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It was easy to tell that sometimes life wasn’t very easy for Hawks. With the infiltration mission he had on top of everything else he did in a day barely gave him any time to do whatever he wanted. On most of his days he felt like he had to keep moving, because if he stopped, he thought he’d just collapse. Every time he thought of the problems he had, he knew he had to push them away because they weren’t important. How he was feeling wasn’t important when the entire country was at stake.
He knew things weren’t perfect with him, but he was close enough to fine; he could do everything he needed to in a day and that was what mattered, right? It didn’t matter that he barely had enough energy to talk to people. He was fine.
On a day where he came home to find Dabi in his living room, he was just so tired. He didn’t want to deal with him.
“Leave,” Hawks said as soon as he saw him.
“Not happy to see me?” Dabi asked.
“I’m tired,” Hawks said. It wasn’t a lie, but it was that he just didn’t have the energy to socialize anymore – if he saw Dabi two hours ago, he might’ve been fine with spending time socializing with him, but not right now. He barely had the energy to even make himself some food before he went to bed for the night.
Dabi looked suspicious, but Hawks was too tired to look into it right now.
“Good night, Dabi,” Hawks said, heading to the kitchen and grabbing some instant ramen. It was probably the easiest thing to make he had. He needed to go grocery shopping tomorrow or the day after. He turned the kettle on and leaned against the counter while waiting for the water to boil.
“Have a nice supper,” Dabi said and left. Hawks was glad he did.
Hawks grabbed a bowl from his cupboard, put the ramen in the bowl and watched the kettle boil. He watched the temperature climb – 30°, then 42°, 59°, 74° – all the way to 100°. He poured the water into the bowl and brought it over to the table as well as some cutlery.
It was a slow night. It felt like a chore to finish his dinner, but he did, he put the bowl and cutlery in the dishwasher and went off to his bedroom. He changed out of his hero costume, threw it behind the door into the dirty clothes pile, put on some pyjama pants and simply collapsed in his bed. He thought he should’ve taken a shower, but he didn’t have the energy to. His wings were looking worse than usual too. Despite the tiredness he felt, it took a while before he went to sleep.
—
Hawks was lucky enough to not have to work that day.
Hawks started his day by laying in his bed for a while, needing to build up some energy to simply get out of bed. He knew there were things he needed to do, but he must’ve layed there for at least half an hour before he got out of bed and headed to the kitchen to start making breakfast.
Hawks had been able to find super simple ways to make certain breakfasts, like scrambled eggs: put the amount of eggs he wanted in a bowl (he usually used two), put in some milk, mix with a fork, put in seasonings, and put that in the microwave until the eggs were light and fluffy. That only took about three or four minutes compared to the at least 15 when he used the stove.
Hawks hoped to be productive that day; it would be nice to catch up on some work he’d fallen behind on, but he just felt lazy. He was getting mad at himself. No matter how much he wanted to do work, he just couldn’t focus. He couldn’t really focus on anything. Almost anything he tried to do, he couldn’t focus and found his mind wandering on nonsense.
He was annoyed.
For the whole day, he ended up jumping from activity to activity just trying to find something that he could focus on. He couldn’t focus on anything. He ended up wasting the day away.
—
Hawks came home that day to find Dabi in his kitchen. The day had been hard and mentally tiring.
“Why are you here?” Hawks asked.
“I wanted to help you out,” Dabi said. Hawks only now realized he was making food.
“Why do you think I need help?” Hawks asked.
“I’m perceptive,” was Dabi’s response.
“What?”
“I saw what you did today,” Dabi said, looking at Hawks carefully.
Hawks knew exactly what Dabi was talking about. “I was doing my job, Dabi,” he defended.
“Really?” Dabi asked, raising his eyebrows. “Usually you try to stay out of the way and use your telekinesis if you can. Today, you went straight into a fight against a villain that was clearly not a good match-up for you.” Dabi sighed. “You need to value yourself better, Hawks.”
“I do value myself,” Hawks said.
“How?” Dabi asked. “Do you ever do things for yourself? Do you do things because you want to?”
Hawks was silent.
“What do you enjoy doing?” Dabi asked.
Hawks was silent again. He hadn’t really found joy in doing anything lately.
“Your life is depressing, Hawks,” Dabi said.
“I have a good life,” Hawks said. “I have a roof over my head, I have a good job that pays well – I have what I need.”
“Do you think that’s all you need to have a good life?” Dabi asked.
“It’s better than living in poverty and eating garbage and animals I had killed,” Hawks snapped.
Dabi stared at him, letting Hawks’ words sink in. “Have you lived that kind of life?”
Hawks stared at him. He’d been told that his stare was unverving before, he could use it to his advantage here.
“It doesn’t matter what kind of life I’ve lived,” Hawks said as he turned around to head to his bedroom to get out of his hero costume. “I have a good life.”
—
Dabi didn’t expect Hawks to be so defensive about his life. He had figured that Hawks’ life wasn’t the greatest, but he thought Hawks had a similar opinion, or at least knew his life could be better. That last thing Hawks said had taken Dabi aback: It’s better than living in poverty and eating garbage and animals I had killed, Hawks had said to him.
The mystery in Hawks’ past is part of what made him so interesting, both to Dabi and the rest of Japan. Dabi knew nearly nothing about it. There wasn’t even a name he could use, just Hawks. All Dabi could do is make wild guesses. So, Hawks living in poverty would be unexpected, but not impossible.
Dabi tried to push out the numerous questions Hawks’ words had given him and continued making supper. Dabi noticed that whenever he was at Hawks’ house when Hawks was eating, Hawks always had super simple dishes, usually things he could just put in the oven and it was done, or things that took only a few minutes, so he thought Hawks could have a nice homecooked meal.
Dabi was making shogayaki, something he thought Hawks would like and had the ingredients for. He substituted the pork for chicken though, since Hawks didn’t have pork, and Dabi knew Hawks liked chicken and had it in his fridge.
—
Hawks didn’t want Dabi to still be in the kitchen when he left his bedroom. Hawks had only put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before heading back to the kitchen to see if Dabi was still there and to make dinner.
When he went to the kitchen, he saw Dabi still in there. He only now realized that Dabi was wearing casual clothing – a simple hoodie and sweatpants – rather than his usual outfit. It made him look softer than usual.
“What are you still doing here?” Hawks asked.
“I made you some supper,” Dabi said.
Hawks put his head on the counter and just let the cold of the marble seep into his forehead.
“Don’t fall asleep yet,” Dabi said.
“Shut up,” Hawks grumbled.
Dabi chuckled and placed a bowl in front of Hawks. Hawks looked up and saw that Dabi had made shogayaki.
“Why’d you make food?” Hawks asked.
“I’m not blind,” Dabi said, grabbing cutlery from the drawer and giving it to Hawks as well as himself since Dabi also had a bowl of shogayaki. “Who says I can’t help you out when you’re clearly struggling?”
Hawks had picked up his cutlery only to put it back down as he listened to Dabi talk. “I don’t need your help,” he said.
“Really?” Dabi asked. “You may not think you need help, but you do need it.”
“I’m fine,” Hawks said.
“I don’t understand you,” Dabi said.
“You don’t need to understand me,” Hawks said, crossing his arms.
“What’s an average day for you like?” Dabi asked.
Hawks sighed. “I get up, have breakfast, get ready for work, go to work, do whatever I need to after work, and go home,” Hawks said.
“When do you have fun?” Dabi asked. “When do you do your hobbies?”
“I don’t have time for that,” Hawks said.
“You don’t have time for hobbbies?” Dabi asked for clarification.
“No,” Hawks said. “I’m too busy.”
“So, in your whole day, you don’t have any time for yourself?” Dabi asked.
“I do,” Hawks defended.
“What do you do in that time?” Dabi asked.
“I’m getting tired of your questions, Dabi,” Hawks said.
“I just want to know,” Dabi said.
Hawks sighed in frustration. “I don’t do anything.”
Dabi only gave him a look of confusion. “That’s what I mean,” Dabi ended up saying. “Your life is sad.”
“Thanks,” Hawks said blankly.
“I’m not trying to be mean,” Dabi said. “Your life is just genuinely sad; you don’t have hobbies and you barely do anything outside of your work. No matter how much you love your job, that’s not a good life to live, Hawks.”
“Not all of us can steal, Dabi,” Hawks said. “Some people have to follow the law to live our lives.”
Dabi rubbed his hand over his face. “I’m not telling you to live a life like mine,” he said. “What I’m trying to say is that you need to live a fulfilling life. Not one where you’re just trying to make it to the end of the week every week.”
“That’s not how I see my life,” Hawks said.
“How do you see it, then?” Dabi asked.
“It’s not important how I see my life,” Hawks said, standing up from the table.
“Listen,” Dabi said, “I made you food for you to have one less thing to do tonight… I even made sure it was something you’d like. You do like shogayaki, right?”
Hawks looked at the table, at the two full bowls of shogayaki.
“You don’t have to talk to me, just eat the food,” Dabi said.
Hawks looked at Dabi. He hated to admit it, but Dabi was right. Hawks did see his life in the way of I just have to make it to the end of the week, and on some hard days I just have to make it to the end of the day. He knew he’d end up eating something with barely any effort (or most likely even something that was more snack-like than meal-like) if Dabi hadn’t come by and made food.
Hawks sat back down and started eating the food Dabi had made. Hawks didn’t know where Dabi learned to cook, but he was good at it. Usually, shogayaki was made with pork, but Dabi had used chicken instead – that just made Hawks like it even more, though he did enjoy the usual pork shogayaki.
The two ate in silence.
“Thanks,” Hawks said once he’d finished eating and had put his empty dish on the counter.
Dabi hummed in response.
—
For the next few weeks, Hawks kept finding Dabi coming to his apartment and simply making food. Hawks felt a weight lift off his shoulders each time he saw Dabi in his kitchen making dinner. He liked it. He realized that, maybe, things don’t have to be so hard for him if he has people around who care about him – and wasn’t that an odd thought? Dabi cared about him.