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miscentes metalla

Summary:

Adrien goes out to buy Félix a new watch. It goes poorly.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

After the passing of Gabriel Agreste, Adrien and Félix had made a habit of going to lunch together on Sunday afternoons. It was mostly for Adrien— Félix was one of few family members he had left that he could actually stand to be around. Not to mention the fact that it got the both of them out of the house.

Their conversations were never anything too terribly thrilling. How school was going, how the girlfriends were, anything interesting that happened, mostly menial small talk.

Félix had always been the type to check his watch. Not out of any kind of hurry or out of rudeness, just because it was right there and he might as well. On this particular day, though, Adrien couldn't help but notice that his cousin's wrist was suspiciously bare.

"Where's your watch at? Lose it?" He asked, trying to be just a little careful about the subject. He knew how much Félix hated losing jewelry.

"No, it's broken."

"How'd that happen?"

Félix chewed on his bottom lip as he recalled exactly how it had broken. He and Kagami had been on the bed, her lips against his, he hadn't been paying attention, and he'd shattered the glass of the watch against the headboard.

"… Undisclosed activities," He finally said.

"Right. Have you looked into a new one?"

"I've been meaning to, but I haven't had the time. Finals week and whatnot."

Adrien nodded along. Finals week in high school was already rough for him, he could only imagine how it was for Félix as a freshman in college. And then Adrien got an idea.

"Hey, my finals week was earlier this month, it's already over and done with. How about I go out and buy you a new watch?"

Félix tried not to laugh under his breath. "You're going to buy me a new watch?"

"Yeah! I have the money, you know."

"No, I'm well aware of that fact, it's just that-"

"What? You think I don't know how to pick out a nice watch for my cousin?" Adrien crossed his arms in front of himself defensively. "You always pay for lunch. Let it be my treat."

"Y'know what? Alright. I implore you to go and buy me a new watch."

Adrien grinned, blissfully unaware of the small piece of kale stuck between his teeth.


One of the many perks of living in the heart of Paris was easy access to plenty of designer stores. While Adrien never cared much for fancy clothes, seeing as he'd been crammed into them most of his life, he knew that Félix put a lot of effort into his appearance and liked wearing nice things. So Adrien was willing to brave the world of designer watch stores for the sake of his cousin. There were several stores to pick from, most of them near the very center of the city. Adrien had no idea what shop Félix had gotten his previous watch from (probably one in London, he'd had that watch forever), so he chose one near the Seine at random.

The interior of the store was clean, sleek, and in Adrien's opinion, felt a little clinical. The walls were an off-white, the floors were black marble from what Adrien could tell, and several men in sharp suits wandered around helping potential buyers with anything they may need. One of these men caught Adrien's eye and perked up immediately.

"Good evening, Mister Agreste," The man said, nodding his head slightly.

Adrien chuckled quietly. He still wasn't used to being called by the title that was usually reserved for his father. Though he was technically head of the family now. Even if he was only 16. Still, it was only polite to respond. "Good evening, sir."

"What can I assist you with today?"

Adrien blinked slowly. He was in a watch store, what else could the man have assisted him with? "I need to buy a watch."

"Ah, of course, sir. What kind of watch are you in the market for?"

"Oh, it's not for me. It's for my cousin, he broke his."

"How generous of you. What kind of timepieces does your cousin like?"

"Timepieces?" Adrien cocked an eyebrow. "No, no, I just need a watch."

Adrien swore he saw the man's eye twitch. "Of course." He placed a gentle hand behind Adrien's back and led him over to one of the various display cases around the small store. "Now, would your cousin like a dress watch or a sport watch?"

"Félix doesn't really play sports. So, I guess… a dress watch?"

"And what kind of rings does your cousin wear?"

Adrien laughed a little louder this time, enough that a few people standing close enough turned their heads to look at him. "Why is that relevant?"

"Well, you see," The man started, "If your cousin wears rings of white gold, you won't want to get him a rose gold watch. As you may know, you should never mix metals."

"Right, right, don't mix metals… he just wears silver rings."

"Are you speaking about tungsten, sterling silver, platinum, palladium, titanium…?"

"Just. Just silver?" Adrien tried to ignore the little crack in his voice.

"I see. Just silver." The man looked over the watches in the display case like they might offer him an answer. "Would your cousin prefer a black or a white dial?"

"Uhhh… what's a dial? Is that like the back part?"

"Yes, Mister Agreste, the dial is the back part."

Adrien chewed the inside of his cheek and tried his best to remember the previous watch that Félix had owned. "The last watch he had had a black dial."

"Excellent. And what size was the dial?"

"Watch-sized?"

"Very good. A watch-sized watch." Now more of the patrons of the store were turning their heads to look at the conversation going down between the Agreste boy and the salesman. "Would your cousin like a leather strap or a metal strap?"

"The last one he had was metal, so, metal, I guess."

"And was it mechanical or quartz?"

"Uhm…" Adrien glanced down at his shoes as if they would offer the answers to the barrage of questions. Alas, he found nothing. "What's that?"

"The innermost mechanical workings."

"Which one is fancier?"

The man sighed as quietly as he could. "Quartz is more accurate, if that fits your definition of 'fancy'."

"Sure. Let's do that."

"And would you like any further embellishments, such as a bezel or any gems?"

"No, Félix is pretty simple when it comes to his jewelry."

"Very well." The man looked over the display case, muttering the set parameters to himself. "A watch-sized dress watch in just silver, black dial, quartz…" He finally pulled one from the display case, using his handkerchief to wipe down the glass it sat behind. "I believe this watch will suit your needs."

"Cool. Uhm… do I pay now?"

"Would you like to have it sized? Do you know what size your cousin's wrist is?"

"Not… really?" Adrien hadn't even thought to ask that. "But me and him are pretty similar, so I guess you can try it on me."

The man raised an eyebrow as he removed the watch from its case.

"No, really. We get mistaken for twins all the time. Actually, when we were younger, we used to pretend to-"

"Your wrist, please, sir."

"Oh. Okay." Adrien held out his wrist and let the man try the watch on him. The metal was cool against his skin. Félix would probably like it, right? "Yeah, it's good."

The man nodded and took a deep breath, pulling a small slip of paper out from seemingly nowhere and writing something on it. "Will that be all you need today, Mister Agreste?"

"Mhmm."

"Very well. If you'll follow me, I'll get you checked out."


The next Sunday rolled around and Adrien and Félix were once again meeting up for lunch. Only this time, Adrien had a gift for his cousin.

Adrien set the box down on the table just as Félix took a drink from his lemon water. "Here's your new watch."

Félix took the box into his hands, opening it to look at the watch that Adrien had picked out for him. "Hm. Not bad. And how was it, going about buying it?"

Adrien huffed in exasperation. "I didn't think they'd ask so many questions."

"Yeah, watch salesmen are the worst. But I tried to warn you."

"Is it at least what you wanted? I got you the right watch?"

Félix looked it over carefully. "It's nice, but…"

"But what? Did I mess it up?"

"My rings are platinum, not palladium."

"God damnit."

Notes:

as said in tags this is entirely based off that one john mulaney bit
anyways yeah tahts it thats the fic please comment i will love you foreve

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