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When Sai first saw Ryusui, he was terrified.
Terrified of what Ryusui's presence meant for him. He had been scared that he was going to be dragged back to the Nanami conglomerate. That he was going to be used again.
Sai wasn’t scared. Not anymore. No. Now he was only drained. Exhausted.
He had been Ryusui’s protector for so long, and he was tired. Tired of constantly putting the other’s needs above his own. Tired of having to be there for him no matter what. He loved Ryusui, really, he did!
And his door had always been open whenever things got too bad. Whenever Ryusui just needed a distraction from it all. But even then he couldn’t deny that it got annoying before too long. Ryusui was a child, but so was he.
Sai couldn’t have been everything Ryusui needed, no matter how hard he tried. So he had just… stopped. It was overwhelming, to be responsible for another human being when he could barely take care of himself.
Bur there was something so… cold about being alone. A chill that sunk deep in his bones from the moment he left for India. A deep, undying want. A need to hold and be held. A want— a desire even— to talk with, to simply feel another person's warmth. And yet, he didn't.
A knock on the door startled him out of his trance. The familiar steps of Francois echoed through the room, and Sai and drew his knees to his chest. They simply crouched in front of him, a tray in hand.
“What?” Sai asked, not bothering to look up at the butler.
“Chamomile.” Was all they replied, and it was then that Sai noticed the steam wafting off the cup they were offering.
“Thank you.” He said after a moment, lifting his head up and taking the cup gingerly.
“Of course.” Francois replied, tucking the tray under their arm but making no move to stand. There was silence for a moment, and Sai awkwardly sipped his tea in hopes of avoiding conversation.
“It's good to have you back." They said after a moment, and Sai groaned internally as it became clear there was no getting out of this.
"I'm sure it's nice to have your unwilling sidekick back." Sai scoffed, fiddling with his fingers idly.
"He missed you." They said, sounding almost defensive.
He… What?
"Well, I mean, I'm sure he missed my labor potential—" Francois cut him off.
"He missed you, Sai. He missed his brother." Their voice never lost its pleasant tone, but their words hung heavy in the air.
"… Why would he—" Sai breathed, his brow creased in a mixture of exhaustion and confusion.
"Things were hard for you, I understand that. But you weren't the only one struggling." They placed a hand over his, and if he were in a clearer head space, Sai would have wondered when they had gotten so bold.
"I'm not asking you to feel guilty, or try to change the past; there's no use in that." They continued, their tone much softer than it was a moment ago. "But it may do you good to try and see things from his perspective."
"I was just so tired. He needed so much from me and I couldn't give it to him. He didn't just need a brother, he needed a parent." Sai rooted his fingers in his hair and tugged. "And I… I couldn't be that for him. Couldn't even bring myself to stay. I wound up leaving. Just like anyone else."
Francois was quiet for a while, tugging at the tips of their glove as they looked on. After a moment of frantic pulling, Francois gently pried the hand off of Sai's scalp.
"I can't say I know what you've gone through, nor how you're feeling right now." They began carefully. "But I can remind you that you were a child. And none of that should have been your responsibility."
They took a breath, looking at him with the intensity of a freight train. Either that or Sai just wasn't fond of eye-contact. Both were very real possibilities.
"Ryusui may have needed a parent but so did you. You had so much on your shoulders and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you felt unwelcome and I'm sorry that our communication was as poor as it was. But most of all I'm sorry I couldn't help you. Provide the support that you needed." Sai's head tilted at that.
"But you did help." He interrupted. "You kept an eye on Ryusui, kept him out of trouble as much as you could. It's thanks to you that I even had the courage to leave that place anyways. You know why?" They shook their head mutely. "Because I knew that Ryusui wouldn't be alone. Because I knew you'd keep him safe."
"For the record," he added as an afterthought, "it wasn't your responsibility either." A small smile grew on Francois's face as they replied.
"Well, someone had to do it."
Their words startled a laugh from Sai, as he realized that was the closest they'd ever come to trash—talking their previous employer. And then he was reminded of something. Someone, actually. He couldn't tell exactly who, but it was someone who bore the same sass.
Someone who smiled softly and hummed him a lullaby he could hardly remember. Someone who held him just as tightly. And maybe, just maybe, that person was his mother. But maybe, just maybe, that person was Francois.
Francois, who went out of their way to be there for him, even in the viscerally toxic environment that was the Nanami conglomerate. Francois, who'd done their best to comfort him. Francois, who might not have been able to protect him from his family but damn it did they try.
And… oh. He supposed that made sense. They cared for him, truly.
And he had barely spared them a second thought in all his years away.
"Can I… hug you?" He asked, gathering all his courage for the simple question. Francois wasn't one for contact, he knew, but he had been so empty, so alone for so, so long. And suddenly, he wasn't an adult anymore.
Suddenly he was twelve years old again, sobbing into his pillow after being scolded by his father. 'You're lucky we even keep you around.' He had said. And it was true, Sai knew it was true, but…
"Of course." Francois answered, their voice calm and welcoming.
"Okay, but… promise to tell me when you're done?" He pushed, fiddling with the cuffs of his sleeve. "I, uhm, haven't hugged someone for a while, and—"
He was cut off by a pair of arms wrapping around him. They were gentle and soft and safe. And Sai melted into the touch. And it was warm, it was so warm.
Francois gently pushed his head to rest on their shoulder as they held him. And suddenly, he noticed something wet trailing down his cheeks. Tears, he realized. He was crying. One measly hug and suddenly he fell apart.
It… made sense, if he thought about it. The last time he'd been hugged— let alone cried in that hug— must have been sometime deep in his childhood.
And then slow, soft circles were being traced into his back, and he was sobbing now, because of course he was. That was him. Sai. The grown-ass adult who was crying on the shoulder of his younger brother's… employee? No, butler may have been their job, but Francois was so much more than that.
Were they… They could probably count as a parent, right? Because that's now normal parents are supposed to act. They were supposed to comfort and support their kids and not fuck them up too badly, because everyone was human, but they were supposed to try at the very least. To love their kids because they're their kids, not because of their skills.
But before he could get too much farther into that lovely little crisis, the door creaked open. The door. Opened. Someone was there. Someone who was about to, if they hadn't already, witness the absolute mess that was Sai Nanami. And gods he hated that name. Hated what it meant. Who it was connected to.
And Francois must have done something, because the hinges sounded once again, and Sai prayed that whoever it was left. He was, of course, entirely wrong in that sense. Such was his life.
The bed dipped as a third person sat on it, and Sai was shifted towards them in the process. And then someone else was hugging him. And even though he didn't recognize the body, he definitely recognized the voice.
"Hey." Ryusui said softly, as Francois guided Sai's body to lean against his brother. And for a single, terrifying moment, he thought that they were going to leave. But then they scooted over to him. Slung an arm around his shoulder as he shook pathetically in Ryusui's hold.
And for the first time in years, Sai was warm. He had forgotten just how cold it was to be alone. To be lonely. He didn't regret leaving, not entirely. The solitude was nice, the freedom more so. And yet, he missed human touch so much it hurt.
It was like standing in a freezer for hours on end only to be let out into a hot summers day. And it was nice. It was good, there was no other way to explain it. To quantify the thrill, the sheer amount of comfort he gleaned from simply being held.
The way his mind calmed whenever skin brushed against skin. The soft rise and fall of Ryusui's chest, coaxing Sai to breathe properly to match. It was strange, that Sai felt so at peace with the people he hadn't seen for years on end, but it was comforting.
And so, surrounded by warmth and comfort and love, Sai let himself drift off to sleep.