Chapter Text
It's been three days. Three pathetic days of walking this same route and stopping just behind Roobas to see if she's there. The first day, I'd stayed almost half an hour so who knows how long she'd been there. Hair in a long dark braid down her back. Feet shoulder width apart and steadfast. Shoulders squared and head held high,ready for a fight - but if you looked long enough, you'd see her hands were shaking. Her back was to me, staring down the district office, the place Seam kids always ended up after graduation to sign up to take their shifts deep underground in the dark.
The memory of seeing her the year after her father had died and I'd thrown her that bread, waiting for the elevator to tour the mines holding the exact same stance flooded my mind. Hands, shaking like autumn leaves in the wind. I hadn't made any effort to talk to her, calm her down or take those tiny hands in mine. I couldn't, I'd reasoned at the time - she doesn't even know you! What would your friends say? Would it even help? A litany of excuses to cover the truth. The memory of it was all it took for me to shake my head in disgust, force myself to tear my eyes away and plod back to the Victor's Village to my empty home. “Coward,” I muttered under my breath. Always had been, always would be.
In my nightmares that night, it had been her, not my district partner Merri, who had been caught by the massive district 11 tribute, cut down so quickly I’d barely had a chance to think. By the time I'd escaped the district 8 tribute who had me pinned I was too late - she was gone. In my nightmares though, Katniss had lived long enough for me to get to her, just in time for her to raise one of those bony, shaking hands and croak “where were you? I needed you…” before I watched the life drain from her eyes. It's so awful that I can't get back to sleep and end up roaming the district for hours until the sun rises.
Still, the next day, I can't help but return - and there she is again, same spot, same pose, same trembling hands. Today, she's given a few sudden jerks forward as if she's about to move, but her feet remain planted. All at once, she bursts forward, makes it three long strides ahead and promptly vomits next to a tree that sits outside the office steps. Her whole body is shaking now as she leans back onto the ground.
My heart breaks for her, but the same questions flow through my mind again - what can I do to help her, and would she even accept it if I did? That night, I think through every possible scenario - dropping off food to her house? Surely she would hate to accept it, but she'd do it right? For her family? It's no good though, first of all I don't even know where she lives, and I can only imagine her reaction if she caught me - yes any sort of gift - or she would call it charity - is not the answer. So there's only one thing to do. A job. A job that's not the mines. I can't put my brothers out by asking at the bakery, plus my mother would never agree. The Cartwrights aren't busy enough to need more than Delly and Dean. I don't know that I have enough sway with anyone else in town - definitely not anymore anyway. I may be the famous victor, Peeta Mellark across Panem, but here at home I've never felt more alone. There's only one thing for it - and I plan to execute my idea the next day.
Despite my commitment to the plan, the next morning when I see her there again my shoulders tighten instead of relaxing with relief. Before I can lose my nerve, I barrel forward to cross her path.
“Katniss?” I get out when I'm only a few feet behind her. She whips around so quickly that I'm glad she doesn't carry whatever weapons she uses to fell squirrels on her at all times. I wait for her to respond, but she only stares, confusion in her eyes.
“Uhh…” I start before shaking myself into my mind. “Are you okay?”
She just continues to stare for a minute before giving a huff and saying shortly. “Yes. I'm fine!” Her nose tips up a little more in the air, but I still notice her legs seem to be swaying as if she's about to collapse right in front of me again.
“Oh, okay then. That's…good. Well, listen I just wanted to mention - I'm looking for a housekeeper, someone to come a few days a week and help with the house? I can pay well. If you know anyone who is looking for work, would you pass the message along?” She just stares again, eyes narrowing as if trying to figure me out. I have to get out of here before I crack under the pressure of her gaze.
“Well, better get going. Nice seeing you, Katniss!” I say, as if this isn't the first conversation we've ever had. Don't look back, don't look back, don't look back… I coach myself as I walk away.
That night, my dreams are of her again, but just flashes of her proud look, the confusion in those grey eyes.
I’ve never wrangled a shirt over my body quicker than when I hear a faint knock at the door the next morning. I swing open the door a bit too eagerly before mastering myself to find her standing on my front step wringing her hands. She looks so small, standing there in the extravagant Victor's mansion door frame.
“Hello, Katniss,” I say, trying to school my face into nonchalance.
“Hi.” She replies, not meeting my eyes. “I could do it, the…the housekeeping. If you haven't found anyone yet? I could do it.”
“Oh!” I say as if this wasn't my whole scheme. “I haven't found anyone yet, thank you. That would be great. Would you like to come in and we can…we can figure out the…details?” I need to calm my breathing, my mind is racing - sure I'd planned the plan and set the plan in motion but she's really here, standing here in front of me. About to come into my house. My very clean house - fuck. I should have, I don't know, left some dishes out or something at least.
As she steps through the door tentatively I can see she's forcing herself not to wring her hands some more as they're pressed firmly to her sides.
“Did you…want a cup of tea or anything?” I say, trying to do something to relax her.
“Um, okay” She sits at the pristine kitchen island as I put the kettle on, turning away from her so I can focus.
Peeta this is not about you. This is just about helping her and her family. Like you did with the bread. But my mind can't help concocting wild fantasies about spending time with Katniss every other day, the beginnings of a friendship and then... No, I stop myself. Expectations like these will only lead to disappointment. I force my mind two doors down, where my mentor Haymitch Abernathy rots, alone and pathetic. That is the future I have to look forward to. The future I need to accept. The only option for a victor of the Hunger Games. I pour the hot water into two mugs and add the tea to steep.
“Milk? Sugar?” I ask, casually.
“Okay.” She says, and I can't help hearing the longing in her voice. My lungs feel like they're being squeezed with the thought - When was the last time she'd eaten and felt full? That changes today. I will put these feelings to good use. Channel them into helping her survive and the rest I can bury away to keep her safe.
I hand her the cup and she takes a long sip but ignores the cookies I've set out, then looks around awkwardly. “Looks pretty clean” she says.
I give a bashful chuckle “Right. Yes, I know. I…I can manage. But it's been difficult, with my leg and all and…well I'll have some…obligations soon. Be doing a bit of travel for the tour, then my talent and every year for…” I feel the bile rise up in my throat at the thought and find I can't finish my sentence. “Anyway, I could just use some help keeping up, maybe doing some errands and possibly keeping the house while I travel?” She nods. “Would, maybe twice a week work for you? I can be flexible on the days.”
“Okay.” She says.
“Okay!” I give a sigh of relief. We discuss a schedule and payment and I know I've hit the right number when her eyes widen in shock and she shakes her head. “Not enough?” I ask, trying to hide the grin that's overtaking my lips.
“No!” She says, eyes still wide in shock. “I mean, yes! That's…that's…” she shakes her head as if trying to find the words.
I press my advantage while she struggles to reject my offer and simply say “Well, that's settled then!” And stand as if the matter is finished.
"Right. Okay, well - if you're sure, I guess…”
“Great! I guess I'll see you Monday, Katniss!” She gives a tentative half smile and nods before she leaves and makes her way home.