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While Red lay on the bed flicking through a magazine, Green ran around shouting his thoughts about what to pack. Red had learnt during their Unova trip that Green was going to run around shouting and getting stressed out and anything he, Red, tried to do to help would only make it worse. Green was a bit of a control freak. And apparently Red disrupted his thought process.
Once he finished, Green stormed over, leant over Red and demanded, “Where’s your bags, then?”
Red inclined his head towards his trainer bag, still slightly damp from his last Mt Silver training stint three weeks ago.
“You’re such a hobo dick ,” Green said. “You don’t even have clothes in there.”
“I’ll wear what I always wear.”
“Alola is hot?”
Red looked up at him in a way he hoped conveyed, ‘Babe. I can handle it. I’ve basically lived on a snow-covered mountain in nothing but a hooded jacket for nine years.’
“No, you haven’t, ’cos I kept taking you actual proper clothes,” Green said. “How did I ever lose to a hopeless loser like you, you suck so much .”
Red shrugged. “What was more pathetic, losing every single battle to me, or losing your heart to me?”
Green stared at him in disbelief. “Did Gold tell you to say that shit to me?”
Red shrugged again.
Green grabbed Red’s bag from the corner, announced “I want a divorce” and started emptying it on Red’s back.
“Okay, okay,” Red said, sitting up in a shower of Full Restores. “Can we get remarried in Alola?”
Green shoved Red’s bag at him. “Only ’cos I love you.”
Red finished emptying everything on the bed. It was almost all medical supplies for his pokémon, a few items they liked to hold in battles, a couple of presents Green had given him when they were like five. Green’s eyes went straight to those with a mix of delight and careful plans for later ripping.
“You don’t even need most of this,” Green said. “They have stores in Alola.”
“Yeah but what if we get in a battle on the way?”
“...you mean, on the plane ?”
Red nodded.
Green frowned and admitted, “Hadn’t thought of that. Shit. Now I gotta repack.”
A double battle with Green on an airplane was about the most romantic thing Red could imagine.
Still, Green got so stressed , so he said, “Or I can take all this and cover it for both of us?”
Green said, “That’d work.” Pause. “But you’re not taking that filthy bag. Look professional for once in your hobo life, you scummy dirtbag.”
Red went to the closet and picked out another one. It was yellow and very much a bag. By the time he was done cramming everything back in it, Green was examining the dozen pairs of sunglasses he’d bought the day before.
“How many pairs of sunglasses d’ya need?” Red asked, again.
This time Green glared at him. “Enough.”
“You always end up wearing the same outfit every day anyway.”
“Yeah, so your lazy ass looks like less of a loser, because I’m that fucking nice! Fuck you!”
“No, I’m pretty sure you said it was branding,” Red replied. “Nobody’s ever gonna forget the purple pants, that’s for sure.”
“They were stylish .”
“They have clothes in Alola,” Red said.
“I’d die before I’d wear an Alolan shirt.”
“We’re buying one for your grandpa though.”
“I know, I’m already disgusted by how much he’ll love it. But I’ll do it anyway cos I’m such a great person.”
Even after all these years Red admired how much Green complained and bragged in the process of doing the right thing. Or, well, anything.
Green frowned at the sunglasses again and said, “How many do you think I need, then?”
“One.”
Green sniffed, “Minimalist. What’s the point of being rich and famous Trainers-slash-Champions if we’re not livin’ it up?”
“Do I need sunglasses to be a good Champion?”
“No,” Green replied, “you’re not cool enough for them.”
“Because I’m fiery red hot .”
“I’m divorcing you for that.”
Red smiled. “How hot’s it gonna be in Alola?”
“A lot hotter than here,” Green replied, shutting the drawer. He didn’t turn back to Red. “But the new Pokémon League is on a mountain? So maybe not.”
It all made sense. “It’s not that hard to stay warm on mountains.”
“You know a bunch of other world-class Trainers and Champions are gonna be there,” Green said.
It all made even more sense. “Then it’ll be fun to battle ’em.”
“Duh, I’m gonna wipe the floor with ’em,” Green said.
Red walked over to him, carefully wrapping an arm around Green. Green didn’t shove him away. Maybe that was the main perk of marriage; Green actually believing how badly Red wanted to be with him.
“And we’re both gonna finally figure out Mega Evolution, right?”
“Yeah, totally,” Red replied. “Don’t force it though.”
“I’m gonna get it before you,” Green declared.
“You wish.”
Green looked up at Red, smirking. “You won’t stand a chance when I do.”
Red replied, “My heart never stands a chance against you.”
Green kissed Red, then shoved him away.
“We’re gonna kick ass,” Green said, “right?”
“We always do.”
Green made an unconvinced noise.
“It’s gonna be fun,” Red said. And he reminded him, “It’s not all about being the best.”
“Easy for you to say.”
“Yep. Still, it's gonna be fun. You’ll see.”
Green muttered, “I guess I had -- concerns, about Unova, too. And it was fun. To see you finally lose.”
“I barely lost.”
“I’m gonna beat you again,” Green said.
“You gotta go to try, babe.”
Green nodded. He started walking to the bedroom door. “I’m gonna unpack some stuff.”
Red moved to lie back down.
“No, you actually pack some stuff, idiot.”
“Can’t I just go in what I’m wearing?”
“No! At least pick a new outfit, you’re not a hobo any more! I would never marry a hobo!”
“You did, though.”
“You're an ex hobo.”
Red shoved a few tshirts of Green’s in his bag, because for all Green’s talk, Red didn’t actually have many clothes for a ‘new’ outfit. Green surveyed them, picked one out, and told Red to put it on.
“It’s too tight,” Red said.
“I know,” Green said. “It’s perfect.”
Red replied, “Wow, you sleaze .”
It was lucky Green had bought a ridiculous amount of sunglasses, because he broke the pair he’d chosen throwing them at Red. And then another in the resulting pokémon battle. And then another when they started making out.
At least Green had forgotten all about being nervous facing the other Trainers and Champions in Alola.