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Rain softly tapped against the roof as he sat alone in living room. Avery left their house some time ago since they were running low on some supplies though he said he will be shortly back home.
He tried to focus on the fact Avery would need to be back soon though only worst thoughts kept appearing.
What if he died? What if he got lost? What if he tried to call out for you but nobody came? What would you do knowing you could've saved him but choose to sit around and do nothing? If he dies you're the reason. Maybe he didn't die rather left. You and your all-knowing mind that can't even notice when people get tired of you.
He tried to ignore the thoughts though he couldn't help but to fear, what if it all was a lie? People didn't like him since he often knew a lot and corrected people in topics they believed they knew all about or give off random side fun facts mid conversations though what was he supposed to do? Let them spread missinformation?
Big knowledge seems fun until people start leaving you or bullying you when you show it off, too much corrections and you get called 'Mr Wikipedia' and when he didn't know something people laughed at him calling him 'false encyclopaedia'.
No matter what he did it was bad, and as much as he joked it off it hurt. He brushed it off as 'just words' though at times he would cry himself to sleep.
After some time he just learned to deal with it.. he stopped socialising and sticked with learning, leading him to getting into harvard.
With him going there he hoped to be more accepted... Yet it was litteral opposite. Students only saw him as something that would make them pass a class they struggled in and teachers saw him as nothing more than a suspicious thing that might be cheating in their classes.
He felt awful, he hated his knowledge and abilities, hated the way he tried to help others yet just gets used. Hated the way nothing he did was good, how nobody cared and how it seemed that nobody would ever care.
He just hated himself for being nothing more but a fleshy placeholder for information.
What he hated most though is how he probably annoyed Avery too. The way he kept most of personal issues to himself and how he had more secrets between them than truths. And especially how Avery didn't seem ti mind it, rather let him unfold when he felt ready.
He felt so scared to lose one person that at least pretended to care, to lose somebody who didn't look at him and see just somebody who knew a lot of information rather somebody who has their own information. Information about what color they like or their name or even what's their favourite hobby.
Tears built up as he hugged himself and rested his face burried against his knees, he just couldn't hold it anymore.
As he quietly cried he didn't hear the front doors click, he didn't notice when somebody walked into the living room and especially didn't notice when that somebody was now sitting next to him trying not to startle him.
"Der...? Are you.. alright?", he softly spoke to other, sadness taking over as he saw man infront of him struggle with his thoughts.
"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry.", choked sobs followed as he kept apologizing.
"Hey.... Don't apologize man, do you need a hug..?, as he opened his arms Derek slowly looked up with one eye barely visible. Avery almost immediately noticed the tear stains and softened his expression even more.
The way Derek looked at him with fear told him probably as much as it needed to, the way he looked like vornulable animal trying to understand what actual care is.
He slowly reached Avery and before he knew it warmth surrounded him, soft hug wrapped around him like a blanket during cold winters.
Fastly enough he hugged Avery back and burried his head against others chest, he couldn't help but to start tearing up again.
"It's okay, just let it out Der, it's okay to be sad."
He held Derek tighter as he heard those choked sobs when you try to hold it in and suck it up.
"You don't need to deal with it alone, whenever you're ready I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."
Those words hit him hard and it felt like such a relief of something shot through.
With time passing by he calmed down, he felt tired as it all drained his energy. With sleep pulling in he heard one last message from Avery before falling asleep.
"You're real, and you're special, remember who you are."