Adult Content Warning
This work could have adult content. If you continue, you have agreed that you are willing to see such content.
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Summary
Alfred Pennyworth has seen many things in his years of service to the Wayne family. An eight-year-old Jason Todd reading Fifty Shades of Grey in the manor library was not supposed to be one of them.
When kids outside school call Jason a nerd and hand him "pop culture" reading material, Jason makes it exactly four pages before the contracts confuse him and Alfred's soul leaves his body. What follows is an emergency trip to the Watchtower, a Justice League meeting derailed by the World's Smallest Literary Critic, Dick Grayson making the mistake of mentioning kissing, and Bruce Wayne discovering exciting new reasons to buy a school.
Jason's verdict: the book is an abomination, Jane Austen would never, and there's only one man qualified to handle this level of literary evil.
John Constantine agrees. The book doesn't even deserve proper Hell.
(Mr. Darcy remains unbothered. Pride and Prejudice remains supreme. Tommy Barker's parents receive a very polite fourteen-minute visit from a billionaire.)