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Ok, let's start this off with the fact that Mark knew what he was doing. He knew that it was bad and that he shouldn't do it. He'd heard it all, but he just got into the habit. He knew about all of the dangers that this habit could cause him.
He's been forced to watch all of the stupid seminars about it and he's seen all of those bogus 'it gets better' videos. They weren't true. At least not for him. He just wasn't like them. He wasn't doing anything wrong, it wasn't like he was killing himself like some people that had his habit.
No, he was smart about it. None of the other members knew anything about it. He was careful to cover his tracks and to make sure that nothing seemed suspicious.
He made sure to stay hydrated. He didn't want to pass out and worry anyone. They didn't need to know anything about this. Water was good for keeping him functioning and it also had the added bonus of making his hunger go away.
And it wasn't like he didn't eat. He just didn't eat all that often. He wasn't quite starving himself, but he didn't eat well either. He knew that it wasn't good to not eat regularly, but sometimes he just couldn't. And when he did he didn't eat all that much.
Sometimes he ate a lot, like when the group went out to eat at a restaurant. Then he'd stuff his face and laugh along with all of the other members. Later he'd feel horrible and fat, but he was able to ignore it in that moment.
Later he'd stop eating for a while, carrying a couple bottles of water and the occasional bottle of Gatorade everywhere. The members didn't notice, they were too tired to think properly about the last time they ate, not even caring about the others.
They were practically zombies for a while. Point is, Mark was very good at keeping his secret. Circumstances just usually landed in his favour.
He also developed methods of making it seem like he was eating a lot, both to the others and himself. Usually about an hour or two before a practice they would snack lightly to give them some energy. This was when Mark got the majority of his nutrients from.
Despite knowing that he needs a lot more than he gets - although a small part of him argues that nothing has happened yet so he was fine to continue like this - because of the amount of strenuous activity he does. Those stunts don't just happen, after all, he was lucky that he was able to keep his muscle mass up.
That knowledge didn't really do anything to convince him to eat better and to not half starve himself. Instead, he chose a single small yogurt each time. He'd eat it slowly with a small plastic spoon, savouring each bite. He finished around the same time as all the others finished their mountain of snacks.
No one ever asked why he ate less than them. They saw him snack all the time and then he'd eat twice as much as them whenever they went out so they didn't think anything of it. What they didn't know is on particularly bad days he'd throw it up in the middle of the night.
They ignore the fact that he's so much skinnier than them. Blaming it on a fast metabolism. They didn't think anything of it. Too concerned with their next comeback. But the fact still remained that Mark was noticeably frailer than the others. The reason why he didn't eat enough even though he knows he should eat more?
He hates his appearance. He hates how fat he looks. How thick his thighs are, that layer of fat over his stomach that he can't seem to get rid of. So he works extra hard during practice and has a diet of yogurt, fresh vegetables, and Gatorade. Yeah, not the greatest but it worked. Lately, he'd been taking to eating mashed potatoes and gravy. He'd read somewhere on the internet that those two foods held all the nutrients that the human body needed.
Looking at Ireland's history, he thought it was worth a shot.
Then the debut performance was upon them and they were getting ready to go on. Mark had felt fine at the time. He hadn't eaten at all that day, but he was feeling fine. He guzzled a bottle of water and fixed his outfit, then they were on.
The whole thing was going very well. Not a step was out of place. But about 2/3 of the way through the song Mark began to feel weird. He was woozy and black spots were beginning to creep along the edges of his vision. He felt faint and he wavered slightly on his feet.
He pushed through it, they had to finish the song. The only problem was that at the end of the song he had a flip he had to pull off. It was a risky move, to try the flip when his vision was almost half covered in black and he was seeing sparkling stars everywhere. But he did it anyway.
His jump wasn't perfect and his foot wavered on the landing, he winced but tried to ignore it. The audience cheered loudly, but it was all very muffled to Mark. He wavered and his legs began to give out under him. He leaned forward bracing his arms on his knees.
He felt more than heard the other members jump out of their positions and run towards him. He felt someone wrap their arms around his shoulders and he looked up blearily to see that he was Jackson. He was saying something, but Mark couldn't hear it over the roaring in his ears. Then the blackness closed around his vision completely and he had one more moment of clarity before he passed out.
"As expected you fainted due to dehydration and a pretty severe lack of nutrients. Is there a reason that you haven't been able to get enough food? You're very underweight" the female doctor said nicely. After passing out at the performance he'd been rushed to the hospital.
They'd run a couple of tests and now the entire group was staring at him waiting for an answer. He couldn't very well say that he'd been struggling with an eating disorder - does it even count as an eating disorder? He doesn't think so - for years. Better to just tell half the truth. He shifted uncomfortably.
Mark looked down. "I just didn't have enough time to eat as much as usual because we were preparing for the new comeback" he mumbled. Jaebum looked at him sadly before patting his knee. "Well, we're going to make sure that changes. You'll be back on your feet and a healthy weight in no time."
Mark knows that that was supposed to be reassuring, but all he could think about was how he was just becoming nice to look at. The fat was almost gone and now he'd be back to square one. But he smiled anyway and agreed with Jaebum and the others.
He dreaded how much work he'd have to undo within the next few weeks.