Archive of Our Own

Eddie woke up with something wrong sitting in his chest.

It was not a condition or a sickness. It was a bad feeling. Like his body had sensed something his mind hadn’t caught yet.

He stayed on his back for a moment, eyes fixed on the ceiling, watching the pale morning light creep through the edges of the curtains. The idea of getting up felt difficult in a way that didn’t make sense. He wasn't tired, he slept a pretty good amount of sleep. But his body didn't want to start this day. All his sensations were telling him to not start this day because something bad was about to happen to him. He didn't know what, but he felt it coming. 

His phone was within reach, close enough that he could grab it without even sitting up. He could send a quick message to Chimney to say he was sick, or that Christopher was sick and he had to watch over him. He could stay here, in his house, protected, and skip this day entirely. 

Then his mind went to Buck.

The shift was immediate like his thoughts had been circling something all along and had finally settled on the only person that made sense.

He opened their messages, scrolling just slightly before stopping on their last exchange. A selfie Eddie had taken of Christopher and himself, both of them sitting in the couch, holding a slice of pizza, Chris mid-laugh and Eddie half in frame, not even looking at the camera properly. It hadn’t been anything special, just a moment that felt worth sharing, the kind of thing he sent Buck without overthinking it because Buck had become part of those small ordinary updates.

He read his own message under the picture. 'You should come by.' he had suggested, wanting Buck to be part of their fun like always. 

Buck’s reply had come not long after. 'sounds good but i can’t. Already got something planned'

Eddie had frowned yesterday's night reading this and he didn't even answer. It hadn’t felt necessary. Buck had a life outside of him, of course he did.

But now, staring at the screen in this quiet of the morning, it felt wrong, Eddie should've be honest and say that he really wanted Buck to join them.

Eddie’s thumb hovered over the keyboard for a second then he started typing.

'Morning. You’re alright?'

His hand hovered for a second, then he deleted his message and let his phone drop back to the mattress.

He exhaled slowly and pushed himself upright, dragging his hand down his face.

He was being stupid. He didn’t even believe in this kind of thing. Bad premonition, curses, jinx or whatever. Those weren’t things you built your day around. You got up, you moved and you made the day what it was. And if this is a shitty day, well, you can make it a good day if you make right decisions.

Simple as that.

He swung his legs off the bed and pushed himself up before he could think about it too much, letting routine take over where his thoughts kept hesitating. He had woken up earlier than usual, earlier than he needed. He could at least make something good out of the morning.

He arrived in the kitchen and reached for flour and eggs. 

A couple of minutes later, Christopher came in halfway through, drawn in by the smell, hair still messy and eyes barely open, moving slower like he hadn’t fully decided to be awake yet.

“Pancakes?” he asked, voice rough with sleep.

Eddie glanced over at him while flipping a pancake. “Yeah.” he said, a small smile pulling at his mouth. 

Christopher nodded immediately, satisfied with that answer, and slid into his chair. “Can you try to make blueberry ones like Buck does?”

Eddie let out a quiet breath that almost turned into a laugh, shaking his head slightly. “Okay, mijo.”

He didn’t promise they’d look the same tho because they didn’t. But it was better than his usual! Still not perfectly shaped as Buck somehow managed every time, but one of them had come out close. It was almost right and that was new for Eddie.

He wiped his hands on a towel, reached for his phone, and took a quick picture of the almost perfect pancake.

'I might be the best cook in this house very soon' he wrote under. He sent the message to Buck.

The reply came a few minutes later. A series of laughing emojis followed by a 'yeah yeah keep lying to yourself'

Eddie huffed softly under his breath. Then the typing bubble appeared. He watched it without meaning to, his attention narrowing slightly as he waited. But the dots disappeared and no message followed.

He kept his gaze on the screen a second longer than necessary before he locked his phone and set it down on the counter, turning back to the stove like nothing happened.

They ate together. Christopher talking about his new science project. The bad feeling from earlier faded a bit inside of him, but it was not gone, just easier to ignore because of his son's energy.

They got ready without rushing. He dropped Christopher off right on time and the drive to the station went smoothly. Green lights lining up one after another, the road opening in front of him without effort. By the time he parked, he was early. Nobody from his team was there yet as he cannot see their cars.

He cut the engine, stepped out, and instead of heading straight inside the station, he turned toward the street.

When he walked into the station, it was with a box of donuts in his hands. "Morning. Hope y'all are hungry."

“Oh wow, thank you Eddie!” Hen exclaimed, already reaching into the box before he had fully set it down. “What’s the occasion?”

Eddie leaned against the table, letting a small smile settle on his face. “No occasion.” he said. 

Hen raised an eyebrow with a donut in her hand, not believing him for a second.

“Well, this morning kinda felt off.” Eddie added, shrugging lightly. “So I'm just trying to have a good day.”

Chimney let out a short laugh from the kitchen, coffee in hand. “That’s a bold way of thinking considering our job.”

Eddie huffed quietly. “It’s working so far.”

“Shift hasn’t even started.” Ravi pointed out.

"I want a good day too." Harry muttered from the side, slouched into the couch. “I’d take a q-day without complaining.”

Eddie watched them for a moment, the ease of it, the routine, the noise that made everything feel grounded.

“Today’s gonna be a good day.” he said, more to himself than anyone else. “Where’s Buck?”

The question slipped out anyway because at some point checking for Buck had become part of how he oriented himself in a room, the same way he noted exits or counted heads without thinking about it. He had already looked once when he walked in, a quick scan of the station floor, the kitchen, the couches, the open spaces where Buck usually existed in constant motion, and the absence had registered before he had fully processed it.

“I don’t know.” Chimney said, "I thought he was in the locker room or something.”

"Weird. He’s already here at this hour normally." said Eddie.

“Maybe he overslept?” Harry suggested while eating his donut.

“No.” Eddie answered immediately. “We texted this morning.”

He didn’t mention the way that small interaction had grounded the start of his day just enough to ignore the unease that had followed him out of bed. The point was simple: Buck had been there this morning. So where the hell was he now?

Chimney suddenly straightened and nodded toward the bay doors. “Oh—there he is! And... he's not alone.”

Eddie turned before the words had fully landed. Buck was there, walking in, his bag on his shoulder as usual. But then, his gaze fell on Tommy next to him.

Tommy.

Here.

With Buck.

Ravi let out a quiet laugh under his breath. “Well, guess we know why he’s late now.”

Eddie didn’t respond because he didn't understand what was happening right before his eyes.

Buck had broken up with Tommy months ago. There had been moments after where Buck had mentioned him again, hovering around the idea of reaching out and Eddie had always redirected it so he had assumed the 'i want to text my ex' phase had passed.

Well, he had assumed wrong because Buck was smiling. And it was the kind of smile you give someone you’re trying to keep at arm’s length. Tommy was matching it, like whatever had happened between them had been resolved in a way Eddie hadn’t been there to witness.

Buck looked up and for a second, their eyes almost met. Eddie felt it, that near-connection between them.

And then, Buck looked away. Eddie felt something sharp settle low in his chest, similar as this morning when he woke up.

What was that?

“Hey guys.” Buck said as they got closer, his voice carrying just enough to reach them without forcing the moment, like he was trying to keep it casual even though there was something underneath it that didn’t quite match the tone.

“Hey Buckaroo.” Hen answered with a warm smile. “And hey, Tommy.”

“Hello, everyone. Nice to see y'all.” Tommy added easily.

Buck glanced at all of them, his gaze moving quickly, almost too quickly, like he was checking reactions before anything had even been said. Then he shifted his weight slightly, his hand brushing against the back of his neck.

“So, yeah, uh…” Buck started, the hesitation small but noticeable if you knew him well enough. “We have something to tell you.”

We.

Eddie didn’t move and didn’t even speak. His attention was on Buck and Tommy, around the way they stood just close. 

They’re back together, Eddie realized.

Eddie kept his face still but he could feel a pain inside him. His gaze flicked briefly to Buck, searching without meaning to, but Buck wasn’t looking at him, his attention angled somewhere else, toward the group, toward Tommy, toward anything that wasn’t Eddie.

Tommy glanced at Buck, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You wanna say it or should I?”

Buck huffed out a quiet breath, almost nervous, and smiled back to him. “Go ahead.”

Eddie tried again to catch his eye but Buck didn’t look at him, not even briefly.

Tommy turned slightly toward the group. “Okay. So… Evan and I,” he began, letting the words hang just long enough to gather attention and Eddie wanted to throw up. “We are engaged and we’re planning to get married very soon.” said Tommy while smiling and then kissing Buck on his forehead.

At the same time, Buck lifted his hand. The ring caught the light immediately, a clean silver band that stood out against his skin.

Sound didn’t disappear entirely, but voices blending like they were happening in another room. The station was still there, the people, the movement, the familiar environment Eddie had spent years navigating without thinking, but none of it felt accessible anymore.

All Eddie could focus on was that hand, that ring, and the fact that Buck still hadn’t looked at him.

They're more than back together.

Buck and Tommy are engaged.

And Eddie felt like he was dying inside.

Eddie felt his own hands flex slightly at his sides before he could stop them, fingers curling and then releasing, an unconscious attempt to regain control of something that wasn’t physical. His jaw tightened again, but he didn’t speak. He couldn’t have trusted his voice even if he wanted to.

Chimney said something like “Wait, seriously?” and Hen followed it with a “Since when?” and there was movement around them now, people stepping closer.

Eddie remained exactly where he was.

Buck finally lowered his hand. The ring disappeared from Eddie’s view but that didn’t help. If anything, it made it worse because now Eddie had to imagine it instead of seeing it.

He exhaled slowly through his mouth, controlled, practiced, the way he did on calls when something went wrong but wasn’t supposed to escalate. His body was doing its job but again, his mind wasn’t cooperating.

“I asked him this morning.” Tommy said, looking at Buck while smiling. “I didn’t plan some big speech or anything.”

"Don't say that. Your speech was perfect." Buck smiled.

"This is so amazing guys but since when are you even back together?" Harry dared to ask what everyone here were asking themselves. 

Tommy let escape a small laugh. "Well, since I asked him to marry him so… this morning."

“Listen.” Buck said, seeing everyone shocked by this news. “I know this might seem really fast but I want this. We both want this.” he exhaled lightly through his nose, “We... just don’t want to waste time anymore.”

“Yeah.” Tommy added, “I know it probably looks sudden from the outside, but we’ve been figuring our relationship out for a while and now, we finally had the answer for it.”

Hen’s face softened instantly by these words. She stepped forward before anyone else could speak and pulled Buck into a hug. 

“Oh, my Buckaroo...” she said, her voice warm and gentle. “I’m so happy for you.” She pulled back just slightly, still holding his shoulders, smiling at him like. “Tommy’s very lucky to have you.”

Tommy gave an appreciative nod at that. “I am."

Chimney let out a short breath that sounded like a mix between disbelief and reluctant amusement, shaking his head as he looked between them. 

“Well,” he said, gesturing vaguely with his hand as if trying to organize the situation into something manageable, “Tommy’s gonna be part of the family now, huh? Congratulations, both of you!” He hugged them both.

Family. For Eddie, the word landed differently than everything else.

“Guess that makes things official in more ways than one.” Tommy said, glancing briefly at Buck. Then he looked back at the group or well, more at Eddie because Eddie could swear the coming words were for him to hear. “I just want to be part of Evan's life.”

Ravi clapped Buck on the back with a grin that carried both surprise and genuine warmth, said something enthusiastic Eddie didn’t quite catch, and for a few seconds the entire space filled with movement, laughter, something celebratory. Buck and Tommy were being pulled into hugs, hands landing on shoulders, voices overlapping with congratulations that came naturally to everyone else in a way that felt almost effortless.

Eddie watched it happen in front of him and then he felt every single gaze shifting toward him.

For the first time since Buck had walked in, Buck was finally looking at him.

And Eddie knew what he was supposed to do. Step forward, say something joyful, maybe a joke, about their wedding announcement and be happy for them. But he also knew that what he felt didn’t match that expectation in any way.

He lifted his gaze properly, met Buck’s eyes for just long enough to make it count, then let it move to Tommy before settling somewhere neutral between them.

“Good.” Eddie said.

The word landed wrong the second it left his mouth, he knew it was definitely not enough to pass as genuine. Eddie could feel the eyes on him more clearly now.

Buck looked at him like he was confused but also like he wanted to murder him with his eyes.

“I’m gonna change.” Eddie muttered to no one in particular, his voice low enough to blend into the background as he turned his back from the scene.

No one stopped him.

He didn’t know how long he had stayed in the locker room but when he finally stepped back into the kitchen, Tommy was already gone.

“I can’t believe you’re engaged.” Hen was saying, leaning against the counter. Eddie, from the stairs, could see Buck in front of her. “Does Maddie know?”

Buck smiled, shaking his head slightly as he lifted his coffee cup. “Not yet. I’m debating whether I should FaceTime her and just show her my hand or wait and tell her as soon as possible.”

Chimney let out a laugh. “Wait. Definitely wait. She’s gonna be mad enough she wasn’t the first to know.”

Buck huffed out something close to a laugh. “True.” He took a sip of his coffee, then added, more casually, almost like it was an afterthought but not quite like. “Tommy wanted to drive me here. He likes the idea of telling you guys before anyone else. Where it all started for us, I guess. ”

“Cute but that’s crazy. I would’ve bet on a lot of things, but not you two getting engaged.” said Ravi.

“Yeah, well, same. It was kind of sudden. I mean, we’d talked about marriage before, back when we were still together, but that was brief. So when he proposed this morning, after what I thought was just going to be a one-night thing, I was so surprised but then I told myself—what is stopping me? Tommy’s… really good for me.” Buck went on, quieter now. “I don’t really want to imagine my future without him.”

“Aw, that’s actually really sweet.” Chimney said, grinning, clearly buying into it without hesitation. “I get it. That’s how it felt with Maddie too.”

No, Eddie thought, it wasn’t sweet at all.

Because Eddie had seen it. That change in Buck’s expression had faltered just slightly in the middle of his sentence, how he hesitated telling them about his engagement to Tommy, something fleeting passing through his face before he covered it.

Eddie knew him well enough to know it's not the reaction Buck will have if he was engaged to the person he loves. And that was exactly why everything didn’t sit right to Eddie.

It was all a lie.

“Mom and May are gonna be so happy for you! Do you guys have a date in my mind for the wedding yet?” Harry asked. 

"We’re thinking sooner but we haven’t had time to talk about it properly.” Buck lifted his hand briefly again, like the ring alone was explanation enough. “I’ve been engaged for, what, two hours?” he added, amused. “But hey, when we figure it out, you’ll be the first ones to know.”

That was Eddie’s cue. He stepped in then, making his presence known, like he hadn’t just been standing in the stairs listening, like nothing about this felt off as he crossed the room and reached for a mug, pouring himself coffee.

But of course, the conversation dropped out of him mid-breath.

Buck moved. “I’m gonna go change too.” he just walked past him, disappearing downstairs toward the locker room without looking back.

Chimney, Hen, Ravi, and Harry all turned toward him at the same time.

“What?” Eddie asked after a beat, his tone edged just enough to signal that he already knew what this was about and didn’t particularly feel like playing along.

Chimney didn’t hesitate. “You’re not happy about this.” he said, blunt as ever like he was stating something obvious rather than accusing him.

Eddie’s jaw tightened slightly. “Who said I am not?”

“Someone who’s happy that their best friend is getting married doesn’t just say ‘good’ and call it a day.” Hen recalled, crossing her arms as well, Eddie knew she was disappointed of him. “You didn’t even hug him. Hell, you didn't even smile.”

Eddie exhaled slowly through his nose, forcing himself to keep his voice even. “Well, I’m not big on public displays.”

Ravi let out a quiet huff of disbelief. “Or maybe just say you don’t like Tommy.”

Eddie’s gaze snapped toward him. “I never said I didn’t like him.”

“And that’s really not the point.” Hen cut in, her tone firmer. She sighed lightly, like she was choosing her words carefully this time. “Maybe you didn’t say it out loud but we can see it because you didn't try to hide it, Eddie. Buck’s a grown man. If he thinks Tommy is the person he’s going to be happy with, then you need to be there for him. Support him. Trust him. And I mean it, I know what I’m talking about.”

Eddie did know what she was referring to, the day when she had said she was not sure Chimney and Maddie should get married.

And for a second, something in him flared up because no, it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t even close to the same. Chimney and Maddie had history, had gone through hell and come out of it together, had broken and rebuilt something real over time. You could see it in the way they looked at each other, in the way they moved around one another, in the way their relationship had weight. Whatever what was between Buck and Tommy wasn’t that. This was rushed and too sudden in a way that nobody else seemed willing to acknowledge.

Eddie felt the words rise before he could stop them. “Don’t you think this is way too fast?” he asked, his control slipping just enough to let something real show through. “Tommy broke up with him real quick and what, months later they spend one night together and he’s proposing to him? That makes sense to you?”

“We asked about that and they answered us, very clearly.” Hen answered. “And honestly? That kind of unpredictability fits Buck.”

Eddie let out a short breath, shaking his head slightly. “That’s exactly the problem. This isn’t something you just fall into. This is marriage. That’s not supposed to be an impulsive decision.”

Hen glanced at him. "You know better than anyone that not everything happens in a clean and perfect logical order, even if we all want to."

Harry, who had been quieter until now, spoke up, his tone more thoughtful than confrontational. “Love doesn’t always follow a plan. People don’t either. And they look happy. Isn’t that what matters?”

Eddie didn’t answer right away. Because the problem was, he had an answer.

But he couldn't say it.

The sirens went on, making them done with the conversation. 

During the first few hours of their shift, Buck barely spoke to him.

Eddie noticed it immediately, in the spaces where Buck’s voice should have been, in the way conversations curved around him instead of including him, in the absence of those small, automatic interactions that usually filled their day without effort. Buck wasn’t avoiding him in a dramatic way, he was simply not there for him like he used to and somehow that was worse.

Eddie knew he should fix it. He knew exactly what he was supposed to do.  Pull him aside, say something, apologize, smooth it over but every time he thought about opening his mouth, the words stayed stuck somewhere between intention and action, blocked by something he couldn’t quite push through. So he didn’t. He let the hours pass and the distance settle, told himself he would deal with it later.

Later came anyway.

It was around lunch, during one of those rare quiet stretches where the station seemed to exhale all at once. Eddie chose the table without really thinking about it, sitting down with his back straight, his hands resting loosely in front of him, as if positioning himself there might make things easier somehow, might create an opening that hadn’t existed all morning.

Buck was at the stove, moving around the kitchen with a familiarity that felt almost too natural now, filling the space in a way that reminded Eddie of Bobby. 

Buck slid something into the oven, closed it with a soft push, then turned around and stopped. The surprise on his face was immediate, unfiltered, like he hadn’t expected Eddie to be there at all. “Oh. Hey.”

Eddie looked up right away. “Hey Buck.”

A silence followed. Buck turned back to the counter, picking up where he had left off. The faint smell of a salad dressing cut through the air.

Eddie watched him for a second longer than he should have. He noticed the tension in Buck’s shoulders. He opened his mouth, the start of something forming an apology or at least an attempt at one but Buck spoke first.

“Is it okay if I come by your place next week for diner?” Buck said, his tone careful, more formal than it ever was with Eddie, like he had rehearsed the sentence before saying it out loud. “To, you know, tell Christopher properly who I'm gonna marry. If that’s okay with you.”

The words landed gently, but the intention behind them didn’t.

Eddie blinked once, the request taking a second to settle, to connect fully with everything else that had happened. Eddie blinked again. Of course. Buck had to tell Christopher, had to explain that he was getting married, that he was going to marry a man, that he was going to marry... Tommy.

“Yeah. Of course.” Eddie said quickly, almost too quickly, nodding as he straightened slightly. “You don’t even have to ask, you know that.”

“I don’t know,” Buck said, his voice quieter now, edged with something faintly bitter. “considering how you reacted.”

Eddie felt that hit clean.

Oh. Shit. Was that what Buck thought?

“Wait, Buck—” Eddie pushed himself up from his seat, closing the distance between them before he could second-guess it, his body moving faster than his thoughts. His voice was steadier than he felt. “Of course you can tell Chris. I would never— I would never have a problem with you being with a man. You know that.”

Buck looked at him. There was a pause, a long one, where it felt like he was weighing something, like he was trying to decide whether to believe him or not, then he nodded.

Eddie exhaled quietly, some of the tension leaving his shoulders but not all of it. Hen’s words echoed somewhere in the back of his mind. You need to be there for him.

Right. He could do that. He had to.

“It was Tommy who proposed, right?” Eddie asked, softer now, like he was trying to step into the conversation properly this time, trying to rebuild something that had slipped earlier.

He reached out before he could stop himself and took Buck’s hand, turning it slightly to look at the ring. Up close, it felt even more real. He focused on it, maybe too much, his thumb brushing lightly against Buck’s knuckles as if grounding himself through the contact.

Tommy had put that there.

Buck stayed quiet and Eddie didn’t look up right away, his gaze fixed on the ring like it held answers it didn’t actually have. When he finally lifted his head, it was because the silence had stretched too far.

And what he saw made him pause.

Buck was looking at him in a way that didn’t match anything that had happened between them so far. His eyes slightly glassy, not fully teary but close, his cheeks faintly flushed, something vulnerable and almost uncertain sitting just beneath the surface. There was a kind of awkwardness in it too, something unguarded, like he hadn’t meant to be caught in that exact expression.

“Buck?” Eddie asked, his voice dropping without him meaning it to. “Are you al—?”

“Why didn’t you congratulate me?” Buck asked in a whisper. The question landed softly but it hit harder.

“I’m… Buck, I’m sorry.” Eddie said, his voice lower now, stripped of the earlier rigidity, like the apology had finally pushed through something that had been blocking it since the morning but more because he couldn't see Buck in that state. “It wasn’t against you, I swear. I was just surprised. You and Tommy, I thought that was over and then you show up this morning hand in hand out of nowhere telling us you’re getting married. I know I shouldn’t have reacted like that. I just… I’m worried.” 

Eddie exhaled slowly, thumb still resting lightly against Buck’s hand like he hadn’t fully realized he was still holding it.

Buck let out a small laugh, but it didn’t really land as humor. “I kind of figured you wouldn’t exactly be thrilled.” he said, eyes dropping for a second before lifting back to Eddie. “But I guess I was hoping you’d at least pretend a little for me and then ask questions after.”

Eddie tightened his hold on Buck’s hand without meaning to, a small unconscious pull, like his body was trying to keep something from shifting further than it already had.

“Would you have believed me?” Eddie asked quietly. “If I’d smiled and acted like it was fine? If I’d just played along with the expectation?”

Buck didn’t answer right away. The silence between them didn’t feel empty, it felt almost careful, like neither of them wanted to be the one to move it in the wrong direction. Buck’s hand stayed under Eddie’s but there was something different now in the way Buck held still inside it, like he was choosing not to pull away yet.

“I guess I was a little hurt that you didn't tell me about you seeing him again." Eddie admitted after a moment. “But you’re right. I shouldn’t have put my feelings in front of yours. This is was your moment.”

“Eddie.” Buck said immediately. His head shook once, small, like he was trying to refuse the direction the conversation was taking. "I will never be mad at you for being honest with me. You know that.”

"I know." Eddie said, looking at Buck's blue eyes. Because yeah, Buck will never judge him for his feelings, even when he should sometimes, when Eddie was bitter and angry.

The kitchen noise faded into something irrelevant, where everything outside the space between them stopped mattering in any useful way. They were just looking at each other. 

“Tell me now, Eddie.” Buck said in a soft whisper who hold so much affection, sadness and hope. “Tell me what you actually think of me being engaged to Tommy. Please.”

Eddie held his gaze, and something inside him quietly split in two again, not in clarity, but in contradiction, like two instincts learning they could no longer occupy the same body and the same mind.

There was one version of him that understood exactly what was unfolding here. And this version felt like butterflies in his belly and a sensation of freedom, because he simply showed him Buck. Buck who was happy, smiling to him, laughing with him forever. This version wanted happiness, truth and love. That was it. 

This version of him knew exactly what Buck was asking from him and that if Eddie said just one honest sentence, just one unguarded truth, it wouldn’t just respond to Buck’s question. It would undo the trajectory of both of their lives. Buck would immediatly called Tommy and told him they were over.

But Eddie's other version immediately came over and it carried with it the weight of every invisible rule he had ever internalised without instruction, every instinct to step back before stepping too far. Every inherited sense that some lines should never be crossed or he would faced divine consequences immediatly and no one's gonna save him from this.

Eddie stood there, caught between what he understood and what he refused to let himself understand fully, between restraint that kept everything intact and truth that threatened to undo it with a single breath, realising with a quiet kind of terror that whatever came next would not be reversible.

“If you’re happy with him,” Eddie started slowly, as if each word had to be placed in the exact right position to avoid collapse, “then I’m happy. That's what I actually think.”

The sentence settled between them with a quiet finality and Eddie knew exactly what it cost and he was sorry. Sorry for the way Buck’s expression had shifted, for the way hope had nowhere to land. Sorry for the silence he had chosen over something braver. Sorry, too, for this part of himself.

And yet, he was not entirely sorry for himself. Not enough to cross the line.

He had to do it, right?

Otherwise, he will be condemned to burn for eternity.

Buck’s hand slipped out of his. The absence was immediate, Eddie hadn’t realized how aware he had been of the contact until it was gone.

“Yes.” Buck said, nodding once, his voice steady, composed, exactly where it needed to be. “I am happy.”

Eddie watched Buck and his smile. The smile did its job but it just didn’t reach far enough. After all, Buck had never learned how to lie.

Footsteps broke the moment and voices followed. Buck stepped back first, creating distance between them.

“Did you guys talk?” Hen asked, her gaze moving between them, sharp enough to notice the shift even if she didn’t name it.

“Yes.” Eddie replied. “You were right earlier. Thank you, Hen.”

Hen studied him for a second longer than necessary, like she was looking for something just under the surface. Whatever she found —or didn’t—, she let it go.

The conversation moved on. Plates were passed around, food served, the normal rhythm of the station reasserting itself with quiet efficiency. Laughter returned in fragments, easy and familiar, like nothing had shifted at all.

Eddie played his part. It wasn’t even difficult. He had spent years learning how to do step into the version of himself people expected, the one that fit without friction, the one that didn’t complicate things unnecessarily. So he leaned into it, let it settle over him like something worn often enough to feel natural. 

He looked at Buck across the table, letting something lighter into his expression now, something that matched the tone everyone else had already accepted.

“I’m happy for you.” Eddie repeated, and this time it sounded closer to what people wanted to hear. “But how did it even happen yesterday? Between you and him. I mean, not the details but who called who first?”

Buck met his gaze. There was a flicker of something quite bitter again but Buck also stepped into the role waiting for him just as easily.

“It was me.” he said with a small shrug “I just wanted to see him last night. So I call him and then I went to his place. You know the rest.”

Eddie hated that story. 

Last night, he thought, Eddie had suggested him to come in his house. Why didn't Buck do it instead of being with Tommy? Was it before or after Eddie’s message? Probably after, right?

“Wait, did Tommy already have a ring?” Ravi asked, leaning forward.

Buck bite his lip. “Uh… yeah. I mean—no. Not really.” He let out a short breath, glancing briefly at his hand before looking back up. “Like I said, it was kind of impulsive so it’s the ring he had when he was engaged to Abby.”

Eddie’s head turned toward him so quickly he thought he could break his neck. “What?” 

“It was just to have a ring.” Buck said quickly. “To make it traditional. And he said this whole thing about not lying to himself anymore, how he wants to build something real with me. It was actually really meaningful. And it’s not like it’s the final ring. I’ll get another one for the wedding.”

Ravi tilted his head slightly, still trying to follow the logic to its end. “I mean it’s still kind of strange, no? Wearing the same ring your fiancé used when he was engaged to his ex fiancée who was, well, your ex girlfriend.”

Buck shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know. I think there’s something kind of romantic about it.”

Harry nodded, thoughtful, almost earnest. “Yeah. I can see the symbolic.”

Chimney laughed under his breath, nudging Harry lightly. "Your mother knows you know about all symbolism and romance?"

Hen didn’t laugh, she watched Buck instead. “It’s still unexpected.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal.” Buck insisted, a little more firmly this time. “It’s not like Abby was the love of his life or my life anyway.”

Eddie let out a short breath, he cannot believe what he was hearing right now. “You would’ve liked that? If I’d proposed to you with the ring I had when I was married to Shannon?”

Eddie didn’t focus on the way the others turned toward him for the hundred times this morning, the flicker of shock crossing their faces, the quiet attempt to understand whether this was a joke that had missed its mark or something else entirely. He was looking at Buck and Buck was looking at him. 

Buck spoke first, before anyone could say something.

“I guess we’ll never know,” he said, and his voice was calm, too calm with a hint of bitterness, “since you’re not the one who asked me to marry you.”

The alarm rang through the room before anything else could follow, before anyone could react, before the weight of what had just been said could be fully acknowledged.

In the weeks that followed, the announcement stopped being a moment and became a reality everyone moved around. Buck told Maddie first, then Athena and May, and from there it spread in widening circles.

Buck threw himself into the process of planning perfectly his wedding. After shifts, he always went to Tommy’s place more often. They had venues to visit, guest lists to draft, people to call. So Eddie didn't see Buck as much as before.

Athena had said it plainly one evening, with that grounded certainty she carried into everything, that planning a wedding took time and Buck, being who he was, wouldn’t do anything halfway. He would want it as close to perfect as he could make it.

Eddie nodded when she said it, accepted it without argument, because there was nothing to argue against.

The dinner with Christopher finally came around. Buck showed up a little earlier than usual, sleeves already rolled up, a grocery bag in one hand, moving through the house with an ease that hadn’t entirely disappeared despite everything.

“Chris asked for lasagna. You're fine with that?” he asked while washing his hands.

"Sounds good. Bobby's recipe?"

Buck hummed while smiling. 

Christopher was playing video games with in friends online in his room so Eddie stayed in the kitchen with Buck.

Their relationship had settled into something functional again over the past few weeks. Not what it had been before, not quite as effortless, but smoother than it had been that day. They talked, they worked together, they found a rhythm again. But there were gaps now, small absences where something used to exist without effort. Less time, fewer unplanned conversations, fewer moments that stretched without purpose.

He watched Buck, the way his shoulders loosened as soon as he settled into the rhythm of it, like the act of cooking gave him something steady to hold onto. He tasted the tomato sauce with the tip of a spoon, frowned slightly, then reached for the oregano without even looking, hand going straight to the right cabinet and the exact spot where it had always been. Of course Buck knew. He’d been the one to organize the kitchen in the first place, months ago, back when it had been half a joke and half an excuse to stay longer than necessary.

Eddie realized how much he had missed this.

Not just Buck being there, but Buck like this. At ease, as if they hadn’t spent the past weeks orbiting around something neither of them touched directly. There was no hesitation in the way he spoke, no distance in his tone. If anything, he sounded lighter here, more like himself, like the version of Buck that existed before rings and decisions that carried too much weight.

“And then I figured,” Buck went on while stirring the tomato sauce, his voice slipping easily into that familiar cadence, “if I’m gonna spend four hundred dollars on a cake, I might as well just make it myself. But fuck, their red velvet was actually really good. Even if Tommy’s leaning toward something more classic. Vanilla, you know, safe choice because everyone likes it. A bit boring if you want my opinion.”

Eddie stayed where he was, leaning back against the counter like he’d decided, without saying it out loud, that this was where he was going to remain for as long as Buck kept moving around the kitchen. His arms were loosely crossed, but there was nothing closed about him, nothing guarded in the way his gaze followed Buck without interruption, without the usual instinct to look away.

He let out a quiet laugh, tilting his head just slightly. “You? Baking a wedding cake? I’d like to see that.”

“Hey, don’t underestimate me.” he shot back with a grin. “I’m sure I could pull it off.”

Eddie’s smile lingered but he shook his head. “Yeah but no. You’ve already got too much to handle.” A pause, just enough to shift the conversation somewhere a little less light. “So, are your parents coming?”

“Uh... I don’t know yet?” 

"Are you asking me?" Eddie looked at him. “If you don’t want them there, that’s fair. You don’t owe them that.”

“I knooow.” Buck pouted. He was cute. "It’s just… Tommy’s parents are going to be there. And I don’t know, it feels weird if mine aren’t. Like it says something about me.”

“Not really.” Eddie replied, steady, uncomplicated. “It just says you made a choice.”

Buck huffed out something that wasn’t quite a laugh. “Yeah. Maybe. Or they made for one for me. Anyway. Are you free on Thursday the 22nd?” Buck asked after a second “We finally got an appointment with the florist but Tommy will be on a 48-hour shift. I was wondering if you’d want to come with me instead.”

“Yeah, of course." Eddie didn’t hesitate. "What time?”

“Afternoon. At 2 pm. That way we can pick Chris up after his science club.”

Eddie nodded, a small smile pulling at his mouth. “Works for me.”

Buck went back to chopping vegetables, the steady rhythm of the knife filling the kitchen again, grounding, familiar, almost hypnotic in the way it settled the space between them. Eddie didn’t move. He stayed where he was, leaning against the counter, watching the small, precise motions of Buck’s hands, the brief flashes of silver each time the light caught the ring.

“You staying here tonight?” Eddie asked.

Buck didn’t look up. “Yeah. We can head to work together in your car tomorrow.” he said, still focused on the cutting board.

“Where’s Tommy?”

“He said he was going out for drinks with his team after their shift.”

“Makes sense. Last few nights before settling into married life.”

Buck let out a small laugh. “Something like that.”

"You're not planning a bachelor party?"

"After Chimney's one? I'm done with bachelor party forever."

Eddie couldn't more agree on it. He shifted slightly where he stood, uncrossing his arms only to rest his hands against the edge of the counter. His eyes lingered on Buck again, on the way the light caught his face, on the familiar lines he knew too well.

“Tommy’s good with all that?” Eddie asked after a moment. “The wedding planning.”

Buck shrugged lightly, finally glancing up for a second. “Yeah. I mean, he’s not as intense about it as I am, I guess. But he's doing fine.”

Eddie nodded one last time, as if sealing something he hadn’t fully agreed to release. He opened the fridge, pulled out a beer, the cold biting into his palm through the glass. He closed the door without sound, turned the bottle once in his hands, then walked into the living room. He set it down on the table without looking at it, then stayed there, standing at a distance, eyes locked on Buck.

“Do you love him?”

Buck’s hand stopped mid-motion. The knife hovered too close to his fingers for a fraction of a second too long, the kind of detail that would normally pass unnoticed if the air between them hadn’t already changed.

“What…?” Buck muttered, still not looking up from the counter, as if refusing eye contact could keep the question from becoming real.

Eddie could have pulled back but something in him refused to let the question dissolve into silence. He stepped closer to Buck. “Are you in love with Tommy, Buck?” he asked.

Buck finally looked at him. And the expression that met Eddie wasn’t simple. It wasn’t just shock. It was something heavier, layered — anger, yes, but also hurt, and something that looked dangerously close to exhaustion, like he had been holding himself together for longer than anyone had noticed.

He let out a short laugh without any warmth. “Seriously, Eddie?” His voice wavered just enough to betray him. “I can’t believe you’re asking me that.”

Eddie didn’t step back. “It’s a simple question. Hen asked Chimney if he was sure too when he was about to ask Maddie.”

“There’s a difference and you know it.” Buck snapped.

“Then tell me. Reassure me. Go on.”

Buck shifted slightly back, as if the air itself had become too dense. Eddie didn’t let it go.

“No, look at me Buck.” he said. “And tell me you love Tommy. Tell me he’s the one you want to spend your life with.”

“Eddie—”

“Tell me it’s with him you want to wake up every morning,” Eddie continued, and whatever restraint he had been clinging to had long since dissolved, leaving only something raw and unguarded in its place, “that it’s with him you want to share your good days, your bad days, everything in between. Tell me that’s what you want.”

“Eddie, stop.” This time it didn’t land like a warning. It landed like something cracking under pressure.

“Say it.” Eddie insisted anyway, closer to him, as if the only thing left was getting the truth out before it turned into something irreversible. “Say it to me, Buck. How are you going to stand there in front of everyone and say yes at an altar if you can't even say it to me?”

And then Buck pushed him back. It wasn’t forceful enough to hurt but enough to break contact. He was breathing harder now and when he looked at Eddie, it wasn’t just anger anymore. It was everything he had been holding back for days, maybe longer, all of it pressed too tightly into a single expression that didn’t know where to go.

“I will love him.” Buck declared, looking at Eddie.

But it didn’t sound like a declaration, it sounded like something he was trying to convince himself.

“I will love him, Eddie.” he repeated, and his voice broke slightly on Eddie’s name. “I will love him for the rest of my life. I will want to wake up next to him. I will want to share everything with him. I will love him with everything I have.”

Eddie felt it then, something tightening painfully in his chest, not anger anymore, not even frustration, but more like sadness because Buck wasn’t lying like someone who is sure. He was building something out of words as if repetition could turn uncertainty into truth.

“You know that’s not how it works.” Eddie said, but it came out quieter than he intended, like he was no longer speaking to Buck but to something inside himself that was refusing to stay silent.

“Why?” Buck’s answer came immediately, too fast. "Why not?” His eyes flickered away for a second, like holding Eddie’s gaze was suddenly too much. “I’m not the first person to do this and I won’t be the last."

"You will be ly—" 

"I want to be happy.” Buck cut in, and now there was no defense left in it, only exhaustion. “And I will be with Tommy. He loves me. He wants to take care of me. He wants a life with me. Me.”

“Buck…”

“What did you expect, huh?” Buck asked before Eddie could finish, his voice not loud but strained to the point of shaking. “That I’d stay alone forever? That I’d remain pathetic?” He swallowed hard, like even speaking was scraping something raw inside him. 

“You’re not pathetic.”

Buck shook his head immediately, too fast, like the words physically couldn’t reach him. “Yes. Yes, I am, Eddie.” A short, broken laugh slipped out. “And I’m a firefighter, just like you. Our lives… They’re held together by a thread. You knew that when you leave me to stay in El Paso, and we all knew that when Bobby— when he—"

Buck stopped a moment, like he was trying to not cry.

Eddie felt his heart fall by this sight.

"I’ve never asked the universe for anything impossible.” Buck continued, his voice lower now, thinner, like it was slowly running out of strength. “I just asked to be loved. To be wanted. To be someone’s first choice for once. I’m tired, Eddie. I’m so tired of waiting for something that never comes.” His breath trembled as he spoke, and he forced himself to keep looking at Eddie. “And Tommy gives me that. He says it. He shows it. I don’t have to second-guess where I stand with him. So I’m going to marry him. My decision is made and you can't change that now. Not when I already gave you the chance to speak. Not when I’ve spent my entire life loving y—"

"Are you both fighting?" Christopher appeared. He came in barefoot, hair still slightly messy from being in his room, drawn out by the smell of food and the sound of their voices. Buck’s expression changed almost instantly, like a reflex he didn’t have to think about.

“Hey, no, no, we were just talking.” Buck said softly, and whatever had been breaking in him a moment ago got carefully tucked away behind his smile. “Lasagna’s almost ready.”

Christopher’s face lit up. “Lasagna?”

“Yeah.” Buck nodded, more relaxed now, like the tension had somewhere to go. “Bobby’s  special recipe.”

Eddie watched them, forcing himself to stay composed—for Christopher more than anyone. He held onto that, onto the need to be steady, even as everything else felt like it was slipping. Buck’s words came back to him, uninvited. There had been something off about them. Not the meaning, but the way they had been said, like each word had been placed carefully to hold something together.

Buck was right. Tommy had shown up for him. Had chosen him openly, without hesitation. He had offered Buck something clear, something tangible. Romantic love, a future, a promise spoken out loud in front of the world. He had asked him to marry him. And Eddie…

Now, all that was left for him was the easiest thing, the thing he knew best: to stay silent.

Like he always had.

They ate together not long after. Christopher talked between bites, as he always did, about school, about friends, about small things that mattered intensely in his world. Buck listened like it was the most important conversation happening anywhere.

And then, at some point, the reason why Buck was here tonight came out.

“So you’re really getting married to this Tommy guy?” Christopher asked, fork paused halfway to his mouth.

“Yeah.” Buck hesitated for half a second too long, then he nodded. "How you're feeling about that?"

Christopher thought about that for a moment, processing it the way kids do, directly and without cushioning. “Does that mean we’ll see you less?”

Buck’s expression softened immediately, almost painfully so. “Of course not.” he said right away.

Christopher still looked a little unsure, so Buck leaned in slightly, lowering his voice like he was sharing something important.

“Hey. You’re my best friend,” he said simply. “That doesn’t go away because I’m getting married. I’m always going to be there when you need me. No matter what. Nothing is going to change between us, superman.”

Christopher nodded, slowly, then went back to his food like the world had been reassured into place.

Eddie watched all of, barely touching his plate.

Christopher had chosen the movie of the night. Eddie sat on one side of the couch, Buck on the other, Christopher between them, completely absorbed in the screen. Every so often Buck and Chris laughed under his breath at something only they found funny, or leaned slightly forward when the action picked up, as if proximity to the TV could change the outcome.

For a while, nothing needed to be said, then Eddie checked the time. “Hey, bud. It’s getting late. Time to get ready for bed.”

Christopher didn’t look away from the screen immediately. “Five more minutes.”

Eddie almost let him have it. From the other side of the couch, Buck leaned slightly forward, still watching the movie but clearly listening. “You heard your dad, Chris.” he said lightly, the tone soft but firm in a way Christopher was used to. “Bedtime means bedtime.”

Christopher sighed dramatically, as if the weight of injustice was personal, then pushed himself up from the couch. He hesitated for a second, eyes flicking between them, already recalibrating the night. “Can I have French toast tomorrow?” he asked, suddenly.

Eddie blinked. “For breakfast?”

“Yeah.”

Before Eddie could answer, Buck nodded once, like it was the easiest agreement in the world. “It's a deal.”

Christopher’s expression brightened immediately, satisfaction restored. “Okay.” He started walking toward his room, then paused in the hallway, turning back one last time. “Goodnight!”

“Goodnight, mijo.” Eddie replied.

“Sleep well!” Buck added.

Eddie stayed where he was for a moment longer than necessary, watching the screen without seeing it. Buck was still sitting on the other end of the couch. 

Eddie exhaled slowly, like he had been holding something in for hours without realizing it. “Hey. I’m sorry for earlier. For how I handled things.”

Buck didn’t answer immediately. He looked at Eddie for a long second, reading him in that quiet, unsettling way he always did when words weren’t enough.

“I shouldn’t have pushed like that. I was being a jerk.” Eddie hesitated, then added the thing that mattered more than pride in that moment. “We’re still best friends, right?” he asked, like he needed to hear it out loud.

Buck’s expression changed immediately. “Yeah.” he said without hesitation. “Of course we are.”

Buck had fallen asleep on the couch. One moment he was there, eyes half on the movie still flickering in the background, and the next his body had simply given up on staying awake, sinking into itself like the weight of the day had finally caught up.

The TV kept playing softly, forgotten. The room was dim, washed in the muted glow of shifting colors that didn’t mean anything anymore. Eddie stood there for a moment longer than he needed to.

Buck’s breathing was slow now, steady in a way that didn’t match the tension of the day anymore. His head had tilted slightly to the side, one arm resting against his torso. 

Eddie exhaled quietly and finally turned the TV off. He put the blanket on Buck and went to his room, closed the door behind him, and sat on the edge of the bed without turning on the light.

He had been tired all day but sleep didn’t come. Instead, his mind kept returning to small things he couldn’t shut off. Buck’s voice in the kitchen, the way his expression had shifted when Christopher asked about seeing him less, the certainty in his words that never fully matched the look in his eyes. The way he said I will love him like it was something he was trying to build out of repetition rather than feeling.

Eddie lay back eventually, one arm over his eyes, trying to force his body into stillness. It didn’t work. Every time he started to drift, his thoughts pulled him back awake.

At some point, Eddie stopped trying to sleep. He just lay there, staring into the dark, listening to the faint, distant sounds of the house settling itself, aware that nothing about this night had found a place to rest properly.

The barbecue at Athena’s carried that late-afternoon warmth that softened everything it touched, smoke from the grill drifting through conversations that overlapped and dissolved into each other without ever needing to resolve. Eddie sat slightly apart from the main cluster, not removed, just positioned with intention, a quiet observer’s distance. A small bowl of candy rested in his hand. Sweetness lingered on his tongue in a way that felt disconnected from the scene unfolding around him.

Buck was talking and laughing with everyone. Tommy stayed close enough to be part of that orbit. Eddie noticed how naturally Buck included him in small exchanges now.

“Maddie, I have a question for you.” Buck said to his sister, sitting close to her.

Maddie looked up first. “Yes, tell me.”

Buck hesitated for barely a second, then he exhaled and continued. “I was wondering if you’d be my maid of honor…?”

Maddie blinked, shocked. Then she smiled and hugged his brother. “Oh Buck… Yes, of course I will.”

The reactions around them softened into warmth again.

Then May spoke. “I kind of thought Eddie would be your best man.” she said, almost curiously and without sounding rude, it was a genuine thought of her.

Buck paused for a fraction of a second. Barely noticeable if one wasn’t looking for it. “Maddie is perfect for that role, don’t you think?.” There was no hesitation in his tone, no space left open for an negative answer too.

May smiled to Buck, accepting it immediately. “Duh, it’s Maddie. She’s perfect for everything.”

Then Tommy, standing slightly off to the side, spoke. “I thought it’d be Eddie too. Since you two are best friends.”

Buck frowned at Tommy. "Yes. we are but I want my sister to be the maid of honor. Is it a problem?"

"No, honey." smiled Tommy. "Believe me, I have no problem with that."

Eddie ended up in the bathroom without even knowing it. The barbecue noise still carried faintly through the house, but in here it was reduced to something distant, softened by walls and running water. He turned the tap on and let it run a little longer than necessary before he even reached for soap. 

He heard footsteps pause outside, then a soft knock. “Eddie?”

Maddie’s voice. He didn’t turn immediately. Just shut the water off, took his time drying his hands, buying himself a second to reset whatever expression had settled on his face.

“Yeah.” he answered finally.

The door opened slightly and Maddie stepped in. “You okay?” she asked.

Eddie gave a small nod. “I’m fine.”

Maddie didn’t respond right away. She studied him. “You don’t look fine.” she said eventually.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” 

“I don’t want you to say anything you don’t mean.” Maddie said. Then, after a pause that softened her tone even more. “I just want to know if you’re okay with all of this.”

Eddie looked at her then, properly. "My opinion doesn't matter."

“That’s not what I asked. I have my opinion on it too. I'm just asking if you are doing alright.”

Another silence. He exhaled slowly, shoulders loosening a fraction, like the fight in him had nowhere to go.

“I’m fine.” he repeated again.

Maddie didn’t push further. She just nodded, accepting the answer for what it was and what it wasn’t.

“Okay.” she said softly. Then, after a beat, “For what it’s worth, I think you matter more in all of this than you’re giving yourself credit for.”

Eddie didn’t respond to that, but he prayed that night until his knees started to hurt, asking God to help him with whatever he was feeling.

The weeks blurred into something structured and strangely relentless, as if the wedding had slowly expanded until it occupied every part of Buck’s life without ever asking for permission. Appointments, decisions, lists that kept multiplying, conversations that circled back on themselves in different forms. Eddie found himself orbiting it more than he expected, present but never fully inside it, like he was always just outside a closed door.

Today, it was the florist appointment.

They entered the shop. It was bright and quiet, the air cool with the clean smell of cut stems and water. Buck stopped himself close to the door, his eyes moving across colors and arrangements as if each one carried a different meaning he needed to understand before choosing anything.

“Thanks for coming with me.” Buck said, glancing at Eddie.

Eddie shrugged lightly, hands in his pockets. “It’s nothing.”

He hesitated then added more quietly, “I haven’t been the best friend lately. I keep thinking about what you told Christopher. That nothing would stop you from being there for him if he needed you. I want to be that for you too. Like you’ve always been for me.”

Buck looked at him, then he stepped forward and pulled Eddie into a hug without hesitation. Eddie stiffened for a fraction of a second before returning it, shorter than he would have in the past, controlled, but still real.

When they pulled apart, the florist approached them with a practiced smile.

“Hi there. You’re the 2 pm appointment? Evan and Tommy, right?”

Buck's body tensed slightly. “Hi. No, actually—Evan, yes. That’s me. Tommy, my fiancé, couldn’t make it today. This is Eddie, my best friend.”

The florist nodded quickly, a flicker of embarrassment crossing her face. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry.” Buck let out a small laugh. “Can we...?”

“Of course!” she exclaimed. “Right this way. For this wedding season, tulips are very popular. We have a wide selection.”

They followed her deeper into the shop. Buck listened closely, asking questions, repeating meanings under his breath, absorbing every detail as if it mattered beyond decoration. Eddie watched him more than the flowers, the way he stayed focused, the way he treated each explanation like it had weight.

“And of course,” the florist said, lifting one flower carefully from a display, “we have white lilies.” She placed it into Buck’s hand. “They symbolize renewal, sincerity, and purity of feeling. They’re often used for weddings.”

Eddie saw Buck’s fingers close around the stem, carefully.

“...And for funerals too, right?” Buck asked quietly, eyes still on the flower.

“Yes.” she answered. “They can be used in many contexts. It depends on what meaning you give them.”

Eddie stopped listening after that. The words kept moving around him, but they no longer reached him in any meaningful way.

He recognized the flowers now. They were Bobby’s favorite for exactly what the florist had just said. Bobby had explained it once, casually, in the truck between calls. He had talked about meaning of white lilies, about how he liked the way the same flower could carry different weight depending on how you chose to see it. How perception changed everything and how nothing was fixed unless you decided it was.

And because Bobby had also been someone who understood what it meant to have a renewal. He was someone who had rebuilt himself from places most people never came back from.

That was why they had chosen white lilies for his coffin.

Buck was still looking at the flower, a little bit absent. “I’ll take the white lilies.” he said.

Eddie blinked, coming back to the present. “Buck. Are you sure? That’s…”

“I know.” Buck said, calm and certain. He looked at the flower again then spoke more quietly. “I want a part of him there with me that day.”

Eddie held his gaze for a moment, then he nodded once. “Okay.” he said to the florist. “White lilies it will be.”

“Excellent choice!" the florist said, already moving toward the counter. “This way, please.”

A few minutes later, they were back in the car.

Buck leaned his head slightly against the window, eyes drifting outside as the city moved past them in slow, familiar fragments. There was something quieter about him now, the kind of quiet that settled after too many decisions in too little time.

“Oh!” Buck exclaimed suddenly, straightening just a little. “I haven’t been to that place in such a long time.”

Eddie glanced over briefly, then followed his line of sight. A small diner restaurant on the corner, nothing particularly remarkable at first glance, the kind of spot you’d drive past without noticing. "Oh?"

Buck smiled faintly, still watching it disappear behind them. “It's a vegan diner. Bobby showed it to me years ago when I told him I was vegan.” There was a softness in his voice now. “You think they could cater a wedding?” Buck added after a second, glancing at him.

Eddie let out a quiet breath that passed for a laugh. “You want vegan cheeseburgers for your wedding?”

Buck shrugged, a real smile breaking through this time. “Why not? They’re actually amazing. And their almond milk milkshakes?” He shook his head slightly. “So fucking good, Eddie!”

Eddie let out a quiet breath, something softer slipping into his expression despite everything. “I don’t know if I should trust the opinion of a guy who asks for extra onions and pickles in his burgers.”

Buck looked up at that, offended. “Hey—!”

Eddie tilted his head slightly, the hint of a challenge in his gaze. “That’s so weird, man.”

“It’s flavor!” Buck shot back, leaning forward a little now, like he needed Eddie to understand this very important point about burgers. “It tastes like happiness.”

Eddie huffed a quiet laugh under his breath. “Hum. More like regret.”

“Oh please, you’ve never tried it properly!” Buck insisted. “You have to commit to it.”

“I’m not committing to that.” Eddie said, shaking his head.

Buck rolled his eyes. “You don't know what you're missing then.”

Eddie smiled and watched him for a second, then looked back at the road. “How long’s it been since you haven't eat there?” he asked.

Buck didn’t answer right away. “Well, since Bobby...” he said finally, voice softer now, gaze drifting back to the window. “It was our place. Didn’t really make sense to go back alone, sitting there by myself at the same table.” He exhaled lightly. “He knew that their cheeseburgers and fries and their milkshake could pull me out of anything.”

Eddie smiled, looking at the road. "I miss him."

He felt Buck's gaze on him. 

"Yeah. I miss him too." Buck said.

The city felt unusually loud for a weekday afternoon, but the juice bar was the opposite of that. Soft music, slow movement behind the counter, people sitting alone with their phones or half-finished drinks. Eddie stood in line longer than he needed to, reading the menu of the juice bar.

When it was his turn, he opened his mouth to order one of the juice he wanted to taste, then he stopped himself.

“Actually,” he said, “just this bottle of water please.”

The employee nodded without comment. Eddie paid and sat down to a empty table.

“Eddie Diaz?”

Eddie blinked once, then gave a small, automatic nod. “Father Brian. What a surprise."

The priest smiled lightly. “I thought that was you.”

Eddie adjusted his posture slightly, unsure why his body suddenly felt more formal. “I didn’t expect to see you again.”

“I could say the same.” Father Brian’s eyes flicked briefly to the counter. “Did you take juice, this time?”

Eddie followed his gaze, then down to his own hands. “...No. Still water.” he corrected quietly.

Something about that made Father Brian's gaze softened for a bit. "I see." He gestured toward an empty chair in front of Eddie “Mind if I join you for a minute?”

Eddie hesitated, then nodded. "Sure."

“You look a bit tense.” Father Brian said eventually, in his calm tone.

Eddie let out a short breath that almost turned into a laugh but didn’t quite make it. “Yeah, well. My best friend is getting married in three days.”

Father Brian looked confused for a second. “And that’s difficult for you…?”

Eddie looked down at the bottle of water he hadn’t touched yet. “It’s not. It’s—” A pause. Then, more honestly than he probably intended, “I wasn’t exactly great to him about it. I pushed. I said things I shouldn’t have said.” Eddie exhaled again. “He deserves better than that. He always has. And I…” He stopped, shook his head slightly. “I don’t know. I just handled it badly. Like I always do.”

Father Brian watched him for a moment, then spoke gently. “Do you believe you’re still punishing yourself for your mistakes?”

Eddie gave a small, humorless laugh. “Still? That implies I ever stopped.”

The priest didn’t react to the bitterness. He let it exist.

Eddie leaned back slightly in his chair, gaze fixed somewhere past the table. “He’s getting married,” he repeated, quieter now. “and I made it worse instead of good. So yeah. Maybe I deserve it.”

“That’s a heavy conclusion to live under.” Father Brian said simply.

Eddie shrugged. “Feels accurate.”

Father Brian finally spoke again. “Eddie, being wrong sometimes about something does not make you wrong as a person.” he said. “You do need to stop treating yourself as if you are only allowed to exist in guilt.”

Eddie let out a slow breath through his nose, almost a laugh again, but softer this time. “That’s kind of my specialty.”

“I’ve noticed.” Father Brian leaned slightly forward. “I want you to do the same exercice as last time. Do something joyful, something that has no purpose other than existing because you chose it for yourself.”

Eddie stared at him for a moment. “Like what?”

“That part is not for me to decide.” Father Brian said calmly. “It’s for you. But I want it to be intentional, even if you feel you shouldn't do it.”

Eddie looked down at his bottle of water that he paid in a juice bar.

“Yeah. Okay.” 

Father Brian gave him a small, understanding nod. “Be happy, Eddie. Even if this happiness scared you at first. Take your leap of faith, faith of yourself.” he added before leaving Eddie there.

Eddie looked at his bottle of water before drinking it.

The day of the wedding arrived.

Los Angeles was already warm, light cutting through thin clouds, streets moving as if nothing particularly important was happening anywhere. The venue was a large mansion belonging to one of Tommy’s friends, about two hours in car from the city. The place was large, open in a way that let the light settle naturally across every surface. It carried a kind of quiet elegance, something carefully curated without feeling forced. There were details that leaned vintage. The woodwork, the soft gold accents, the structure of the windows, yet everything was balanced by clean lines and modern touches that kept it from ever feeling outdated.

Eddie arrived early with Christopher, partly because he had said he would help, partly because staying home with nothing to do would have been worse.

Inside, the house was already in motion. In the main room when the ceremony is going to be, the florisit was carefully arranging a big bouquet of white lilies, placed in a vase on a table. Chimney and his kids were nearby, along with May and Harry, helping with small adjustments.

Ravi was at the far end of the room, checking decorations, occasionally stepping back to assess the space as a whole. A catering truck was visible through the open doors outside, staff moving in and out with trays and equipment.

Eddie paused for a second, taking it in.

“Hey Eddie.” Ravi spotted him first. “Hey Chris. You both look amazing.”

Christopher smiled immediately. “Hey Ravi. You too."

Eddie looked around him. "Looks really nice in here.”

“Right? I didn't imagine Buck would be agree on this place.” Ravi replied, glancing around. “But it was also for free and it's beautiful. Flowers and catering are the real investment here.”

“Is Buck getting ready?” asked Christopher.

Ravi nodded. “Yeah. He’s upstairs, second floor, end of the hallway on the left. Tommy’s downstairs. They wanted to make sure they wouldn’t cross paths before the ceremony.”

Christopher nodded like this was all perfectly reasonable and drifted off toward Danny and Mia. Eddie stayed where he was for a moment longer than necessary, eyes briefly tracing the white lilies again then he started moving through the house, helping around if needed.

Eddie made his way upstairs at a steady pace, following the instructions he had been given earlier. The corridor was quieter here, the noise from below softened into something distant and blurred. 

At the end of the hallway, he found Buck’s room. Eddie knocked once, lightly, then pushed it open.

Buck was there, fully dressed, standing near the mirror, hands occupied with the smallest adjustments that didn’t really need to be made anymore.

He noticed Eddie in the mirror first. “Eddie.” Buck turned his head. "You're early too."

Eddie stepped inside properly, closing the door behind him without thinking about it. His eyes moved briefly over Buck’s posture, his hands, the slight tension in his shoulders that Buck was probably not aware he was carrying. Even with the stress, Buck looked handsome.

“What?” Buck asked, cautiously. "Don't tell me I have a pimple."

Eddie blinked once and laughed. “No. Your face's good, promise. You're ready?”

“A bit nervous, to be honest.”

Eddie nodded once, accepting the answer for what it was. He moved a little closer. He adjusted Buck’s collar slightly without asking, a quick gesture that didn’t carry weight beyond practicality.

“Well, everything’s set downstairs.” Eddie said. “Ravi’s handling decorations. Chimney’s with the kids. Chris is very excited for you.” Eddie studied him for a second longer than necessary, then spoke again. "And you don’t look like you had drink until you blacked out so I think we're all good.”

Buck huffed a small laugh at that. “Please, I'm still traumatized by Maddie and Chim's wedding I swear to God.”

Eddie finally stepped back slightly, satisfied. “Alright. I just wanted to check on you. The ceremony will start in twenty minutes now.”

Buck looked at him then, briefly, like he wanted to say something else but decided against it. “Okay. Thanks. See you later."

“See you later.”

Eddie stepped out of the room and the door had barely closed behind him before his hand came up to his chest, pressing hard as if he could contain the ache spreading there. For a second, his breath caught, uneven, threatening to give him away even though no one was there to see it. He forced it back under control, jaw tight, eyes fixed somewhere ahead that didn’t quite exist.

He straightened after a moment, swallowing it down the only way he knew how, and walked back toward the main room.

Inside, everything had already been arranged with a precision that felt almost detached from what it was meant to hold. Chairs aligned perfectly, flowers placed exactly where they should be, light falling in deliberate angles across the space.

Eddie found Christopher in the front rows, seated close to Athena. He slipped in beside him. Around them, the room continued to fill. Conversations softened into murmurs, then into nothing. The sound of chairs shifting, fabric brushing, people settling into stillness without being told.

The first notes of music carried through the room and everyone took their seats.

Tommy stood at the front, already in place, Maddie beside him along with one of Tommy's friends who was his man of honor. Then the music changed.

Heads turned in unison. Conversations cut mid-breath. The entire room rose as one, a quiet, collective movement that felt almost ritualistic. Eddie stood with them.

Buck appeared at the entrance with Chimney at his side. Eddie saw him properly.

Buck was stunning in his black suit, his curly little hair styled perfectly. He was so beautiful as he started walking down the aisle with Chimney beside him for a few steps before Chimney naturally peeled away, leaving him to continue alone.

And Eddie really couldn't breathe again. 

Christopher leaned slightly toward him. “Buck looks really happy.” he said. Then, he looked up at his father. "Dad...? Are you alright?"

Eddie didn’t have the strength to answer. He tried to anchor himself in the room, in Christopher’s presence beside him, in the quiet shifting of people settling into their seats, in anything that wasn’t the center of the aisle, but his thoughts turned anyway. Slowly at first, then with growing insistence, like they had been waiting for this exact moment to finally break through.

This can’t happen. There should be something to do to stop this, he thought. Please, God. Stop this.

Buck stood there. This was happening, he was going to get married and Eddie was going to lose him. Not in a way that could be named out loud, not in a way anyone in that room would acknowledge, but in a way that would settle into every quiet moment after this, into every space Buck used to fill without effort.

Everything Eddie had never said, everything he had buried, postponed, self-justified, and denied will forever stay under the ground.

He tilted his head back slightly, eyes lifting for a fraction of a second as if the ceiling might give way to something greater, something that could still intervene.

And then, with a clarity that felt less like understanding and more like something breaking open, Eddie realized the truth.

Nothing was coming. Not the universe. Not fate. Not God. There would be no interruption unless he made it happen.

For a moment longer, he remained there, not even aware of when he had sat down, hands loosely clasped, gaze fixed forward without truly absorbing the words being spoken. The officiant’s voice continued, calm and measured, practiced in guiding people through a promise they believed they understood.

“Marriage is both a quiet vow and a public declaration,” the man was saying, his tone even, reassuring. “It is the choice to stand beside one another not only in moments of certainty, but in moments of doubt, of fear, of change. It asks for honesty above all things—honesty with one another, and honesty with oneself.”

Honesty.

“If there is anyone here who believes these two should not be joined in marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Then something in Eddie stopped negotiating.

He stood.

His body had decided before his thoughts could object. A few heads turned immediately. The officiant paused and Buck looked at Eddie.

Eddie immediately sat back down. 

He could feel it in his skin: the weight of every gaze around him. Hen. Chimney. Maddie. Athena. All of them were watching him, sensing the shift in Eddie’s life before it had even fully taken shape.

He could almost feel the heat of hellfire. His mother’s disappointment and his father’s disgust, even though they weren’t there to witness what was happening.

He was shaking so much that he closed his eyes for a brief second, as if gathering what little strength he had left and bracing himself against something final.

Christopher looked at him, confusion written plainly across his face. “Dad?”

“—before we proceed to the exchange of vows” the officiant continued, slower now, “we will take a moment for—”

No. Fuck this.

Now, it’s his leap of faith.

Eddie stood again. This time, he didn’t stop himself, he stepped forward. The distance between him and the altar was thinner than it should have been, like something invisible had already been torn open.

Buck turned first and Eddie saw the confusion and then the recognition in his eyes.

“Eddie?” Buck said, softer than Eddie had ever heard him.

Eddie kept walking until he stood close enough that there was no distance left to hide behind, no version of this moment that could be softened or redirected.

Tommy turned his head next, slower, like he was at a loss for words. His composure slipping just enough to reveal the surprise underneath.

For a second, Eddie said nothing. He just looked at Buck and everything he had tried to contain, to rationalize, to bury under fear and guilt and timing and circumstance, it was all there now, impossible to push back down.

“I’m not here to stop your wedding.” Eddie said finally. “That’s not what this is.”

Buck hadn’t moved.

“I'm sorry, Buck.” Eddie said with pain in his voice. "I'm so sorry."

Buck’s voice came again, strained at the edges. “What are you doing?”

Eddie swallowed once. For a second, everything tried to pull him back. Everything he had been raised on, everything he had avoided naming, everything that told him that wanting too much came with consequences. Guilt, discipline, silence dressed up as virtue, but he let it pass. Because Buck was looking at him, was putting all his attention on him even when he shouldn't because Eddie had no right to do this.

Eddie stepped forward once, then stopped again, as if the distance itself had become a habit he was trying to unlearn in real time. His eyes stayed on Buck, completely fixed, no longer negotiating with anything else.

“I love you.” he said.

The sentence landed differently than anything he had said before. He could hear the shock of everyone in the room, see it in Buck's face but God, he didn't care anymore. Eddie felt like he could finally breath again.

“I love you in a way I didn’t understand for the longest time.” he declared, stripped of everything except truth. “In a way I tried to turn into something else because it felt easier than admitting what it actually was. I am in love with you, Buck. I’ve been in love with you for so long it stopped feeling like something that had a beginning.” he continued, and there was a faint, almost painful, softness in his voice now. “It’s in everything I do. In the way I look for you in a room without meaning to, in the way I want you to be with me every single time... And I tried, I really tried to make it something else, something smaller. But the truth is it never got smaller. I’ve loved you for longer than I even understood what that meant. I told myself it was friendship, that it was loyalty, that it was anything but what it actually is.”

The room was gone from him now, completely. Only Buck remained.

“I love you so much that I don’t know what to do with all of this love.”

His voice broke, just slightly, but he didn’t stop.

“And I’m sorry,” Eddie added, shaking his head once as if he could physically push the words into order. “I’m sorry for hiding it for so long. I’m sorry for saying it now, when I should have said it before. I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage when it mattered. I’m sorry I can’t be happy for your wedding. I'm sorry I don’t know how to stand here and watch you promise your life to someone else without telling you the only truth I’ve ever managed to hide from myself.” he said, quieter, more honest than anything else. “I'm sorry because I can’t stand the thought of losing you forever.”

A tear slipped down Buck’s cheek. Eddie’s chest tightened violently at the sight of it. He wanted to move closer, instinctively, like he had done a thousand times before when Buck is hurt. He wanted to fix it but he also knew he couldn’t this time. Not if Buck didn't allow him to.

So instead, Eddie gave him a small smile, like an apology he didn’t know how to translate into anything else.

He turned and began to walk away from the ceremony.

He made it barely a few steps before the impact hit him from the side. Pain exploded across his face and shoulder as he went down hard, the ground rushing up faster than his brain could process it. The world tilted violently, sound distorting for a second into something distant and fractured.

“You piece of shit!” Tommy’s voice cracked through the air, raw and furious. Tommy was on him and another hit followed before Eddie could fully orient himself. “You think you can just come in here and do whatever you want, huh?! You think he’s still yours?!”

Someone shouted his name. "Eddie!" Another voice tried to intervene. "Oh my God!"

Tommy didn’t stop, not for a bit. “I am the one he agreed to marry!” he snapped, breath sharp, eyes burning with something that had been building long before this moment. 

“Tommy, stop!” someone yelled again. Footsteps rushed in.

“I did what you never had the courage to do! I made a decision!" screamed Tommy. "I asked him when you were still standing there pretending you didn’t want him, you don't get to do this shit after I'm the one who actually won!”

Eddie raised an arm instinctively, trying to shield himself more from shock than anything else, the weight of the sentence barely registering past the sudden violence.

His gaze snapped up immediately not to Tommy but to Buck, who was still standing near the altar, frozen in a way that didn’t belong in a room like this. Eddie could see it in his face now, the way he understood everything Tommy was saying now. 

That wasn’t what this was. It had never been what this was. Tommy didn't ask him out of love. He asked him because he wanted to surpass Eddie in a competition he was the only one playing to because Eddie didn't even know he was playing.

Tommy’s words were rewriting the moment in real time, bending it into something uglier, something possessive, something that made Buck look like an object instead of a person who had just been standing there trying to be truly loved.

And Buck had heard every word of it.

Eddie pushed himself up slowly from the ground, jaw tight, blood already tasting metallic at the edge of his mouth. Tommy barely had time to react before Eddie grabbed him by the collar and pulled him forward.

“Don’t talk about him like that!” Eddie gave him a hard punch in his face. 

Tommy stumbled back, but recovered fast enough to swing again, trying to hit Eddie back.

“Guys, stop this!” “Someone stop them!” “Oh my God!”

Eddie didn’t hear all of it properly. He could still focus on the fact that Buck was hurt, again. By the man who fucking asked for his hand and saying it was because he was the man of his life.

Tommy lunged again, breath ragged, anger spilling out. “You think this makes you better than me?! Go to fucking hell, Dia—”

Eddie didn’t let him finish. He cut him off with another punch and just like that, Tommy was out. Someone pulled Eddie back immediately after that, arms locking around him.

“Eddie, stop!” It was Ravi and Chimney. “That’s enough!”

He resisted for a second and then let go. Ravi and Chimney let him for checking on Tommy who was still laying on the ground.

Eddie pressed a hand to his temple, the pain finally catching up now that adrenaline was draining out of him. When he looked at his fingers, the blood was there, bright and undeniable, but it barely registered as information. His face ached, his whole body still rang from impact, yet none of it mattered enough to compete with the absence spreading through the room.

Buck was not here anymore.

Where was he?

He turned in place, slightly unsteady, scanning faces. “Buck…” His voice came out lower this time, fractured at the edges. “Buck? Where are you? Buck!”

He took a step, then another, not fully aware of his balance, still half locked in the momentum of everything that had just happened. He only stopped when Christopher came into view.

“Mijo. Hey.” Eddie said immediately, grabbing onto him like a fixed point in a collapsing frame. “Have you seen Buck?”

Christopher shook his head, completely lost, eyes flicking between Eddie and the chaos behind him. “No, sorry... But Dad, I think you should sit down for a minute.”

“No, no. I,I need to find Buck. Chris, I— I’m sorry. I—”

“Eddie.” Hen cut in as she reached him, already assessing his face with sharp precision despite the chaos. “Let me look at you. You’re bleeding.”

Eddie blinked at her. “No, I’m fine.” he said. “I need to find Buck. Buck!" he screamed again. "Buck, please, where are you?”

The room had split into fragments of sound by now. Everyone was looking at the scene, helping around, talking between them, or maybe even filmed what was happening. It was everything but a wedding right now.

Eddie kept scanning, breath uneven, trying to reconstruct where Buck had been last seen, what direction he had taken, what path made sense for someone who had just been standing at the altar when everything broke open.

Guilt settled in, heavy and immediate. Oh God, this was all his fault. 

“Okay… focus Eddie. Focus.” Eddie murmured under his breath, as if instruction could still impose order on what was already unraveling.

And then he saw it, a clean absence where there should have been something beautifully alive.

The biggest bouquet of white lilies was gone.

Athena was standing a few steps away, looking at an empty vase and Buck’s engagement ring close to it like it contained more truth than the entire room combined. Eddie realized that she already knew Buck was not here anymore. Of course, this woman knew everything.

Eddie approached her slowly, as if speed might fracture whatever control remained in her presence. “Athena…”

"No." She didn’t look at him immediately. Her gaze remained fixed on the empty vase. “Don't you think you’ve said enough for today?”

Eddie closed his eyes at that harsh sentence. It landed exactly where it was meant to.

He deserves it. It was one of the consequences for his action: judgment from others.

“...What are you still doing here?” Athena added, finally turning her head to look at him. There was no anger in her expression. “Buck needs someone with him right now. Someone who proves they’re actually willing to be that person.”

Eddie let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding—maybe not just since the fight, not just since the ceremony began, but since ever. The air left him in a rush, unsteady and almost painful. He wanted to break and let every emotions he felt out. But he couldn’t, not yet at least, not before he found Buck.

“Thank you.” he said, voice rough, barely held together. 

He turned to go, but before he could take more than a step, Maddie rushed toward them, breath uneven and panic written across her face.

“He’s not upstairs.” she said quickly. “We checked everywhere. And when I call him, it goes straight to voicemail—”

She stopped mid-sentence. Her eyes moved, catching the same details Eddie and Athena had already seen.

“Oh, Buck…” she whispered.

“Maddie.” Eddie said, urgency cutting through his voice. “Please.”

She turned to him then and for a moment it was clear she was weighing something. Not just the situation, but him. What he had done, what he was asking now. Whether he had the right to go after her brother.

She closed her eyes briefly, like she was making the decision somewhere deeper than logic.

When she opened them again, she stepped closer and took his hand. “Go find him.” she said quietly. “We’ll stay with Christopher.”

Eddie nodded, throat tight, words harder and harder to hold back. “Thank you.”

He didn’t wait after that. He moved, fast now, pushing through the remains of the room, through voices that barely registered, through everything that no longer mattered.

“Eddie.”

He stopped just long enough to turn back.

Maddie was still watching him. “Don’t mess this up.” she added.

Eddie held her gaze for a second, then nodded once, firm this time.

He turned again and broke into a run, heading straight for his car, the only clear thought left in his mind pulling him forward with absolute certainty.

Find Buck.