Archive of Our Own

Uranus did not understand this new feeling. 

That warm, fluttery feeling in his chest everytime Planet X said his name or looked his way. It was dizzying, confusing, and...

New. 

It was a good feeling. He was happy everytime Planet X spoke to him and said his name the right way, and felt... something everytime the darker planet made sure to include him in whatever he was doing. It made him feel seen. 

And something new. 

"Would you be interested in a new orbit?"

"A... A new orbit? Which one?"

"Saturn's, of course!"

Oh, so seen. 

That happy feeling bubbled in his core once more, overpowering the uncomfortableness of the concerning words- because X had listened! X had noticed what Uranus wanted, and listened to him!! And actually said it out loud!! That was so... 

And how willing he was to fight for Uranus, too. 

That was new. 

"I've been looking at you for a while..." The words had been whispered into his ear, all the red flags that were waving in front of his face frantically completely ignored in favor of the hard beating in his chest. "You desire recognition."

Someone had looked at him. 

Someone, outside of Neptune, who'd been free to do whatever he wanted- had chosen to look at Uranus.

So, so new. 

"Or should I say... Caelus?"

And so, so good. 

How sweet Planet X was, to gift him with that new name!

Caelus loved being Caelus! Caelus, Caelus- it had such a nice ring to it! Like!... uhm...

...Okay he could remember later, it didn't matter because Planet X had lovingly gifted that name to him!

And how passionate he'd been about it! Caelus was a bit taken back... and something else. He felt giddy, and on some sort of high- what is this feeling? Was this what it felt like to be seen? 

To be appreciated?

To be adored?

To be-

"Caelus?" Titania echoed in a confused manner, narrowing her eyes. "Uhm... that's not..."

"That's not the correct pronounciation, silly!" Miranda chirped happily, causing some sort of nerve in him to snap. So now they care about correct pronunciation? Not when he was hurt about being YOUR ANUS for billions of years, but when he's happy?! "You say it as Say-lus!"

No, said his heart, missing the confused looks of his moons when he turned his back to longingly stare at where the darker planet resided. Planet X said it as Caelus, so he was keeping Caelus. 

He liked being Caelus. 

Caelus got to feel strange and new but wonderful and fuzzy feeling that took his breath away. 

Saturn was not who Caelus had thought he was. 

He thought angrily, ignoring the way the light blinded his face and overheated his surface from being so unusually close to their star. Saturn wasn't the loving planet he'd thought he was. Wasn't the loving caregiver he'd grown up with. 

Saturn was evil. Pure evil. Planet X had said so himself. And proved it. 

For the ringed giant couldn't admit the truth, even now. "I... I suppose Neptune's orbit won't be so bad?" He spoke defeatedly, oblivious to the angry glares the Saturanian moons shot both Planet X and Uranus' way. 

It's what he deserved, Caelus tried to argue, ignoring the pang in his core upon seeing his ma-... seeing Saturn so exhausted. He looked weak, his body unsually frail and worn, as if something heavy had dragged him down, and left him drained. 

It didn't matter. He deserved it. 

"Oh, it won't." His belove- what? Planet X hummed in that tone Caelus adored, crossing his arms and shaking his head. "It only drove him mad, so..."

Mad. Neptune had gone mad. He'd become stupid, and dimwitted- but it's okay. Because this orbit change would fix him, unbreak him, and allow Neptune to see how wonderful Planet X truly was! He would be fixed! And be just like the perfect Planet X Caelus had started to adore. 

The planet, who for some reason, started occupying his every thought, and made his core beat like crazy when he did. That loving feeling had multiplied ten-fold, warming his cheeks and halting his thoughts. 

Weird, Caelus wondered to himself as Neptune, annoyingly, came back. But he didn't mind. He was far too busy being angry at that idiot third ice giant in this solar system.

"Neptune, what are you doing mate?" He almost hysterically asked, feeling his eye twitch when that same, lost smile was on the other's face. See? See?! He needed fixing, and Planet X was going to do just that! "Planet X has a plan that will benefit everyone!"

But not really, he ignored the ringed giant behind them, who was in tears. 

"Hm..." Neptune hummed, tapping his finger against his chin- a nervous stim that made the taller ice giant take a sharp breath. No. Those were... those were weird things to do, Planet X had said so himself. Neptune shouldn't be stimming either! It's wrong! "I guess I'm doing what feels right, Uranus!"

"My name is Caelus now, mate." He corrected bitterly. The stims came to a stop. Good. 

Neptune was barely stilent for ten seconds before he responded again, that annoying grin plastered back instantly."Pft-" The smaller giggled softly, the noise grating his ears. "That's a goofy name!"

He- what?!

"Goofy? More goofy than Uranus?!"

"Yep! Uranus is amazing!" Said the kind one, the sweet and loving intentions completely lost to Caelus' ears. 

He was too busy swallowing down the uncalled anger, and the unfair rage against the one who'd been with him his whole life. 

Goofy? Goofy?! No!

Planet X said it's a better name, and Planet X was always right. He listened to Caelus, and agreed with him. Unlike Neptune, who prefered to stick his head in the sand and pretend it wasn't there, or perhaps was just so stupid he couldn't understand, because he was-

"Ugh- you dimwit!"

He screamed out. 

Ignorant to the smile that fell the moment those words were spoken out loud. 

Caelus had to keep reminding X that he existed. 

That... that's fine, as much as it made his core ache. He understood! Planet X had a lot to deal with, such as the moons and everyone being so rude to him for no apparent reason- of course the name change slipped through his mind! That was all, it's okay! 

Once all the drama was over he would go back to being the perfect planet Caelus loved. 

...Loved?

Was that what this was? The same love Jupiter and Saturn held for each other? The love his oldest moon had been talking about during her sisters while refusing to tell Uranus their name? That's what that fuzzy and happy feeling in his core was?

...No. Of course not. 

Caelus wasn't capable of being in love, he'd determined that long ago. And besides...

There was no way anyone, let alone someone as amazing as Planet X, could ever love someone like him.

"Ah! Gotcha, gotcha... so this is revenge?"

"What?!" No! No it wasn't! This was what Caelus wanted! Needed! A new orbit, and a new name, just like what Planet X had said-

"Revenge is lame, Uranus!" That awful name grated his ears and hurt his core, but not as much as Neptune himself right now. Why did he have to be this way? This... this was for the best! Planet X wanted to do this for them because he was so kind, and Neptune wouldn't let him! Why couldn't he see that?!

"When you get bored of it come join us... okay, mate?"

Mate...

Planet X didn't like him saying things like that. So Uranus had to stop. 

X wasn't listening. Why wasn't X listening?

X had been kind, and had listened, had listened and known so much Caelus didn't understand. He'd been so caring, and had made Uranus so happy, and- 

Why wasn't he listening?

"Hey, wait don't do it!"

"X, please!!"

"Mate, mate- wait a minute!!"

Caelus was different, what he and X had was different- so X had to listen to him, he had to, he-

Didn't.

"X! Wait!"

He still tried, even as he fought back the tears in his eyes and held onto his moons for dear life. A final time. He... had had to try and reaching out again, because- because Planet X hadn't been thinking straight! Yeah! He'd been tired, and had so much to do, and, and-

He wouldn't ignore Caelus. He wouldn't. Because Planet X was his best friend, was more, he was-

Caelus loved him.

The thought was sudden, shocking, terrifying and new. But it felt right.

Loved him in ways he hadn't thought he was capable of. 

And people who love you aren't supposed to leave. You're not supposed to let go, Caelus didn't want to let go, he wanted to fix it! He wanted to hold onto these new feelings and discover what they were, and share them, and-

And X turned around. 

Leaving Caelus behind without a second thought or a word of goodbye, breaking his heart all over again. 

These new, awful emotions, Caelus argued to himself, were heartbreak. 

Heartbreak because he'd been left, disposed like garbage, after having been used for purposes and motives he hadn't seen before. His core had all but shattered into a thousand pieces, his mind replaying their final moments over and over again, trying to understand because it didn't make sense. 

Caelus had loved him. 

Not like how Neptune loved his moons or how his own moons loved each other. No, he'd loved, adored, the same way Jupiter and Saturn did each other. The same way Titania did about the biggest Saturanian moon. The same love Proto and Theia had been willing to die for. 

Caelus had loved him. 

...And that was new. 

The ice giant choked back another sob, cursing himself for crying so much. Was it normal to cry this much? How was that even possible? Surely he would be dehydrated at some point and stop, right? He'd stopped drinking water just for that!

But he didn't. 

Ever since X had left. After he'd dragged himself back to his orbit, yelled at Neptune when he checked on him, and had made sure Titania and his other moons were okay... it had hit. 

X had left.

X had left the solar system, his new orbit, his rightful place in this far too large universe-

He'd left Caelus.

And Caelus would never see him again.

Would never talk to him, or hold his hand. Or listen to that wonderful laugh. Or that deep voice that made him melt. He would never get to experience that fluffy, happy feeling that bubbled in his chest every time the larger ice giant was near, or how calm he felt simply whenever X was with him, would never get to experience ki-

He sobbed, so loudly in his quiet orbit, its echo hurt his brain. But then again, his mind had been pulsing for ages now, wave after wave of pain causing everything to ache.

His wings, plucked and rubbed raw from the amount of times he'd pulled at the feathers, twitched weakly behind him, causing a new wave of pain to radiate through his body. It was never ending; any movement at all caused his spine to twitch, with, connected to his wings set him off all over again, and-

It was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. 

Absolutely nothing.

"...Uranus?" Spoke one of the little lights around him, close to his ear in an attempt to gain his attention again. They'd been trying for a while now... how long? Caelus had stopped counting. Shouldn't they be angry, anyway? "You haven't had a sip of water for ages. Can't you drink something?"

"He's Caelus now, Miranda!"

"I don't like Caelus."  The ice giant felt his satellite shudder. "Caelus is mean."

That's right. Caelus was mean. 

And pathetic, and rotten to the core, and- ohmystars he'd screamed at Neptune. Multiple times, even. And for what? Because Planet X liked him that way?!

Planet X hadn't liked him at all. He'd left. 

Like a fresh wound, the reminded made him weep. He felt twenty-nine little bodies flinch away from him when he curled up, a miserable-sounding churr silencing all their bickering. 

He didn't get. Caelus hadn't taken up space, he'd gone with everything X had said. Stars, he'd agreed with him when he called Neptune stupid, when he'd been horrible to the moons and even when insulting Saturn- what more could he have possibly needed!?

Caelus had thought they had something. 

"...Titania, he kinda looks like you when Titan-"

"No." Grumbled his oldest, pain laced in her voice due to injuries that hadn't healed. "That's different. It wasn't Titan's fault he liked someone else, anyway... X just left."

"All heartbroken!" One of his moons threw herself dramatically into his hair, causing her siblings to shriek. "Left to rot! Just like Romeo and Juliet!"

"Portia!!" Cried Juliet, mortified. "Stop bringing up that story! Love is ew!"

That's right, Juliet. Very ew. 

...So why did it hurt so bad? Caelus... hadn't known he'd been capable of feeling such feelings. Hadn't even realized what that happy flutter in his core had been until he'd experienced the heartbreak to match. 

Hadn't been sure, until he found himself daydreaming about holding X's hand, and cuddling close, and being held by that wonderful body and kissing his-

The ice giant shuddered again, one of the wet droplets accidentally splashing Miranda before he could stop it. 

"But why is he so sad about someone so awful?" Puck complained from afar, his arms most likely crossed and eyes narrowed... could they stop talking about him as if he wasn't here? Please? "He hurt us!"

"He hurt Uranus too, Puck." Oberon gently explained, sounding tired... of course he was. X had hurt him. Hurt him a lot. Because he was awful, and Uranus should hate him.

So why don't I? Why do I miss him so much? What is wrong with me?!

"So he should be angry! Not sad!"

"That's not how heartbreak works! Remember how Titania got when Titan said he liked Lun-"

"That's enough talking for you." Portia let out a series of annoyed muffled chirps, probably because Titania was covering her mouth with a hand. 

Any normal moment, the mention of Saturn's largest moon alone would have been enough to make his blood boil. He'd dared to set his eyes on his oldest, and break her heart even though he wasn't good enough for her anyway! The only reason that raisin was still alive was because Titania had begged him to leave the moon alone. It wasn't his fault the two wanted different things. 

But Caelus had thought he and X had wanted the same things. 

X had agreed with everything he said. Had listened, actually listened, and made him feel so, so loved. Had he just never been loved before? And the concern his moons and Neptune showing him had to be a lie? It had to be!

It was nowhere close to what X had made him feel. Still made him feel, despite having abandoned him. 

...Why did X get to make him feel these things, and then leave?

The whispers around him came to a sudden halt once more, but Caelus couldn't find it in himself to care for the why. Had they finally chosen to leave him be miserable on his own? He could only hope. Maybe they could find a better planet to orbit. 

"...Oh dear."

But then that gentle, loving voice made him tense.

What?

"Mister Saturn!" Titania politely called, sounding surprised herself. So Caelus safely assumed it hadn't been his moons. "What are you doing here?" She asked, quite blunt as usual. His little angel... 

And Saturn, thankfully, took no offense to her questioning. Good. The ice giant didn't have it in him to fight the ringed giant. "I know Ura... Caelus." He quickly corrected himself, which... hurt. A lot. "Probably wouldn't be enjoying my company... but I came to check regardless."

It was silent for a moment. Based on the flutter of gravity and the way Saturn shuddered, Uranus could only assume his mute moon was talking now. And indeed... "...Forgive me, tiny friend." Saturn murmured guiltily. "My vision isn't what it used to be, I couldn't quite catch that..."

"No worries!" Ariel chirped kindly. "Uranus also vision problems! And Oberon, and Puck, and Mab and-"

"S-she asked if Mister Neptune send you!" Oberon cut his sister off. 

"Oh! ...Perhaps."

Because Neptune was kind, and so forgiving, and Caelus was the worst.

"...How are you healing, Ti... erhm..." Saturn continued, his voice sagging from the exhaustion. Which made sense. With neither Jupiter or Planet X present, holding up the asteroid belt had fallen onto him. On top of that, the Jovian moons had needed a place to go... and from what he'd overheard from his moons, the ringed giant had taken those too. And then there was the matter of Saturn being the only known healer in the solar system, because-

Because Caelus had encouraged X to hurt their moons. 

His babies, his angels, his everything- why hadn't X listened to him?

"Titania." Said moon reminded kindly. "I'm alright, thank you. Are Ganymede and Titan okay?"

"How about you see for yourself? Titan had been asking to meet you all in your little club again!"

"...But Caelus..."

"I'll handle it."

Don't. Please don't. Caelus had no energy left in him to argue with Saturn again. 

...Argue about what? How X was wrong, and he was crying about nothing?

But alas. Because people liked leaving him and Caelus was unlovable, one by one, his moons parted. Slowly. Almost... unwillingly?

Which made no sense. They should hate him. Just like how Caelus should be hating X. 

He whined when he felt Saturn sit next to him, though he thankfully made sure to keep his distance. If he ignored him, would the bigger planet go away? It was worth a try, right? He buried his heavy head further into his arms, darkening his vision completely... and giving his aching mind some relief. 

"Hey, now..." Saturn, for whatever reason, shushed gently, causing his aching eyes to fill up all over again. "What's all this?"

Could Saturn stop talking so lovingly?

"Go away..." Uranus growled, caught off guard by how upset he sounded. Seriously? He'd been crying for days! Enough is enough!

Is it?

Saturn's gaze, so intense Uranus could feel it, quickly made him shrink back, his angry growl melting into a miserable churr. How long until Saturn left him, too? 

Uranus wouldn't even blame him for it. 

"...I don't think you want me to, little bird." The childhood nickname, spoken in that motherly tone, managed to steal a gasp. But it did the trick regardless, slightly relaxing his posture. "And I rather not leave you, either."

...Wasn't that the most confusing scentence to be spoken?

"Why not?" He shuddered, his tears slowing. Saturn had left him plenty of times before. And... finally, he understood why. 

To be with Jupiter.

Just like how Uranus had wanted to be with X.

...And he is crying again. Ripper. 

"Caelus?" Saturn worriedly spoke through his sniffles, hesitantly lifting a hand to his shoulder. Uranus could feel the heat radiating of his palm from how close he was... but, much to his grief, he pulled away. "Dearie, what's wrong?"

"What isn't wrong, mate?!" He burst, sudden rage fueling his movements enough to glare at the older one. Whose face, for whatever reason, fell blank the second he got a good look at him. "Bloody hell, leave me alone!"

"Uranus!" Saturn scolded after him when he got up, the abrupt movement causing his already injured wings to hurt further- but it was nothing, nothing, nothing! "Come back!"

"Aren't you supposed to be hating my guts?!" He shouted back, the anger temporarily overpowering his grief and heartbreak. No! Saturn didn't understand, he had Jupiter, and Jupiter was perfect- and the ringed giant had been against him in the first place! He didn't get to act nice now! "Just leave me al-"

"Ouranos Anu Akmonides Váruna Sol." 

And Uranus came to a stop. 

A complete, and utter stop. 

Every little hair on his body stood upright, his skin growing prickly and overwhelmed from the utter terror of those words alone. His wings, usually limp from non-use, stiffened completely, the usual pain nowhere to be found. 

"You." Saturn breathed angrily behind him, very clearly on his last nerve. "Here. Now."

In that commanding, loud voice he'd somehow had inherited from their star. The one that never failed to terrify him. 

Uranus gulped. "...M-mate-"

"Do I have to use MORE names?!"

With a terrified, child-like shriek that sounded dangerously close to a chirp, Uranus turned ba- wow Saturn looked mad, great, lovely, oh bloody-

Fuck.

...Why did the idea of Saturn being mad at him hurt so much? "...S-Satu-"

"No!" The ringed giant shrieked, stomping his foot- what?? As if that hadn't been enough, he had the audacity to pout, pout, because he did that now. Apparently. 

...Did Saturn start losing his mind without Jupiter? Like how Uranus had been, now knowing he would never be loved again? 

Because X had left him. The planet who Uranus hadn't even realized he'd started crushing on had left him. 

And they would never talk, or spend time together, or-

Through his suddenly blurry vision, the ice giant noticed the gas giant's posture softening greatly. Ah... Saturn always had been weak to their tears. "Uranus..." he murmured, back to that gentler tone of voice. "Talk to me." 

Why should he? Saturn should be mad at him, he should hate him, he-

And Uranus should be hating X. 

But no matter how many times he repeated that thought, over and over again, his heart refused. "...A-about what, mate?" He sniffed, pressing his palm against his cheek. "That this is how I find out I like guys, apparently?"

And Saturn... cringed. "Erhm... Uranus, dear." He murmured gently, trying to keep the disbelief out of his tone. "You thought you were...  straight?" 

What was that supposed to mean? 

But the ice giant, far too exhausted from his grief, didn't question it. "I thought I didn't like anyone at all!" He hissed, wings flapping angrily. "I never felt like this before! I hate it!"

"Now that's a bit dramatic." His eye twitched. "You shouldn't be hating on love based on one experience, Uranus!"

"Easy for you to say!" Uranus pushed Saturn away when he got too close, growling from frustration when his eyes burned again. Seriously?! When was he going to be dehydrated already?! "Your 'one experience' was your bloody soulmate!"

Saturn's expression collapsed, the little anger that had managed to collect making way for an emotion Uranus couldn't name. But he had no care for it, already fuming himself. The ringed giant was not allowed to lecture him on what he should be feeling! Uranus didn't even understand!

"...Uranus, I-"

"No!" He stomped his feet childishly. "Shut your cakehole, Saturn! No!"

And yet, despite the awful language... Saturn's expression continued to smooth out with pity. Because Uranus was something to be pitied. It wasn't fair. 

He'd just wanted someone to choose him. He'd wanted someone who was his person. Someone who chose to remain by his side. 

But Uranus had forgotten how unlovable he was. Stupid, right?! He'd actually-

"I thought- I thought I was likeable!" He shouted across his orbit, drop after drop of water pouring down his face. "I thought someone actually liked me for once, and not- but he used me."

"...I like you." 

"The same way you like Jupiter?" 

"...Of course not, but-"

"Because I'm just a stupid discount Saturn." Was that why X hadn't liked him? Every moment Uranus had thought Planet X had listened happily- had it not been so happily after all? Had he just tolerated his presence, all so he could get to what he wanted?!

Yes. Yes. Bloody Yes. 

"No!" The ringed gas giant replied, seemingly horrified from the idea alone. "That isn't tr- did he tell you that?!" 

"He didn't need to!" Uranus screamed back. "All he could talk about was you!"

The second those words were spoken, both of them froze.

Mortified by his own words, Uranus slammed both his hands against his lips. Despite that, a high-pitched chirp from stress echoed through the sudden, tense silence, calling for his mama to make it better again. 

But the ringed giant didn't react, clearly as shocked as the ice giant himself.

This. This was why X left. Because Uranus couldn't be quiet, he took up space and he was difficult to love. He demanded attention and time and was miserable to be around. 

That was why X had been so focused on Saturn, and the moons, even though Uranus had been right there. Even though Uranus had been the first person he'd talked to, along with Neptune, and had been there.

He was too much. 

"Maybe- maybe if I'd been like you, he would still be here!" Because Caelus had been a lie, hadn’t it? A sweet, carefully crafted lie to have Uranus on his side, so X could have what he'd wanted all along!

Uranus knew this. He knew all the bad edges, he knew he'd been used, and manipulated, and lied to and he was so, so hurt.

So why could he only remember the good?

Well... Uranus must have messed up too, right? It- it couldn't be just X suddenly acting weird when they had so many good moments, and Uranus knew he was too much so he must have messed up too. Messed up bad. He did let his moons get hurt, and Neptune too... and for what?!

So. Uranus needed to change? Fine!! He could be quiet, Neptune was quie- but X didn't like Neptune so perhaps not that one. Uhm... well he could certainly be prettier, considering X had focused so much on Saturn. And he could listen more too, and- and not complain as much! Yeah! That had to have gotten old, right? Or was it his slang? He supposed he could give up the word mate, using that didn't make sense considering his maybe-feelings anyway-

Saturn gently put his hands on top of his. 

Uranus, apparently mid-rant, shut up instantly, pupils dilating when he looked the taller in the eyes. 

"Uranus." Saturn said slowly, with all the love he could muster. "You can't make him love you."

"..." And once again, wetness filled his eyes, blurring his vision quietly. "Why not?" The ice giant asked, breaking off into a sob. 

"Because that's not how love works." The gas giant murmured, cupping his cheek and wiping away a tear that caught onto his thumb. The touch, so tender, as if he were made of glass, made the ice giant melt. "I'm sorry, Uranus."

"What would you know about what works?!" He attempted to push anger into his tone, but the question came out as a miserable whine. "Your first love was Jupiter!"

He shouldn't be angry about it. It wasn't Saturn's fault X ended up being a jerk, nor was it a problem that he and the largest planet had basically been made for each other. He should be happy. Because that's what normal people did. 

But he wasn't normal. And no amount of changing himself- his name, his orbit, his everything, would ever fix that. 

"Uranus, my darling, breathe." Suddenly weak to the taller's demands, Uranus, without question, gasped for air, not having realized he'd been holding his breath. "Good. Good. Breathe in." Saturn took a deep breath himself, nudging the smaller to do the same. Slowly, as if trying to approach a wild animal, Saturn pulled him in, closer, closer... right until he could wrap his arms around him properly, his chest pressing against Uranus' ear everytime he took a breath. "In."

Being held so tenderly, something he'd apparently been craving, Uranus had no choice but to obey. 

He choked due to something stuck in his throat, but managed, feeling dizzy from the sudden rush of air. No water, no air- how was he still standing?

And why?

He wanted to collapse. He'd already been rotting away for days on end, why couldn't he just collapse?

Saturn didn't let him. He gathered the limp ice giant into his arms while slowly sitting down himself, and carefully set him in his lap. Just like how he used to hold him when he'd been a newly formed planet. 

The sudden nostalgia did not help his crying. At all. 

Why did Saturn have to hold him so gently? Even after...

"...I'm sorry." Uranus whimpered, smushing his face into Saturn's robes. The familiar scent soothing his frayed nerves. "I... I-I didn't mean it." His breath hitched, wetness staining the spot he'd pressed his face into."

"It's okay." Breathed the gas giant into his hair, slowly rocking back and forth. And as always, oh so careful of his wings... lightly touching one of the spots Uranus had plucked raw. "I get it, my icy friend."

...What?

"You..." Confused, Uranus slowly pulled back, just enough to have a look at his face. "You do?"

And the understanding that reflected back just from his solemn gaze alone meant more than any words ever could have. Uranus' eyes widened. "You... you and Jupiter...?" He started hesitantly, unsure of how to ask. 

And much to his shock... Saturn didn't deny it. "After Gaia and Theia crashed into each other." He confirmed. Seriously? The gas giants? The lovey dovey Zeus and Cronus who'd been together long before Uranus had opened his eyes? The two biggest planets of the solar system who could never remember Uranus was there? Those gas giants? 

"You... you're serious, mate?" But after Proto-Earth and Theia? How had Uranus missed that?! He'd been aro-

...No, no, he hadn't been. He...

"Excuse me, uhm, little mate?"

"Go away!" Sobbed the fiery one, shushed by their largest. Jupiter, tired for apparently different reasons, didn't even look at him. 

"Ouranos, go back to your orbit. Please."

"I-I will, promise, I just-... have any of you seen Neptune? I haven't seen him ever since-"

Boom! Crash! Bam!

The three rocky babies Jupiter had been holding wailed louder. And their largest planet, their protector... glared at him.

"Ouranos." He hissed through gritted teeth, causing tears to collect in his eyes. "Your orbit. Now."

So rude, for what the little ice giant has assumed had been grief talking. 

But Uranus had been too busy being mad, hissing at their eldest even when his posture softened, and he realized his actions. "...Wait, Uranus, I'm sor-"

"Fine!" Uranus sobbed, angrily tunring around. "I don't need you! I'll find Neptune on my own!"

...Ah. 

Uranus had only found out much, much later where Neptune had gone. He hadn't known of the final orbital push, or that during his meltdown about apparently feeling like the cause of said collision so soon after the deaths of his three moons, Neptune had isolated himself far, far away, where he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone ever again. Like the older ice giant was currently doing.

Uranus had heard the words. But he hadn't paid attention to them. He'd been too upset about having been left behind. 

"Oh." Was his only reaction, wings sagging behind him. Because he couldn't tell Saturn all that. That story contained secrets that weren't his. "...Why?"

"Isn't that a question?" Saturn sighed, for some reason lightheartedly, pulling Uranus back against himself. His fingernails scratched pleasantly against his scalp, just like how he used to when he was little, coaxing a pleased chirp through his parched lips. "It just... happened."

"You were all sleeping." Saturn adjusted his hold, aiming for his iced charge to rest more comfortably, despite Uranus being anything but. "And Sol had stopped screaming a while ago. Me and Jupiter just watched over the rocky planets, and I intended to check on you and Neptune as well..." He shuddered. "Jupiter broke up with me before I could."

That didn't sound like the gas giant Uranus knew. "Just out of the blue?" He softly asked, his tears finally pausing, giving him a much-needed relief. "So what did you do to make it better?"

"Nothing." ...What? "I did nothing, Uranus."

"You... you didn't change yourself? Try to get him back?"

"And chase after someone who made it clear they didn't want me?" Uranus flinched, so hard, a wave of pain crashed through his poor wings once more. But before he could be miserble, Saturn was already smoothing the feathers down, coaxing the muscles to relax. "No. I was sad, of course. It killed me." 

Uranus let out a sudden purr when Saturn scratched just right. His innocent, wide eyes remained on the older, even as they drooped. The gas giant smiled softly, shaking his head. "And more than anything, I wanted to reach out and make it better, because something was going on." His smile dropped, regaining its seriousness, as he looked back at the ice giant in his lap. "But if he won't let me, Uranus, then it doesn't matter how much I want something."

Just like how Uranus had wanted to hold onto X, and had blindly agreed to everything he said. Even though the taller ice giant had never held him back to begin with. 

"So... what did you do then, mate?"

"I told him that when he was ready to talk about it, I would be there." The answer was simple, but still a complete surprise from the gas giant who tended to hold on with all the love he had to give. "But I didn't chase after him."

Very unlike the emotional gas giant Uranus knew. "Weren't... weren't you sad?"

"Oh, I cried for weeks." How he could say that with a smile on his face was beyond him. "I didn't leave my orbit, ignored my moons and stopped taking care of myself until Sol made me." He smoothed down Uranus' messy braid, it long having started losing shape due to neglect... amongst other things. "But I got over it."

Uranus faintly remembered that. He'd been too little, of course, and he'd mostly been on his side of the solar system... but he did remember being able to hear Saturn crying non-stop from his orbit, long after the two rocky planets had passed. He'd assumed it had been about their loss. "But... you and Jupiter..."

"He came to me." And there was that light-hearted smile again, as if Saturn were remembering a fond memory. The hand that had been untangling Uranus' hair paused, resting on his head. "We had a big talk. He cried."

"Wha- Jupiter?" The idea alone seemed so impossible, the ice giant straightened up. "You sure, mate?"

"Oh, I'm sure." Giggled the bigger, gently booping his nose. Managing to make Uranus feel tiny in the process. "It's not my story to share what happened, but... we did get together, yes. Because we communicated."

And then he paused. That earlier concern melting back into his features, reminding Uranus of why they were there. "...And not because I changed myself for him, Ouranos."

Ah... Uranus' face drooped, and he sagged back, his misery weighting him down... but at least he didn't cry. "...He isn't going to come back." He admitted, hurting his already aching heart. "He didn't like me."

Planet X had used him. 

And Uranus, like an absolute dimwit, had fallen for it. 

"I'm sorry." Saturn kissed his hair. "You didn't deserve that."

"I remember all the bad stuff he did!" He continued, suddenly unable to stop. "He used me, he treated me badly- Why do I miss him so much?"

The taller moved his hand from his wings to Uranus' clenched fists, thumb lightly rubbing over his knuckles. And the icy one relaxed again. "Because he made you feel happy." He answered, kissing his head once more. "He had good moment, too."

"...That's not fair." He mumbled, defeated, slumping back against Saturn's shoulder this time. "I didn't know these feelings, and now he's making me miss them while he is perfectly fine."

"I know, dearest..."

"And I'm so angry at him!"

"But you miss those good feelings."

Wow did Saturn nail it on the head. 

Uranus stared at him, already feeling the fight draining out. "I... what?"

"You don't miss X." The older tried gently, suqeezing his hand again. "You miss who he was pretending be, and those nice feelings he made you feel. But you don't miss Planet X."

"But... but if I just-" Uranus wanted to argue. But Saturn shushed him firmly. 

"Changing yourself won't be any better, Uranus." He said sternly. "And as for the communication part... hm..." He thought for a moment. "...You can shout as loud as you want to. But if he won't listen, then you're just wasting your energy for nothing."

...That's right. 

Uranus had no control over what Planet X chose to do. He could run after him, and make a fool out of himself, and abandon everyone he knew to be Caelus. But did X want that?

...Did Uranus want that?

Saturn kept up the eyecontact, staring intensely into his eyes, wanting to make sure he got it. 

And he did. He'd known, deep down. 

It was his heart that didn't want to hear it. 

"...I love you." Saturn murmured after the silence continued to stretch, making him gasp. "And your moons love you. And Neptune loves you, so much."

They did. Uranus knew they did... even if he'd deluded himself into refusing to believe it before. And even if he was confused on the why. "S-Saturn..." 

"I know, baby." The giant caught him before he could fall, cradling him against himself as he used to, back when he'd opened his eyes that very first time. "We love you. We love you." He repeated the mantra, stretching his wings so they wouldn't hurt while going back to combing his fingers through his hair, curling up all around him. "I know."

The exhaustion that should have hit him days ago came, all at once, causing him to doze in Saturn's arms after he cried himself out. 

He would have fallen asleep, right then and there, had it not been for tiny hands on his cheeks rousing him again. Groggily, he'd opened his eyes to see. 

Titania, Oberon, Umbriel, Ariel, Miranda- all his moons, surrounded by only his favorite person in the universe, had been staring at him worriedly. Easing when The ice giant smiled shakily at them. 

He wasn't getting back the love he'd felt for Planet X... that much Uranus knew. But he certainly wasn't unloved. 

Not even a little, he was reminded forcefully, as his moons climbed all over his body while Neptune hesitantly held out a water asteroid for him to drink. Purring oh so happily, the same happiness Uranus could feel, when his cousin pulled him into his arms, and apologized for ever having ignored him before. His tail wagging so hard, Uranus' wings got hit a couple times- and he didn't even care.

He didn't care. 

Not about Planet X, or the heartbreak, or his earlier misery from before. Not about the love that could have been. 

Only the love, the overwhelming amount of love he had.

He only cared for his moons, his cousin and his mom- who forced him to drink his water before finally allowing him to rest in his arms. Drifting of to the feeling of little chirps all over his body and gentle touches redoing his braid.