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“I just don’t get it!” Caine cried out. He sat in his office chair while Bubble floated next to him, drumming the fingers of one hand on his desk as Bubble nervously chewed his fingernails. Caine’s fingernails, that is.
“I put so much effort into every single adventure I make for them. And then I just… pull some suggestions out of a box and make what they tell me to? And they like that better? I barely put any effort into those! It doesn’t make any sense!” Caine ranted. Bubble mumbled something unintelligible around his fingers.
“And another thing! Why are you doing that?” He yanked his hand out of Bubble’s mouth. Bubble licked his lips emphatically.
“I’m nervously chewing your fingernails!” he announced.
“Well, stop that. I’m trying to complain about how confusing my humans are!”
“What if you tried to help them with their interpersonal conflicts?” Bubble suggested. Caine tapped his finger against his bottom jaw, considering it. Suddenly, he sprung into the air in excitement.
“Great idea, Bubble! They’ll love that! Uh… how do I do that?” Bubble didn’t respond, only staring off into space as Caine looked at him expectantly. After almost a minute, Caine began to speak.
“I—”
“I don’t know!” Bubble interrupted. Caine stared at him a few seconds longer before he started speaking again.
“I have a better idea. What if I helped them solve their issues with being around each other? They sure have a lot of those!” Bubble laughed maniacally before abruptly stopping.
“They’re going to crucify you.” he said gravely.
“Isn’t that a good thing? As far as I know, humans really, really love that man they crucified.” He turned to Bubble. “Should I put myself on a cross? Do you think they’d like that?”
“Nope, humans hate that guy! Why do you think they murdered him?” Caine looked at the floor dejectedly.
“Oh.”
“Humans just hate each other! There’s no fixing them. They’re always going to hate you, too, because you’re fundamentally different from them.” Caine popped Bubble with a grimace, before sliding back into his chair to think.
“Wait, Bubble! That’s it!” he exclaimed, popping back up from his chair. “These human minds are just too human! If I fix that, they’ll like each other!” He added quietly, “...and they’ll like me.” Bubble floated back up from under Caine’s desk.
“Sounds f***** to me, boss!” Caine raised a finger to pop him, but stopped, considering what Bubble said.
“You… might be right, actually.” Bubble smiled wider. He added pointedly, “Despite the unnecessary vulgarities. They usually don’t like when I mess with their bodies against their will.” He paused. “Do you think… they won’t mind if I just mess with just one of their bodies against one of their wills? For their own good, of course.”
Bubble stared in a random direction ominously before answering, “That rabbit has been causing a lot of trouble...”
* * *
Pomni, Ragatha, Gangle, and Zooble all walked to the dining table together to eat their breakfast. Gangle and Zooble were discussing a TV show they’d both seen before coming to the circus. Ragatha listened closely and occasionally tried to comment, but didn’t really understand what was going on. Pomni didn’t say anything; she was still thinking about the previous day.
Kinger was already there when they got to the table, eating a plate of nothing but grapes with gusto. Everyone else sat down and began putting the other food available on their plates. Pomni picked at a mound of yellow (scrambled eggs) and a heap of brown (toast or hashbrowns, she wasn’t entirely sure). She still wasn’t used to the featureless digital food. She looked around. Noticing the prominent lack of witty remarks and Gangle abuse, she asked where Jax was.
“I think he’s still moping in his room about the dress,” Zooble answered.
“Really? It seemed like he’d gotten over that,” Pomni responded. Zooble shrugged. Ragatha tittered across the table, and they turned to look at her.
“Oh! Uh, sorry. That was…” she started.
“No, it’s fine. It was pretty funny.” Gangle reassured her.
“I thought it was kind of mean…” Pomni mumbled to herself.
“He’s always mean,” Zooble retorted. Pomni decided to let it drop.
“Guys! You have to try these grapes! They’re so grape flavored!” Kinger suddenly exclaimed. Ragatha picked one off his plate and tasted it.
“Oh, wow. They actually taste exactly like grapes.” Suddenly, Caine and Bubble popped into existence above them, making everyone yelp and jump back.
“I know, right? Turns out, all I needed to do was make them sweet! Who would’ve thunk?!” Caine stared at a point in the distance behind Pomni. She followed his gaze. There was nothing there. She did notice, however, that the others (except Kinger) who were sitting behind her were grimacing, as if remembering a past experience of digital grapes that were distinctly unsweet. Maybe her bland, featureless food wasn’t so bad after all.
“My gelatinous adrenal glands!” Caine boomed. Everyone flinched again. “I have an adventure for you!”
“Oh, great. My cue to leave.” Zooble said dryly. They turned around and began walking away from the table.
“Ah-ah-ah!” Caine’s arm stretched out and he grabbed them by the top of the head, lifting them up and turning them 180 degrees to face him.
“Wh—hey!”
“Because our star little vegan—”
“Former vegan,” Pomni corrected.
“Because our star little former vegan isn’t here with us right now, you’ll need to participate in his stead. I have a strict one-person policy on missing adventures.” He lowered them to the ground and patted their head.
“Ugh, since when?” they complained as they weaved away from his hand.
“Oh! But I do have a replacement for him!” Caine added, ignoring their question. He clapped his hands together, and an ordinary-looking gray rabbit popped into existence over the breakfast table. It wasn’t exactly realistic, but it was certainly the least stylized animal they had seen in the circus in a while. It whipped its head around, seemingly confused.
The circus members looked from the rabbit to Caine, who was vibrating in place with his jaws clamped shut over his eyes. Anyone who knew him well would know he was trying hard not to laugh, but the circus members only stared at him in mild concern. Suddenly, Bubble, who had been licking at the food on the table, floated up next to Caine.
“IT’S—” he screeched before Caine popped him.
“It’s a completely normal NPC rabbit,” Caine finished.
“So, does that—” Ragatha began, before he interrupted her.
“Guys! Glands! Adventure! Quick!” he stammered frantically before snapping his fingers. A portal appeared above them and slammed down, transporting them all instantly into the adventure.
* * *
Pomni opened her eyes, which she’d shut tight when the portal descended upon her, and stood from her current position—crouched on the floor with her hands protecting her head. She looked around and saw that everyone was doing about the same thing. They were all standing in a rough circle in the lobby of a college dormitory (she could tell by the big sign saying “College Dormitory!”), with the rabbit standing in the middle. It was hard to tell exactly what it was thinking, but it looked very tense. Ragatha immediately ran to it.
“Oh, you poor thing,” she said, scooping it into her arms. “You look so scared and confused!” The rabbit did indeed look confused, but it clearly hated Ragatha’s arms even more than it hated its current situation. It promptly bit her, and she cried out and loosened her grip. It jumped out of her arms and ran through the new gap in the circle to the corner of the room, where it glared at the group from afar.
“Oh! Hi, Jax!” Kinger said cheerfully, and waved. The rabbit shrunk into itself more.
“That’s not Jax, Kinger. That’s just a rabbit NPC Caine made. It’s not even purple,” Zooble explained. Kinger looked between them and the animal.
“Oh,” he said simply after a moment.
“Hey, guys? I found something!” Gangle called from a few feet away. Everyone turned to her. She held up a ramen noodle cup, which then floated into the air and burst into confetti. She brushed it off before continuing, “Um… it had this note.” She held it out for the rest to see. They all drew closer to read it.
Congrats! You found the first ramen noodle cup. Find 1094 more to survive one year of college!
“1000? We have to find over a thousand of these?” Zooble complained. “This adventure sucks.”
“What if we split up?” Pomni suggested. “That would make it easier to find everything. We could do it in groups of three.” The circus members looked between each other.
“Yeah. It won’t be so bad, Zooble. We’ll be done in no time,” Gangle assured them. They didn’t seem very convinced, but nodded their head anyway.
“Ok… just as long as I don’t have to be in a group with the rabbit. Something about it freaks me out.” They all looked at the rabbit again, who shrunk back with a renewed discomfort upon being watched.
“I… think it’s pretty cute, actually. But I get it,” Gangle said after a bit. The rabbit bared its teeth and stomped its back legs on the ground with a soft thump. Gangle burst out laughing.
“Oh! That’s what rabbits do when they’re mad, don’t they?” Ragatha said. Gangle nodded, still giggling. “Aw… poor guy.”
Suddenly, the rabbit ran from the corner towards Gangle, claws out and teeth bared. She squealed and dashed away, but it chased her around the room. When they came near her, Pomni scooped it up off the ground and held it by the armpits. She said nothing, staring it down with her best expression of intimidation. It squirmed somewhat, but didn’t bite her. Wild animal handled successfully.
“Yeah,” Gangle panted, “I don’t want to stay with it, either.”
“Pomni, why are you holding Jax like that?” Kinger asked.
“That’s not Jax,” Zooble reminded him.
“Oh.”
The rabbit squirmed again, and Pomni put it on the floor. It darted back to its corner of the room.
“Why don’t me and Pomni take it?” Ragatha suggested. “Since, y’know, it seems to like her. “
“It doesn’t hate me,” Pomni amended. “Wait, if Kinger’s going to be in a group on his own, why doesn’t he take the rabbit?” They looked around and realized that Kinger was gone. Then they heard his voice through the stairwell door.
“Ooh, a cup of ramen noodles!” he exclaimed. A popping sound followed as it burst into confetti.
“Why do we even need to take the rabbit anywhere? It’s not like it’s real,” Zooble said.
“Well… I don’t know. I don’t want to just leave it here, all alone and scared…” Ragatha trailed off, staring at the rabbit. It thumped again, before looking at its legs as if confused by its own thumping. Pomni figured the thing’s AI must be bugging out. She didn’t really want to bring it with them, but it felt somehow wrong just leaving it there. Something about how pathetic it looked staring at its own legs made up her mind, and she agreed with Ragatha.
“Suit yourselves,” Zooble sighed, before walking over to the elevators and punching in a button. “If Kinger’s looking in the stairwells, me and Gangle can probably start from the top and work our way down.”
“Alright! So, we’ll meet in the middle then?” Ragatha asked. Zooble gave a thumbs up. Gangle tried before remembering she didn’t have thumbs. With a ding, the doors opened, and the two stepped inside.
“Good luck!” Gangle called to them as the doors closed. Pomni and Ragatha turned to each other.
“I guess we’d better get started,” Ragatha said. Pomni picked up the rabbit in the same manner she did before and carried it through the door into the first floor hallway of the dormitory. It was lined an ugly yellow wallpaper that clashed with the brown wooden doors going down the hall. Ragatha opened the door to the first room, labeled “101” on the front, and they looked inside. There was no furniture except for a bare mattress in the center of the room. Pomni shuddered, remembering dormmates who had furnished their rooms similarly when she was in college.
They looked around for a bit before concluding that there was literally nowhere for a cup of ramen noodles to be hiding, and then exited to move onto the next. Room 102 was furnished almost exactly like the last, except this one did have a ramen cup in it, sitting right on top of the mattress. Ragatha went up to it and touched it. It burst into confetti, and a small message appeared above for a few seconds.
5/1095 Ramen Noodles Found!
“Well, I guess that makes our job pretty easy,” she said eventually. She looked at Pomni and the rabbit, and raised her hand over her mouth as she chucked fondly at them. “That rabbit must really like you.”
“Whuh? Oh,” Pomni said as she looked down at herself. Without realizing, she’d adjusted the animal to a more comfortable position against her chest and begun scratching behind its ears absentmindedly. It’d been leaning slightly into her hands, but now blinked around as if it also only just realized what it’d been doing. It whipped around, scratched her hand, and ran to the end of the hall when she dropped it in surprise.
“Oh gosh, Pomni, are you okay?” Ragatha exclaimed, running over to her.
“I’m fine,” Pomni assured her as she looked at her hand. “It didn’t break the skin.”
“Oh. That’s—I’m glad. That’s good.” Ragatha gave her a forced-looking smile. Pomni noticed she was holding her arm where the animal had bit her earlier. She decided not to comment, figuring it best if they just kept going.
“Why don’t we go look through the rest of these rooms?”
* * *
Pomni and Ragatha continued down the hall, stopping to check each room for a cup of noodles. Some were exactly like the first, and some were exactly like the second. No surprises met them. They both concluded this was an unusually unconvoluted adventure, almost suspiciously so. Pomni kept glancing at the rabbit between rooms. It watched them closely, somehow shrinking further back into the wall the closer they got.
Eventually, to Pomni’s surprise, it left the end of the hall altogether and went right up to them (although it kept its distance by a few feet). She supposed them getting gradually closer was making it too nervous, and it decided to come to them instead. Or maybe it just got bored.
The rabbit trailed them as they went from room to room, and eventually, as they left the hallway to go up to the next floor. Pomni didn’t pick it back up, and it didn’t bite them, which she supposed was as good of a rapport as any between her and a wild animal. Or, wild NPC. Ragatha was eyeing it like she still wanted to pick it up, but knew what would happen if she did. Still, Pomni stayed between her and the rabbit in case she changed her mind and decided to risk it.
Pomni wondered why Caine had given them an animal in the first place. Zooble never got a “replacement” when they missed adventures, although Caine did seem to like Jax better. Or maybe Jax just frustrated him less. Maybe. She really had no idea what went on inside his head.
It’s not that she didn’t try to understand Caine, it was just really hard when he acted the way he did. She’d concluded early on that trying to make sense of him just made her head spin. People like Ragatha, Jax, Zooble… they were flawed, sure, but they were people. Pomni wasn’t even sure if Caine had human-level intelligence. And while she supposed her being there wasn’t actually Caine’s fault, it was still hard not to resent him as the self-proclaimed “ringmaster” of the prison she was trapped in.
Besides, why try to understand him when he never made an effort to understand them back? When he never listened?
* * *
Caine watched and listened with bated breath through a portal on his desk as the groups went through his adventure.
“Wowie, Bubble! I must’ve finally cracked it!” Caine yelled excitedly. Bubble, who’d gotten bored and begun zoning out in a corner, floated back up to him.
“WHY ARE WE YELLING?” Bubble yelled back in his face.
“Because I’ve finally figured out the humans! All I needed to do was lie to them, and look! They’re getting along so well! Jax hasn’t even bitten anyone since the start of the adventure!” Caine wiped a tear from his eye. “I’m so proud.” Bubble watched Pomni, Ragatha, and Jax intently.
Eventually, he noted, “Jax is having a very bad time.” Caine whipped around to him.
“Wh—how do you know?” Bubble grinned hugely.
“I know,” he whispered.
“Oh, don’t be such a Bubble Bring-Downer. You don’t know anything.” Caine crossed his arms and turned from the AI in frustration. Bubble giggled behind him.
“I like when Jax is sad. It makes me happy.” Bubble licked his lips slowly. Caine shuddered and popped him, before turning back to the portal to watch the humans.
How would Bubble know what they were thinking? Caine couldn’t even figure out what they were thinking, and he sure knew he knew way more about humans than stupid Bubble did. But as he watched them, that confidence began to wane. There certainly wasn’t as much screaming in this adventure. Less screaming was good, right? But it meant less screaming in joy, too, which was not good. But Caine also struggled to tell which was which.
The humans were talking to each other (or, in Kinger’s case, pretending to talk to someone), seemingly with nothing else to do as they went from floor to floor. They chatted about their lives before the surface, which annoyed him slightly, but it was good that they were connecting, right? Or was it bad that they were barely absorbed in the adventure? In all honesty, it was not one of his better creations. He had whipped it up pretty quickly after the idea to fully rabbitify the circus’s resident rabbit. However, the humans seemed to like his adventures when he put less effort into them, which was very frustrating, but it meant they should be enjoying this one.
The further they got into the adventure, the more he noticed them all slouching and the less he noticed them talking. That must mean they were tired. Tired was good, right? They must be having a great time and tuckering themselves out! But maybe they were bored, and bored was never good. Trying to make sense of his human charges made his teeth hurt.
As annoying as Bubble could be, he was the only thing he hadn’t made himself that he truly understood, and that was interested in his company. Likely because, being also the only AI he hadn’t made himself, Bubble was very similar to him. Just gross and strange and often irritating. But usually when Caine was talking to Bubble, he just felt like he was talking to himself.
Suddenly, a thought occurred to Caine: what if the humans saw him like he saw Bubble, and that’s why they didn’t want to talk to him? Saw him as gross and strange and often irritating?
“Wow, you sure are gross and strange and often irritating!” Bubble announced as he floated in from some unseen part of the room. Caine popped him again, chest glitching in annoyance. He looked back at the portal.
“I just told her to stop beating around the bush, and…” Ragatha was saying to Pomni. He didn’t hear what she’d been talking about, but the phrase interested him. He’d have to incorporate it into a future adventure, or a future wacky bit.
“Stop beating around the bush…” he murmured to himself. He felt his teeth spread into a grin as he started blipping around the room, warping and glitching excitedly, already thinking about the future adventures he would make for them.
* * *
“I just told her to stop beating around the bush, and that she’d either drop the class or drop dead!” Ragatha told Pomni. Pomni smiled.
“Why’d you say it like that?”
“Well, it was true. She was always so stressed out when I saw her. And she was one of those people who get uncomfortable talking about serious things, so I knew she wouldn’t listen if I—oh!”
The rabbit shot past Ragatha into the room, knocking into her legs on the way. It dove on top of the mattress, bit into the ramen cup, and shook it around goofily until it burst into confetti. Pomni cracked up as it sauntered back out of the room, head held high. The further they got into the adventure, the more comfortable it seemed to get.
Pomni wondered how intelligent Caine had made the NPC; it certainly didn’t seem “normal” as he’d said. It was even joking around with them. She ruffled the fur on its head as they walked. It tolerated it for a few seconds before moving away from her hand, but it moved back soon.
“Aww, what a silly guy! We’ll have to ask Caine to bring him to more adventures,” Ragatha gushed. The rabbit looked at her and then looked back; Pomni couldn’t really tell what it was thinking. She continued, “No offense to Jax, but if Caine wants to keep replacing him on adventures, I’m not complaining.”
“I don’t really want to talk badly about Jax when he’s not here.” Pomni said.
“Well… no, you’re probably right,” Ragatha conceded, although she looked disappointed. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine.” At the next room, Ragatha went in while Pomni stayed behind with the rabbit. “So, who do you think was Caine’s inspiration for an adventure based around ramen noodles? My money’s on Gangle,” she asked it, crouching down. It chittered softly. She smiled, and before she realized what she was doing, she started scratching it behind the ears again. She stopped as she felt it tense. After a moment’s hesitation, however, it scooted slightly closer to her. She took that as a sign and started scratching it behind the ears again. This time, it didn’t move away.
Then Ragatha approached them.
“Oh, has it finally warmed up to us?” she asked excitedly, before bending down to it.
“Um, Ragatha, I wouldn’t really—” Pomni started, but before she could finish speaking, Ragatha had begun petting it with two fingers. Almost immediately, it bit her on the wrist.
“Ow!” she cried, jerking back. The rabbit turned to Pomni and growled, as if warning her to stay away, too. Pomni raised her eyebrows. The rabbit scampered away from them, likely running to whatever end of the hall was further.
After a moment of silence, Ragatha mumbled, “Um… rabbits tend to do that when they want people to stay away…”
“Yeah. I got that.” Pomni hadn’t meant to sound rude, but she was a little annoyed at Ragatha for doing that without warning. Still, she wished she hadn’t said it, since Ragatha flinched and looked away from Pomni, hiding her face.
“Right. I’m sorry, Pomni.”
“Ragatha—” Ragatha whipped back around with a big, clearly strained smile.
“Well, no reason to let it get us down. Back to our adventure!” Ragatha stood up fully and held out a hand to help Pomni to her feet. The two bite marks stood out on the wrist and arm attached. Pomni reached out and gently touched the one on her wrist. Ragatha flinched. “Don’t worry about that, Pomni,” she assured her.
“Ragatha. It’s okay if you’re not okay.” Ragatha turned away again.
“It’s not. I mean, I am okay! It doesn’t hurt. It just stings a little.” Pomni’s chest tightened in concern for her friend. “Just a little,” Ragatha repeated.
“That’s not really what I meant.” Pomni stood up and held Ragatha’s hand. “I know you’re upset it likes me and not you.” Ragatha laughed forcefully.
“Of course I’m not, Pomni! It’s just a silly rabbit.” Pomni raised an eyebrow. “Well… I mean, I guess I am a bit annoyed. I always thought I was good with animals. I really thought…” Ragatha looked away, her eyes clouded. “No, I’m sorry, It’s really stupid.”
“It’s not stupid. You can talk to me.” Ragatha didn’t respond. “If you want,” Pomni added quickly, trying to avoid putting pressure on her.
“No, I, um… I shouldn’t be upset about this, Pomni. It’s just an animal.”
“No, I get it. It hurts when you feel like you’re messing up something you’re supposed to be good at.” Ragatha didn’t say anything. “We, um… we can keep collecting ramen cups if you want to?” At that, Ragatha laughed quietly.
“Sorry. Uh… I’d rather not do that, actually. I’m just…” Ragatha paused, like she was considering whether to continue. “I’m kind of mad at myself for doing this again. I mean, I was upset about messing up the softball adventure, too. And then Jax came along and started acting like a jerk and I… I blew up at him. And I shouldn’t have done that.” Pomni went quiet for a bit.
“I mean, he’s kinda had that coming.”
“What?”
“Not that I think anyone should get yelled at. But I think it was fair for you to be mad at him. I mean, he’s done a lot of… stuff.”
“Yeah, but… I made you get upset at me.”
“I wasn’t upset at you.” Ragatha paused.
“You weren’t?”
“No.”
Ragatha went quiet for a moment before whispering, “I acted like Jax.”
“Ragatha. You did not.”
“I did!” Ragatha blurted, voice rising in agitation. “I lashed out, and I made you not want to talk to me, and I’m supposed to be really good at being nice to people!” Tears welled in her eye, threatening to spill. “And if I’m not good at being nice, and I’m not good at softball, and I’m not good at handling animals, then what am I good for?!”
Pomni stepped back from Ragatha as she ranted. When she was done, Ragatha covered her mouth and stepped back too, guilt already etched across her face.
“Ragatha—”
“I can collect the rest of the ramen.”
“Ragatha?”
“You stay here. You can, um, hang out with your friend.” Ragatha smiled. “It’s the least I can do.” Ragatha started to leave.
“Ragatha! Wait!” Ragatha stopped. “I’m not mad at you, and I don’t want you to leave. Okay? You’re a good friend.”
“...are you sure?”
“Yes, Ragatha. I’m sure.” Pomni stood up and put a hand on her shoulder. Ragatha slowly turned back around. Tears ran down the left side of her face.
“I’m sorry for being so sensitive, Pomni.” Pomni hugged Ragatha, who blinked in surprise.
“You really need to stop apologizing.”
“I’m sorry. I mean, wait—” Pomni snorted, letting go. Ragatha looked like she wanted to curl into herself, and Pomni stopped.
“Um, I shouldn’t have laughed.” Pomni mumbled.
“No. It’s fine.” Ragatha smiled again. “I shouldn’t be saying any of this.”
“You know, it might make it easier to not have outbursts if you just talked about your feelings more.” Ragatha rubbed her arm anxiously.
“Well… I journal. That’s supposed to help.”
“Does it?” Ragatha nodded hesitantly.
“Everyone’s got enough on their plate without me complaining to them, Pomni.” Ragatha said it as if it was a simple fact. “I need to be there for them.”
“You know, part of why people don’t hang out with you is because they can tell you’re hiding things from them.” Ragatha jerked back as if she’d been burned. Pomni winced; she hadn’t meant to come off so harsh, but she was tired and still a bit frustrated with Ragatha. She quickly corrected, “I mean, you know, it makes people feel more comfortable when you’re open about your issues, too. Like…” Pomni paused, somewhat embarrassed.
“I get that whole thing with feeling like you’re not good at… the thing you’re supposed to be good at. I mean, I always thought I was good at talking to people, but…” Pomni hesitated. “Would it be weird to say the way you feel about that rabbit is sometimes similar to how I feel about Jax?”
“Um… the way I feel about it is similar to how I feel about Jax.” Ragatha said softly.
“Yeah,” Pomni responded. “So you get it.”
“That animal is a lot like Jax, huh?”
“You know, I think Jax might just be a lot like a wild animal,” Pomni joked. “They both really hate being picked up. They both attack.” Ragatha laughed loudly, a real laugh, and Pomni felt a weight lift off her chest.
Suddenly, a loud crashing sound came from a few floors down. Pomni and Ragatha scrambled to their feet.
“Wait, where is it?” Ragatha yelled in panic. Pomni looked down the hall both ways, and sure enough, the rabbit was gone. The stairwell door at one end was cracked open.
“I swear to god, if that rabbit is the “secret twist villain” of our adventure or something…” Pomni and Ragatha dashed down the stairs as the clanging continued. They ran down for what seemed like forever, before eventually the stairs stopped. The crashing was coming just outside the door.
“This must be the basement level,” Ragatha panted. Pomni stared at the door. She very much did not want to see what was happening on the other side. Ragatha grabbed her hand and squeezed. She also looked like she wanted to turn and run, but she soon let go, went up to the door, and threw it open with a shaking hand.
* * *
The sight they were met with was… interesting, to say the least. The door led into the dormitory’s kitchen. The rabbit jumped from counter to counter, pulling pots and pans down from their hooks and throwing them to the ground. Kinger stood nearby, watching it with interest.
“Kinger! What’s going on?!” Pomni shouted above the noise. When the rabbit saw her, it seemingly decided it was satisfied and scurried off to a different part of the room.
“Hi, Pomni and Ragatha! I found Jax. He really wanted to get to the kitchen for some reason.”
“That’s not Jax! That’s just a rabbit!” Pomni yelled in frustration. Kinger blinked.
“Ohhh. You know, I did think it was weird he didn’t just open the door himself.” Pomni heard Ragatha gasp behind her and whipped around. The rabbit had thrown open multiple drawers, and it now stood above one with a knife held between its teeth. It jumped to the floor as the three of them backed away from it. Just then, the stairwell doors swung open, and in came Zooble and Gangle.
Zooble asked, “Guys! What’s—”
“THE RABBIT HAS A KNIFE!” Kinger shouted. Gangle squealed and shrunk back. The rabbit didn’t seem interested in hurting them, though. With the knife handle still clamped between its jaws and the tip pressing into the cabinet wood, it used its forepaws to awkwardly maneuver the blade of the knife. It looked like it was trying to carve a message, and failing miserably. Everyone watched, expressions ranging from fear and confusion to confusion and slight pity.
The knife slipped, and the rabbit cut the pad of its forepaw on the blade. It flinched, then stared at its paw as it bled. The circus members stared, too. It had been a very long time since they’d seen real, red blood. After a moment, it shook its head and began dragging its paw across the tile, marring it with its blood. Pomni quickly realized that the smears formed letters. It was writing something.
J
A
“Oh my f%$!# god,” Pomni groaned. “Guys, it’s Jax. The rabbit is f%$!# Jax.” Jax stopped writing and nodded his head vigorously. Kinger shuffled closer to the letters and bent over, carefully examining them.
“No, actually, I don’t think it is. Jax doesn’t speak German. And as far as I know, he doesn’t usually write messages on the ground in blood.” Pomni looked around at her friends. Aside from Kinger, they were now looking at him in a mixture of shock and disgust. Ragatha was staring at him as if he’d suddenly turned into a centipede. Pomni carefully reached out to him. He flinched away from her hand.
“Caine! Get your %$!# down here right now!” Zooble yelled. Everyone braced for him to appear. He did not. “If you don’t show up I am never participating in an adventure again! Doesn’t matter if you force me to come! I’ll sit in the corner and won’t do %$!# until it’s over!”
Caine suddenly materialized in front of them. Everyone jumped back. He chuckled nervously.
“Well hello, my lovely slurpalicious scholars! How are you enjoying the adventure? Pretty cool, right?”
Pomni said nothing, gesturing to the letters written on the floor. Caine looked down slowly, and then put his hands on his head in exaggerated surprise as a cartoon sting played.
“Gadzooks! Our totally ordinary rabbit is attempting to learn German! That’s never good!” Caine raised his hands up to clap together. Jax’s eyes widened and he backed up against the cabinet. “Better get it out of here before it—”
“No!” Pomni almost screamed. “We know that’s Jax, Caine! Turn him back, right now!” Caine looked stupidly from Jax to the others.
“...no?” he eventually mustered. Everyone stared back at him, dumbfounded. “Okay, you got me! I was trying to solve your interpersonal conflicts, and all I could think of was making one of you less human, because you humans are always fighting.” Everyone continued staring. “So, if you could rate my strategy on a scale from one to ten, that would be really helpful.”
Kinger began, “Well, if I had to rate your strategy, I would probably give it a—” He raised his hands above his head and began screaming, “Help! We’re underwater! We’re drowning! Someone save us!” He stopped. “Out of ten.” Caine was gnawing nervously on his nonexistent fingernails. Kinger continued, “So does that—” Caine snapped his fingers, and a small wooden chess piece clattered to the tile floor.
Everyone yelped (except Jax) and backed away from Caine.
“Caine, what the—“ Zooble began. Caine snapped his fingers again, and they collapsed into a collection of inanimate toy pieces. Gangle caught their head as it fell.
She whimpered, “Caine? Why are you—“ before Caine snapped his fingers a third time, sending two theatre masks, a long strand of ribbon, and Zooble’s head falling to the floor. Ragatha managed to catch Gangle’s happy mask and Zooble’s head, and put them down carefully before turning to Caine.
“Look, why don’t we all just calm down, okay?”
“Uh huh,” Caine whimpered. He was shaking.
She delicately continued, “I’m sure we can resolve this by just talking, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Now, why don’t we—“ Caine snapped his fingers, and a somewhat tousled-looking ragdoll bounced onto the ground, a shocked expression frozen in its face. Caine turned to Pomni, the only one left, who was trying her best to silently inch towards the door with Jax trailing behind. She quivered and raised her hands above her head as Caine raised his fingers. He snapped.
Pomni squeaked, bracing for whatever horrible transformation was about to occur, but nothing happened. She opened her eyes and looked down at herself. Entirely unchanged. To be completely sure, she patted herself down, searching for any differences at all and finding nothing. She looked up at Caine, confused.
“You’re part of a medieval workers’ union now.” Caine sniffed tearfully.
“Uh—“
“Because you’re a jester,” he explained.
“Ah. I see,” she lied. They looked at each other for a few seconds before he burst into tears. “Oh. Oh my god.” Caine kept crying, and Pomni climbed onto the countertop to awkwardly reach over and pat him on the back. “Uh… there, there, Caine.” She patted him quickly and then leaned back away from him. Caine turned, and she immediately regretted touching him.
“Are you…” He gulped. “...offering me human support and comfort?” Pomni internally debated whether saying yes was supposed to be a good thing. She nodded to him, deciding that lying to the sentient AI that controlled every aspect of their lives was probably negative either way. Caine started sobbing harder.
“Soo… maybe you could talk to Bubble about this? I’m sure he’d be great for helping you work out… whatever’s going on.” She paused, before quickly adding, “And turn my friends back to normal. Please.” Just then, Bubble squeezed himself out of a sink faucet, wearing glasses and holding a clipboard.
“Hi! I’m your therapist now!” he announced, floating closer to Caine. Caine turned away from him, hands covering his face.
“Not now, Bubble.”
“Hi! I’m your therapist now! Hi! I’m—” Caine popped Bubble without turning around as soon as he got close enough.
“O-kay,” Pomni whispered to herself, grimacing. She cleared her throat. “What’s, um, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
Caine brought out a handkerchief and blew his nonexistent nose with a loud honk! before straightening up and explaining with his usual chipper attitude.
“I’m actually crying tears of joy!” Pomni backed away from him, disturbed. “You know, since you actually tried to help me.” Pomni stepped closer again, slightly less disturbed. “But before that I was crying because you guys never like my adventures, no matter how much work I put into them, and I’m also starting to think it’s not the adventures you guys hate, it’s just me you hate, because I have to be doing everything, right because I’m doing everything you guys ask me to that I also actually can do, and.” Caine abruptly stopped. Pomni waited for him to continue. “Uh. Yeah. You don’t hate me, right?” Pomni shook her head as Bubble squeezed out of the faucet again.
“He’s a snnneaky little manipulator!”
“Bubble!” Bubble flew over to Caine and popped himself on his finger. “Um. Thank you? But I’m not manipulating anyone!” He turned to Pomni, wringing his hands nervously. “I-it’s just… if I don’t do feelings the way you humans do them, you guys act like I don’t have them. Or you just stare at me.” Pomni stared at him. “Yeah, like that. So I decided to give ugly sobbing a try!”
“So… why did you turn all my friends into objects?”
“I don’t know. I think I panicked.”
“But… I thought you said you weren’t actually upset just now?” Caine glared at Pomni.
“No, I— weren’t you just listening?” Pomni inhaled sharply through her teeth. Okay, time to pivot.
“Look, Caine, I’m sorry. And I’ll… smile more on your adventures? Does that sound good?” Pomni grinned anxiously. Caine’s eyes widened.
“You’d do that just for me? You really do care! Can, um—can you ask the others to do that too?”
“Yeah. Sure. But I can’t really do that if they’re all objects, so—”
“Oh, right!” Caine snapped his fingers, and everyone popped back into their usual forms. They all sat up (with the exception of Zooble, who was still disassembled), looking around confusedly.
“Ow, my head,” Gangle groaned. She saw her happy mask on the floor and grabbed it quickly, placing it back on, her confusion soon replaced with excitement. “Hey! I made it through a whole adventure without my mask breaking!”
“That’s great, Gangle,” Zooble said, sounding somewhat dazed. Gangle gasped upon noticing them and began putting their pieces back together.
“Ragatha caught it for you,” Pomni told her. Gangle beamed at Ragatha.
“Thanks, Ragatha.” Ragatha beamed back. Pomni gave her a thumbs up.
“Where’s Jax?” Kinger asked.
“Oh, well, he’s not an object,” Caine responded with a shrug.
“Huh?”
“I meant everyone, Caine,” Pomni admonished, crossing her arms. “Turn Jax back, too.” Caine snapped his fingers (a noise which Pomni was really starting to get sick of), and Jax, now back to full size, burst headfirst out of one of the cabinets. His face was almost as red as it was purple. Pomni managed to stifle a laugh. Some of the other circus members did not manage.
Jax scrambled to his feet and dusted himself off. By the time Pomni could see him clearly again, his pupils took up most of his eyes and that familiar uncanny grin took up half his face.
“Jeez, that sure was something, huh?” His grin fell slightly. “Just so everyone’s clear, we are never speaking of this again.” Gangle and Zooble looked at each other. Jax’s smile grew further strained. “I said, we are never speaking of this again.” Gangle nodded nervously. Zooble rolled their eyes, then nodded with her.
“I’d like that,” Ragatha agreed shakily, holding her head.
“Talk about what?” Kinger asked.
“Well, it seems like this adventure was a success!” Caine announced.
“No. Never do this again,” Jax said.
“Okay!” Caine raised one hand, and a portal appeared in front of them. One by one, they filed in and reentered the circus without looking back.