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A loud banging noise jolted him awake, and he groaned when he glanced over at the clock, seeing that it was only 3 am. Panic settled into his stomach as he remembered he was home alone, and he quickly got dressed, poking his head into the hallway, hoping to see one of the members.
The light in Chan’s room was on, and a flash of blonde hair had his heart rate calming down. “Lix?” He said, stumbling towards the room.
Felix sucked in a deep breath, “Innie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
He studied him, watching as Felix threw things out of Chan’s dresser and onto his floor and bed. “Are you trying to find something? I can help.”
“No, I’ll find it,” he said stiffly.
Felix didn’t turn around, avoiding eye contact as he frantically moved around the room. “Are you ok?”
He froze, “Does it fucking look like I’m ok?” Jeongin raised an eyebrow, and Felix turned around, tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Innie, I’m… fuck, I’m fine.”
He hummed, “Sure. Can I get you some water or something? We can talk.”
He fidgeted, “Did you know Chan-hyung has a new boy toy?”
“A what now?”
“Is he fucking him?”
Jeongin ran a hand over his eyes. “Lixie, I think this is a conversation you need to have with Chan-hyung.”
He laughed humourlessly, “Yea, sure, he hasn’t talked to me in months, but I’ll just chat to him about this.” He sniffled, rubbing furiously at his eyes. “I can’t believe he got rid of it. It was…I guess it doesn’t matter.”
“Come here,” he said, reaching for him.
Felix jumped away, “I’ve got to go.” He ran out of the room and out of the apartment.
Jeongin stood still. Felix had never once refused a hug from him before, and he didn’t know what to do. He stumbled back to his room, rubbing at his eyes, and grabbed his phone.
Jeongin
Hyung
Lix was just here
He was… very upset
Chan
What do you mean he was there?
Jeongin
He woke me up, throwing things all over your room
He said he was looking for something
And asked if I knew about your new boy toy
Chan
Boytoy????
Jeongin
Hyung, I have no idea
You should call him
He was mad
But the kind of mad where he’s trying not to cry
Chan
Not my problem Innie
You know he hasn’t talked to me in months
Jeongin
Hyung
Chan
Go back to sleep aegi
Jeongin rolled his eyes, screenshotted the conversation, and opened his group chat with his hyungs.
👴🏼👴🏼👴🏼
Jeongin
Deal with this
👴🏼👴🏼👴🏼
Minho
Why are you waking me up?
At 3:12 am
👴🏼👴🏼👴🏼
Changbin
Did Lix say why he was mad? Is he still there?
👴🏼👴🏼👴🏼
Jeongin
He left
I told him to talk to Chan-hyung, but they both said the same thing
That the other one hasn’t talked to them in months
I tried to hug him
He didn’t let me
👴🏼👴🏼👴🏼
Minho
He refused a hug??
From the maknae????
👴🏼👴🏼👴🏼
Hyunjin
This is bad
Bokkie’s in an uber
Going to the airport
👴🏼👴🏼👴🏼
Minho
What???
He’s got two days between schedules. Where is he going?
👴🏼👴🏼👴🏼
Hyunjin
I can’t say
👴🏼👴🏼👴🏼
Minho
Hyunjin
Talk
Now
Han is freaking out
👴🏼👴🏼👴🏼
Seungmin
Fuck
This is not going to end well
There were no messages for several minutes, and Jeongin could feel himself falling asleep. His phone buzzed, and he slapped around on his bed until he found it.
Chan
Why is our manager telling me that they just got notified Felix charged a flight?
Jeongin
No one seems to know where he’s going
But Jinnie said he was on the way to the airport
Chan
What the fuck is going on?
Jeongin
Why would I know?? This is obviously about you
Minho, Hyunjin, and Seungmin were continuing to message back and forth in the group, but his eyes were feeling heavy, and he fell asleep, still staring at the group chat.
Chan was pissed. It had been almost 12 hours since Jeongin had texted him that Felix was in their apartment, and no one had heard from Felix since. Felix had a Hera appearance in two days, and their managers were already panicking. Fans at the Incheon airport had spotted him, but he must have known because there’d been no pictures of him elsewhere.
His hands were shaking as he searched his burner Twitter account for any tags he could think of. He had to admit that beneath all of the anger, he was scared. This was unlike Felix, and he didn’t know what could have pushed him to this point. He went downstairs and slumped at the kitchen table.
“No news?” His mom said, rubbing her hand through his hair. He shook his head, and she sighed, “You should call Lina.”
He shook his head, “I don’t want her to panic.”
His mom lightly tapped his forehead, “Or, wild thought, she may know where her son is.”
“This isn’t like him; he’s not acting like himself.”
“Fine, but I’m calling her tomorrow if you haven’t heard from him.”
He nodded and grabbed his computer, trying to decide if he was at the panic point of contacting one of Felix’s fan sites.
There was a knock at the door, and he heard his mom move to open it. “Oh, honey,” she said, her voice sad, and he looked up, trying to see who she was talking to. “He’s in here.” Footsteps approached, and his mom entered, arm wrapped around Felix’s shoulders.
They stared at each other in silence. Felix looked rough; his hair was greasy and hanging limply, he had dark circles under his eyes, and he looked like he hadn’t changed his clothes in days. “Do you have any idea how panicked everyone is?” He asked, voice rough as relief and anger sped through him.
Felix was silent, staring at him. After a minute, he looked up, their eyes meeting. “You’re wearing your bracelet.”
“What?” He gestured at his wrist, and Chan glanced down. He was wearing the leather bracelet that Felix had gifted him years ago. “Yea?” He said, confusion cutting his anger off.
Felix sobbed and fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face. He made panicked eye contact with his mom, and she gestured to Felix. He hurried over but hesitated before grabbing him. Felix glanced up and, seeing him close, grabbed him tight, climbing into his lap. “Channie,” he sobbed. “I thought you got rid of it.”
“Is…is that why you came here?” He was so confused, trying to take any clues from Felix’s behavior.
“Yes! I thought you didn’t love me anymore, that you wanted to replace me.” He looked up, tears streaming down his face. “Did you fuck Matt?”
He jolted back, “What?? No!”
“You’ve been so mad at me,” he sobbed, “I didn’t know what to do, and then you left, and you didn’t tell me you were coming home, and you posted that photo. I didn’t know what to think.”
“Lix,” he said hesitantly.
“I know you had every right to be mad. I… Chris, I’ve been such a coward, and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. But I love you. I can’t… I can’t see you with anyone else. Please, let me fix this. I’m sorry, I didn’t want us to be public.”
He took a deep breath, feeling his own tears well up. “Lixie, I should have been more understanding. You were afraid for a reason. And I refused to hear your side of things. But baby, I would never cheat on you.”
He looked up, his big eyes full of tears, and Chan’s heart clenched. “You still think of us as being together?”
He felt as if his heart stopped, “You don’t? Did…did you sleep with someone?”
“No!!! Chris never. I’ve never wanted anyone but you. I just, you’ve been so distant. I thought you hated me.”
“I’m sorry, god baby, I’m so sorry. I love you.”
Felix kissed him, and they both giggled into it as they tasted their tears. “I never should have let you think you were anything but the most important thing in the world to me. I was only hesitant because I’m trying to make sure we can pay off the penalties to leave JYPE early. And I was worried some of the brands might drop me if they knew I was gay.”
“What?” He said, staring at him.
“I want you to be able to start a label while the boys do their service. To have real creative freedom, not just with the songs but with the albums, videos, and collabs! There’s so much you want to do.”
He stared at him, completely shocked. “I don’t deserve you,” he choked out, tears streaming down his face. “I can’t believe you want to do that for me.”
“For all of us,” he said sweetly.
He heard a sniffle and turned to see his mom and Felix’s mom watching them, both of them holding their phones up. They turned the phones around, and they saw all of the boys on FaceTime.
“Bokkie,” Hyunjin said, getting up close to the camera. “I’m so glad you’re ok. You have no idea how much trouble I’m in.”
“Didn’t you tell them that Mom and Jessica knew where I was?”
Chan glared at his mom, “I told you to call Lina,” she said, smiling.
“You didn’t tell me you knew!”
“You would have been on the defensive if you knew he was coming.”
He opened his mouth but closed it, unable to argue, and Felix giggled. “Bokkie,” Minho said sternly, and he winced, “never do that again.”
“Nyan-hyung,” he whined, and Minho visibly softened.
“Ok, Aegi, I’m glad you two made up.”
“Hyung!” Jeongin complained, “You were just talking about how much you were going to yell at him.”
“Yah! I did. You saw me.”
Felix giggled, hiding his face in Chan’s neck, and he couldn’t help but smile, holding him tighter. “Enough, you’ve seen that we’re fine. But I think Lix and I need to talk alone.”
Felix frowned, “My flights in three hours. I’ll have to head to the airport soon so I can be back for the Hera event.” Chan squeezed him, and he shook his head. “I just needed to see you, Channie. I didn’t mean to ruin your vacation.”
“You couldn’t,” he said, kissing his temple. He glanced at his mom, and she nodded, a sad smile on her face. “I’m coming with you. The past two months have been horrible. I’m not letting you go now.” They said goodbye to the boys, left their moms downstairs, and went to Chan’s room to pack. “Did you really fly down here because of what I posted on bubble?”
Felix blushed, but nodded. “Yes. I saw that picture of Matt, it really fucking hurt,” he whispered. “I went to your apartment, telling myself that if you still had the bracelet, there was hope for us. But when I couldn’t find it, I was so afraid of losing you forever, and nothing mattered except getting to you.”
Chan cradled his face in his hands and kissed him softly. “I’m sorry, little one. When you said no to going public, I was hurt, and I pushed you away. But I never stopped loving you, I could never stop. I didn’t know how to bridge the gap, and I just needed to get away, so I came home. But you know Matt’s just a friend. I’ve never wanted anyone but you. I love you so much.”
“I love you, Chris.” He nuzzled his face into his neck, holding him tight. “Can we move in together? Take the public thing a bit slow?”
Chan nodded, “I’d love to live together. We’ll look at all the brand agreements together and make a plan for anything else.”
Felix pulled him down to the bed, legs wrapping around him as he kissed him. Chan pulled back, foreheads resting together. “I missed you,” Felix said, voice wet.
He kissed him again, “I missed you, too, baby.”
“Need to feel you,” he whined, pulling at the bottom of Chan’s shirt.
“Baby,” he groaned. “We can’t. Our moms are downstairs. And you’re going to be in pain with two long-haul flights so close together.” Felix pouted, and he pressed kisses all over his face. “I promise I’m going to take care of you when we get home.”
Felix held up his hand, pinky extended, “promise, promise?”
He giggled, wrapping their pinkies together and kissing them. “I promise. Now help me pack.”
“Can we cuddle on the plane? I … I haven’t been sleeping well without you.”
He blinked, trying to stop the tears from falling. “Of course we can. I’ve missed having you in my arms. I never sleep without you.”
“We’re ok, Channie, we’re together, and we’re going to figure it out.”
“Let’s go home,” he said, leaning their foreheads together.
“I’m already home,” he whispered.