probably doesn't make any sense." They rubbed the back of their neck slightly embarrassed.
" No, no." Shane replied before he could help himself, slightly choked up on how close to home Leo's words hit, "It makes alot of sense really."
Russo nodded, seemingly guessing Shane was talking about him being gay.
"I wanted to thank you aswell, actually." Shane started his voice wavering slightly.
"What have I done?" Russo eyebrows were raised, their eyes widened.
"Uh..." Shane chewed on his lip for a second turning back to make sure no one else was in earshot before speaking again, "I-I'm nonbinary." Shane blurted out, Russo inhaled slightly shocked before masking it.
"Okay..." Leo's voice trailed off clearly reeling with the information, "It's a secret I assume." Russo continued looking at Shane with such understanding in his eyes it made Shane's heart soar.
"Um...yeah only Ilya knows." Russo's eyes flicked back up to Ilya who was now chasing Wyatt for the ball.
"He's okay with it?" Leo asked, his voice slightly tense.
"Yeah. He-he was really supportive." Shane explained a gentle smile coming over Russo's face.
"Good." They mumbled eyes flicking back to Shane.
"Not even your parents know?" Russo asked, Shane knew it was well known how close he was with his parents, especially now his mum was helping the Irina Foundation.
"No." Shane shook his head slightly.
"Would they not be okay with it?" Russo asked carefully.
"No, they probably would, I just..." Shabe trailed off not sure how to explain it.
"No I get it, its scary anyway, even if you think it would go well." Leo smiled, Shane found himself smiling back, a quiet understanding hanging between them.
"Do you want to talk about it or just let me know?" Leo asked, unsure how far Shane wanted the conversation to go.
"No we can talk about it," Shane said, "I haven't really spoken about it with anyone."
He had told Ilya and explained the basics of it but he hadn't gone into detail. He wasn't sure how much Ilya wanted to hear or would even really understand.
Russo nodded waiting for Shane to speak, but Shane found himself choked up slight not sure where to go from there.
" When did you know?" Russo prompted.
"Like 2016...but I ingored it for a long time." Shane explained, Russo's eyebrows raised a little, about to ask another question when Shane interupted.
"What about you?" He asked, not really wanting to dwell on how long he had repressed it for.
"Unconsciously? Since I was like 9 but I became aware of it when I was 13." Russo explained.
"You were very young." Shane said more to himself than anything.
"Yeah but your also like a decade older than me Shane." Russo teased laughing slightly, Shane chuckled slightly surprised, Leo had barley chirped anyone since joining the team.
"Alright way to make me feel old, kid." Shane joked back.
"I just mean it was probably very different when you were 13 than when I was." Leo explained, Shane nodding agreeing they wasn't even sure he knew what being non binary was when he was 13, let alone that it could have described them.
"When did you come out?" Shane asked before hesitating, "If you want to talk about it?"
"No its okay ask away." Russo smiled, "I first told my best friend when I was 14, and then the rest of my family and stuff when I was 17."
"Are they still in Italy, your friend?" Shane asked.
"Yeah, she'll be here soon." Russo's smile grew soft, "She's coming to live here."
"That's nice, how long have you know her?" Shane asked.
"Since I was 11, we've always been really close." Russo smiled, his hand almost absentmindedly touching the phone in his hoodie front pocket.
"I'm excited to meet her." Shane said.
"What about your family and stuff, were they okay with it?" Shane found himself asking, he tensed for a moment very aware that Leo might not want to talk about it but Russo didn't seem to hesitate.
"Mainly yeah, my grandparents and stuff don't really understand but they aren't horrible about it. My brothers the only one who like, actively dislikes it." Russo explained.
"Oh I'm sorry." Shane said he didn't have any siblings but he had held Ilya through enough tears about his brother to know it hurt when a sibling didn't accept you.
"No it's okay. We were never that close anyway, he's way older than me and from my mum's first husband so he always kind of resented me for having a good childhood or something." Russo explained flippantly.
"Still sucks." Shane replied causing Leo to look down shrugging slightly.
Leo looked up searching Shane's face for a moment before saying, "I think you could tell the team, if you wanted to. I get why you don't want to come out publicly or anything it would probably be alot worse for you, but the guys seem cool with me." Russo said.
"You've had it pretty hard Leo." Shane argued.
"Yeah but...people know who you are alot more than me. No one outside the hockey space knows who I am, they know you. I mean I saw all the shit you got when you and Ilya were outed, I can't imagine your keen to go through that again." Leo continued Shane nodding slightly.
" Yeah it...it was pretty shit." Shane muttered.
Sometimes he forgot that he actually went through all of that, it felt so far away and distant to the life he had now. He just didn't want to go through that again. That was the prevailing thought whenever he considered coming out. The thought of the locker room becoming something he feared again, of loosing another team that had become his brothers, of fearing opening his phone because of what people were saying about him. It was his worst nightmare.
"I think...I think I'm just afraid of it having that reaction again...or worse." Shane admitted, Russo nodding.
"I get that but I don't think the Centaurs would act like your old team and if they did I think Ilya would kill them all before they had a chance to say anything else." Russo teased causing Shane to laugh slightly.
He knew the Centaurs were different. He had never heard them say anything homophobic or misogynistic, not even in the subtle way so many people did, almost as if they didn't realise what they were saying wasn't okay. He knew they wouldn't react badly, they're response to Leo was sign enough. So what was he so afraid of. Of being ousted from a group he knew would never make them feel like that. Ilya often said he had habit of convincing himself the worst case scenario was the only scenario, maybe this was one of those time.
Leo watched him for a moment, clearly reading some of what Shane was thinking on his face, before reaching over towards him. Russo seemed to go in for a pat on the back at first before deciding to pull him in for a hug instead. Shane froze shocked from a moment before wrapping his arms tightly around Leo.
"I know its scary," Leo whispered into his ear, "But it will get better, even if it doesn't feel like it now." Shane nodded into Russo's shoulder trying not to let the tears in his eyes fall.
"Russo, you better not be hitting on my husband!" Ilya called from up the garden, Shnae lifted his head from Leo's shoulder to see most of the team watching them curiously. Shane pulled back slightly embarrassed they had been caught.
"You going to stop me Rozanov." Leo teased back, pulling Shane in tighter until Ilya ran down the garden wrapping his arms around Russo's waist and pulling them off Shane and onto the floor. Ilya quickly threw himself over Leo so he was lying over them.
"What was that Russo? You think you have a chance with my incredibly sexy husband! No, you are out of his league." Ilya teased.
"Get off me Rozanov!" Leo cried using their arms and legs to try and shove Ilya off them, but the 19 year old didn't hold nearly enough strength to push a 200 pound man off them.
"Ah, ah, apologise for hitting on my husband." Ilya commanded.
"I wasn't hitting on him!" Leo replied indignant.
"You were touching him, now apologise." Ilya continued pushing more of his weight onto Leo.
"Okay, okay I'm sorry! " Leo shouted, Ilya getting off them with a triumphant grin.
"You two are ridiculous." Shane muttered as Leo stood up brushing grass of them.
"Ah but you love us." Ilya replied jokingly, winking at him, Shane shook his head slightly at them.
Russo gave Shane a final look, question in their eyes about if Shane had said everything he wanted to. Shane nodded at him slightly muttering a,
"Thank you." Russo smiled at him before starting to walk up the garden back to the main group.
"You okay?" Ilya asked gently running his hands down Shane's arms. Shane nodded slightly,
"Yeah I'm good." Ilya's eyes flicked around their face trying to find some hint of what he and Russo had said and how Shane felt about it. He smiled slightly seemingly happy with what he saw leaning forward to place a quick kiss on Shane's lips.
Ilya grabbed Shane's hand begining to lead him back up to the main group. But Shane couldn't make himself move, the words were itching in the back of their throat. So when Ilya was jerked backwards by their joined hands and turn to look at them questioningly, the words tumbled out Shane's mouth before he could stop them.
"What would you say to me telling my parents and maybe the team sometime soon?" Ilya's eyes lit up his smile covering his whole face. He walked back to Shane placing his hands over Shane's shoulders, looking at him with adoration.
"I would say that's a great idea, sweetheart."