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Over the Dead Sea, keepin' you company
Thinkin', "I'm not afraid of you now"
I'm not afraid of you now
There Jax sat, on one side of his bedroom door, curled up with his knees to his chest like a kid. His eyelids felt heavy; he could just barely keep them open as the room spun around him, flickers of color engulfing the objects that were so familiar to him. He knew he wasn't alone. Pomni sat on the opposite side, out in the hallway, her back to his door. He could feel and hear her humming echoing through his room, swimming through the puddles of color that he couldn't quite describe.
Then she began to talk. Her voice cut sharply through his thoughts. He grit his teeth, sucking in air as she rambled about their history together, hanging onto each melodic note like a lifeline. She knew, and there was nothing she could do about it but wait.
Lettin' my eyes close, sheddin' my soft clothes
Wind blows, wind that howls like a hound
Wind that laughs like a clown
Jax exhaled quietly, allowing himself to rest for just a moment. The bright patterns clouded up around him, promising freedom and release, promising him something he could never have where he stood now. He felt… peaceful. He slumped over, head hitting his knees. Then, Pomni's laugh— a quiet, soft, beautiful thing— brought him back to reality, if only for just a moment, grounding him back to the floor.
Mystery of lack
Stabbing stars through my back
Forwards, beckon, rebound
Forwards, beckon, rebound
"Have you ever done something that you regret?"
Ribbit's voice echoed in his ears. He looked up at her fuzzy outline, contrasted with the stars behind her, the moon shedding a soft silver glow over her features. He wondered briefly when he'd gotten here, unable to find the stamina to speak, though words flowed through him automatically.
"Nah."
An ache gnawed right through his chest.
Always.
Virtual bedroom, rise like a full moon
Show me pictures that hang in your house
Pictures that hang in your mouth
Jax felt static set into his limbs. He opened his heavy eyes once more, looking up and trying his hardest to focus across his room, at the pictures that he'd reversed on his wall. Pomni continued droning beyond the wall behind him. He heard vague clicking noises, but didn't have the energy to turn and find what it was.
Candescent insects, crosses and fishnets
I have nothin' to pray now
Nothin' to pray now
Particles surrounded him, dully glowing gold, floating like dust in a shaft of sunlight. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes. The static crawled up his arm, threatening to swallow him whole.
Mystery of lack
Stabbing stars through my back
Forwards, beckon, rebound
Forwards, beckon, rebound
Dark indigo faded back into view, painted with lighter blues and purples, beautiful and endless with spatters of tiny white stars in intricate shapes. He sit on the grass once more as Pomni's voice sounded next to him. "I didn't think you cared what other people like," she weighed.
His body moved without his input. He glanced over at her, looking back at the grass with a sigh. "I just—" before he could ramble further, he stopped himself, recomposing his attitude. "No, yeah, y-you're right. I don't."
A few moments passed before Pomni spoke again. "…Do you have… any… actual friends?"
Pullin' your face close, wanting the inmost
Show me I'm not afraid of you now
I'm not afraid of you now
Jax jerked back to his own body, real and alive, aggressively. A hand rested on his shoulder for just a moment, removed when he'd violently returned to reality. His breaths came in shallow, quick succession, his eyes wide as his gaze rested on Pomni's hovering hand, then followed it up her arm and to her eyes, peering back at him with utmost concern and care.
The kind of care that he hadn't had in a long time.
The kind of care that made his skin crawl.
If he'd had the energy he would've stood and left her as she was. He'd have ran, far, far away from here, where nobody could follow him. How could someone care for him the way she acted she did? How, when he did nothing but torment people, when all he ever did for anyone was project his own problems onto them? When he made everything harder than it had to be, just because he wanted to?
Pomni pulled him away from his thoughts, resting next to him against his wall, silent and accepting. She didn't panic. She didn't run. She pushed to stay near him, and maybe, he thought blearily, that was all he needed.
Villain and violent, infant and innocent
Baby, both arms cradle you now
Both arms cradle you now
"You aren't this facade," she murmured. For the first time, he heard her words clearly. "You're not a villain. You're a person, like me, like everyone else."
Jax forced a small, breathy, disbelieving laugh.
"You've had your experiences," she went on, "that made you how you are now… but I know you weren't always like that." Her hand rested momentarily over the space between them, like she wanted to take his hand, rub his back, anything to keep him grounded, but she'd clearly thought better of it before the action could follow through. "You're hurting," she murmured. "It's okay, Jax."
Mystery of lack
Stabbing stars through my back
By the time her hand hovered in the space between them, Jax was no longer there. His head rested in his arms crossed over his knees. Pomni sat next to him, in the dark, in silence, as the jagged edges and swirling eyes grew and grew.
There wasn't anything she could do but sit with him.
Forwards, beckon, rebound
Forwards, beckon, rebound
Forwards, beckon, rebound