Chapter Text
“Bucky, will you marry me?” asked Steve.
Tony froze and so did his entire world.
Tony had been dating Bucky and Steve for two years. It had taken almost seven months to actually get together – mostly because Tony was so uncertain that there was a place for him in there perfect relationship. Steve and Bucky had both worked hard to make sure Tony understood that they valued him and wanted him in their relationship in an equal part. And for two years Tony had believed them. Until now.
“Yes!” said Bucky, smiling at Steve, taking the simple golden band from Steve’s hand.
As the two kissed Tony watched and he knew that it was the end for him. Because it just wasn’t fair. That was so much of his life, the unfairness of never being first when it mattered. And he couldn’t even bring himself to be surprised.
“Let’s go to dinner to celebrate,” suggested Steve.
“Anything you want, future husband,” said Bucky with a dreamy smile that made Tony’s stomach churn because he knew it wasn’t directed at him.
“You coming Tony?” asked Steve, looking over his shoulder at the genius on his way to the door.
“No,” said Tony.
Tony didn’t even bother coming up with an excuse but it didn’t matter because Steve just shrugged and walked out the door with Bucky.
With a sigh, Tony sat down and looked around the bedroom. It used to be just his bedroom but after he started dating Bucky and Steve they had moved into it with him. The room was filled with memories of their times together, pictures of some of their dates, Bucky’s dirty socks near the hamper – but never in because Bucky was too lazy to actually try – and Steve’s bathrobe hanging on the closet door. Tony’s suit jacket was over the desk chair. The bed was made with military precision, the blanket Bucky’s favorite shade of green. Tony’s pillow was right in the middle where the genius slept because the ex-assassin and soldier had issues sleeping anywhere but on the edge in case of threats.
Tony curled up in the center of the bed. He could have gone to any of the spare rooms but he didn’t want to go to another room, he wanted to stay there in his own enormous bed, go to sleep, and pretend that one of his boyfriends hadn’t proposed to the other and hadn’t even bothered to talk to him about it. Maybe when he woke up it would turn out to be a dream.
- To Have and to Hold –
“Please,” begged Steve. “You have to come to the wedding.”
“No, I really don’t,” snapped Tony.
“Why are you being so selfish?” said Bucky, glaring at Tony from across the workshop. “Steve and I have been working our asses off trying to plan this wedding and you have done nothing but whine about the fact that you’re not getting married too. Steve can only legally marry one of us!”
“And he picked you!” yelled Tony, tears in his eyes. “He fucking picked you.”
“Tony,” said Steve, sounding pained, reaching out for the billionaire but freezing when Tony flinched out of reach. “It’s not that I love Bucky more, it’s just that I’ve loved him longer.”
“I get it,” said Tony softly. “I’ve paid for your wedding but I’m not going. Now get out.”
“No,” said Bucky.
“Fine,” said Tony, sounding as exhausted as he felt. “Then I’ll go.”
So Tony left. He donned the suit and flew out of the Tower, leaving his boyfriends in the workshop in various states of upset.
- To Have and to Hold –
When he opened his eyes, it was to the hospital walls and a minor panic attack because he was too weak to move.
“Slow your breathing there asshole,” said Rhodey, leaning into Tony’s view. “You’re in the hospital because you haven’t eaten a proper meal in almost four months and haven’t slept since the wedding nine days ago. Basically, you’ve worked yourself into exhaustion and collapsed.”
Tony groaned and closed his eyes again.
“Listen,” said Rhodey with a sigh. “I know you’re bummed about Steve and Bucky getting married but you can’t destroy yourself over it.”
Tony turned his head away, not interested in listening to his long time best friend who just didn’t get it.
“Talk to me, please,” begged Rhodey.
“You don’t get it,” muttered Tony petulantly, knowing he sounded like a child but honestly too tired to care too much.
“Then explain it to me!”
“Why did they have to get married?” said Tony, his calm but sad tone breaking Rhodey’s heart. “Why couldn’t they have just broken up with me in private instead of having a whole party to celebrate?”
“They didn’t-“
“And if they didn’t want to break up with me, why didn’t they just stay in a long term relationship with me? Since not all of us can marry each other why couldn’t they just keep everyone the same? They claim to love me as much as each other but they still chose each other over me.”
“Tony,” said Steve’s choked voice from the door, causing the genius to look over and find the two men he loved and who he thought loved him standing there looking like he had physically struck them with his armor.
“Well it’s true,” said Tony, not backing down now that they were present. “It doesn’t matter what you say, you chose Bucky over me. Fucking again. And this time Bucky did the same. That doesn’t really sound like love to me.”
“Tony, Steve and I couldn’t get married when we were growing up,” said Bucky, stepping further into the room as though being closer to the bedridden and exhausted genius would help him understand. “Now that it’s legal we just wanted to take the opportunity we never had.”
“So I was just something to do while you waited for the legal system to acknowledge your relationship? So what, I just have to wait seventy years before you’ll want to marry me too?”
“No! Why are you being like this? It doesn’t mean we love you any less, you idiot. It just means that we wanted to get married and didn’t think you were interested in that given your track record.”
“Out!” roared Rhodey, launching out of his seat and pointing towards the door. “Now!”
“But –“
“Get the fuck out now before I rip your lungs out!”
Steve and Bucky reluctantly left while Tony curled into the fetal position and cried for the first time since it all happened.
- To Have and to Hold –
Anyone else would have taken three months and a lot of convincing before moving back into the Tower they still shared with the men they had been in a relationship with before they married each other but Tony never backed down from a challenge and didn’t like the idea of anyone thinking he was going to let the marriage of Steve and Bucky stop him from living however the hell he wanted to live. So when he was released from the hospital a week after he was admitted, Tony immediately moved back to the Tower.
Steve and Bucky were waiting for him in their – his – room.
“Both of your rooms are still furnished,” stated Tony, refusing to make eye contact with either man as he rummaged through his closet. “You can pick which one you sleep in now.”
“If that’s what you really want, then we’ll do that,” said Steve. “But first I need you to hear me out.”
“I’m actually really busy,” said Tony.
“I never meant to hurt you,” continued Steve, refusing to be sucked into the side tracking whirlwind that was Tony Stark avoidance. “I proposed to Bucky because I love him and I honestly didn’t think you were interested in marriage. I should have talked to both of you about it first, I realize that now. I wish there was some way I could marry you too so I could prove to you that this isn’t me picking Bucky over you, but there’s not.”
“Steve and I have talked about it and if you want us to get a divorce so we can all be together like before then we will,” said Bucky.
“That’s not what I want!” yelled Tony. “I love you idiots but you can be so dense. I just can’t be in a relationship where I feel like a third wheel, which is clearly what I am since you not only decided to get married without talking to me but now you’ve decided to get divorced without talking to me until it’s already an option. I get it, I really do. Growing up you two couldn’t even admit you were in a relationship and suddenly you can get married. Of course you want to do that, it’s what you’ve wanted since the 40’s, but this isn’t about just you anymore. So try and see it from my point of view. I enter a relationship between two people who have been together since before I was born. They convince me that – somehow – I am just as important to them as they are to each other. Then they get married to each other, leaving me out. Now, because it was a public affair, everyone will always see their relationship as the valid one and mine as something not as serious. If you get divorced now it looks like I forced you to and you clearly want to be married. I don’t want to be the bad guy here, I just don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m not as important.”
“But you are important!”
“Not enough to matter. Even when I was clearly upset and against you guys getting married instead of postponing the wedding and talking to me about it like we are now you went ahead with it. It’s only after you got what you wanted that you are dealing with me.”
Steve was surprised but not shocked. Tony was right, he and Bucky had been horrible partners to him and Steve couldn’t see a way to fix it.
“Tony, I’m sorry,” whispered Steve.
“Me too,” replied Tony before walking away.
- To Have and to Hold –
Sitting with Bruce at the kitchen counter, eating dry cereal right out of the box, Tony reflected that the past month had been miserable for him. Bucky and Steve were still married and while his anger at them had faded, Tony was still hurt over the entire ordeal. He wasn’t even sure what to call them anymore. They hadn’t officially broken up but they weren’t sleeping in the same room and they were barely speaking at all.
“Tony,” said Bucky, marching into the kitchen, ignoring Bruce. “I fucked up.”
“I’m eating breakfast,” said Tony. “Are we just stating the obvious here? Because if so, I have to say Bruce is uncomfortable with the entire situation.”
“Steve fucked up too but he’s already tried the whole apologizing thing and is absolutely miserable,” said Bucky, ignoring Tony’s sass. “Now, I fucked up. And I fucked up bad. I get it – as much as I can – I hurt you. And you’re right, I do want to be married to Stevie but not if it means I lose you as well. But as you already pointed out, divorce isn’t really an option with the publicity. We can’t just pick up where we left off because I hurt you and things aren’t going to be the same after that. So here’s what I propose. I want to court you.”
“What are you, a knight?” scoffed Tony.
“Tony, I’ve taken away every reason for you to trust me,” said Bucky, eyes glistening but features set. “But let me court you. Let me show you that I’m serious. Let me prove to you how much you mean to me.”
“What about your husband?” spat Tony.
“He’ll figure out his own way to show you how much you mean to him,” said Bucky.
“I’m not going to be the one to get between two married people,” said Tony.
“I’ve done some research and Steve’s right, it’s not legal for all of us to get married, but rumor has it you know some of the best lawyers in the world and I bet they can figure out a way to get us as legally mixed up as possible. But I’m not willing to do that right now.”
Tony felt his heart drop and it was only then that he realized he had been hoping to mean something to Bucky still.
“Because I don’t deserve you yet,” continued Bucky. “But if, after I’ve convinced you how much you mean to me and after Steve gets his head out of his ass and figures out how to woo you, then we’ll all sit down and really talk it over. So will you at least let me try?”
Tony eyed Bucky skeptically, looking for some sign that he was joking. But there was nothing. Bucky looked back just as steadily and for the first time Tony noticed how tired Bucky looked. It hurt the genius, because he still loved the idiot, but he was also still hurt because that same idiot had left him behind. Tony was exhausted.
“Fine,” sighed Tony. “I’m not promising anything, though.”
“I wouldn’t dream of asking you to promise me a thing,” said Bucky with a grin.
Bucky knew it was going to take a hell of a lot of work to earn Tony’s trust back. Steve and him were paying the price for forgetting that it wasn’t just about them anymore, that it wasn’t just them against the world. As he walked out of the kitchen, already thinking about which flower he would get the brunette, Bucky knew he would do whatever it took, for however long it took, to show Tony that he would never take the man for granted again.