Chapter Text
One thing about Duang-Jamie-Pae never changed. Whatever they do, they do it together. So when Duang declared he'd go see Qin practice basketball, Jamie and Pae agreed to tag along. Of course, Jamie was being a good friend. But Pae, well, Pae was willing to meet a certain tall man as well.
A man he spends almost all his free time talking to. Either through a call or texts. He had grown so close to Tong that they knew each other's routine by then.
As they reached the court, Duang immediately babied Qin, saying all the good stuff. While Jamie stood there smiling at their antics, Pae swiftly stepped to Tong and gave him the electrolyte drink.
"How's practice?"
"Pretty good." Tong sipped on the bottle and used the back of his palm to wipe sweat off his forehead. "It's kinda hot today. So it's tiring."
"Hm.. It's gotten quite hot these days. Do you need a towel?"
"I'm fine." Tong grinned, "Now that you're here."
"Uh-uhm." Jamie cleared his throat, "I'm fine because you are right here- in my heart khun Prachai."
"Ai Jamie!!" Pae kicked him in the shin. Kim who was watching them, laughed, "It still feels new- seeing Tong like this."
"Yeah, he's like Duang, minus the stupidity."
"Hey!" Duang opposed, "Why are you saying mean things about me?" Jamie stuck out his tongue in reply. It was exactly like that. Easygoing. Fun. Comfortable. They decided to let the players practice a bit more as they waited outside the court. Once they were done, all of them decided to have some dinner before heading home. As usual, Dunag was carrying Qin's stuff, and Tong- well, he was super close to holding Pae's hand.
He didn't though. Looked like something was holding him back. So Pae tried to initiate, but Tong yanked his jand away. Upset, as the shorter one looked at him in confusion, he mouthed, "My hands are sweaty."
Really?
Pae rolled his eyes, and as if he possesed every right, he grabbed Tong's arm and pressed his entire body with the jersey that was covered in dried sweat. And then, he looked slyly at the man, eyes dancing with mischief, "So what?"
Tong felt multiple beat skips. From his view, the closest were Pae's pretty eyes and he was such a goner for that splendor. He couldn't say anything, couldn't even hold eye contact. He just.. Smiled. Like a lovesick fool. Jamie wasn't right. He was as dumb as Duang if you take downbadism into account.
Of course the other four teased them. So Pae shut them up, saying, "What? Can't I do this with the guy I'm talking to?"
You can imagine how wide Tong's grin was, and how loud the whole team's collective 'Ohho' was.
Pae and Tong continued like that. They were glued together during the dinner too. Almost challenging Duang and Qin in PDA. And afterwards, they went home together.
Things had been like that for a while. Sometimes, Tong would accompany Pae in buying art supplies, or stuff for the department. Sometimes, Pae would tag along when Tong needed to check some new drum sticks. Sometimes, after practice, Tong would call Pae and play the drums just for him.
And sometimes, Pae would ask to be taught how to. Tong would sit him down, stand behind, hold his hands holding the sticks just to guide him. Maybe? No. He would also lean down and whisper softly, "I'd kiss you if we were together, Prachai."
And Pae would elbow him. But his ears would turn red.
They were also helping each other with their career. Since Pae's major was decorative arts, he was the very first person Tong reached out to after getting an illustration task from one of his old friends. They were about to start a clothing business, and they wanted someone to make graphic designs for their tshirts. Of course, Tong reached out to Pae first, knowing well that Pae wasn't exactly into that.
But a job is a job. Exposure is exposure. So Pae was more than happy to do so. Yet, came the struggles. He wasn't satisfied. He needed multiple designs, but working his ass off a week long, he could only come up with three. Seeing his frustration, Tong felt kind of guilty.
"Hey, I'm sorry, you're worried about the job I kinda insisted you to take."
Pae shook his head, "You were just trying to help. Besides, I'm glad I'm getting to learn something new because of this." Then he sighed, "I'm just.. Scared I won't be able to finish in time."
"You still have to make.. 4 more? Right?"
"Hm.. And I only have two days."
"Well, if you work late-"
"Amd I'm out of ideas." Pae looked so blank, it ached the taller man in the chest. Those beautiful ocean eyes were dull and gloomy. He didn't like that. So he desperately tried to save them.
"Let's.. Let's think about some themes first? Hm?" He said, "You already did one punk, one.. retro, isn't it? One typography. I see. Well, you can add one more typography, but with the opposite vibe you know? Like, this one's bold. Why don't you go for a minimal one?"
Pae nodded, "Okay. I'll do that. And I was also thinking of... A landscape? Just the outline. What do you think?"
"Yeah, that works just fine. You can also do vintage."
"Right! I thought about a cassette player, or- or an vinyl record." Pae paused next, "But I still have to think about the details."
Tong patted his head, who was an adorable human in his eyes. "Ugh, it's stressing me out."
"Don't stress, Pae. You'll do just fine. Just look at some inspiration photos and then go with the flow. I've seen your art. I know whatever you create would be worth spending for."
Pae looked at him, as if to see whether he was being truthful. Honestly, in those eyes, he saw nothing but trust. Reliance. He felt.. Safe.
So he did what he felt like doing. He held Tong's hand and smiled. "I know what I wanna do as the last design of this project."
"Hm? What?"
Pae gave him a mischievous smile, "You'll know later."
"Huh? What? Why?? This is not fair!" Tong complained. But Pae stood up with a grin, "Let's go. I need to start working right away."
"But.. Pae.. This is unacceptable. Why won't you tell meee?"
And then it's a view people got used to. Tong and Pae walking side by side. The taller one's gaze on the man by his side, and Pae? He would look straight. Smile like he did something fun and hear the man talk. That's how he liked to feel.
He knew he had fallen for Tong. Sweet, caring, considerate and kind Tong.
So it was only a matter of time they'd get together, right?
Well, people make mistakes. So, one time, Tong did something to cross the line. Just once. But that alone made him lose all his confidence of ever winning Pae's trust back.
Pae approached him this time. It was few days after he had sent all the illustrations. The team liked it. They appreciated every design, specially the jazz themed one where one drummer with his drumset was proudly playing on the bottom left. It was the secret Pae had in mind. And he gifted the product upon release to Tong.
Tong was overjoyed to say the least.
To celebrate, they went drinking. Normally, they'd hold back. Especially Pae. He knew he was a lightweight. So he usually just had one beer or two.
But that night, he felt something. Maybe because all his friends were wearing shirts he designed, maybe because the entire celebration was to congratulate him, support him, thank him. He had to drink a decent amount. And some more because his friends were pushing him. He drank happily, especially knowing that Tong was gently holding him from behind.
So when Tong took Pae back to his place, not Pae's, the latter casually fell on the bed. Yes, it wasn't the first time he was in that place. But he usually stayed for a short amount of time. So Tong, who was a bit tipsy himself, got flustered.
"Pae.", He called, "Go take a shower first, hm?"
"I don't want to." Whined the drunk man, rolled over and mumbled on the sheets. Tong watched him, his lips broke into a grin of adoration.
"Khun Prachai..." he called in a sing song voice, tried to flip the man on the bed. Pae giggled, and suddenly grabbed the other's face.
"You're so handsome." He said, adding to the taller man's chills. "How are you so handsome? You're tall-" Pae's hand went to Tong's neck, "Kind." Down his chest, "And hot." He undid a button of that shirt. Tong who had been smiling, stopped. He was hyper focused on what Pae was doing with his shirt.
When the second button came undone, almost the entirety of Tong's chest was out in the open. The cold air from the aircon chilled him to the core. But Pae's clueless, half lidded eyes were doing the most damage.
He wanted to kiss that beautiful man.
'He's drunk.' Tong thought, then grabbed Pae's hand before he could fiddle with another button. Pae kept giggling. "Are you shy?" He asked. "Don't be. I'll do the same." And he immediately tried to take his own shirt off. Tong interrupted in time. Then, to give himself some time, he rushed to take a shower.
When he returned, Pae had fallen asleep. He tucked himself under the blanket, looking peaceful as his long eyelashes shadowed his face. Tong finished his routine and found a spot next to the man. He usually sleeps in a pair of shorts only. Since Pae had already gone to sleep, he didn't think about changing that. So, half naked, he slipped under the same blanket. He had one fear though, and it came true. Pae was in his underwear only.
'Holy shit!' Tong cursed in his head. How would he control himself when his crush was under the same blanket as him, wearing minimum clothing? He couldn't even get close to Pae, cause he'd feel the body warmth that way. Even so, just looking at that pretty face, he had wild thoughts running in his head.
'I wanna kiss him.' He kept hearing in his head. 'His lips look so irresistible.' He unknowingly licked his own lips. 'Just one kiss. It won't hurt, right!?'
Had he been sober, he'd have never done it. Or maybe? Would he? Tong didn't know. All he knew was that he had to taste Pae's lips. Then and there. Should he ask? But Pae was sleeping. He wouldn't mind, right? He seems to like Tong just the same.
So he approached the man. Then, hesitating over and over again, he slowly pecked Pae's lips.
That should have been it. But once you taste heaven, you gotta crave more.
And so, he got bolder. He sucked on those lips once. Pae stirred. Once. Tong froze. But like a moth drawn to a flame, he went ahead for a third time.
This time, the other guy woke up. With a jolt. Pae happened to realise what was going on.
He sat up, his naked torso glaring at Tong. "What the hell are you doing?" He asked, his tone was full of anger. Tong gulped. He realized what he had done.
"Pae.. I... I'm sorry, I just... I couldn't.."
"You kissed me in my sleep?" Pae asked again, "Seriously?"
"You just looked so cute, and.. You know how much I like you, so I couldn't.."
"Couldn't what?" Pae frowned, "Do you think I'm okay with whatever you were doing? Huh? Have I agreed to do this with you?"
Tong sat up too, and Pae didn't take it well that the other was naked from the top as well. "Hey!" The taller one took his hands, "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I should have asked first. I kind of acted on my impulse and-"
"God." Pae took his hands away, "I trusted you, Tong!"
He stood up, looking for his clothes. Surprised and speechless with a load of guilt, Tong only realized that Pae was getting dressed after he had put his pants and shirt back on.
"Where are you going?" he asked, terrified.
"Home." Pae replied. Hearing this, the latter stood up to stop him from leaving, "It's late already, and you're drunk. Please don't- I promise I'll sleep in another room, you can lock the door from the inside too, just-"
"Don't say anything." Pae looked at him with resentment in his eyes, maybe? Or was it just hurt? "I don't feel comfortable here with you. And please - don't try to follow me. I can find my way back home." And then, leaving a guilt ridden, hurt, worried Tong, he left all alone, late at night.
Tong couldn't sleep. Despite Pae's objections, he called, texted, even went out to desperately walk back and forth. In the end, he had to wake Duang up and hear from him whether Pae had reached home or not. He felt like a scumbag.
It might be a small act of slipping. A kiss or two. But it did something way too big. It probably destroyed what the cocoon of comfort he had slowly designed for Pae.
He couldn't forgive himself.
The next day, he went straight to the department of decorative arts to talk and solve the issue. To his dismay, Pae had skipped classes that day, telling Duang and Jamie that he was having a bad hangover. But Tong knew why- maybe he didn't recover from the shock or betrayal yet.
So he decided to confess and ask Pae's friends to look after him.
"You shouldn't have done that." Duang said. Tong agreed. He knew that already.
"Yeah, no matter what, consent is the most important thing in this case." Jamie added. It made the other sigh for the nth time since that incident. Dunag felt bad for him, "It's okay. At least you realised your mistake. Just give Pae some time. I'm sure he'll forgive you."
"I really hope so." Said Tong, "But for today, can you guys go and quickly check on him? He probably has a headache- he drank more than he could last night."
"Yeah, we will. We have one more class, after that we'll visit him." Said Jamie. With a nod, Tong left. He really hoped one day, Pae does forgive him. Otherwise, how would he function? He fell way too deep for the ocean eyed guy already.
Good thing that Duang and Jamie were good wing men. As they learned everything from Pae, although they didn't defend Tong's actions, they did say what the truth was.
"He knows what he did wasn't okay. And he really feels sorry." Said Duang.
"I know, I don't doubt that." Pae replied. "It's just.. I was asleep."
"If you don't feel okay yet, then take your time. But if you're ready, just hear from him, okay?" Jamie said, "Because he truly likes you, dude."
Pae sighed. He knew that. And he really liked Tong too. But how could he ever let it sink that his first kiss with Tong was one without consent?
However, his fondness overpowered the dilemma. That evening, he found himself calling the drummer to arrange a dinner together. Tong arrived soon. Just outside Pae's place, at a small noddles shop.
He looked like he had spent the whole day under immense stress. Finals? Maybe. But thinking about that kiss with Pae? Of course.
"Pae?" He called just two seconds after the shorter had ordered their meals, "I'm really, really sorry."
"I know." Pae spoke, "I'm not as shocked as I was last night. I was just.. Disappointed." He sighed, "I wanted our first kiss to be... Special. Not like this. Not when I was.. Not even aware of it."
Tong felt like shit. He didn't realize before- what a tender side he had affected. Pae had fantasies about their first kiss. He just lost to the whim of a moment. He should have known better. He kept his head low, and apologised again, "I don't know how else to say it, but I'm an asshole. I made you uncomfortable. I didn't want to, I promise. But it's true that my actions hurt you and I'm so incredibly sorry. I shall do anything you want me to do. Just.. Can you please at least try to forgive me?"
Pae's gaze softened. So did his heart. He could tell how sincere Tong's words were. But he couldn't act like everything was fine, right? Especially as he feels upset thinking that Tong had somewhat taken advantage of him.
"I don't want any that from you, actually. I probably need some space. Will you be okay if.. For a while, we don't get too close to each other."
Tong nodded so hard, his head was about to fall off. "Sure! Why not!? I won't get close to you, won't hold your hand or maybe won't touch you at all, won't even look at you- or maybe.. Can I at least look at you?"
Pae chuckled, "You can." He saw a smile of relief on the other man's face, then the same man apologised one more time.
"Will you keep saying sorry to me?"
"If it makes you feel better, yes."
"I already feel better after talking to you, Tong." Pae said, smiling, "It hurts me seeing you sad too, you know?"
Tong could crush him in a hug, but he held back. Distance- was what he should maintain. Space- was what he should give Pae to make things better.
He was doing pretty good at that. It helped, at first. But slowly, Pae wanted to get closer and closer to Tong. Jamie said that he should man up and do something about it. Duang said that they should kiss again. Pae didn't know how to approach anymore. He was the one setting boundaries in the first place. How could he go ahead and ask Tong to overstep?
Sometimes, spontaneous actions can help overcoming all doubts and insecurities. For Pae, it was his saving grace.
By their third year, the jazz trio were well known across the campus. They had performed during concerts, showcases, one more freshy night and at random functions. People loved them. So they were called again and again before heavy concerts to set the mood. In one such concert, Pae realized that Qin wasn't the only one with fans. Some freshers were cheering for the drummer instead, holding banners and all. At first, he felt proud, that people find his crush worth swooning over. But as he kept listening to those people, he realized that they weren't harmless fans, they wanted to get to know Tong for real.
One girl said to another, "I'm gonna get his Line ID after this, just you wait."
The other one replied, "How're you gonna do it though? They're very popular."
"Yeah, but P'Tong gave out his contact before. I have heard from my senior."
"What if he has a partner?"
The girl giggled, "He's single."
A guy spoke this time, "What if he has someone he likes?"
"As long as they're not together, I'll keep trying. I really like him!" The girl squealed, "He's so handsome!!"
Pae shouldn't have paid heed to them. But he did. And he didn't realise what the heavy feeling in his chest meant. He just knew, looking at Tong, that he didn't wanna keep the man waiting.
So after they were done, before those girls could get close, he ran backstage, all the way before Tong. The taller male was sweating a little, but that didn't affect his charm one bit.
"We need to talk." He said, confusing all of their friends.
Tong scanned everyone's faces, he looked a little worried, not to lie. Then followed Pae out of there. On their way, Pae saw those girls. So, by instinct, he grabbed Tong's hand. The latter halted from surprise, because it's the first time after that incident that they had held hands intentionally. They had accidental touches here and there, but not like this. Tong felt something shift inside him. He was melting although his heart was hammering in the chest.
Pae took him all the way back to the decorative arts department building, with no one near them. He stopped, turned and felt a beat skip looking at Tong's gorgeous face.
Damn. That hottie belongs to him.
To Tong's curious face, he replied, "Those girls were fangirling over you."
Confused, Tong asked, "Which girls?"
"Doesn't matter." Pae frowned, "I didn't like it."
"Okay.. Should I do anything about it? I mean.. If they ask I can always tell them that I like you."
"But that's if they ask. They'll keep daydreaming until that, right?"
"Um.."
"People think like that cause you're single." Pae said. Tong blinked, "I am... But I'm seeing you. So-"
"I don't want them to think you're single. I.. I want everyone to know that we- we are a thing."
Tong was still confused, "Okay, I.. I can post a picture of you, so everyone knows-"
"Be my boyfriend." Pae suddenly said, "Will you?"
Tong blinked. His mouth opened to say something, then closed, then opened again, "Pae.. Are you... Being for real?"
Pae took a deep breath, "I am. I've been thinking for a while. I don't wanna keep you waiting when I want you just as much. So.. Please, my boyfriend, Tong. So that no one else can think about a future with you."
Tong broke into a shy grin. He looked down at his feet then back at Pae's eyes," If that's what you want, then I'll be your boyfriend." His eyes sparkled. He took a step forward, then attempted to hug Pae, but stopped just inches apart and asked," Can I hold you for a-"
Pae pulled him in by the hand and buried his face in that chest, mumbling," You don't have to ask anymore, dummy. We're boyfriends now." Tong responded by hugging him tight. One of his hands secured the shorter man by the waist, the other went to hold Pae's head, fingers buried in his hair. Tong said, a bit jumpy, "You don't know how happy I am, Pae! I was so scared that.. you'll never think the same way about me, that I lost you and-" He smiled, "I'm so happy you gave me another chance."
Pae parted from the hug, his eyes were twinkling- as if the moon was shining over ocean water at night. "That's because I'm attracted to you just the same."
Tong cupped his cheek with one hand, softly brushing his thumb on the skin. Pae moved his face to leave a small kiss on that palm. Tong grinned. And asked the obvious.
"Can I kiss you?"
Pae was dying from excitement, but had to say, "Like I told you, we're boyfriends now. No need to ask. Just do it if you want to. I'll tell you if I'm not okay with anything."
"Then I'm going to kiss you, Pae Prachai."
And with that, Tong kissed Pae months after the first incident. It was emotional, passionate, special- just as Pae imagined. Their lips locked, moved on their own- fitting in between as if they had done it multiple times before. Tong had leaned down, his hold against Pae's waist tightened. Pae grabbed Tong's shirt near his torso, eyes closed to feel the kiss with his entire being.
They parted, grinning, shying out. Pae buried his face in Tong's chest again. He loved the kiss. All of it.
And Tong hugged him one more time. There was no rush, no worries. Just butterflies and a lifelong promise of looking after each other.