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Tony figures he should be used to being away from Steve by now.
Steve was Captain America after all and on top of that he was also a great asset for SHIELD. Missions would take him all over the world and while Tony was used to that life he wasn’t used to being the one left at home. He supposes this must be how Pepper felt when Tony would go off somewhere for weeks at a time.
There’s a lot to be said about distance in a relationship. For instance: Tony was now a firm believer in the old adage that distance makes the heart grow fonder. The problem was that Tony always assumed that he was independent enough to handle long breaks like this. Having an abusive father made him yearn for those long business trips so as to have a pause from the physical and emotional onslaught that having his father home created.
But Steve was wholly different. Tony hadn’t once flinched from Steve in fear and the nature of their relationship was one built on a foundation of trust and communication. Tony swears that it’s the strongest relationship he’s ever had. And yes, that includes Pepper. Because no matter how amazing she is, and regardless of how much he still loves her, their relationship had always held a certain amount of tension. She couldn’t handle his side job.
So she stayed his friend and much like Rhodey he still trusts her with his life and loves her to the end of the Earth. It’s just different now. But he’s getting off topic.
Steve was a breath of fresh air. He understands the duality of being a hero and the strain it creates. He’s always been there and supported Tony both in his strengths and weaknesses and accepted that he is both independent of the title and Iron Man all at once. That’s the seesaw of dualism and nondualism.
Because let’s face it, the entire team struggles with this every day and it would stand to reason that some of the best people to have a strong relationship with would be the ones that have the same struggles as you do. There’s a sense of solidarity in the hot mess that is their lives. And when it all boils down and you’re having trouble distinguishing between one face and the next sometimes it works best to have someone there who knows which face is the real deal.
And Steve knows that about Tony. When he’s at his worst Steve reminds him of his best and that’s something that keeps Tony’s head above water.
So yeah, he’s struggling.
It warms his heart, though, to know that Steve feels the same. Steve makes it his goal to communicate with Tony when he can. Tony knows and trusts that given the opportunity he can depend on that update. Even if it’s just to say, ‘I’m alive. I miss you. I love you’. And what else can Tony really ask for?
On a particularly weird night where Tony is experiencing too much disassociation to be comfortable he sits in his workshop, silent, and waits. His bots clatter around him and beep in concern and he pats their heads comfortingly as if to say, ‘I’m ok’, and thanks dummy for the sludge he’s delivered but only pretends to drink it.
Waiting makes time slow down and Tony swears that it does. He figures that’s the way time works. It’s all an illusion and a human construct anyway.
Finally, finally, he get’s that text. It’s an affirmation that Steve’s safe and in a position to send him a text and Tony can’t quite help himself and texts back before he can help himself. In the half second after sending it he feels that he may be coming across as needy but he can’t find it in him to care.
Can you video chat?
A minute or so passes by and Tony pointedly does not track the time. His leg is jiggling up and down and he realizes that he may be acting a little selfish. Steve’s probably tired and doesn’t have a lot of time to talk, let alone sleep. God, he needs to be more considerate.
As if he’s sensing Tony’s downward spiral a video call from Steve pops up on his screen and Tony practically drops his phone trying to answer it. He swipes his thumb then waves his hand over the screen to transfer the video to another, larger interface.
“Hey, doll.” Steve greets.
Tony can tell he’s tired. He has that sleepy smile on his face that Tony loves so much it hurts. He feels a little guilty but he can’t really bring himself to care.
“Hey, sugar. How are you doing?”
Steve shrugs and stifles a yawn, “Work is work. It’s looking like another few days at least.”
“Oh.” Tony says, frowning.
He had been hoping to have Steve home on time. Tony had a marathon of Stranger Things he wanted to start with Steve. Not to mention cuddling on the couch.
“What’d you want me to video chat with you for?”
Now he’s a little embarrassed, “I just wanted to see you.”
Steve’s whole body seems to go lax while a dopy smile practically unfolds and Tony matches that smile. Tony looks over Steve’s face as if he needs to memorize each detail and laughs a little to himself.
“Well, I’m glad. I like seeing you.”
Tony bites his lip and chuckles a bit, “I know it’s only been a few days but I’m needy sooo…”
“I like that you miss me.” Steve yawns, “Have you been sleeping? Eating? Staying hydrated?”
“It’s hard to sleep without you here.”
Steve nods and gives Tony a small smile, “I’m having the same problem.”
“You look tired.” Tony feels bad and tries to sort out their priorities. “I can let you go.”
Steve shakes his head and lays down, keeping the camera on his face, “Talk to me until I fall asleep?”
“Sure thing, baby.”