Chapter Text
it rained last night.
the sky reminds him of oil on water and the night reminds him of the Edvard Munch painting The Scream . all deep blue desperation and sickly yellow sweat, making his stomach churn with the intensity.
it’s late and he should be at home but he can’t go back there now, can’t face his mother’s slimy smiles and his father’s blood-red glares. he can't bear the thought of sitting in his room and waiting for sleep to take him, or worse. he'd much rather wait for the sun to come up out on a random street corner in Columbus.
besides, it's not quiet here, with the screeches of sirens and the loud grabby voices of men who have had far too much to drink. Tyler hates silence more than anything else.
plus, on the street corner it smells like rain, rain, rain. wet pavement and sticky shoes and rain. he’s not allowed outside in the rain, which makes it seem like the best thing in the world.
it's his favorite scent. too bad he can’t make a candle out of the damp pavement. such a safe idea, something to burn to protect him when he’s at home.
for him, danger and his house are synonyms; even though his mother skirts around him like he is an antique china doll and his father does nothing but blink at him on occasion.
physically, he’s much safer at home, especially due to the condition, but his house feels sinister. there is always a deep hush that lies in wait in the corners and it chokes him. Tyler needs noise to live. without it, the only thing he can hear are his thoughts and he would rather die than listen to them.
despite the content he feels from inhaling the damp air and the sound, Tyler has never felt more alone. it's the one thing that he doesn't like about being out. he doesn't know anyone because he has been homeschooled his whole life, so when he sneaks out, he has no one to go to. he's a wanderer, always looking for somewhere new (and maybe he's looking someone too, but he'd never admit it out loud).
tonight, his latest escape is blocks upon blocks away from his safe neighborhood. it's towards the dark part of town, where they have more bars and cigar shops than parks and benches.
for the past hour, he’s been sitting on the curb on his rain jacket with his legs tucked under him, feet that have long since fallen asleep yet a mind that's wide awake. across the street is a dingy 7-11. the sign is flickering, bathing him in neon.
inside he can barely make out three figures. there's a couple making out by the snack aisle and a cashier obviously trying to look anywhere but at them. he wonders how long the cashier's been watching them ravage each other's throats and feels a mild sense of pity. poor guy.
he must feel lonely too. it’s hard not to on a night this dismal.
maybe not though. maybe he has a girlfriend (or boyfriend) waiting for him at home or a dog at least. Tyler can't tell how old he is, just can see the shock of pink hair and the awkward body language. perhaps the guy is just a teenager, or maybe much older. Tyler hopes it's the former.
the couple has started making out with more ferocity and the man has pinned the woman against the full length windows. Tyler looks away, disgusted as the man starts to lift the woman's skirt.
he instead looks at the cashier, who is opening and closing his mouth like he can't breathe. another jolt of revulsion shoots through Tyler. is he going do anything or is he just going to stand there, watching this couple finger-fuck?
maybe he's into voyeurism or something. the thought makes Tyler feel queasy.
suddenly, the cashier turns his head toward Tyler.
his face is twisted up into a grimace, but he has a really, really nice face. he's young, definitely, and pretty, with a soft mouth and crinkly brown eyes. the pink hair is like a halo, and his pale skin is nearly glowing. Tyler's heart jackhammers away at his ribs. that was... unexpected to say the least.
the cashier's eyes flicker across the store toward the couple again, and then back to Tyler - but this time, they're directly looking at him. their eyes meet. his chest explodes with emotions and Tyler can see the cashier’s cheeks ever-so-slightly tint rose.
a knot begins forming in his stomach, making him giddy. he can't bring himself to break the gaze. this is unusual and intense and oh god, did the cashier see him staring originally? great, now the cashier probably thinks he's the weird, voyeuristic one.
instead of looking disgustedly at Tyler, the man just cocks his head slightly and offers a small grin. Tyler’s stomach drops and pulls his heart with it. the cashier breaks their little staring contest by glancing at the couple and moving around the counter to break them apart.
as soon as their eye contact is shattered, Tyler swallows the rain soaked air and wakes from his trance. his lungs fill with flame. what just happened ?
the pair of lovers are escorted by the cashier to the parking lot, still clinging to each other frantically. Tyler exhales, head swimming with an unknown emotion. it feels like suffocation, but a welcome kind. he wants to sink into the feeling and never let go.
the pink haired man shuts the glass doors after the couple and locks eyes with Tyler. instantly, the knot multiplies in size. for an eternity the cashier just smiles at Tyler, a smile that is all cotton candy and pearls, sweet and tempting. Tyler can't look away. very slowly and deliberately, the man turns around, glancing over his shoulder twice, like a come hither .
if Tyler were less of an awkward teenager, he would leap to his feet and follow the cashier to where ever he was going.
instead, he just watches as the man disappears behind shelves and silently curses himself.
though he’s gone from sight, Tyler won't look away from where he was just standing. he’s never felt so hypnotized by someone. then again, not too many people go out of their way to make eye contact with him. he’s struck by the realization that maybe this is the first person who has looked at him for longer than 3 seconds without a disgusted look on their face. a dumb smile blossoms over his features.
he feels sort of…. happy? no, happy isn’t the right word. he feels very soft pink, the color baby girls wear. the color of cotton candy. whatever the name of the emotion is, he hasn’t felt it in forever.
suddenly, the sound of drunken, angry shouts and dropped glass breaks him out of his reverie.
his eyes are ripped from the spot where the pink haired man had been. two men from the pub down the street appear to have gotten into a fight. at first it's all hands: drunken, lazy punches and the scuffle of leather on concrete.
then one of them pulls a knife from seemingly nowhere and the other grabs the closest thing to a weapon and launches it towards the former. Tyler's mind screams at him to look away but his eyes are perversely fascinated with the way the bottle cracks against the man's temple. in slow motion, he sees it shatter and hears an animalistic cry of pain.
and then there's blood, so much blood that before Tyler even processes it he's vomiting bile from his empty stomach onto the street. he hasn't seen that much blood since - well, ever. it looks like the guy's heart burst. Tyler feels himself falling forward, onto all fours to vomit again.
he can't stop himself from falling and this is where he really starts panicking. the vomit isn't worrying him- he has a weak stomach and knows it- but he realizes he isn't wearing his gloves. the second his hands touch the puddle in front of him he recoils with a hiss, angry red burns already starting to form on his palms.
God, he's so stupid. what was he thinking leaving the house without his protection?
oh yeah, that's right. he wasn't thinking about anything but escaping from his parents and the silence. it doesn't matter now. he needs to get somewhere dry, quickly. or... well, Tyler doesn't want to think about what will happen. it won't be good.
going home would take far too long, and he’d get in mountains more trouble than usual.
to the left, the fight rages on, getting progressively louder and more violent. more and more drunken members of the pub are joining in the brawl. to the right, the street becomes a dead end in a couple hundred yards. Tyler's only real option is to go into the store across the street. of course. just his luck.
with a great amount of effort, Tyler pushes himself to his feet and grabs his rain jacket. his hands burn darker, and he vaguely registers that he's crying, the tears slowly rolling down his cheeks.
he winces as he limps to the 7-11, going as fast as possible. he's more afraid of his hand's current dilemma then of the men down the street fighting but he still wants to avoid being seen by them.
the door handles of the gas station are slick with rain, so Tyler careful wraps his hand with the rain jacket before yanking the door open.
inside is a vast contrast to outside. for one, it's warm (Tyler didn't even realize how cold he was until now). additionally, it's a lot quieter. there's the hum of the frozen food section and a light pop song softly playing. it feels safe here, all soft noise and pretty colors.
speaking of pretty colors, the employee with the pink hair is nowhere to be found. Tyler supposes that's actually for the best, as he doesn't really want to be seen like this. he doesn't see any gloves - not that he expected any - so instead he grabs a carton of milk out of one of the fridges. he locates the bathrooms and heads to the back. the milk carton drips perspiration and stings his hands. with gritted teeth, he pushes open the door.
just as he's about to step in, he hears the shuffle of cardboard on the linoleum floor and the squeak of shoes behind him.
Tyler freezes instantly, fear taking over his body and holding him in a icy grip. he whips around to see the employee restocking the shelves, earbuds blasting music. there's no way he saw Tyler so in theory he shouldn't be frozen anymore. yet he is.
maybe it's the mesmeric color of his hair - a soft peach at it's most faded, a dull ruby at it's brightest. maybe it's the way he's leaned over, his back muscles flexing and his pert ass on display. maybe it's just how damn attractive this guy looks up close. Tyler suddenly feels very light and forgets about the pain in his hands. the knot in his stomach returns, threatening to make him implode.
without warning, the employee turns around, eyes focused on the box in his hands. he looks up half heartedly, obviously not expecting anyone to be there. Tyler’s heart skips a beat when the employee’s gaze skims over him and doubles back, coffee colored orbs widening in surprise.
"um, dude? we're closed."
Tyler blushes a deep red. "the sign- there wasn't- I didn't know," he manages to stammer out.
the employee narrows his eyes at Tyler. not suspicious, just curious. he gives Tyler the once-over and Tyler feels his face growing hotter. he takes a step closer to Tyler. vaguely, Tyler registers that his name tag reads "Joshua."
Joshua's eyes land on the milk in Tyler’s hands and now he begins to look more suspicious.
“why do you have that? you know you still have to pay, even though we’re technically closed.” his tone is light and teasing. Joshua smiles sweetly at Tyler, which he supposes is to make him feel better but actually makes him blush more.
“I was gonna pay, you-you just weren’t behind the counter. what was I supposed to do?” Tyler shoots back, wincing at the harshness of his tone.
Joshua flinches and Tyler feels like he’s about to explode.
“you want me to ring it up for you now?” Joshua responds, his tone colder but still polite.
“uh, yes. thank you.”
it's of course at this very moment that Tyler realizes he doesn't have his wallet. he groans internally, and debates his options. he could take the milk and run, but this Joshua guy looks like he could (and would) tackle and crush him.
there’s always the option of explaining why he has the milk, and hoping Joshua would take pity of him. but that’s going to be embarrassing and there’s a high potential for Tyler to be laughed at.
so instead he takes option three, which is the dumbest thing he’s probably ever done.
in retrospect, there were other options and he could have done them with ease and little to none embarrassment. but of course Tyler doesn’t think of any of them.
instead, he does one of the worst things he can imagine. he lies.
“it’s for my sister,” he says, the words coming out of his mouth slimy and quick. Joshua blinks at him, weary eyes awaiting an explanation. “it’s for my sister and she’s sick and we have no milk left and it needs to be warmed up, to help her,” Tyler continues effortlessly, tears pricking the back of his eyes, partially due to the pain that’s still burning his hands and partially due to the fact that he’s not completely lying.
“sorry to hear that, dude,” Joshua says, tone slightly warmer than before.
“it’s - it’s okay. I just need it so badly and we don’t have enough money with all the hospital bills and everything-”
suddenly Joshua is on the other side of the counter, awkwardly patting Tyler’s shoulders as the brunette sobs. Tyler peeks up at the taller man, watches as the cashier’s cheeks grow red. he speaks, his voice hoarse.
“you know, if you really need it that badly, I could probably-” Joshua swallows and looks around the empty store, as if someone might be eavesdropping. “I could probably give it to you for free or something. just this once. if, if you really need it.”
Tyler looks at the pink haired man again. his eyes are full of sincerity and Tyler feels a rush of regret. he’s in too deep now to stop, so instead he vigorously nods his head.
“okay.” he whispers.
a funny look falls over Joshua’s face, and he tints pink. “alright,” he responds and shoves the milk into Tyler’s hands. “you really gotta go though. I need to finish closing.”
he turns away and Tyler’s stomach churns with words unsaid. he’s dying to say something, anything.
“I’ll pay you back,” he calls after Joshua. “I promise I will.”
Joshua looks over his shoulder and smiles slightly, “you don’t have to. if you want to, go ahead. but please don’t if it’s too much.”
Tyler nods, though he’s not sure if Joshua saw it. “I will. I promise.”
Tyler wobbles outside. his hands are still burning but not nearly as much as his cheeks. good lord, he was beautiful. Tyler sighs faintly, and then shakes his head, snapping himself out of it. no. no, he was not beautiful. Joshua was kind. Tyler is a terrible person for lying. he shouldn’t do things like that.
he looks down at the milk jug perspiring in his hand. he should probably use it. he knows it’s really the worst way to deal with this - oil or lotion is better, but he didn’t bother looking for any in the store. at least his hands won’t burn anymore. he pours it over his hands and relief washes over him. finally.
he turns to walk home and glances over his shoulder once.
Joshua is standing outside the store, only a few yards from him. he’s bathed in neon, making his strong jawline and crinkly brown eyes look angelically soft. he’s staring at Tyler and Tyler mentally wants to knock himself out. that probably was the weirdest thing to witness. a small dude just pouring fucking milk on his hands? that’s so totally normal. Tyler bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from screaming.
Joshua coughs discreetly, looking at Tyler’s hands and then flickering his eyes away. Tyler gives him a awkward nod and starts walking as casually as he can in the general direction of his house. his legs are somehow too long and every step he takes is jerky. he’s barely made it 20 feet when a voice calls out to him in the darkness.
“wait. hey, wait!”
Tyler stops, refusing to turn towards the source. a mumbled “yeah?” acknowledges Joshua.
“do you need a ride home? like, it looks like you walked here,” the voice is slowly growing closer to him and Tyler can hear the tentativeness in his steps. “I mean, maybe you drove? but if your sister is really sick you probably need to get home to her fast and- and I don’t know man. are you like, okay?”
Tyler is frozen. he can’t move, can’t speak. why is this random guy being so nice to him?
“it’s okay if you say no. I get it, it’s weird. I’m just some rando,” it’s like he’s a mind reader. his voice is traced with disappointment. “see you around, I guess.”
before Tyler can stop himself, he’s the one calling wait! to the other figure. perhaps it was the finality in Josh’s tone that shook him and he doesn’t want this to be over.
“yeah?” Josh says, tone laced with hope.
“that would be, like, really cool,” Tyler squeaks out. he still hasn’t turned around and does so with the most careful of movements. “I mean, if it’s like, not a problem for you.” his words are halted and he cringes at how awkward he is. he’s such a freak.
a slow smile glows from the shadows. “okay.”
Tyler blinks. “okay,” he repeats back.
“my car is over this way,” Joshua beckons him over before unlocking the car and ducking into the driver's seat. Tyler stumbles over and glances at the moisture soaked door handle with a grimace. with a hand wrapped in his rain jacket, he opens in and clambers in.
the car is surprisingly clean. cracked leather seats and a dashboard that’s missing the radio greet him, as well as a sweet-smelling mixture of pine and clean laundry. it’s nice and dry and cozy and wearily Tyler realizes how late it actually is. he could fall asleep here.
Joshua starts the car. there’s minimal lighting but Tyler thinks that he might be blushing slightly. he yawns and Tyler watches his mouth open wide, teeth like pearls and diamonds, silky pink lips and if Tyler looks closely enough he can barely see a sliver of a satin tongue. a shiver runs through him and Joshua glances over.
“cold?” he questions.
“a little,” Tyler murmurs. he’s lying again. his stomach is one big tight knot of heat and arousal.
Joshua nods and turns the heat on full blast. “do you want a blanket too?”
Tyler thinks about saying yes, because maybe it will smell like Joshua and he wants to memorize that scent. his face burns red and he gently refuses, because Joshua is being nothing but kind and Tyler is a weirdo and perverse. what the hell is wrong with him?
Joshua nods again and pulls out of the parking lot. his hands on the steering wheel look so nice which is a weird thing to think and Tyler needs to stop, it is not the time. he politely looks out the window and shuts his mouth to keep him from doing anything else stupid. they’ve driven about 100 feet when Joshua clears his throat and says “so I kind of need to know where we’re going.”
“oh, right,” Tyler mumbles. if he wasn’t so busy admiring the pink haired man and was behaving normally he would have remembered to tell Joshua his address. he murmurs it quietly, and Joshua looks startled.
“you walked that far?”
Tyler shrugs. he doesn’t have a simple explanation.
they drive in silence for a few more minutes and it’s starting to hurt Tyler’s head because he can’t stop overthinking. he needs to say something, anything .
“um, thanks by the way. it’s really nice of you, Joshua,” the other man’s name feels foreign and oddly formed in his mouth.
Joshua laughs, a pretty sound, and it reminds Tyler of long grass and little bells and everything clean. “my name’s Josh. I know it says on my nametag ‘Joshua’ but only my mom calls me that,” he grins over at Tyler and suddenly an odd look comes over his face. “only my mom called me that.”
“Josh,” Tyler tests it out on his tongue, the name feeling much gentler and more familiar than the stiff formality of Joshua. he peeks through his lashes at Josh, and questions “ called you that?”
“my mom has cancer,” Josh says. his tone is casual. “well, she had cancer. she died a couple weeks ago.”
“what?” Tyler chokes on his breath.
“yeah,” Josh says, and his voice cracks on the second half of the word. “that’s why I’m working this job. it’s so shitty, but there are still a lot of hospital bills to pay off.”
Tyler feels sick. bile rises in his throat and he hates himself. here he is (semi)lying about his little sister, just so he can have some fucking milk to pour on his fucking hands when Josh is actually suffering. he should have left the water eat through his skin. he is awful.
“I have to pay you back now,” Tyler stammers out.
Josh shakes his head. “don’t. I totally get it. it’s better if you’re in less debt. there’s still a chance for your sister. my mom’s gone.”
Josh’s voice is strong but he looks like he’s going to cry. Tyler wants nothing more than to comfort him. he starts to reach a hand over before pulling back. they’re strangers. they don’t know each other. a piece of Tyler deflates.
the car turns down a familiar street and Tyler suddenly realizes where they are. “kill the lights,” he hisses.
“what?”
“the headlights. off. please.”
Josh obeys without question, and Tyler lets out a breath he was holding. if his mom saw the car coming down the street, he would never be able to sneak out again. he would be forever trapped in the darkness of his home. the thought makes his blood turn to ice.
“this one’s my house.” Tyler says.
“oh,” Josh murmurs, like he’s waking from a deep sleep. he stops the car and Tyler clambers out. he picks up the milk and gives a tiny wave with his other hand. Josh’s eyes watch him silently.
“I hope your sister gets better.” Josh whispers.
“I’ll pay you back,” Tyler says, his voice a promise.
“okay,” Josh says. his tone is a surrender. he’s not going to fight Tyler on this. “you know where to find me.”
Tyler hesitates before closing the door. Josh looks soft and small in the bit of lighting that’s provided. his eyes are tired and sad and so gorgeous. would it be odd for Tyler to kiss him?
he shakes his head at himself. yes, that would be totally weird. what is wrong with Tyler?
“I should go,” Josh says quietly.
“I’ll pay you back,” Tyler repeats. it’s the only thing he can say right now apparently.
Josh nods and Tyler finally closes the door. he steps away from the car and watches as it drives away, into a night that is all oil paint blue and sweet desperation. but the midnight sky does not look so lonely anymore.