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Robby stares as Dennis drives off with Amy and her child. He feels a heavy feeling in his chest, something he can’t quite figure out. He ends up telling Samira how he imagined his path in life was.
A wife,
Two kids,
And a pond.
The feeling in his chest continues to grow. It isn’t guilt as much as he is hoping it would be. He snaps back to reality, Samira is apologizing to him, she shouldn’t have to, but that’s who she is and he admires her for that. He notes to truly apologize to her in the future.
Somehow, he ends up with baby Jane Doe, swaddling her. He tells her the words he’s been eager to hear from someone else. Words that can maybe put his mind at ease.
“Everything’s gonna be just fine.”
“You got so many wonderful things to see—”
“And so many people to love ahead of you.”
And so many people to love ahead of you, he thinks back to Dennis as the words leave his mouth, the feeling from earlier didn’t quite leave, it was nagging in the back of his chest, but all the sudden it came bursting back.
That night, Robby got on his bike and started his journey towards Alberta. Maybe— just maybe, he had something he wanted to come back to.
ʚɞ ʚɞ ʚɞ
As the music flows within the car, Dennis can’t help but think back to Robby, the man was about to cry when they were talking. His eyes were just so sad.
“Dennis, are you sure about driving?” His train of thoughts got cut off by Amy, he definitely shouldn’t drive with how distracted he is. “Uh, maybe not. Can you take over?” They haven’t even been on the road for thirty minutes and yet he’s already asking her. “Yeah of course, pull over at the gas station ahead and we can switch.”
The rest of the drive was quiet but not filled with silence. Dennis was absentmindedly answering Amy’s questions, mind still stuck replaying what happened with Robby at the ambulance bay. She could tell he wasn’t fully with her which is absolutely okay, he did just finish a fifteen hour shift. He technically shouldn’t be working at the farm at this rate, but she’s selfish enough to think it’s because he likes her back.
The air felt different at the farm, it felt more free and light. There isn’t much he could do tonight as he can barely see through the darkness but he still insisted on checking on the animals before heading inside.
Once inside the main property, it didn’t take long for him to nurse a beer. Amy had it ready for them as soon as Theo was put to bed. “Look like you could use one,” she says to him.
“Yeah, it was quite a shift.”
“Tell me about it, you don’t need to bottle it all up.”
So he did, told her about going analog, the waterslide accident, and losing a beloved patient. Amy’s demeanor changes a little bit as he talks, nothing to worry about, he notes.
That is until she leans in, about to kiss him. He promptly stops her with a hand on the shoulder. “Amy, stop.” he puts out with a rough voice from the beer. “Oh, sorry, Dennis! I thought, uhm, I thought you wanted the same thing. I should have asked for your consent.”
“It’s okay, really! No harm done, but Amy—” he takes it easy, not wanting to overwhelm her.
“You do know I’m gay, right?”
Her eyes widen, mouth opens before she’s spouting apologies to him, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry Den! I took your actions for granted! I should have just asked,
Oh gosh, I’m so stupid!”
It took a while to reassure her, but they got there. She asked about him from the beginning. He honestly told her his whole truth, leading up to his feelings for Robby. He was thankful she understood all of it, he felt like some of the weight he was carrying was finally released.
By the time they finished talking, it was well two in the morning. Still, sleep took a bit for him. Dennis couldn’t stop thinking of Robby, was he wearing his helmet? Did he really start his trip tonight? In this darkness? Will Robby come back?
ʚɞ ʚɞ ʚɞ
four months later
“So, Boss’ first day back today. You excited?” Trinity gives him one of her teasing looks, one eyebrow raised with a smirk. He confided in her one night when overthinking took over him, crying his eyes out how he can’t stay at Robby’s place for longer than an hour without breaking down, how he misses the man who isn’t even his.
Trinity tried to cheer him up in ways he didn’t think she'd do. When words of encouragement didn’t work, she made it her mission to distract him via bars and clubs. He’s guilty of going for men that looked like Robby, older, six foot, salt and pepper beard. It worked for a while, until it didn’t. She even started going to the farm with him, he did the work, she played with Theo. It’s been months of distractions and now Robby’s back and he doesn’t know what to do with his overwhelming feelings.
“Trin. Please don’t embarrass me today.” He says pleading, he can’t have his feelings about their attending roam around the ED.
“Oh huck, when did I ever?” She answers with a cheshire cat grin. Before he can utter a response, a deep voice behind comes first, “Ever what?” Dennis didn’t have to look to know whose voice it is.
“Nothing boss! We were just talking about how much we missed you.” Trinity shows him one of the biggest smiles she could give, though, it was more for Dennis.
“ I missed you guys too, it's good to be back.” Robby lets his eyes linger at Dennis a bit longer, noticing his build, more muscle build up within the last four months. Suddenly, he feels hot all over, it’s the middle of November for goodness sake.
And of course, there isn’t really a quiet moment in the ED, first it was Ellis who spotted them, she was the one who ended up covering some of Robby’s attending shifts with Al-hashimi.
“Big Rob! Welcome back!” This got everyone else looking, ultimately bringing a large crowd towards them.
“Well, well, well, look at whose back.”
“Do we have some souvenirs?”
“How was Alberta?”
“Couldn’t stay away from us?”
Their colleagues pull Robby’s attention away from them both. Dennis doesn’t hesitate to run away. He didn’t know why he had made a choice to avoid the older right on the spot, but it felt like it was the right thing to do.
Robby wasn’t born yesterday, he could tell when someone is deliberately not wanting to be in his line of sight. But why must this be his favourite resident, whom he’s also harbouring massive feelings for.
The sabbatical had changed him, he’s not at all one hundred percent better by all means, however, he’d learn to accept his feelings for the twenty-seven year old. Little baby steps is what his therapist had called it. This isn’t what he wanted as baby fucking steps, Dennis being so avoidant isn’t a step forward.
He truly tried his best to approach the resident, really, he did. But, the universe of emergency departments made sure he got a first day initiation. Getting pulled from one trauma to the other, breaking up a fight between two patients, old flings showing up.
“Didn’t think you’d make it pass a month, but here you are, four months later,” Noelle comes up to Robby’s side, her hand lingering as she touches his elbow. “Ha, well, you know me, pretty unpredictable.” He had let her down before going on his sabbatical even giving her a small hug. Hastings, though, still continued to send him messages all throughout the months he was gone. Never did once he replied back.
A loud enough laugh that echoed through the ED had made Dennis look up. He and Trinity were discussing a patient’s x-ray, when he heard it. His eyes immediately found where the sound came from. Robby’s laughing and giggling with his old fling, he was blushing. Hastings’ and Robby’s situationship wasn’t a secret, she went down to the department almost everyday to ask for updates about the man. “They’re looking a little cozy.” Trinity sighs after following Dennis’ gaze.
“Yeah.”
His heart was breaking by the minute he continued to stare but he couldn’t look away. “Hey? Earth to Dennis?”
“Sorry, I got a little distracted.” He turns back towards her, focusing back on the x-ray,
“No shit—hey hey, no don’t do that right now.” Trinity panics quietly after seeing the tears starting to drop, eventually she’s pulling him towards an empty room. “Huck, don’t cry here. He doesn’t deserve your tears.” Dennis nods, unable to trust his voice. “You deserve everything, don’t waste your tears on men like him.” She continues, keeping a hand on the other to keep him grounded.
“But Trin, it feels like he is my everything. Which fucking sucks! I know he doesn’t feel the same, that man is straight as a pole, and and—” Trinity stops him from spiraling even more. A rare hug worked great. “If you speak about this hug, I will kill you before your broken heart does, got it?” She feels him nod against her, “Go take ten, we can handle, heck, they already handled us not being out there right now.”
“Yeah, thanks Trin.”
It’s been a couple of hours since his little breakdown. To him, Robby is more than a plague, the man is a ghost he never wants to see. Finishing this shift was hell, it felt worse than when he was missing Robby. The attending was doing everything in his power to talk to him, why? He doesn’t know. Probably to thank him for house sitting, he did still have a copy of Robby’s keys. By the time the hand-offs were over, he was ready to book it. Trinity’s there by his side, an arm on his shoulder, “We’re off tomorrow, you what that means.” Her eyebrows were dancing once again and the grin slowly coming back.
“Whitaker.” Robby sounded upset, he’s using his doctor voice, typically the type of voice he doesn’t hear too often. The attending had always used a softer tone towards him. They both look at the man in perfect unity.
“Yes?”
“Let's talk for a second, before you go.” Dennis had no choice but to agree, at this point, he doesn’t have enough space to run away. However, when he and Trinity didn’t move, Robby spoke again.
“In private?”
The stairwell was so quiet, it gave him goosebumps. Dennis had been biting his lower lip, anxiously. “So, I- uh wanted to thank you for house-sitting. The place looks great.” Robby was showing him a small smile, Dennis loves seeing him smile.
“No problem boss, my pleasure.” It was the only response he could manage to spew out.
“I appreciate you fixing the doors and sinks too, I mean to get to them but just never have the time.” Nodding seems to be the only thing Dennis could do in the situation. Suddenly his brain finally remembered that he was in fact avoiding the man in front of him. The actions that followed were quick and precise with one goal in mind, get the fuck out.
“Here’s your keys. I’ll see you tomorrow, Dr. Robby.” He had practically jammed the keys to Robby in such a haste, the said man couldn’t utter a single word. The next thing Robby heard was the door closing shut.
ʚɞ ʚɞ ʚɞ
A month had passed since the day shift attending had come back. One month of Dennis barely talking to the man and one month of Robby ruining his sleep to figure out why he was being avoided. Patience was not his strong suit, still, he tried his best to give Dennis time. He even talked to his therapist about it, everything about Dennis. As soon as the flood gates were opened, it was never going to close. He knew what to do once he started to pursue the younger man, heck, he already has the HR papers ready.
It all comes to a bloody halt in the middle of December, two weeks before Christmas. December eleventh started off as a normal winter work day. They were already expecting a hefty amount of accidents today due to the snowstorm the night before.
“Incoming! Single MVC, two minutes out.” Dana’s voice boomed through the central hub. “Whitaker, Javadi, you’re with me.” The two were already putting their gloves on before Robby could even finish.
The ambulance bay opened, bringing a cold gust of wind with it, “What do we have?” Robby’s voice was tough and steady. “Fourty year old male, single mvc, crash was due to the ice, hit a pole. Mostly whiplash and possible concussion. Stats are normal with a minor arm lac.” The EMT provided. “Dana, what's open?” Dennis inquires before grabbing the gurney along with the others. “Bay fourteen!”
Once situated, they transfer the man onto the bed, “Hello sir, I’m Dr. Robinavitch and we’ll be taking care of you today.” He starts off, “Could you tell us your name?” Right, the paramedics didn’t mention the man’s name. “Ray Richards.”
At the voice and the name, Dennis snaps his head so fast, he thinks he might get his own whiplash. He was too busy to look at the man’s face prior. Two sets of brown eyes were already on him, Robby’s and Ray’s.
“I— uhm, can’t be on this case.” Everyone in the room was looking at him now, wishing the ground could just eat him up. “And why is that? Dr. Whitaker.” Robby had his jaw tightened. Clearly trying to stay calm.
“Just because we dated Denny?” It was Robby’s turn to do a head snap. The paramedics took this as an exit. Scurrying out of the bay, feeling the awkward situation.
“Yes. That’s correct, Mr. Richards—
Whitaker, get Mckay in here and find another patient.” Robby never sounded so pissed before, so he doesn’t question and does what’s asked.
He finds Mckay charting along with his roommate, “Hey, Robby wants you in Bay fourteen. I can’t be on the case.” She gave him a weird look, obviously curious of why he can’t but ended up shrugging her curiosity off.
“Why’d he kick you out?” Santos continued to type, “Uh, one of the guys I kinda dated is the patient?” This got her to stop then the cackling started.
“Wait! Which one?”
Needless to say, Trinity spent the next half hour teasing him. He hadn’t seen Robby since. Well, he wouldn’t know what to say to him either way so maybe this was a blessing in disguise. He decides to visit Ray before his shift finishes. As much as he doesn’t want his personal life to meet his work life, he wanted to make sure Ray was alright.
From the outside, he could see Ray resting, not sleeping, just resting. “Hey, how are you doing?” Dennis enters the room quickly, but making sure not to startle him. Ray smiles big when he spots Dennis. “I’m okay Den. Waiting for my CT results.”
“Okay, that’s good to hear. You gotta be more careful out there.” He points out while grabbing one of the chairs to sit beside the bedside. “I know, I know. I still hear your voice whenever I do something stupid.” They were both laughing, reminiscing about their days together. Even if they didn’t last long, he genuinely treasured the time they spent with each other.
“You sure we can’t try again?” Dennis felt bad, truly, Ray’s looking at him with the sweetest eyes.
But, he isn’t Robby.
“I’m sorry, Ray. You’re amazing, but—”
“But I’m not him.” Ray shows him a small knowing smile.
“Yeah.”
They stay silent for a minute, “Could I get a last hug at least?” Ray requests. Dennis chuckles before standing up to get beside the man. “Come here, old guy.”
“You really are amazing Den, he’s such a lucky guy.” The older man says into his ear, offering the assurance he needs. Suddenly, the hug is abruptly broken by the loud opening of the door. It was opened so hard that the knob had banged against the wall which Dennis didn’t know was possible.
“Dennis, a word. Now.” Robby didn’t even wait for a response before turning and walking towards the stairwell yet again. “Go get your man, Denny.” Ray winks at him with a laugh.
He wished he could laugh right now.
Sneaking into the stairwell, he sees Robby pacing, only stopping when he finally realized Dennis was standing behind him. “Didn’t we talk about boundaries before I left, Whitaker?”
Dennis gulped so hard, he’s pretty sure it might have echoed. “He wasn’t my patient and I didn’t meet him here.” He stood his ground. Something that Trinity would be proud of if she saw him now.
“And yet you're hugging him! This isn’t the place to do that, Whitaker. This is the ED. I expect you to do your job properly.” Robby’s voice is slowly increasing, face turning red from the anger.
Regardless he isn’t backing down. He has a lot of passion and love for this job, questioning his competency hurts a lot. He worked his ass off just like everyone else. “I am doing my job properly! You cannot grill me on my competency when I barely worked with you!” He was breathing heavier now, trying to keep himself calm.
“And whose fault is that huh? You were the one avoiding me like I had the fucking plague!” Robby took a step closer to Dennis with each word, in the end crowding the smaller man.
Dennis released a mocking laugh, shocking Robby. “It’s your fault!” He pushed Robby back, both hands on the other’s chest. The older man, hitting the wall from the strength. “Your fucking fault, Robinavitch! Your— your stupid laugh, beard, brain. You made me fall in love with you!”
Both their eyes widen with the sudden confession. Dennis putting a hand over his mouth. “You’re in love with me?”
“Fuck. Sorry, Dr. Robby, please ignore what I just said. If you want to report me to HR, go ahead. I’ll even move to nights. I’ll move right now!” Dennis was spiraling. He did not just confess his stupid feelings. Now, Robby’s going to be disgusted by him.
“I’m so sorry I made you uncomfortable—”
“Dennis, shut up.” It happened so fast, before he could even blink. One minute he was apologizing and the next he was pressed against the same wall, lips getting abused. The kiss was rough, rushed, and racy. Moans were starting to flow in between them, some from Robby and some from himself. Then, Robby started to move downward, marking and claiming what’s his.
“hngg- Robby.. wait,” Robby is in a trance. Getting to taste Dennis had made something primal snap. Dennis needed to break this spell otherwise they’ll definitely go to HR for voyeurism.
“Michael.”
Robby feels like he could fly. He would rarely hear his actual first name anymore. After his bubbe had passed, he swore to only go by Robby.
But god, he loved it coming from Dennis’ mouth.
“Say my name again, baby.” He’s pleading, begging, crying.
Dennis holds his face with both hands, wiping the tears away, “I love you, Michael.”
Michael was fully sobbing. He was embracing Dennis in such a manner that if he let go, the younger man would disappear. “I, thank you for loving me Dennis.” They stayed there for what felt like a decade, feeling each other’s warmth.
“I talked about you every time I had a therapy session.” Michael had started to speak, still not letting go of Dennis. “I couldn’t admit my own feelings because of the guilt. I’m your attending and mentor, I shouldn’t have these types of emotions towards you.
But, it’s so fucking hard. You are so beautiful inside and out. You stood by me when I was at my lowest. You’ve learned how to heal my soul in a day when I’ve been trying to do so in the last twenty years.”
Dennis didn’t interrupt Michael, not even once. Instead, he created a constant ground for him, a constant pat on the back. He understood the man, more than he can even imagine.
That night, they quietly finished their hand-offs and left the premises together. Sending a quick message to Trinity that he won’t be home tonight and not to worry.
They talked some more when they got back to Michael’s house, well, talked to the best of their abilities. Dennis sat comfortably on Michael’s lap, the older of the two answering questions as honest as he can, which is enough of the younger. Soon after, they moved towards the shower. Washing off the stress of the day. They can’t physically keep their hands away from one another.
“When I saw you hugging him today, I think I actually saw red. It’s cliche but I was so damn jealous.” Michael was washing Dennis’ hair, rinsing off the shampoo he had put on. “I’m yours, Michael. Always.”
“And plus, I only went for men who reminded me of you.” This gets a big laugh out of the older one and a pinch on the ass for him.
Further into the night, they finally reached the bed, the same bed he would lie on when he missed Michael a little extra hard. Now, he was there with the said man, head on his chest.
“I don’t really know when I fell in love with you, Dennis. All of the sudden you were just everywhere, even when I was outside the hospital. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, couldn’t stop wondering the what ifs.
What if I just man up and ask you out. What if I just took that step forward.” Robby for once, in a very long time, felt secure, felt that he could speak his thoughts without anything pulling him back.
“I could say the same, except, I would be lying, Michael. I think ever since my first day as a student, I felt a pull towards you. I never believed in soulmates, you know?
Growing up in such a rural place with such close minded people, I never believed in many things. But, when I met you, all of the sudden, the word soulmate, I understood it.” Dennis hugged Michael a little bit tighter after that.
It may have taken them a while to get here but that’s life, it isn’t just a straight road, it's full of zig zags and ups and downs. They needed to find themselves first before they found one another.
Their journey is just starting after all.