Work Text:
Four months ago, you’d agreed to a blind date that turned out to be the best thing you’ve ever done.
You hadn’t dated in years. This was by choice, needing time to figure yourself out and focus on your career.
You hadn’t agreed out of loneliness, exactly. You’d made a life that fit you well, and didn’t need a partner. You had a comfortable home and a good job.
But your friend had asked you to just go on one date with this guy she knows, because you were her only single friend.
“He’s nice,” she’d told you. “Like, such a sweetheart. He’s a schoolteacher, and you can tell he enjoys his job. He’s kind of awkward at first but he’s really funny once he warms up to you. I think you’ll like him.”
You did, in fact, like him.
Ryland Grace is unlike most men you’ve dated in the past. He’s awkward in a way that feels unpracticed rather than off-putting, like he never learned the same script that everyone else seems to follow. Your friend wasn’t wrong about him. He’s kind. He’s funny in a slightly rambling, very self-aware way. He’s genuine in a way that makes you feel at ease.
He’s never been anything but polite since the very first time you met. Careful, almost, with your space. With you.
After a few months of quiet dinners, long walks and good conversation that never felt forced, he’d asked if you’d like to make it official. You’d said yes without hesitation.
The topic of sex hasn’t really come up.
You noticed that quickly. He hasn’t even asked if you’d like to, hasn’t made a single advance. You’re grateful for that in ways you don’t know how to express.
You’re asexual. Always have been, you just didn’t figure it out for a very long time. The idea of sex doesn’t repulse you, you just don’t want to. Past partners haven’t always understood that.
It’s not like you haven’t cuddled with Ryland, been physically intimate in ways that aren’t sexual. You do enjoy kissing him.
But you’re unsure if he wants anything more.
Delaying the conversation even longer just feels stupid when it’s inevitable anyway, so you have a plan.
This evening, you’re going to his place for dinner. You’ll talk to him about it then and hope for the best.
The evening rolls around, cool air and darkness rolling over San Francisco like gentle waves over sand.
You arrive at Ryland’s apartment with a bottle of wine and the words you’ve already carefully chosen flitting around your mind like frantic butterflies with no place to go.
Dinner is nice. He jokes about not getting to cook very often, he usually just opts for frozen meals because he is- he was a single man living alone.
The words slip out halfway through the meal.
“How do you feel about sex?”
You blanch at your own words. That isn’t how you meant to say it.
He chokes on his wine, staring at you with wide eyes.
“Wh-what?!” He coughs, setting his glass down with a slightly unsteady hand.
“That came out wrong, I’m so sorry,” you reply hastily. “I mean to ask, well… is sex important to you in a relationship?”
He blinks at you, processing the words.
“Um- not really. I mean, it’s… okay, I guess? I’ve only…” he trails off, looking embarrassed.
“You’ve only what?”
“I’ve only had it a few times. I enjoyed it, but uh…” he pauses, trying to find the words. “I’m not really- I’m not interested in it, exactly. I could definitely live without it.”
You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.
“Good. That makes this so much easier.”
“What? Why?” He tilts his head.
“Ryland, I’m asexual,” you study his face for a reaction.
“Asexual. That’s the thing where you don’t feel sexual attraction, right?” he asks, thrumming his fingers against the table.
“Yes, that’s the definition,” you nod. “But lots of ace people experience it differently, it’s a spectrum.”
“How do you experience it?” He looks genuinely curious.
“Well, I’ve experienced sexual attraction in the past. Sometimes I still do, but it’s very rare. I’ve had sex in the past and enjoyed it, but like you, I’m just not really interested.” You explain, shrugging.
“Oh,” he stares down at his hands then looks back at you. “I didn’t know anyone else felt like that. I thought I was just weird, broken.”
“You’re not broken, Ryland.”
“Do you think I might… be asexual?”
“If that’s what you feel comfortable with, then yes. But you don’t have to label yourself.”
“Okay… I- thank you for- uh- for telling me. For trusting me with that,” he reaches across to you and takes your hand, squeezing it gently.
“You don’t need to thank me,” you squeeze his hand back. “I really like you, and I can see this relationship going somewhere. I just needed to make sure you understood that sex isn’t really… a thing we’ll be doing.”
“That’s fine- that’s completely fine. We can just… cuddle and watch movies. Do I still get to kiss you?”
You laugh. “Yes, Ry. You still get to kiss me.”
“Alright, that’s good.”
There’s a pause where you maintain comfortable eye contact before he breaks it.
“I have ice cream for dessert. Wanna eat that on the couch and watch The Hobbit?”
“Absolutely,” you grin. “We should binge the whole LOTR series.”
His face lights up at that.
“Really? You’d do that? I have the extended editions on DVD, it will take us a while to get through them but we can definitely do it!”
“I’ve never watched the extended editions,” you admit. “How much longer are they?”
“They add about two hours to the runtime, but it’s so worth it! They add so many amazing scenes that you don’t get in the normal movies- oh, wow, sorry. I’m being a bit intense.” He smiles sheepishly.
“No, keep going. I want to hear more,” you lean forward, genuinely interested.
“Okay, so…”
You could listen to him speak all day.