Archive of Our Own

1.

Everyone knew that Seungmin enjoyed a little push and pull.

He learned a lot of it from his older sister, who enjoyed tormenting him when they were younger because she apparently had the God-given right to make sure Seungmin was a man of many respectable qualities. The qualities in question being his ability to hold his own in social settings without being picked on or being the one picking on someone else.

It must have worked, because Seungmin enjoyed a little rough-housing and didn’t have a stick shoved up his ass when he was being teased. His brain worked faster when it came to thinking of quick jabs and witty remarks, but he was still respectful enough not to actually offend anyone.

She still tormented him from time-to-time, because that was just what having an older sister meant.

It must be why he’s able to hold his own in a group of six older men and one younger. He got to dote on Jeongin, and still got to fulfill that secret wish in his heart to have a younger sibling, while being able to banter and tease and provoke the older members in a way that simultaneously annoyed and endeared them the most.

He moved through his nightly routine on autopilot, the familiar motions of rubbing product into his hair and face a comfort after a long day of bouncing between the recording booth and the practice room.

Soft, melodic music spilled out from his phone as he brushed his teeth and changed into his sleepwear, followed by the soft click of the bathroom lights as he switched it off. He had to admit that having their own bathrooms is one of the best things about moving to two-person apartments, because he no longer had to navigate through Felix’s haircare products in search of his own, and he could take his time getting ready for bed without worrying about other people needing to use the bathroom, too.

He was ready to just plop down in bed and fall asleep—and he could have, but something caught his eye as he passed through his mirror.

Or, well, the lack of something caught his eye.

Daengmo wasn’t perched up on his mirror like it always was. In fact, the empty space above his mirror felt so out-of-place that Seungmin could have burned a hole in the wall if he stared too long.

Seungmin stared at it, smacking his lips to get rid of the lingering taste of toothpaste on his tongue, as he furrowed his brows. The little hook Hyunjin nailed on his wall to hang Daengmo by the little loop on the back of its neck (that Hyunjin sewed on for him, too) stared back at Seungmin.

Seungmin looked around his room as if the stuffed puppy might somehow materialize under pressure. His bed is neatly made, like it always is, desk neat and undisturbed. The book Hyunjin was currently reading was perched on the corner of his nightstand. The small chair in the corner had Jeongin’s hoodie draped over it.

Daengmo wasn’t anywhere he could see.

“Did I—?” Seungmin muttered to himself as he walked back into his bathroom and flicked the light back on.

He crouched by the laundry basket in the corner and started to rifle through it, pushing aside a pair of sweatpants and one of Felix’s shirts he accidentally wore from the last time they did laundry together. Maybe he put Daengmo in the laundry without meaning to, but Seungmin never did that. If Daengmo needed to be washed, it was taken from its hook at the last possible minute instead of being left in the laundry pile for days.

Halfway through pulling out a sock, he paused.

Hyunjin slept over last night.

Seungmin sat on his desk, taking his time with his journal entry while Hyunjin read on his bed. By the time Seungmin was done writing, Hyunjin had claimed his blanket and sprawled across the mattress, snoring lightly. Seungmin simply placed Hyunjin’s book on his nightstand, then took out a different blanket for him to use before he curled up next to the older.

Socks still dangling on his hand, Seungmin slowly straightened, eyes narrowed suspiciously as he put all his dirty clothes back in the basket.

There was a very real possibility that Hyunjin, with his endless fascination and mischief, saw the opportunity to take Daengmo home with him earlier in the morning, when they were all getting ready for the day.

So, with an amused huff, Seungmin put on Jeongin’s hoodie and left his room, raising a brow when he was immediately greeted by the sight of Felix’s open bedroom door and the blond in the middle of what looks to be an increasingly intense game.

“I’m heading out!” Seungmin knocked on Felix’s wall but didn’t wait for the other to look at him, knowing that he’s deep in the zone.

“Where are you going?” Felix asked, then groaned when he missed a shot.

“Hyunjin and Changbin-hyung’s.” Seungmin intoned. “You want anything from the outside world?”

“No, thanks.” Felix glanced at him and smiled, then promptly went back to his game.

Seungmin closed Felix’s door on his way out, then put his shoes on before he left their apartment.

The night air was cool when he stepped outside, quiet in that peaceful way their neighborhood usually was the nearer it was to midnight. Most of the lights in the surrounding buildings were already dimmered, a handful of windows glowing faintly behind drawn curtains.

Seungmin tugged the sleeves of Jeongin’s hoodie over his hands and started walking with his arms comfortably crossed over his stomach. He should have put a cap or a mask over his face, even just as a meager effort to hide his identity, but Hyunjin and Changbin’s apartment wasn’t far—just the next neighborhood over, barely a fifteen-minute walk if he cut through the side street that ran past the convenience store.

They all lived close enough that dropping by unannounced wasn’t strange or a hassle. Even separated into pairs, they still acted as a single unit, exchanging door codes for reasons that varied between emergencies or just someone wanting to hang out at someone else’s apartment.

The building wasn’t as familiar to him as his and Felix’s, or even Chan and Jeongin’s, who usually hosted get-togethers. Still, Seungmin traipsed through the lobby and he hopped into the elevator without a second thought.

By the time he reached their floor, Seungmin’s mouth was pursed to the side as his suspicions had taken its time solidifying into certainty.

Hyunjin absolutely took Daengmo home with him.

He tapped his fingers along the keypad to their apartment and pushed the door open as soon as it unlocked. Instantly, he’s enveloped by the faint traces of flowers that Hyunjin’s home always smelled like, because the older had an affinity for arranging bouquets in his limited free time.

The living room was dim and quiet. Changbin was nowhere in sight, which probably meant he’s either already asleep or still in the studio with Chan and Jisung.

Seungmin walked straight down the hallways and, despite not giving the older a head’s up that he’s coming over, knocked politely.

“Hyung, it’s open!” Hyunjin’s voice sounded from inside, thinking that it was Changbin knocking.

Seungmin didn’t reply, knowing that Hyunjin would come see what’s happening in a minute or so. He waited patiently for Hyunjin to open the door, though he made a show of crossing his arms over his chest and tapping his foot on the linoleum.

The door opened soon enough, and Hyunjin stood there in loose sleep clothes, short hair in uneven puffs that told Seungmin he’s done with his nighttime routine but was too lazy to comb his hair just to sleep.

The moment Hyunjin saw him, his lower lip pushed forward into a dramatic pout.

He didn’t even try to pretend like he didn’t know why Seungmin was here.

Seungmin narrowed his eyes at the taller, speaking flatly, “Give it back.”

Hyunjin pouted deeper and leaned against the doorframe like it would stop Seungmin from entering his room. “Not even a ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ from you, my singer?”

“Hwang Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin’s frown gains a touch of authenticity.

“Hyunjinnie.” Seungmin corrected as the corner of his mouth twitched upward.

He was able to last approximately two more seconds of staring at Hyunjin before he simply pushed past him.

“Hey—”

Seungmin ignored the protest and walked straight into the room.

He saw Daengmo immediately.

Hyunjin had a table in the corner of his room, sectioned off with the rest of his art supplies. The stuffed puppy sat upright on the table, carefully propped against a decorative vase filled with the pink and orange tulips Seungmin gave Hyunjin just the other day.

The flowers spilled gently over the rim of the vase, stems caught in the desk lamp’s warm light. Seungmin wouldn’t put it past Hyunjin to spend an hour making sure each petal was tilted just right.

Seungmin stared at it as he let himself feel that distinctly individual flutter in his chest whenever he walked into a situation that left him reeling with how much affection he held for Hyunjin.

They didn’t put labels on it. At least, not ones that were easily interpretable.

The last thing they want is for someone to overhear and leak it to the press.

The same way Minho and Jisung called each other soulmates before anything else—Hyunjin was his heart, and he was Hyunjin’s singer. Everyone that’s supposed to know what it meant understood what the weight of those words mean, so it wasn’t like they’re plagued with the weight of hiding what they meant to each other.

“You can’t just steal Daengmo, Hyunjinnie.” Seungmin sighed.

Standing next to him, Hyunjin crossed his arms defensively. “I borrowed Daengmo.”

Seungmin gestured vaguely toward the desk. “Are you done borrowing my stuffed toy?”

“Well,” Hyunjin lifted his chin, looking like he was trying to come up with an excuse, before he sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I’m done.”

Seungmin hummed softly, waiting for a moment too long in case Hyunjin changed his mind and decided he had something more he wanted to sketch before he took Daengmo back.

When there’s none, Seungmin made his way to the little display Hyunjin built. He’s sure that, if he looked, he’d find at least two sketches of this exact image, or maybe Daengmo posed in different positions as Hyunjin played with light and composition.

He wondered if Hyunjin captured that permanently curious way stuffed animals always seemed to gaze. He’s confident in the older’s abilities to translate even that to his canvas.

Seungmin carefully picked the toy up, fully expecting the following complaint of, “Hey, you’re dismantling the subject!”

“You said you were done,” Seungmin reminded him as he brushed imaginary dust off Daengmo’s head.

Hyunjin crossed his arms again, pouting with renewed intensity as Seungmin tucked Daengmo under his arm. “It’s not fair.”

“May I remind you that you didn’t even ask permission?” Seungmin chuckled.

“But you just leave Daengmo on your mirror,” Hyunjin whined, the words dramatically stretching out. “If I had Daengmo, I’d always think of fun things to make it do for me to draw.”

Hyunjin’s pout had fully returned now—lower lip pushed forward and eyes narrowed in that unfairly mesmerizing way that always made Seungmin pause.

Still, Seungmin is a tease before anything else, so he simply lilts. “You cannot simply have my stuffed toy.”

Hyunjin dragged his feet so that they were closer, gaze flicking between him and the stuffed toy like he was being robbed in real time. Hyunjin huffed. “Yes, I can. You just don’t want to give it to me.”

“You’re right, I don’t.” Seungmin snorted.

Hyunjin groaned, and dropped his forehead briefly against Seungmin’s shoulder like he was experiencing an absolute travesty. “Get me my own one, then.”

Seungmin considered it. For a moment. But, he just shrugged. “Get one yourself.”

Hyunjin stamped his foot on the floor, but he was wearing fluffy bedroom slippers, so there was no sound. “I miss Daengmo already.”

“You’ve had it for less than 12 hours.” Seungmin reasoned. “And we were at the company the whole day, at that.”

“That’s enough to form an emotional bond.” Hyunjin argued under his breath, but still loud enough for Seungmin to hear. He tried to take Daengmo, but Seungmin was able to expect him to do that, so he simply twisted his torso to move the toy out of his reach.

“Nice try,” Seungmin snickered.

“No fair,” Hyunjin huffed and straightened his back since Seungmin’s shoulder wasn’t supporting his head anymore.

Seungmin loved him far too much than his composure would allow him to express.

He stepped closer to the taller, reaching up with his free hand to smooth down one of the stray puffs of Hyunjin’s hair that stuck up from his bath. Still sulking, Hyunjin leaned into the touch.

“You’re ridiculous, Hwang Hyunjin.” Seungmin murmured, then laughed when Hyunjin’s brow twitched in irritation at the use of his full name.

Seungmin tipped his head up and kissed him.

Just a quick kiss, soft and familiar, a brief press of lips that Hyunjin returned immediately despite the dramatics he’s stubbornly upholding.

When he pulled away, he redirected his mouth to his cheek, to where there used to be a dark little dot under his eye that he loved to kiss. Now that it was gone, Seungmin still kissed that spot, knowing that Hyunjin melted into the touch regardless.

“Goodnight, my heart.” Seungmin whispered as he created more distance between them and started heading for the door.

Hyunjin gave him a half-hearted glare. “This isn’t over, Kim Seungmin!”

“I know it’s not,” Seungmin smiled, then slipped out the door with Daengmo still tucked securely under his arm.

“Goodnight!” Hyunjin’s muffled voice followed him into the hallway.

Seungmin didn’t look back, not wanting to risk another glimpse of Hyunjin’s pout and forfeiting Daengmo for the night.

The stuffed puppy stared back at him with the same blank expression stitched on its face as Seungmin walked back home.

˗ˏˋ 🐕 ˎˊ˗

2.

It didn’t matter how long they’ve known each other or how long they’ve been doing this. Sooner or later, they’d end up in a cuddle pile, either in a far corner of the room so that the staff don’t step over them, or dead in the center to take up as much space as they can without drawing apart.

Seungmin didn’t even know who started it, but after hours of polishing their stage for one of the year-end music festivals, they all simply collapsed into one another, limbs tangling together until the squeaky practice room floor was less like a rehearsal space and more like a nest of exhausted bodies.

Chan was seated on the edge of the sofa, catching his breath while he absentmindedly scrolled through the messages he received while they were practicing. Felix was sprawled on his stomach across the couch, one foot hanging off the edge and his cheek pressed to Chan’s knee as he dangled his hand above Minho’s face, who was laying on the floor. Jisung claimed his stomach like it was a pillow, eyes half-closed while he hummed to himself.

Changbin settled close to that point of intersection, tapping Jisung’s shoulder to the beat of the other’s humming. Seungmin wasn’t sure if they were playing around or subconsciously working on a track they were yet to hear.

Seungmin sat cross-legged on the edge of the pile with Jeongin, both of them taking their time sipping their water bottles and rehydrating. He had a handtowel draped across his lap, which he used to wipe away the sweat on his back and neck without taking his shirt off, unlike some of the others.

Hyunjin laid on Changbin’s thigh as he scrolled on his phone with the lazy focus of someone that has already mentally checked out, his legs tangled with Jisung’s and huffing under his breath when he got kicked in the shin.

Seungmin found his gaze drawn to the long, elegant line of Hyunjin’s throat as he tilted his head back, the sharp angle of his jaw, practically shining with the sweat layered on his skin. It was a sight he knew better than his own reflection, yet it still managed to catch his breath every time.

Seungmin leaned back on his hands after he finished his water and tilted his head up to stare at the stars on the ceiling. It should be around another 20 minutes before either Chan or Minho clap their hands and call practice back in session.

“Oh, how cute,” Hyunjin murmured, his voice a low, honeyed drawl that sent a familiar warmth pooling in Seungmin’s chest, just loud enough to be heard above Jisung’s humming and Felix’s laughing when Minho swatted his hand away from his face, only to do it again.

Seungmin tipped his head back to look at the pile of fully grown men next to his and Jeongin’s feet.

Hyunjin turned his phone toward Changbin’s face first, dramatically shoving it under his nose with a small pout. “Look, hyung.”

Changbin glanced down with the exhausted endearment of someone that lived with Hyunjin and knew his tone too well by now. Felix raised himself from the couch to peek at the screen, too, but quickly lost interest and went back to flicking Minho’s nose and forehead.

“What am I looking at?” Changbin asked. “That looks like Seungmin’s toy.”

Hyunjin’s pout deepened so much that wrinkles formed on his chin. He raised himself from Changbin’s thigh and kneel-walked over to where Seungmin and Jeongin sat, then shoved his phone in their faces.

“The STAY dressed Daengmo up. Look how cute.” Hyunjin mused as he showed a photo of someone holding a Daengmo plush against the scenery of a sunset. The plush was dressed in a miniature hoodie and hat, with the cheeky caption of them going on a bike ride.

“I want one,” Hyunjin sighed as he turned his phone back to himself and looked at the screen like he could pull the plush out from it.

“I’ve heard.” Seungmin intoned, but his voice held that softness it always did when he spoke to Hyunjin.

Hyunjin raised his head and looked at him again, sweat still beading along his temple and all over his neck. “Get me one with pretty clothes, too.”

Seungmin simply hummed and took his handtowel to wipe along Hyunjin’s neck and shoulders. The older did sweat a lot more than all of them. Hyunjin was used to it, being his own body, so he’s rarely bothered by it anymore, but Seungmin would prefer if the older didn’t let his sweat dry. He’d hate to have him sulking because of a cold.

The towel glided over warm, damp skin, and Seungmin had to fight the urge to let the towel linger or to playfully dig his fingers on soft skin, to trace the delicate bones of his shoulder blades. He knew every dip and curve like the back of his hand, had mapped them with his palms and eyes a thousand times over, but he still basks in the privilege he’d been given.

“I want a Daengmo, Seungminnie.” Hyunjin repeated, but inched closer so that Seungmin had an easier time reaching under his tank top and wiping his sweat off his back.

Jeongin snorted from next to them, an eyebrow raised in fond judgement. “Hyunjin-hyung, you know you can get one yourself, right?”

There were grunts of affirmation from the cuddle pile. Seungmin didn’t bother to figure out which sound came out from which mouth.

Hyunjin angled his head to look at Jeongin with narrowed eyes, then stuck his tongue out. Jeongin snickered, “How mature.”

As soon as Seungmin was done wiping his sweat off, Hyunjin moved to drape himself over Seungmin’s thighs, practically sitting on his lap and fidgeting until Seungmin parted his legs to make space for him between his knees.

“Seungmin has to be the one to give me one. That’s the entire point!” Hyunjin argued with a sulk, then turned to the rest of the group. “Someone back me up here!”

“That’s your fight, Hyunjinnie.” Jisung laughed, but raised his fist in encouragement. “Hwaiting!”

Chan shook his head, rubbing his temples like he was dealing with a particularly rowdy group of children. Which, all things considered, he usually was. Seungmin could see his endeared smile from here, though.

Hyunjin nuzzled his cheek against Seungmin’s shoulder in agreement. Then, almost petulantly, he muttered, “You’re stinky.”

“You think you smell good right now?” Seungmin chuckled, but tightened his arms around Hyunjin’s waist to prevent him from moving away.

He let his chin rest on top of Hyunjin’s head, breathing in the scent of his hair, despite it being musky from hours of dancing.

˗ˏˋ 🐕 ˎˊ˗

3.

The soft glow of Seungmin’s bedside lamp cast long shadows across his room as Hyunjin curled into himself on the edge of the mattress, shoulders trembling with each ragged breath. Daengmo was hidden in the little ball of Hyunjin, held tightly between all four of his limbs.

The jet lag from their return from the States still lingered in their bones, but it felt heavier when coupled with the weight of a hundred unspoken fears finally breaking through the dam Hyunjin had been so carefully building around himself over the months.

Seungmin watched him from where he was leaning against the headboard, his own chest aching with the need to find a way to fix this, to somehow piece together the fragments of Hyunjin’s splintering confidence. They’ve all been trying—Chan with his gentle wisdom, Changbin with his fierce loyalty, even Felix with his cheerful presence—but it was obvious that Hyunjin still yearned for the sanctuary of Seungmin’s bedroom long after the entirety of Seoul had fallen silent.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” Hyunjin whispered, his voice cracking as fresh tears tracked paths through his cheeks. “It’s not getting better, Seungminnie. Every time I open my mouth to sing—I can’t do it right anymore.”

He finally looked up from his knees, and the raw devastation in his eyes broke Seungmin’s heart. He still stayed silent, knowing that it was better for Hyunjin to run out of words before he spoke.

“Maybe it would be better for all of us if I stopped now. I don’t—don’t want to ruin the group if I can’t keep going forward with you all. I want people to remember me as someone that did well, not as—not as the person that ends up dragging everyone down.”

Seungmin couldn’t help himself. He’d been sitting here for the past 30 minutes, and he’d finally lost the strength to stay still. He shifted closer, the mattress dipping with his movement until their arms brushed.

“Hyunjin-ah,” he murmured, reaching out to card his fingers through salon-treated strands falling across Hyunjin’s forehead. “Do you really believe that, my heart? That we’d be better without you?”

Hyunjin’s pupils shook as he stared at him. For a moment, Seungmin prayed that the older would see him the way he did—the way they all did—but his heart broke once more when Hyunjin nodded, eyes downcast as he muttered, “I think I do.”

The confession hung between them, fragile and devastating. Seungmin felt the stinging around his eyes as he pulled Hyunjin fully into his arms, tucking the older man’s head under his chin as he slowly rocked their bodies.

“You idiot,” he whispered into Hyunjin’s hair, though there was no heat in it—only overwhelming affection and gratitude. “You absolute idiot. We all go through these dark periods, and we’re not any less because of them. Do you think I love you any less because your voice is struggling?”

He felt Hyunjin shake his head against his chest, but the tremors in his body didn’t cease.

“Will you hate me if I leave?” Hyunjin’s voice cracked when he asked, and Seungmin could imagine it was why another sob tore through his lips.

“I won’t hate you for that. I won’t hate you for anything.” Seungmin gently pressed. “But why would you think leaving would solve anything?”

“Because it’s better to fade away than to burn out.” Hyunjin mumbled, the words muffled by Seungmin’s shirt. “I can’t forgive myself if I ruin the group because I can’t fix myself.”

Seungmin tightened his embrace, pressing a kiss on the crown of Hyunjins head.

“Nothing about you is broken,” he said as his voice dropped into that soft, coaxing tone he reserved for moments like these. “Whatever it is that we have to do for you to feel like yourself again, every single one of us is willing to do with and for you. This is not the first time someone in the group needed a little more attention, and it won’t be the last.”

Hyunjin shifted in his arms, and Seungmin could feel the wetness of tears soaking through his thin sleep shirt. “But my voice—”

“Is going through a transitional phase. I had it, too, remember? During the start of Song By.” Seungmin interrupted firmly. “Your voice will come back to you, and we will be with you through it all.” He pulled back slightly to cup Hyunjin’s face in his hands. With a small frown, he wiped away the older’s cheeks with his thumbs. “We’re an adaptive group of people, and we’re only able to do that when all of us are together. Our little family won’t be the same without you.”

A broken sob escaped Hyunjin’s lips, and Seungmin’s heart twisted painfully at the sound. He held Hyunjin tighter, pressing their foreheads together as he made sure the older wouldn’t start hyperventilating.

“It’s okay, baby.” Seungmin whispered. “I know it’s hard, but you’re far from alone.”

Something caught his eyes as he kept Hyunjin close. An idea sparked, so after making sure that his cries were subsiding, Seungmin reached out for the forgotten plush toy on Hyunjin’s lap.

“Daengmo has something to say,” Seungmin announced before his voice pitched into an exaggerated baby voice. He manipulated the toy’s arms to wave up at a sniffling Hyunjin. “My favourite hyungie has been very silly recently.”

Hyunjin let out a watery laugh, shoulders shaking with a mixture of tears and amusement. “What, Daengmo?”

“It’s very silly to think that the other members will leave you behind,” Seungmin continued, making Daengmo emphatically nod his head. “Daengmo has been watching you for years, and I think you’re the most wonderful and talented person in the world. If you stop singing, then I won’t have my favourite person with me anymore, and that would make me very sad.”

He moved Daengmo’s arms to wrap around Hyunjin’s neck in a clumsy embrace. As Hyunjin held the toy, Seungmin’s voice dropped back to his normal speaking tone. “See? Daengmo loves you. The members love you. STAYs love you. I love you. Having a bad year doesn’t change any of that. It just proves you're human.”

Hyunjin was giggling between his sniffles now, the sound still thick with tears but thoroughly comforted. He reached up to pat the toy’s head, still wrapped around his neck. “Thank you, Daengmo-yah.”

Hyunjin blinked his watery eyelashes at him, smiling softly. “Thank you, Seungminnie.”

Hyunjin set the plush aside, which gave Seungmin the opportunity to place his hands back on Hyunjin’s face, gently stroking his thumbs over the sharp line of his jaw.

“I mean it, my heart. Anything you need, we are here for you.” Seungmin leaned in, pressing a series of soft, adoring kisses along Hyunjin’s eyes and down his cheeks, until he reached the column of Hyunjin’s throat, wishing that there was a way that he could kiss away the distress this particular part of his body was giving him.

Hyunjin tilted his head back to expose more of his neck, a soft sigh escaping his lips as he melted against the headboard. “Thank you for reminding me, my singer.”

“I can make you an appointment with my vocal coach,” Seungmin murmured against the skin of Hyunjin’s Adam’s apple, then brushed his lips along the pulse point of his neck. “Do you think that it’s something that could help you, baby?”

Hyunjin was quiet for a long moment while his fingers tangled in the fabric of Seungmin’s shirt. “I’m not sure,” he whispered, but his voice was steadier than a few minutes ago. “But I want to at least try.”

“That’s my heart,” Seungmin praised, pulling back to look into Hyunjin’s eyes. “So strong and determined.”

A genuine laugh escaped Hyunjin’s lips, and Seungmin felt his heart settle. It might as well have been the most perfect sound that Hyunjin could produce.

“I love you so much,” Seungmin whispered before he captured Hyunjin’s lips in a tender kiss. “We’ll work on it together.”

Hyunjin’s eyes were clearer now, the storm of fear and resignation having passed to make way for the ambition and resolution that Seungmin attributed to him. “I love you, too. Thank you for not letting me give up.”

“We’re a family.” Seungmin kissed between his brows and wished that it would be enough to quiet the thoughts in his head. “There is nothing that we cannot get past if we work together.”

Slowly, Seungmin tucked Hyunjin’s head under his chin, stroking his back and squeezing his hand as he sang in a whispered tone, the words tickling Hyunjin’s hair as the older nuzzled into his chest.

I have nothing else to give you, so I’m giving you my heart
I have so much that I received from you that I can’t express it all

Seungmin pressed his cheek on top of Hyunjin’s hair and continued singing in that hushed cadence Hyunjin once said made him think of a lullaby. It was his favourite way to have Seungmin sing to him.

My quiet greeting contains my countless feelings
Once I say it to you, will you know how I feel, at least a little?

Some days, Seungmin wished he knew how to properly express how grateful he is to have Hyunjin love his voice that way he did. It was an entirely different force to the appreciative nods from the members or his vocal vouch, to the pride that spills from fans, to his own recognition of his talents. Hyunjin’s love for his voice touched on something deeply personal, almost spiritual, far too resonant.

It was almost reverent, the way Hyunjin leaned into the sound of his voice, like Seungmin’s words carried twice its weight when sung. From the way Hyunjin relaxed into his body, he knew that the older considered his voice his greatest source of comfort.

For some reason, we met and we fell in love
For some reason, you came to me and you were with me

With everything he had, Seungmin wanted to pay back Hyunjin’s veneration tenfold, in all the ways he knew how. He wanted to spend more days watching Hyunjin fall silent mid-conversation just to listen to Seungmin sing under his breath. He wanted to spend more nights like this, whispering secrets in the dead of the night and sing him to sleep.

Please, even on happy days, even on tiring days
I hope I can stay with you through it all

Seungmin stopped singing and brought Hyunjin’s hand to his mouth to kiss each one of his fingers. “I promise to stay with you through it all, my heart.”

Not for the first time in his life, Seungmin felt a surge of affection so powerful it almost brought him to tears. He wanted to give Hyunjin everything, and wanted him to see himself the way Seungmin did: breathtakingly enduring.

“I believe you, my singer.” Hyunjin whispered and bumped his forehead to Seungmin’s chin.

Seungmin gently guided Hyunjin to lay down, pulling the duvet up to his chin. He held Daengmo in his arms, and Seungmin supposed that one night away from its spot above his mirror wouldn’t hurt, especially if it meant that Hyunjin would sleep better.

He wrapped his arms around Hyunjin’s waist and securely tucked him against his chest. He pressed a final kiss on Hyunjin’s closed eyes, feeling the tension finally melt away as Hyunjin’s breathing evened out.

˗ˏˋ 🐕 ˎˊ˗

4.

The adrenaline from his special stage with YB carried on even as the bright stage lights of the Gayo Daejejeon studio started to dim, telling everyone that it was time to go since they had to reset the stage for the next performers. Seungmin stayed as long as he could, singing extra songs and speaking with the audience, smiling behind his mic when he saw each one of the audience members donned with their very own brown stuffed puppy.

A part of him felt like he was floating; his heart was drumming a frantic, happy rhythm against his ribs, and his vocal cords still hummed with the resonance of the live band, eyes drifting along the studio to take in every member of the audience.

At the last possible second, Seungmin reluctantly stepped off the stage, bowing and bidding his final farewells to the rock band he just performed with, blood still buzzing from the tips of his fingers to his toes at the thought of sharing a stage with performers like them.

After that, he walked back to the familair chaos of the Stray Kids waiting room, where the rest of his members had the privilege of coming two hours after he did, but Seungmin couldn’t complain when he was able to give a performance he’s proud of.

“There he is!” Chan bubbled when he entered. There’s a chorus of loud greetings that Seungmin simply grunted in response at, then he scanned his eyes over the room in search of his heart.

Hyunjin was seated on one of the shorter couches pushed to the wall, out of the way of the make-up chairs and wheeled clothing racks that housed their stage outfits for later. He looked beautiful even in his casual clothes, a soft glow radiating from him that drew Seungmin in like a moth to a flame. As soon as Seungmin was looking at him, Hyunjin jut his lower lip out in a practiced, heart-melting pout.

Seungmin walked over to him with a fond shake of his head, the adrenaline in his blood mixing with the sugary sweetness that always came from the older.

“Seungminnie,” Hyunjin makes little grabby hands at him, fingers wiggling impatiently for Seungmin to get to him. “Manager-nim set up the prerecording so we were able to watch!” Then, his voice tapered off into a whine, “Where’s my Daengmo? You gave everyone else one. How about me?”

Seungmin’s heart did a little, indulgent flip at the sight. Hyunjin always was so beautifully expressive, and this specific pout of his was one of his most devastating tactics, full lips out on display and wide sparkling eyes watching his every move.

Something about him always felt grounding, even when he was deep in a post-performance rush. Just that sweet face had the power to quiet the buzzing in his veins and replace it with a different, warmer kind of electricity.

Seungmin stood right in front of Hyunjin’s outstretched hands and bent down. Gently but deliberately, he cupped Hyunjin’s grabby hands with his own, guiding them up to his own face. He pressed Hyunjin’s palms against his cheeks, the warmth of his skin a stark contrast to the cool air of the waiting room.

He let his weight lean into Hyunjin’s touch, closing his eyes for a brief second just to savour the sensation of being held, feeling his soul sigh in contentment.

“Your Daengmo is right here, my heart.” Seungmin’s eyes crinkled with uncontrollable mirth.

Hyunjin froze, pout melting into something closer to shock. A deep blush bloomed across his cheeks, creeping up to the tips of his ears, and the only reason Seungmin could see so clearly was because Hyunjin hadn’t had his turn in the makeup chair yet.

Seungmin wasn’t usually this forward, at least, not when they had staff members milling about, unpacking equipment and double-checking the technical script. It was one thing to be affectionate when it was just the eight of them, so Seungmin could understand that something this small could get Hyunjin so flustered.

But no one was paying them any mind. Minho and Changbin were chatting loudly by the snack table, Felix and Jisung loudly singing on the longer couch, Chan tapping away on his laptop on the other end of it. Jeongin was on the makeup chair, yapping to the TALKER camera, and none of their staff members were even looking in their direction.

Emboldened by this semblance of privacy, Hyunjin let his thumbs gently stroke the soft skin of Seungmin’s cheeks. His touch was feather-light, as if he were handling something precious and breakable, which made Seungmin’s stomach do a slow, dizzying somersault.

Leaning in, Hyunjin tilted his head and pressed a quick, fleeting kiss to the tip of Seungmin’s nose, then closed his eyes to nudge their noses together in an eskimo kiss, a giddy hum vibrating in his chest.

“You’re so cute, Seungminnie.” Hyunjin whispered, his shyness softened into something so fond it made Seungmin’s eyes prickle.

He squeezed Seungmin’s cheeks until his mouth puckered a little, and when his eyes flicked down, Seungmin knew it was because there was product on his lips that made it look glossy. “But I still want a Daengmo. The fluffy one that you have.”

Seungmin chuckled, a light airy sound that Hyunjin once confessed made his heart flutter. The sound was thick with a kind of sweetness he couldn’t hide even if he tried. He felt like he was melting intoa puddle of affection at Hyunjin’s feet.

Keeping his face in Hyunjin’s hands, he rested his forehead on the older’s and let his voice drop to the low, affectionate murmur. “I’m your Daengmo. Not everyone can have me, you know.”

“I know,” Hyunjin mused and bumped their noses together again. “How lucky I must be, then.”

The sincerity in Hyunjin’s voice sent a fresh way of warmth through Seungmin’s chest, so potent it almost made him dizzy. It was a physical ache, a sweet pressure behind his ribs that almost made him forget that they were hours away from performing on-stage as a group, and they should really start getting ready for that.

He kissed the pad of Hyunjin’s thumb before he pulled away, winking playfully at the older before he headed to the snack table to retrieve a bottle of water.

˗ˏˋ 🐕 ˎˊ˗

5.

The usual chaos of post-practice energy was replaced by subtle anticipation in Changbin and Hyunjin’s apartment. Seungmin didn’t usually sleep over, but tonight was special, since he wanted to greet Hyunjin’s birthday with him.

They had rehearsals for the fan meeting first thing in the morning, then Hyunjin would be whisked away to do his birthday live, then he planned to spend the rest of the day with his parents, so there was only this narrow window of midnight for Seungmin to spend properly celebrating his heart.

They were able to end the day with enough time to change out of their practice clothes and freshen up, and Seungmin sat Hyunjin down on their living room couch and kissed his head, whispering about sitting still while he took care of cleaning up the slightly messy apartment that Changbin and Hyunjin seemed to always keep.

He drank in the delighted giggle that spilled from Hyunjin’s face when Changbin brought out the cake Seungmin ordered this morning from the kitchen fridge, clapping to himself as Seungmin and Changbin sang to him.

“Make a wish, my heart.” Seungmin whispered.

Hyunjin closed his eyes, hands clasped together in front of him, and spoke in a hushed voice. “I wish for Seungminnie to give me a Daengmo.”

Seungmin chuckled as he watched Hyunjin blow the candle out. “You’re not supposed to let anyone know what your wish is, because now it won’t come true.”

Hyunjin pouted, and Changbin laughed as he clapped the birthday boy on the back .”Happy birthday, Hyunjinnie! You’re grown enough to buy yourself your own Daengmo.”

“I want one from Seungmin.” Hyunjin’s shoulders fell exaggeratedly. “Light the candle again, hyung! Let me re-do my wish!”

Seungmin laughed and brushed Hyunjin’s hair off his face. Hyunjin wrinkled his nose at him and proceeded to stab a fork into the side of the small cake, rightfully taking the first bite for himself. His eyes lit up at the taste, already going for a second bite. “It’s good.”

Seungmin smiled, somehow feeling proud that he did the bare minimum of ordering a cake with as much fruit as possible, knowing that Hyunjin liked it.

They ate the cake together, talking in low voices, laughter easily spilling between them. Seungmin hummed as he swiped the corner of Hyunjin’s mouth with his thumb to clean the whipped cream smudged on it.

Changbin stood up, stretching his arms over his head with a yawn that practically shook his study frame. He always looked softer when he was about to sleep, despite the muscles that bulged with every move. Like an oversized teddy bear.

“Alright, I’m tapping out. I have to be at the studio before dance practice tomorrow.” Changbin said, voice thick with fond exhaustion as he ruffled their hair one-by-one. “Don’t stay up too late, I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

“Good night, hyung.” Hyunjin’s eyes crinkled as Changbin disappeared down the hallway to his room.

The silence that followed was soft, filled only by the distant hum of the refrigerator and the lull of the street outside. Seungmin opened his mouth when Hyunjin nudged another forkful of cake to his mouth, heart skipping a beat when the birthday boy coos as he fed him.

Once the cake was finished, Seungmin began gathering the discarded forks and empty cake box. Hyunjin’s eyes followed him in a constant, tethered weight of affection, since Seungmin stopped him from helping.

As Seungmin stood at the sink to wash their forks, he felt a presence behind him—a familiar, tender warmth pressing against his back. Hyunjin leaned his chin on Seungmin’s shoulder, snake-like arms winding around his waist.

“Seungminnie,” Hyunjin murmured, his deliberate sulk pressed against Seungmin’s neck.

Seungmin turned slightly in the circle of Hyunjin’s arms, turning the faucet off and reaching for the kitchen towel to dry his hands. He saw Hyunjin’s bottom lip tucked out in that specific way that meant he was fishing for attention, which he had full rights to do today.

Without a word, Seungmin leaned in and captured that pout in a soft, lingering kiss that still made his stomach flutter with butterflies. It tasted faintly of berries and vanilla, and when he pulled away, he had to fight the voices in his head telling him to push Hyunjin against the counter and kiss him silly.

“Come on,” Seungmin whispered, gently unwrapping himself from Hyunjin’s arms. “Let’s get to bed, we have to be up early in the morning.”

The sheets were warm when they crawled into bed, and the blankets gave off a floral scent that made Seungmin think of Hyunjin. He lifted his arm with Hyunjin’s prompting, letting the older maneuver himself until he was firmly pillowed on Seungmin’s chest and their legs were comfortably tangled together.

“Are you really not going to fulfill my birthday wish?” Hyunjin asked into the fabric of Seungmin’s sleep shirt, small and stubborn. “I really want one.”

Seungmin ran his fingers through Hyunjin’s hair, lightly digging into his scalp to get him to sleepy. “Hyunjinnie,” he said softly with a hint of a smile in his voice. “You know, you’re a fully grown and very successful adult. You could buy yourself a dozen Daengmos if you really wanted one.”

Hyunjin stiffened next to him, and Seungmin almost moved his hand from the older’s hair to his chin to check his expression for shyness, but the older buried his face deeper into Seungmin’s chest before he could.

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point, my heart?” Seungmin lightly teased. He rubbed his finger behind Hyunjin’s ear, then back to the crown of his head. At this point, he knew the best way to make Hyunjin fall asleep.

“I’ve been asking for one for...” Hyunjin paused, “years now, actually.”

“I know.” Seungmin mused.

Hyunjin let out a soft sigh. “It’s kind of embarrassing, now that I think about it.”

“A little bit, yeah.” Seungmin agreed playfully, earning him a pinch in the stomach. He laughed but didn’t squirm away. “Okay, I’m sorry!”

“But I don’t want to buy one.” Hyunjin pulled back just enough to look Seungmin in the eye. “I want a Daengmo from you.”

Seungmin knew this. Hyunjin had said it countless times.

Seungmin moved his hand from Hyunjin’s hair to let his thumb trace the curve of his cheekbone, bringing him closer so he could place a long, tender kiss on Hyunjin’s forehead.

“You’re so stubborn.” Seungmin mumbled against his skin, then his voice dropped to a low, affectionate murmur. “If you go to sleep now, then I’ll think about it.”

“Does that mean you’ll get me one?” Hyunjin whispered, hope quickly blooming in his voice.

“It means ‘close your eyes before I go home’.” Seungmin joked, but he’s the one that pulled Hyunjin closer and held him as if he was the most precious thing in the world—which, to Seungmin, he undoubtedly was.

˗ˏˋ 🐕 ˎˊ˗

(+1) 6.

Hyunjin didn’t remember the drive home. He remembered flashes from the camera and the photographer’s voice telling him he’s doing great. The stylists pressed a cold can of sparkling water into his hand before he sat down to film the short interview video to come out with the photos for Cartier’s newest campaign.

When the photoshoot concluded and Hyunjin was able to change into his own clothes, the manager he was with asked if he wanted to stop for food, since Changbin was visiting his parents for the night, so Hyunjin would be alone in their apartment. Hyunjin mumbled something that might’ve been a ‘no’, but he was too knocked out to remember.

Everything felt like cotton in his head. By the time he pushed the apartment door open, he was already half asleep on his feet.

He expected darkness and silence, since the other occupant of the apartment wasn’t here, but instead, warm light spilled across the floor from the kitchen, the living room dimly lit, and the smell of food hit him so suddenly that his stomach tightened with hunger he hadn’t realized he had.

“Hyunjin?”

He kicked his shoes off and padded to the kitchen slowly. The voice was soft and familiar and grounding, beckoning Hyunjin over.

Seungmin stood at the dining table with the sleeves of his sweater pushed up to his elbows, carefully arranging small side dishes onto ceramic plates. He looked up with that small, almost shy smile he always had when he got caught doing something sweet. Which was a lot of the time, all things considered. Not just for Hyunjin, but for everyone in the group.

“You’re back.”

Hyunjin just stood there for a second, his hair still styled from the shoot, makeup barely wiped off, coat hanging off one shoulder. His lips twitched appreciatively, “Where did you order from?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I slaved away for hours waiting for you to come home.” Seungmin scoffed lightly, as if Hyunjin couldn’t see the takeout boxes neatly stacked on the kitchen counter.

Hyunjin draped his coat over one chair and shuffled over to Seungmin, drawn by his warmth and familiar presence, and rested his chin on Seungmin’s shoulder as he wrapped his arms around his stomach.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming over?” Hyunjin mumbles, uncaring that Seungmin was still arranging the plates to look presentable. It’s already presentable to Hyunjin, but Seungmin had higher standards than he did.

“Because I wanted to surprise you,” Seungmin replied, like there was something else he was pertaining to, but he tapped Hyunjin’s elbow before he could take note of it. “Go wash your hands, you look like you haven’t had a decent meal all day.”

Hyunjin obeyed without argument, which was rare, but he was tired from the day’s schedules and a little giddy just from seeing Seungmin; so he washed his hands slowly and leaned his forehead against the cool mirror for a second before he walked back out to join Seungmin at the table.

Seungmin pulled Hyunjin’s chair out for him, and it made him smile so wide his eyes turned into half-moons. “You’re being suspiciously nice.”

“I’m always nice,” Seungmin huffed as he sat next to him.

“Mhm, you’re being extra nice.” Hyunjin corrected as he reached for his utensils and looked around the spread of food Seungmin carefully prepared. It’s obviously restaurant food, but Hyunjin still appreciates the effort it took to buy dinner and the feeble attempt to make it look homemade. It’s not like Seungmin would lie and insist that he cooked all this.

Seungmin watched him eat with that attentive, careful look he had sometimes. He made sure Hyunjin finished his rice and quietly refilled his water. Opened his mouth when Hyunjin brought a piece of tteok to it, smiled when Hyunjin accused him of not eating and just staring.

Hyunjin felt his exhaustion melt into something softer and into something warm.

When he finished eating, he leaned back in his chair and sighed so loudly it made Seungmin snort. “I’m full.” With a satisfied hum, he rubbed his stomach. “And sleepy.”

“Then go get ready for bed, baby.” Seungmin began gathering their dirty plates. “I’ll clean up here.”

Hyunjin nodded lazily and disappeared down the hall. He showered quickly and brushed his teeth slowly. He already had a pair of pajamas waiting for him in the bathroom, so he didn’t have to go to his room to pick something out. Another small thing that Seungmin must have done while waiting for Hyunjin to come home. He took longer than usual to do his nightly skincare routine because his hands were moving at half-speed, but he feels content.

His hair was still slightly damp when he walked toward his room with the intention of falling face-first onto his bed, but when he pushed the door open, he was well-pleased to see Seungmin sitting on one side of the bed.

One leg was tucked under himself, back resting against the headboard, calmly reading one of the novels Hyunjin had left stacked on his bedside table. He looked so soft in his sweater, like a giant plush that Hyunjin could use as a body pillow.

Hyunjin smiled without meaning to.

The only reason he looked away from the other was because something caught his eye in the corner of his room.

On his art table, right in the middle of a filled flower vase and a koi fish sculpture he’d been sketching, was a soft-looking Daengmo plush. A card is propped up in front of the stuffed toy, letters large enough for Hyunjin to read from here.

To my heart, it read.

Hyunjin might as well have stopped breathing.

For two full seconds, he genuinely wondered if he was so tired that he started hallucinating.

He really wasn’t serious when he started asking for one. He just wanted to tease Seungmin, so he pouted dramatically whenever he saw Seungmin’s precious Daengmo propped up on his mirror, or on online shops, or pictures STAYs posted to show off their own stuffed dogs.

Then, Hyunjin genuinely wanted one, specifically one to be given to him by his singer.

“No way,” Hyunjin made the softest noise in the back of his thoat and crossed the room in three big steps. He scooped the plush up like it was fragile glass and immediately hugged it to his neck, heart skipping a beat when he got a strong whiff of Seungmin’s cologne.

Seungmin watched him with a fond smile, closing the book and placing it back on Hyunjin’s nightstand. He looked at Hyunjin with eyes so fond that it would have been hard to breathe if it was the first time Seungmin looked at him like that.

“Do you like it?” Seungmin asked, as if there was any chance that Hyunjin wouldn’t.

“Of course, I do! I love it, Seungminnie.” Hyunjin pouted while he rubbed his nose over one of the plush’s ears to take in more of Seungmin’s cologne.

Hyunjin walked over and climbed onto his bed without much grace, kneeling in front of Seungmin and immediately collapsing sideways so he could lean into him. He held the plush between them, cuddling both Daengmo and Seungmin at the same time while the younger wrapped his arms around him to keep him close.

Seungmin wordlessly kissed the space between his eyes.

Hyunjin’s soft laugh was giddy in a quiet and exhausted way, but it still spilled out of him unrestrained. “I finally have my own Daengmo.”

He squeezes it happily, feeling the softness under his fingers—

Then he paused when he felt something under the layers of fabric and cotton. Something firm that he never felt when he cuddled Seungmin’s Daengmo, or when he checked out the stuffed toys in physical stores and pouted about wanting one.

He frowned slightly and shifted the plush in his hands; he pressed lightly on its chest, then gasped when there was a muted click.

“Even on happy days... I hope I can stay with you... Through each of the four seasons... I will love you the best... be with you every day...”

Hyunjin has heard this song countless times before. He’s heard this voice every single day for the past decade that he knows it belonged to the same man that’s holding him in his arms.

But it still made his heart soar, to listen to the voice that spilled out from the layers of cotton and fabric, to listen to the almost hushed way Seungmin sang, just for him to hear; an everlasting promise molded into the shape of a melody, unaccompanied by a backing track.

The words were softer, more reverent, because he’s singing to Hyunjin rather than a microphone. The melody remained simple, almost a lullaby, and it’s only made more apparent when it sounds like Seungmin was whispering directly in his ear.

The recording ended, and Hyunjin slowly tipped his head to look at Seungmin with glassy eyes.

Seungmin’s ears were red. Hyunjin’s heart sings.

“I thought you’d like it,” Seungmin said quietly. “I know how much you like my voice, and you deserve a Daengmo that no one else could have.”

Hyunjin stared at him like he’d never seen him before, before his face crumpled and he threw himself forward to wrap both arms around Seungmin so tightly that Daengmo plopped down on his thigh.

“Kim Seungmin,” Hyunjin mumbled while he blinked his tears away. “How could you do this to me?”

Seungmin softly laughed into his hair. “Do what?”

“Make me fall in love with you all over again,” Hyunjin pulled back just enough to look at him with shiny eyes and a wobbly bottom lip. “It’s unfair that you do this to me, you know.”

Seungmin leaned forward and pressed three consecutive kisses on his bottom lip. “I’d like to think that the things you do to me are unfair, too, my heart.”

Three more kisses to his bottom lip, before Seungmin pressed a proper one to his mouth, then his cheek, then both his eyelids. Hyunjin didn’t even remember why he was so tired earlier.

He slotted himself back into Seungmin’s arm and wedged a leg between the younger’s legs, head on his chest as he held Daengmo securely in his hands. He pressed the stuffed toy’s heart, and Seungmin’s voice reached his voice once more.

He closed his eyes and listened to the way Seungmin’s breath brushed the words, the faint smile he could hear when his tone softened like this, the careful way he pronounced the lyrics, because Seungmin believed that singing something magnified its meaning.

“I’m keeping this forever,” he murmured. “My singer.”

Seungmin hummed, his hand gently patting Hyunjin’s stomach, like he was calming a fussy child that refused to fall asleep. “Good.”

“I’m never letting anyone touch my Daengmo.” Hyunjin breathed out.

“I know,” Seungmin replied.

Hyunjin titled his head up, eyes soft and bright. “I’m going to play this every night.”

Seungmin stopped patting his stomach for a second, before he continued. “You won’t get tired of it?”

“Never.” Hyunjin huffed. “I can listen to your voice forever.”

“Good, because that’s how long you’re going to hear it.” Seungmin kissed the crown of his head and chuckled when Hyunjin pressed Daengmo’s heart again.

Hyunjin couldn’t get enough of it. He looked at the stuffed toy with stars in his eyes, heart full as he listened to the voice of his singer.

Seungmin slipped out from under Hyunjin to turn his nightlamp on and turn off the main light, dousing the room in the dim glow that reminded Hyunjin that it was getting late and they should be going to sleep soon.

Meanwhile, he looked back at the precious little thing in his hands and pressed its heart again. He smiled so wide it hurt, eyes crinkling back to their half-moons like earlier, when he came home to Seungmin waiting for him.

Eventually, Seungmin reached over and carefully took Hyunjin’s hand before he could press Daengmo’s heart another time. He held Daengmo above Hyunjin’s head, just out of reach.

“Okay,” Seungmin chuckled. “You can listen again tomorrow, baby.”

Hyunjin pouted, made grabby hands for the toy and hugged it to his chest when Daengmo was returned to him. “I love it, Seungminnie.”

“I know.” Seungmin carefully maneuvered them so that they laid side-by-side, Daengmo comfortably between their chests.

“I love you,” Hyunjin whispered while Seungmin pulled the duvet up over their shoulders.

Seungmin’s hand came up to stroke through Hyunjin’s mostly- dry hair. “I know that, too. And I love you just as much.”

Hyunjin knew.