Work Text:
*Epic intro plays with clips of every battle in PJO and HOO*
Annabeth: Welcome back to Demigod TV.
Hazel: We are your hosts, Annabeth Chase, Piper Mclean and me, Hazel Levesque.
Piper: (unintentional charmspeak) Please sit tight as we dive into another episode!
Annabeth: First, we have news that Clarrise has thrown a tantrum- I mean has gone mad- I-I mean got angry, again. Frank will be reporting live from Camp-Half Blood soon.
Piper: After these messages from Reyna. As the scene is too…chaotic right now.
*Reyna in Camp Jupiter*
Reyna: Throughout history, civilisations fought over land, beliefs and riches. But battle isn’t just about swinging a sword and holding a shield. War requires resilience, elegance, and, of course, strength. Physically and mentally. It requires strategy and tactics, years of training. However, even with all that training, you should never engage with your enemy without knowledge, don’t go into impossible battles. Here’s a long range attack to disable your opponent from using their shield.
*She takes out 2 pila*
Reyna: (Holding the pila) These are called pilum or pila for prulal. You throw one or two of them towards the opponent’s shield before a melee attack. Let me demonstrate.
*She turns to a training dummy and throws 2 pila towards its shield*
Reyna: Now, your opponent cannot use their shield for defence. Thank you for your time.
*Argo II*
Hazel: And thank you, Reyna!
Annabeth: Now, Frank is interviewing Chiron.
*Big House*
Frank: Hello, everyone! We’re with Chiron. Who, reluctantly, agreed to give a statement about the Clarisse Drama. Yes, Chiron.
Chiron: Hello… My students wanted me to give a statement on the event that occurred recently. Well…I wouldn’t go as far as to say that Clarrise is a bad person. However, she has a…hot temper as you'd say. A new camper had, unknowingly and unfortunately, got his hands on her spear and she used it against him. Aggressively… Will Solace helped the camper and he is better now. Please rest assured that Clarrise faced consequences.
Nico: (whisper) Perhaps she deserved more…
Frank: Thank you, Chiron. Back to you, HQ.
*Argo II*
Hazel: Thank you, Frank! (whisper) And, Nico, you’re the cameraman.
Piper: Now to answer a big question…
Annabeth:Who is more savage?
*Percy, Jason, Leo and Frank walked in*
Leo: Savage?
Frank: Not me!
Percy: ME! I am the sassiest!
Jason: Sass doesn’t equal savage.
Piper: Boys, boys, we all know the true answer. Right, Annabeth?
*Piper winks*
Annabeth: Oh, yes…
Hazel: Ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome…
Percy: What in Hades-
*Sally Jackson walks in*
Annabeth: Sally Jackson!
Leo/Frank/Jason/Percy: WHAT?!
Piper: She sold her abusive ex’s statue, didn’t she?
Percy: Yes, but-
Hazel: And she used the money to start over, didn’t she?
Percy: Yes, but-
Annabeth: And the statue was actually him, turned to stone by Medusa’s severed head, wasn't it?
Percy: (looking at his mum, then the girls, smirk) You girls played us, didn’t you?
Annabeth: Yes.
Frank: Are you girls serious?
Hazel: Yes.
Jason: And you called Percy’s mum all the way here for this one joke?
Piper: Yes.
Leo: And you’re just gonna say “Yes” every time we ask something?
Hazel: Yes.
Percy: Mum, and you were OK with this?
Sally: Yes.
Annabeth: Well…That’s it for today! We’ll see you next time on-
Sally: On Demigod TV.
*Everyone laughs.*