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Jeongin didn’t mean to blow up on Chan, Changbin, and Jisung. It’s just that no matter how many times he kept repeating the same line over and over, it just didn’t sound right. This type of behavior is usually perpetrated by a perfectionist like Seungmin, and Jeongin has made fun of him for it in the past, but it is much less commonly done by him. He knows that Chan gets upset when Jeongin says anything negative about himself, and he hates giving added stress to the older man, but he couldn’t help it when the tears of frustration were let out.
Changbin tried his best to calm him down, but Jeongin was too far gone into his own head. Even Jisung was giving encouraging words about how this part of the song was meant for his voice but nothing worked. In fact, it had the opposite effect of making him more disappointed in himself for being unable to get this part right. The argument got bad enough that by the end Chan was just shaking his head and told Jeongin to go home and that they would be trying again tomorrow when everyone is calmer.
Which leaves Jeongin to now, walking alone on the streets of Seoul on the way back to the apartment he shares with Chan. Usually recording sessions would leave him in a light and satisfied mood, but this time he just feels empty. The grey cloudy skies only worsens his mood. His melancholy thoughts are swiftly interrupted by a tap on his shoulder. Jeongin turns around to see a man with a wide brim hat and a long trench coat.
“You seem down, young man.” The eccentric man says to him.
“Sorry, I’m not interested,” Jeongin says as he begins to turn back around and continue on his way. Instead, he is stopped by a grab of his upper arm.
“Wait, would you like to buy some flowers?” Jeongin looks behind the man to see a cart full of flowers of various sizes and flowers.
“Sorry,” Jeongin waves his hands around. “I’m really not interested in buying.”
“Wait, wait, would you at least like to smell them? I find that on the worst of days, just smelling flowers lightens the mood. It gives me everything that I deserve and makes me feel so much better. I think you could use that today.”
The other man isn’t wrong about his assessment of Jeongin’s mood. While Jeongin does love flowers, he doesn’t believe them to be an all powerful mood changer. Regardless, he doesn’t see the harm in taking a small sniff and nods towards the other man.
“You won’t regret this. Here, try this.”
The florist grabs a few different flowers, and Jeongin can’t see exactly what he does, but when he turns back around he has a bundle of various flowers for Jeongin. Jeongin leans in and takes a sniff and shrugs. They smell nice but he still feels like a massive disappointment.
“Thanks, I guess?”
“No problem, I hope you have a better day and get everything you desire.”
Jeongin gives a short look back to the other man and continues home. He shakes his head to try and forget about the strange interaction, and instead focuses his thoughts on how he can improve tomorrow and what he is going to say to Chan tonight.
~~~
The conclusion that he came to was that he was going to avoid Chan. The entire walk home he ran through multiple plans in his head, and concluded that the best plan would be to lock himself in his room. However, once he gets back to their apartment, as soon as he sees the couch in their living room, all he wants to do is lie on it. Sitting there already is the large Wolf Chan teddy bear, and the sight of it brings the waterworks back to his eyes. His perfect hyung is always doing the most for everyone for nothing in return. All Jeongin did to repay him was shout, he’s an awful awful person.
Jeongin takes his shoes off and runs to the couch to lay down and hug the teddy bear. He whispers tiny apologies into the wolf’s ear, hoping that they will reach the real Chan. He’s so in his feels that he doesn’t notice when Chan arrives home and walks over to him on the couch.
“Oh baby, it wasn’t that bad.” Chan crouches down and rubs a hand up and down Jeongin’s back. “I’m glad Wolf Chan was here to keep you company, but it really wasn’t that bad. Emotions got high, and we can just try again tomorrow. No harm no foul.”
Jeongin only starts crying harder. Once again his roommate is making concessions for him. Why isn’t he hurt by all the awful things that Jeongin said about him?
“Hey, hey, can you tell me what’s wrong?” Jeongin shakes his head, he doesn’t want to bring Chan into his misery. “C’mon, tell Hyung what’s making you sad.”
“Hyung-nim…” Jeongin whines out. It’s not a sound that he has ever made before, but at this moment it feels right. Chan’s face changes to a very confused look, likely because he has never heard Jeongin whine for him.
“What do you need? Should I call someone? Maybe Felix?” Chan more aggressively rubs Jeongin’s back in the hope that it alleviates some of his pain. When his hand accidentally slips under his shirt, Jeongin sighs loudly, and Chan freezes. He quickly removes his hand and moves it to Jeongin’s forehead. “Oh baby you are burning up.”
Chan gets up to go to the kitchen, and Jeongin mourns the comforting hand. Chan quickly returns with a glass of water, which he places on the side table. “C’mon Innie, sit up, you got this.”
Chan places both of his hands on either side of Jeongin’s hips to help him sit up, and Jeongin feels the best that he has ever felt. It’s like Chan has the magic touch to solve his sadness. Once Chan has him upright, Jeongin grabs his shoulders to prevent Chan from leaving him. “Hey, hey, I’m right here. I’m not leaving, you just gotta have some water.”
Water doesn’t sound good to Jeongin, Chan being right next to him is what sounds good. It’s like a fog has taken control of his mind and the only sunlight comes from Chan’s touch. Chan once again tries to wiggle away to coax Jeongin away from him so he can go grab the water, but Jeongin only holds his shoulders tighter and cries. Chan is able to get one hand off of him, and that’s when Jeongin decides to take the nuclear option.
“Jeongin- what- oof.”
Jeongin catapults himself off the couch and into Chan’s arms. Chan falls to the ground with Jeongin on top of him. He sticks his face into his hyung’s neck, and it’s like the sun coming through the clouds. Everything immediately feels so much lighter. The only dark clouds are from Chan trying to remove himself from him.
“Jeongin, hey, I don’t know what’s happening but I know this isn’t you. I’m worried man. I need you to sit up so we can get some water in you. Have you taken anything?”
Chan’s concern is so like him. He cares so much for Jeongin, and Jeongin never shows his love back. He loves his leader, but the other man doesn’t have a clue, and while that normally was just a fact in Jeongin’s mind, now that thought deeply distresses him. It’s when he moves his hands to wrap around Chan’s waist on the ground that Chan lightly shoves him off and gets up while Jeongin tries to regain his bearings that get disoriented.
“I really don’t know what’s wrong with you, but I’m going to need some help.”
Chan takes his phone out of his pocket, presses some buttons, and holds the phone against his ear. “Min- yeah. I need your help. No, not with sleeping, with Jeongin. Jisung told you? Good yeah- no, no, he’s just acting really strange.”
Jeongin could only hear one side of the conversation, and it all sounds like he is underwater, but he can tell he’s on the phone with Minho. His other hyung is so caring. He always tries to pretend like he is aloof and uncaring like a cat, but is always one of the first to know when something is up and do something about it. Jeongin is happy at the thought of Minho coming over, but upset at the thought that Chan might need him for comfort. There’s nothing wrong with Jeongin, he just wants to return his love to Chan.
Jeongin gets up and stumbles over to where Chan is standing before collapsing into his arms. “Woah, oh my god, be careful Innie you have a fever. You can’t just get up like that.”
Now standing in Chan’s arms, Jeongin feels the happiest and warmest that he has ever felt. To help gain his balance, he moves one of his hands, and it traces under Chan’s shirt and his fingers slide against the other’s bare waist. That’s when he knows that he needs more, and tries to pull at the hem of Chan’s shirt so that the other can get the idea that he wants it off.
“Hey- woah- what are you doing? Min you have to come over and help, now he’s trying to take my shirt off.”
“He’s stripping you?!”
Now that Jeongin is so close, he can hear Minho through the phone. He resents the sentiment that he is stripping Chan like some whore, he just wants to get closer to his hyung that is always so comforting for him. Words are a bit difficult at the moment for him, so Jeongin just whines in the hopes it gets the point across.
“Yes, what if he was drugged? I don’t want to take advantage and do anything he doesn’t want. He’s not like this.”
Jeongin feels his heart pinch at Chan saying that he never shows his love, and decides he needs to show it more and tries to jump into Chan’s arms. “Holy shit-” Chan drops his phone to try and keep Jeongin in his arms.
“Alright, we are on our way.”
Minho’s words only empower Jeongin to keep Chan in his arms. Chan readjusts his grip so that he can carry Jeongin front to front, and Jeongin wraps his legs around Chan’s torso and his arms around his neck. With this new position, he is able to look Chan in the eyes super close up.
“Pretty Hyung,” Jeongin whispers, but Chan hears it. Jeongin can tell immediately by the shy smile and the reddening neck and ears from the other man.
“Let’s sit together, yeah? While we wait for the others.”
Chan carries him over by the couch, and sits down so that Jeongin is still in his lap straddling him. Jeongin has no intention of moving, Chan’s lap is quite comfortable. Now that Chan is able to keep Jeongin close to him, but also have his hands free, he reaches over to the side table to grab that glass of water. “Drink up, baby.”
“Baby…” Jeongin breaths out, eyes widening. It sounds so pretty out of Chan’s mouth. He grabs the glass from Chan’s hands, accepting the gift.
“Yeah, you gotta drink some, baby. It’ll make you feel better, okay?”
While Jeongin downs the glass, Chan tries to look over the other the best he can to see if there is any visible clue as to what could be causing this. He wasn’t like this in the studio at all, so whatever caused this change occurred between the studio and Jeongin arriving at home. But, Chan doesn’t find anything physically wrong with Jeongin other than the fact that he is sweating from his fever.
After Jeongin finishes his water, Chan moves the glass safely back to the side table, and Jeongin collapses into his chest. Chan’s chest makes for a perfect pillow, and Jeongin could only wish that the pillow didn’t have that shirt as a cover. He feels arms wrap around him and a kiss on the top of his head and all feels right, that today and all the pain from it didn’t happen.
He doesn’t know how long he rests his head on Chan’s chest while straddling him before he is getting lifted into the air and brought to the front door so that Chan can unlock it. He feels the chill of the outside air, before the door is shut again.
“Leave it unlocked, I called the others, they are on their way.”
Minho is so smart, maybe with all of them here they can explain to Chan it’s okay to feel love. He certainly doesn’t think they are coming for him, he’s perfectly fine. Chan brings them back to the couch, and now that he is a bit more aware, he knows what he wants, and returns his fingers to the hem of Chan’s shirt.
“Off, off,” is all that Jeongin can muster out.
“Hmm, that’s strange,” Minho says, getting a closer look.
“It’s a little cute, Innie wanting hugs is the stuff of dreams,” Jisung pipes up. “But I agree, he wasn’t like this in the studio, and it’s unlike him to drop those types of negative emotions so quickly.”
Jeongin keeps pulling at Chan’s shirt. “Innie, wait, this isn’t like you, I don’t know if it’s really alright with you.”
“Off, off.”
Chan gives a pleading look to Minho and Jisung, but both look back at him and shrug. “Okay, okay,” Chan lifts his shirt off. “This better?”
Better? This is magnificent to Jeongin. He runs his hands up and down Chan’s chest, before once again collapsing into his body so that he can lay his head on the other’s chest. He sighs in contentness, as the other three continue their conversation without him.
His peace doesn’t last very long, as the Happy House burst into their apartment not too long afterwards.
“Oh my god!” Felix practically squeals at the sight of Jeongin sitting in Chan’s lap. “Bro, why are you shirtless though?”
“I don’t know, he just kept telling me to take it off!” Chan protests at the insinuation that he is doing something wrong.
Seungmin places a hand on his own chin. “He does talk about how good looking your body is on FANS. A lot.”
“Yeah, but he’s never asked me to strip before!”
The others are being way too loud. Normally that is okay to Jeongin, but today all he wants is loving words for their leader and that isn’t what is coming out of their mouths at the moment. He attempts to voice his displeasure with words, but all that comes out is a wounded moan.
“And he keeps making noises like that!”
Chan’s distress is making Jeongin even more frustrated. He racks his brain for ideas as to how to communicate his wants, and comes to the conclusion that maybe if Chan is more visibly in pain, the others will get closer and comfort him. Jeongin comes to multiple conclusions; Chan deserves the comfort more than he does, and that he is not worthy of the same comfort, but he will try to make it up the best he can. Confident in his new resolve, Jeongin sets his sights on one of Chan’s pecs and chomps down, resulting in an alarmed yelp out of his victim.
“Holy shit, did he just bite you?”
“You know, this doesn’t surprise me that he would have a biting kink.”
“Shut up Minho-hyung, that is not what’s important!”
Felix comes close enough to investigate the damage to Chan that Jeongin is able to reach out, grab his wrist, and pull Felix into himself and Chan. Felix only has time to let out a noise of surprise before he crashes into them. Jeongin quickly wraps one of his arms around the blonde man so that he can’t escape.
“Well this is an interesting turn of events,” Seungmin unhelpfully adds. Jeongin ignores him and focuses on manipulating the hand on Felix’s back, that is currently trapping him, to the hem of his shirt. Jeongin thinks that if Felix also removes his shirt, Chan will feel better about having his shirt off and will stop complaining. Plus, Felix’s shirt is rubbing against Jeongin’s skin and he doesn’t like it at all.
“Off, off, Lixie-hyung, off,” Jeongin vocalizes. He’s happy that he is able to get actual words out this time.
As Felix goes to take his shirt off, the front door opens again, and Changbin and Hyunjin make their appearance. Jeongin lets out a content sigh knowing that everyone is here, and he can continue his goal of showing them, but especially Chan, lots of love and appreciation.
“Well, this is interesting,” Hyunjin pipes up when he is able to get a full look at the group. They must make quite the sight with a shirtless Chan with a feverish distressed Jeongin in his lap with a shirtless trapped Felix connected at their sides. “How did this happen?”
“I found him on the couch hugging Wolf Chan, super upset, and next thing that I knew he was in arms and trying to get me to strip. He’s never been this touchy, I’m worried.”
“Touchy? What do you mean?” Changbin asks, and Jisung scoffs.
“Isn’t it obvious? Have you ever seen Innie act this way?”
“I know that,” Changbin explains patiently. “I want to hear from Chan exactly what happened between leaving the studio and now.”
This conversation is boring. Who cares about then, this is now, and now his shirt is bothering him, like tiny ants crawling all over him. He doesn’t want to give his two captives a chance to escape so he quickly lets go, removes his shirt, and then replaces his arms around Felix and Chan.
“Oh my god,” Chan whispers, looking up to the sky. Jeongin can’t tell if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, he’s too happy being chest to chest with the other man. If he had known it felt this good, he would have removed his shirt earlier.
“I’m only asking this because this is reminding me of something Chaeryeong told me,” Changbin explains. “I’m trying to remember all the details, but I had forgotten about that situation until now.”
Hyunjin gasps, clapping. “You don’t think-” He cuts himself off. “Yeji-”
“Lia…”
“No,” Seungmin gasps. “I was there when Yeji told you about this. Do you think it’s the same?”
“Think about it, he’s feverish and unusually cuddly and sentimental. We’ve dreamed of this moment, but in reality, especially after the day he’s had, it’s concerning and out of character more than anything.”
Changbin’s explanation only makes Jeongin start to cry. Has he been so awful that the others don’t think he loves them? They are his favorite people, they are everything to him. He wouldn’t be anything without them! Something has to change, and Jeongin knows how. All he desires is for them to understand how much he loves them.
“Okay, sure, but I don’t remember Yeji mentioning anything about Lia trying to strip them,” Hyunjin counters.
“Wait, I haven’t spoken to any of the ITZY girls recently, what are you talking about?” Jisung asks, looking around the room.
“Remember Lia’s hiatus from 2 years ago?” Changbin explains, and once he sees nods from the confused members, he continues. “Well, after a particularly stressful day for the four active ITZY members, they went out to a restaurant and invited Lia to join them, despite the fact that they just had an argument over the phone over something dumb and hadn’t seen each other in a bit. They expected it to be tense and awkward, but when Lia got there she burst into tears and wanted to cuddle with them. They eventually dragged her out and the five of them went home without even ordering anything.”
Seungmin hums. “Dumb fight, unexpected personality change when alone and going from place to place, and a need to cuddle… It certainly fits.”
“Did any of them who told you about this say how Lia changed?” Minho asks, but there are only head shakes in return.
“Nothing concrete,” Changbin explains. “All Lia remembered was flowers, hardly anything they could go off of, and they never figured it out, or at least they never told me.”
“Sex Pollen!” Jisung shouts.
Hyunjin turns to the loud man. “What?”
“It’s a fanfiction trope. A character smells some flowers and then they get infected with sex pollen like an aphrodisiac, and the only way they get back to normal is by sex. Or I guess in this case cuddling.”
“Okay…” Hyunjin waves his arms around. “Let’s say that Jeongin got infected with ‘cuddle pollen’, like Lia did, that doesn’t explain why it seems like he’ll die if we don’t take our shirts off.”
“I didn’t say it was a perfect theory,” Jisung pouts.
“No, but it’s something,” Minho moves to the pile on the couch and places a hand on Jeongin’s head. Jeongin leans up into the touch and lifts his eyes to meet the older man’s gaze. “Hey baby, did you get to see some pretty flowers today?”
What a stupid question, who cares about some flowers when they could all be closer? To be fair, Jeongin was half listening so he doesn’t exactly know how they got on this topic in the first place, but he doesn’t think flowers are the most important thing at the moment. So, instead of answering, he stumbles off Chan’s lap, stands, and grabs Minho’s arm, and pulls him onto Chan’s lap, which results in them, and Felix who is caught in the crossfire, to release small grunts of pain and surprise.
As he admires his handiwork, he does the math with the rest of the group and notices that there isn’t nearly enough room for them all to fit on this couch. How can he get the others to feel his love if he can’t get to them all from where he is sitting? Nodding, he leaves the living room to head to his room to gather what he needs. He hears a faint ‘what the fuck’ from the living room that sounds like it came from his quokka hyung as he heads out.
He returns to the living room pushing his large mattress through the doors, and he hears shouts of protest that he promptly ignores. He leaves the mattress in the entryway of the living room so that he can go to their coffee table to move it against the wall so that there is enough room for the mattress to lay flat. He feels muscled arms try to get him to stop but he shakes them off to accomplish his goals.
With the mattress on the ground, he goes back to his room to grab all the bedding that he can. The bed has to be as comfortable as possible for his precious members. When he comes in with the bundle of blankets in his arms, he hears a hum from Seungmin.
“Maybe your fanfiction trope theory holds water…”
“Dude, it’s like he’s an omega, this is so cool.”
“No it’s not, we need to figure out how to fix him.”
“I don’t know if there is anything to fix. I know everyone thinks he is an alpha but person-”
“Jisung,” Minho interrupts. “How do we fix him?”
“Oh, um, well, in these stories when a character gets infected with sex pollen, it’s solved by, you know, sex. So if we think this is ‘cuddle pollen’ or something similar it should be resolved by cuddling him. Like how Lia got better supposedly after the ITZY girls cuddled with her.”
Jeongin is proud of how comfortable the mattress looks, all it needs is the people that he cares about the most. First, he goes to grab Chan. The leader needs to be in the center. He goes over to the couch, and grabs the older’s wrist, and guides him towards the mattress.
“Where do you want me baby?”
Baby. Jeongin can’t deny how beautiful that word makes him feel. He only wishes that Chan means it the way that Jeongin wishes he means it. But, he’s been so terrible that his hyung has no idea how much he cares, and so he can’t imagine a world where the leader, and the rest of the group, truly love him.
He shakes those negative thoughts away, however true they are. His focus shouldn’t be his own self pity, but on how he can help the others. He carefully guides Chan over to the mattress and lays him in the center. The older man looks soft, but something about the image still isn’t perfect. He wracks his brain over what could be wrong, when he comes to the conclusion that Chan’s pants look scratchy. How can he fully relax with that rubbing against him?
Jeongin gets onto the mattress and straddles Chan’s thighs and immediately reaches for the buttons on Chan’s pants before he is stopped by a hand on his. Jeongin lets out a whine, all he wants to do is help! Why are they stopping him? Chan’s eyes are wider than he has ever seen them, and Jeongin feels a hand in his hair again that he recognizes as Minho’s.
“Whatcha doing baby?”
Jeongin looks up at his hyung, tears already forming in his eyes. “Helping,” he manages out.
“How so? Why does Hyung need his pants off?”
Jeongin can feel Chan’s rapid breathing from underneath him. “I just-” Jeongin cuts himself off, tears running down his face. The hand in his hair adds a bit more pressure, encouraging him to continue. With the two points of contact, especially skin to skin, his brain feels a bit of clarity to help form words together. “I want Hyung to be comfortable.”
“And he is, look at him laying so nicely.” Jeongin returns his shiny gaze to the man below him. He does look comfortable, laid out on the soft mattress, hair and limbs sprayed out, with just one hand holding his hand at the belt level. Jeongin is proud of his work, but it can be better. “So, what do you need?”
“Pants off.”
“Okay baby, if that is what you want, can you ask Hyung first though?”
“Hyung, please, can I?”
Jeongin is begging at this point. Chan looks around the room at the others to try and figure out what the right answer is, but only sees other perplexed looks. When he looks over at Minho, he sees an encouraging smile, and takes that to agree with the whims of the youngest.
“Okay, baby, whatever makes you happy.”
Jeongin takes the encouragement and runs with it, immediately moving his fingers to remove the icky pants off the leader, leaving him in just his Chrome Hearts underwear. Jeongin takes a second to admire his body, but doesn’t want to be greedy with a view that doesn’t belong to him. It belongs to the others, not someone so ungrateful like him.
Now that Chan is settled, Jeongin returns to his mission, going back to the couch to grab Felix. He knows that the other Australian will be a bit more agreeable, and a little more confident in his own body, so when Jeongin motions to his pants, Felix is already removing them. Jeongin then guides the blonde man to curl up against Chan’s right side.
Jeongin then goes to get Changbin. The other is the glue that holds them together and deserves his place at Chan’s head. When Jeongin gets right in front of Changbin, the other looks around, knowing what Jeongin is going to ask him next. “Are we all stripping? We know he’s going to ask us to, I just want us to be in agreement and that we are all okay with it.”
That’s his pillar hyung, always so good for the group. If only he could be as good as Changbin is.
“I don’t see why not,” Hyunjin says. “I know we are all worried about consent, but it seems obvious that he is okay with it. Plus, it’s clearly out of a desire for us to be comfortable, rather than anything more.”
There are nods of agreement from the group, and no one seems to have any disagreements. Chan still has to clarify one more thing. “We are all okay with this as well right? I know we are worried about Jeongin’s ability to properly consent, but if you aren’t okay with how this is headed, you don’t have to be for Jeongin’s sake.”
Jeongin feels his head being split in two different directions. On one hand, he just wants to put his best friends in an experience to feel the love from each other, in a way that he hasn’t shown them before. On the other hand, he feels selfish for wanting this, and for them to sacrifice their own comfort for his own goals. He is glad to hear silence after Chan’s words, but it still doesn’t remove the doubts from his mind. He will just have to make this worth it for the others. One by one he grabs the others after they strip down to their underwear, and by the end he is standing next to the mattress looking down at his masterpiece.
Chan remains on his back in the middle, with Felix curled up on Chan’s right side. Changbin lays down horizontally at Chan’s head. Hyunjin has his head in Changbin’s lap, which puts him diagonally next to Chan’s upper left side. Jisung has his head on Hyunjin’s legs, curled up on Chan’s left side. Minho and Seungmin are against Chan’s right and left leg respectively. All together it looks, simply put, wonderful.
Jeongin wipes his eyes. Every molecule in his body is trying to tell him to join them, but he holds himself back. He knows what it feels like to cuddle with Chan, like a breath of fresh air, but he can’t let himself indulge. This is for Chan, for people who treat Chan like he deserves, not someone who argues in the studio just because they are in a shitty mood with a man just trying his best. The fact that they were all arguing over the fact that they thought he was being weird only goes to show how he doesn’t belong in their comfort time, regardless of how much he wants it and how much it hurts to deny himself.
The tears escape him before he can stop them. He doesn’t want them to see it and distress them even more. He turns to head back to his mattress-less room. There’s nothing comfortable left in it, but he can find somewhere flat to lay down by himself.
“Wait! Jeongin!”
He feels arms wrap around his bare waist, and Jeongin lets out a sigh against his will. The tears come down even harder, and without thinking he places his hands on the hands on his stomach. He can feel the breath of whoever is hugging him against his ear, and Jeongin leans back into a slender chest, allowing himself the smallest of indulgences, even if he knows he needs to break away.
“Where are you going?”
The deep voice in his ear clears it up to Jeongin that the man hugging him is Felix, which only makes him cry even more. Why, after everything, is it his softest hyung that is comforting him, the one he could never refuse?
“I don’t deserve it,” Jeongin whispers, not even sure Felix could hear him.
“What do you mean? This is for you?”
Jeongin shakes his head in denial and tries to remove Felix’s hands, but is unsuccessful. Instead, he feels someone at his front cupping both of his cheeks and forcing him to look at him. Through his blurry vision, Jeongin is able to make out the shape of Changbin.
“What’s wrong Innie?”
“There’s nothing wrong with me.”
“Mhmm. That’s right, but why are you leaving? We are all there for you to cuddle with? No pants and everything?”
“Not for me.”
“Yes, for you. Wasn’t this what you wanted? Did we read it wrong?”
By now, he can hear the jostling of the blankets as the others start to sit up on the mattress to get a better look at what was happening in the doorway of the living room. He knows the others care about him, but not in the way that he wants. That mattress right now is his dream, the seven people he loves the most laid out for him to hold onto, but it isn’t meant for someone like him. Someone who is so gross that the others are concerned when he shows his love.
“For Chan.”
He hears a questioning sound from behind him, but before he can turn around, Changbin speaks up again. “What do you mean?”
“He deserves it.”
Jeongin shrugs, and both Changbin and Felix tighten their grip on him, as if Jeongin would leave at any second and disappear forever.
“Of course he does,” Changbin agrees. “But so do you.”
“I can tell you want to be held so badly,” Jeongin hears Felix say into his ear. Denying it is getting harder and harder, especially when it is Felix stating it. “You can let yourself have it.”
“I can’t!” Jeongin cries out, curling into him himself. “All I do is hurt you, make you upset, and question how much I care! You all do so much for me, all I repay you with is arguments and sarcastic comments. And I want and I want but I can’t have! I even met someone today with flowers that could supposedly give me ‘all that I desire’ and when Chan came home a tiny part of me thought maybe it was legit however unrealistic it was, but I know it can’t. You all could never love me the way I love you!”
The others look at Jeongin in silence. Their thoughts a chaotic mess, as they tried to unravel everything that Jeongin had declared. Despite everything, there is one thing that stuck out to Jisung the most.
“Flowers…” The others whip their heads over to Jisung, who just realized that he spoke that thought aloud.
“It’s not cuddle pollen…” The attention shifts to Chan, who is putting everything together. “It’s pollen that grants desires, but Jeongin’s greatest desire is to cuddle with us.”
Jeongin freezes, afraid of how the others will react. While he doesn’t think he deserves the love of the others, he doesn’t want to be rejected by them either. That might truly break him.
“Because he loves us…”
Jeongin doesn’t want to look at any of them and see their disgust. Loving all seven of them, how preposterous, how needy. All he wants is to fall into Chan’s arms, and his muscles ache from physically holding himself back, denying the pollen in his veins of serving their purpose. Changbin and Felix gently guide Jeongin to turn around and face the others, and Jeongin is too tired to stop them.
When he faces them again, he can see tears in their eyes, matching the ones in his. He wants to apologize, or scream, or beg, but the words jumble in his brain and he only releases a wet exhale. It doesn’t seem like anyone else has words for him either because they stand there in silence for what feels like an eternity to Jeongin before Chan opens his arms.
Jeongin can feel his resolve faltering, it’s getting harder and harder to keep himself upright, much less away from the clear invitation. When Changbin and Felix move their hands to the small of his back to guide him towards Chan, the chains holding him back shatter, and he slowly walks over with their guidance before collapsing on top of Chan.
He doesn’t have to wait long before he feels Chan’s arms around him, and somehow he still has more tears to shed. The mattress shifts a bit as Felix and Changbin return to the spots that Jeongin had picked out earlier. More hands find their place on his body, as well as hands that assume belong to Seungmin and Minho removing his pants, solidifying his place on the mattress. Once the offending piece of fabric is removed, all the tension is removed from his body, and he just lets himself feel.
He can’t verify it, because his vision is completely blocked by Chan’s chest, but he knows that he has at least one hand from every member on his body. Each hand on his body releases a comforting warmth to the skin and muscles underneath. He feels a kiss on his head, and he shifts his head to that side to see Hyunjin sitting up, so the kiss must have come from him.
Jeongin knows that this is where he belongs. Sure, he might not want to be touched like this every second of every day, but he knows that more than anything his members would respect that. That they would treat him like he deserves. If he would ever have a bad day again, he knows he could collapse into the arms of his most reliable hyung, or any of the members, and they would drop everything for him. His eyes start to droop close and he quickly opens them back up, not wanting this moment to end so soon.
“It’s okay honey, you can sleep, we will be here when you wake up, don’t worry, okay?”
With Hyunjin’s soft words, Jeongin’s eyes close without thinking and he snuggles and wiggles into his leader’s chest and goes to sleep.
~~~
“No problem, I hope you have a better day and get everything you desire.”
~~~
Jeongin wakes up the next morning very sweaty, not from fever, but from the body heat surrounding him. He can tell that some of the members have left, the smell of pancakes in the kitchen indicates at least one disappearance. He shifts a little to try and sit up, and hears a wounded sound from underneath him from accidentally elbowing Chan.
“Good morning, baby. How are you feeling?”
Jeongin is still a little too out of it to fully understand what he is feeling. His brain is sort of in a ‘no thoughts head empty’ mode. His memory of the night before is a bit fuzzy, but he knows that at the end of it all he confessed to them about how he felt. He doesn’t know if they took it seriously, or if they think it’s him being the childish jealous maknae, and he doesn’t know which one he would prefer. He’s happy that in the end that he let himself have this one moment, even if it is the first and last time he could indulge in his secret desires.
“Words are too hard right now?” Jeongin makes eye contact with Chan and nods. “That’s okay, I can speak some more and ask some yes or no questions. Do you remember everyone coming over?” Jeongin nods. “And do you remember guiding everyone to lie down here?” Jeongin moves his head in a ‘more or less’ motion. “And do you remember saying you love us?”
Jeongin freezes. He isn’t ready to be rejected yet, he at least wants a shower and some pants first.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Chan smiles at him, a sincere one, not one full of pity. Jeongin doesn’t know what to make of it. “Don’t worry, I think you’ll be happier than you think.”
“Oh good, he’s awake!”
Jeongin rolls off of Chan towards the foot of the mattress and sees Minho standing there. He also has a bright smile on his face, shirt still missing, but a pair of sweatpants that he recognizes as Chan’s on his bottom half. Felix pokes his head out from the kitchen.
“Let’s go sleepy head! Breakfast time!”
Jeongin rubs his eyes, and stands up, quickly throwing his arms out to the side to keep his balance. “Woah! Steady there!” He feels hands around his waist and glances over to see Seungmin concentrating on making sure he doesn’t fall.
“If you fall over, I’m going to laugh, and I really don’t want to laugh at you right now.”
Jisung has his head in Changbin’s lap laying on the couch, both of them on their phones. Jisung is giggling a little at his own joke, and Changbin lightly slaps the top of Jisung’s head, who reacts much more dramatically than the hit calls for. “Don’t be mean.”
Jeongin laughs at their antics. “I’m fine, I’m fine!”
“Good,” Hyunjin says, walking into the living room from the kitchen. “We can’t have our future boyfriend feel anything less than love from us.”
He vaguely hears a protest from the couch that sounds like ‘it did come from a place of love!’ but Jeongin’s brain short circuits from Hyunjin’s words. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up, it could have just been a slip of the tongue, but his heart wants to cling to that small bit of hope.
“Yah!” Minho whacks Hyunjin in the back of the head. “That wasn’t how we agreed to tell him!”
“Tell- tell me what?” Jeongin doesn’t try to hide how desperate he is to hear what comes next. Stumbling over his words, he makes a full 360 circle looking at everyone around him, with a hand over his heart, trying to get an answer.
“That we love you.” Jeongin directs his attention over to Chan and lets out a gasp, but before he can say anything, Chan continues. “We all love you, and we love each other. But there were always doubts in our mind, since it would only take one person to say no to ruin all of our dreams, so we kept it to ourselves, until now, when we were forced to confront those feelings. We talked, after you fell asleep, and if it’s truly what you want, and not the stupid pollen talking, we want more. All of us want you.”
Jeongin lets the words wash over him like a wave. He subtly pinches one of his arms in the hopes that this isn’t a dream, but it must not be as subtle as he thinks because he can hear Hyunjin coo at his actions. The pain in his arm becomes a beacon of the truth, that he isn’t dreaming and that this is reality.
He gasps as that conclusion rings throughout his head. Despite everything, they love him and they know that he loves them. It’s everything he could have wanted and more. No longer does he have to wish from afar, he has all that he desires. His bandmates are happy, he’s happy, and they can all be together in each other's arms. He would be free to cuddle them whenever he feels the need, and yet also deny without shame if it ever got enough for his sensitive skin.
He knows that he needs to give an answer, but the synapses in his brain are all firing at once preventing anything intelligible from coming out. Instead, he turns in Seungmin’s hold and grabs his puppy hyung and slots their lips together in the hopes that it gets the message across.
And if it results in him getting six more kisses from each of the other members, well, maybe that wouldn’t be the worst outcome in the world for Jeongin.