Work Text:
T-minus roughly fourteen months until the Hail Mary reaches Erid's orbit.
I've been living off of Taumoeba-coma-slurry for about two years now. I wish I could claim the taste gets better over time, but that would be a bold-faced lie. Still, rationing the stuff has been a struggle, considering how small my daily allowance has become in comparison to the amount of nutrients I need.
These days, I spend most of my time in the dormitory, trying to conserve my energy for when I need to get up. Rocky has been dutifully keeping me company, working on various projects over time and checking on the Taumoeba farms to make sure they're running correctly - he usually does the latter while I'm eating, to give me some privacy.
My stomach growls, and pain radiates through my torso. I squeezes my eyes shut, waiting for the cramps to pass. Rocky lets out a soft, unhappy chime, the sounds of his work pausing for a moment.
"Grace in pain, question?" he asks.
"It'll pass," I respond through gritted teeth.
"Will pass," Rocky agrees, "but will come back. Grace in pain many times per cycle."
"I'm sorry, Rock." I check my (stop)watch. Two hours until I can eat some more slurry. If I wasn't at risk of running out, I might have opted for a quick snack. As it is, I can only afford to eat the bare minimum every day. It's nowhere near enough, but it's my only option.
"Why apologise?" Rocky stamps one foot against the floor. "Grace has done nothing wrong, statement."
I chuckle and immediately regret it as another wave of pain spreads through my body. "I don't- don't want to worry you."
"Rocky cannot fix. Of course Rocky worry."
"You don't have to fix everything, Rocky."
Rocky makes a note of disagreement. "But Rocky want to fix."
"I know you do." I turns my head to look at Rocky. He's clearly upset, his carapace tilted low as he sways from side to side a little. "But I'll be okay. We're getting closer to Erid, and your people can work on making some real food for me. We've thought it all through, haven't we?"
Rocky trills in agreement, but he doesn't lift his carapace from the floor. "Eridians will try to fix."
I try to smile. "Okay. That's all we can ask for. Now let's talk about something else." I squint through my lopsided glasses to try and get a look through Rocky's xenonite walls. "What have you been working on?"
Rocky straightens up at that. "I make gift for Adrian."
"Oh," I say, struggling with how to respond. I've never been very good at talking about anyone's love life, especially my own. "That's sweet."
Rocky approximates a nod. "Rocky gone much longer than plan. Apology to Adrian."
"Oh," I repeat. Just like that, we're sad again. "I'm sure they won't mind." It's a lame response and I know it. If I had the energy I'd cringe.
Surprisingly, Rocky agrees. "Adrian very 𝅘𝅥𝅮♫♩."
"Huh?"
"Need word. Good at waiting. Slow at get angry."
I have to think about it for a moment. "Patient."
"Patient." Rocky repeats. "Adrian very patient. But Rocky gone long long long time. Adrian maybe not good at waiting for long long long time. So me make apology."
"That's, um… a good idea, I think. So, what are you making for them?" I ask. I can't see it very well - it looks like a mess of xenonite cabling for now. Then again, everything Rocky makes has a stage where it looks like that.
Rocky draws himself up proudly. "Will be model of Adrian. To match model of Rocky."
"You're making two models?" My brain is lagging. I'm so hungry, dang it.
Rocky shakes his carapace. "Gave Adrian model Rocky when Rocky left."
Ohhh. That makes more sense. "You're… completing the set. That's sweet."
Rocky chimes in agreement. "Complete set. Adrian will like."
With some effort, and quite a lot of stomach pain, I manage to turn onto my side so I can see Rocky better. "Tell me more about Adrian."
For a moment, Rocky seems unsure, tapping one of his fingers against his xenonite floor. "Grace interested, question?"
"I'm generally interested in anything you tell me," I reply, which is true. "Also, if you talk to me about Adrian, I can concentrate on that instead of how darn hungry I am."
Rocky seems pleased with that deal. "Good plan. I like." For a moment, he falls silent, and I'm about to try and prompt him to speak again when he pipes up, "Rocky unsure where to start. Many many many things to say about Adrian. All good."
Okay, that one gets me. I can't help but smile. For all his three-hundred-something years of life and almost two hundred years of relationship experience, Rocky reminds me a lot of a seventh grader with a crush.
"What's their job?" I ask him. It seems like a safe enough place to start.
"Adrian is engineer." Rocky responds. He's perked up noticeably in comparison to earlier. "Like Rocky! Adrian design many things."
"So did you two work together, then?" I ask. "Back on Erid."
Rocky shakes his carapace. "Yes but no. Adrian make ideas for what to build. Rocky fix things."
"Huh. Interesting."
"Adrian very smart. Uses rocks to make model of ideas. Rocky prefer xenonite for models."
"That's ironic," I say to myself.
"What Grace mean, question?"
"Just a joke. 'Cause you look a lot like a rock. And I named you after rocks."
"Adrian look like very beautiful kind of rock." There he goes again. It's definitely cute, and to be fair I did encourage him, but I still feel incredibly out of my depth. "Pointy. Hypothesis: Adrian many beautiful colours. Rocky cannot see. So Grace must tell Rocky." He tilts forward, in my direction, very pointedly. I laugh weakly.
"Okay, okay, I get it," I say. "Don't worry, Rock. I won't die on you just yet." Even as I say it, I'm running through the stages of starvation in my head, wondering whether that's a promise I can keep. I force myself to abandon that train of thought; I wanted to focus on Rocky and his happiness, not my suffering. "Tell me more about Adrian. Are you similar?"
Rocky does not seem pleased by me changing the topic, but he nonetheless accepts the chance to keep talking about Adrian. I'll take that win. "No no. Rocky already said, Adrian very patient. I not patient at all."
"That's true."
"Grace rude. Adrian is not rude. Adrian very kind," Rocky says. "I come home from work, annoy annoy annoy because other Eridians are being stupid stupid stupid. Adrian sit next to me and talk about silly things. I happy happy happy."
"Aw. That's cute."
"Is very cute. Adrian make everything interesting. Very good at talking. Rocky no understand why other Eridians call Adrian boring."
I've seen this one before. Again, I'm reminded of a few of my former students, deep in their first big crushes. Again, I remember that Rocky is a fully grown Eridian, but the parallels are still there. "I can tell they mean a lot to you."
Rocky nods vigorously. The bottom of his carapace slams against the xenonite floor one, two, three times, and I wince. "Loud."
"Apology. Was very loud." Rocky says. He stops nodding and instead says, "Words of great agreement."
I smile. "You can't just say 'words of great agreement'."
"Did say." If Rocky had a mouth he'd be smirking. I can tell from his tone.
I roll my eyes, even though he can't see it. "Anyway… you were saying something about other Eridians?"
Rocky nods again, more carefully this time, and continues, "Yes. Many Eridians say Adrian is boring. 'All Adrian talk about is rocks and work.' But Adrian very good at talking about rocks!"
He sounds so indignant that I can't help but laugh. "I'm sure they are."
"Everything Adrian say interesting. Rocky not sure how Adrian does it. Is impressive."
"Maybe you're just interested in Adrian themself," I suggest. "It doesn't matter what they say, as long as they're the one saying it?"
Those aren't my words. I don't know who I got them from, but I dimly remember hearing them from someone else first.
Rocky mulls it over. "Good theory. Must be tested."
I smile. "Guess you'll have to talk to Adrian a bunch, then."
Rocky nods, without slamming into the floor this time. "Must talk to Adrian again. Excite excite excite." He's still for a moment before tentatively asking, "Permission to ask question, Grace, question?"
I frown, managing to lift my head an inch or so off the bed (which I immediately regret). "Obviously. You don't need to ask."
"Is awkward question, maybe," Rocky explains. "Grace has no mate, correct, question?"
Oh. Definitely an awkward question. "Um, no."
"I curious about why. All Eridians mate eventually. Some very late. But all Eridians find mate before turn 250. Humans different, question?"
"Um. Yeah, I guess. Most humans do… mate. Or fall in love or whatever. I guess I just didn't have time to find anyone. Left Earth way too early in that aspect." I'm not quite sure I believe myself. My romantic history is full of gaps at best and extremely pathetic at worst.
"Grace hiding something, question?"
"You're asking a lot of questions today." How does he always see right through me? I'm not that bad at lying-
"Grace voice get higher when hiding something. Like this." Rocky's voice jumps ridiculously higher, to the point I can hardly understand what he's saying.
"That's ridiculous. I do not do tha-"
I just did that.
Crap.
"Grace did it again! What Grace hiding, question?" Rocky stamps one foot against the ground. Clunk.
"I'm not hiding anything," I say again. "Not really. Well, only a bit. It's complicated, okay? I don't really like talking about all this romance stuff."
"Rocky should not talk about Adrian, then, question?" Rocky's tone is low and apologetic. I sigh.
"No, no, that's fine. I like hearing you talk about them, you're clearly very passionate about your relationship, it's sweet. I just don't like talking about myself. I guess. Like I said, it's complicated, okay?"
"Grace not have to explain. Rocky just curious. Apology."
"It's okay, you don't have to apologise." I cover my face with my hand. "Curiosity is great."
"Grace seem frustrated."
I frown. He's right, I am frustrated, but I don't really know why. Maybe I'm just tired of talking about myself? But that's odd. Usually I'm fine with answering Rocky's questions about human culture.
But then, we haven't talked all that much about the 'mating' aspect of humanity. And I'm pretty sure that's something I've never liked talking about. My stomach growls… right, I'm slowly starving. I guess the malnutrition is making me extra irritable.
"It's because I'm hungry," I say, dragging my hand down my face. I see Rocky copy the gesture out of the corner of my eye. "Humans get annoyed when they're hungry."
Rocky nods. "Eridians same. When Adrian mad at Rocky, is mostly because forgot to eat."
That's an interesting thing to have in common. I'd never noticed it before, but in hindsight, it checks out. Rocky always gets grouchy when he hasn't been able to eat for a while. Which, to be fair, is sometimes my fault. There's not a lot of privacy on the Hail Mary, and up until a few weeks ago, I was using every room pretty frequently.
I think about his question again. Until Stratt's Vat, I'd mostly kept to myself. I had my kids, of course, and my weekly dinners with Marissa, but after Linda left, that was kind of it.
"I had a mate once," I venture carefully. It's weird describing her as a mate. Aside from the fact that most humans simply don't use that word for a partner, talking to Rocky has made me associate it with a deeper kind of relationship than she and I ever had. Our fragile twelve months could never compare to the way Rocky talks about Adrian, the way they clearly mean the universe to him. I can't remember ever feeling that strongly about Linda, and is that really a feeling you forget?
Rocky stands up straighter, clearly interested. "Who, question? Tell, tell!"
"Well," I begin, already not sure what I can even say, "um. Her name was Linda. We met in college." I fall silent, racking my brain for what else I can possibly say. "It barely counts as a relationship, really, we were together for like, a year."
Rocky squeals in shock. "So short, question?!"
"Yyyuuup." I reply, emphasising the 'p'. "Didn't work out."
Rocky mulls this information over. "Do humans not mate for life, question? Just for babies, question?"
"What? No, no, we didn't have any babies!" I splutter.
"Much confuse. Why mate for so short if not for babies, question?"
I sigh. "Well, okay, most humans do end up mating for life, I guess. It's just that a lot of them need a few tries before they find the one. So they end up with a lot of short relationships before the big, long one."
"Humans strange." Rocky trills.
"Agreed," I mumble.
"Grace never found life mate, question?"
Ugh. I'm really not enjoying this conversation. "No… But that's okay. I don't think I ever got the whole fuss about that … stuff, anyway."
A vague memory comes to me. Linda sitting on the edge of our bed, me lying next to her. She's saying something - I can't remember what, but I can remember the red-hot humiliation searing through my veins.
The words become clearer, until suddenly I can hear them as if she's really there - "Am I just not hot enough for you? Is that the problem?"
I don't remember what I responded. Probably some kind of denial.
I realise a moment too late that Rocky is trying to get my attention, tapping against the wall of his xenonite bubble frantically. It reminds me so much of our first interaction that I almost laugh.
"Grace okay, question?!" Rocky asks. "Stop talking suddenly."
"I'm fine, Rock," I tell him. I might be lying. I'm not sure, really. For some reason, the more I think about this topic, the more my chest constricts and the more a weird blend of anxiety and discomfort starts to rise between my ribs. "Sorry. I was just remembering some stuff."
That explanation seems like enough for Rocky to ease off. "Understand. Apology. I know remembering Earth very important for Grace."
That one could've stayed in my subconscious, I think, but I keep that to myself. "Don't worry. I did kind of zone out in the middle of our conversation."
Rocky shifts back and forth between each of his hands, for once seeming unsure of what to say. I can relate. My mind feels muddy, like it always does when I just recovered a memory, but this time it's coupled with a sick feeling in my stomach. I decide that for now, I'm happy not knowing the rest of the story with Linda.
"Grace has much art from Earth, question?" Rocky finally asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.
I blink, struggling to focus on the question. "Uh, yeah… yeah, I guess I do, I could look up pretty much any art I wanted to. Why?"
"Adrian big fan of art. Will want to see Earth art, I think. Grace show, question?"
I smile. "Sure, I'll show them."
Rocky makes a satisfied trilling noise. "Amaze! Adrian will be very happy to see Earth culture and art."
"As long as they show me some Eridian culture in return," I respond. I've never been the biggest art guy, sure, but come on - who wouldn't be interested in comparing an alien culture to Earth?
"Will do." Rocky affirms. "Much to show. I can only tell Grace some things. Much to learn!"
"I like learning!" I tell him with a smile.
"Grace like learning," he agrees.
Suddenly my watch buzzes against my wrist. I start a bit, and in turn so does Rocky.
"Sorry, sorry," I say, turning off the alert. It's time to eat! Finally! As if on cue, my stomach growls. I'd spent the past two hours so focused on my conversation with Rocky that I barely noticed my hunger, for once. "Hey, Rock, I'm gonna eat my lunch now."
Rocky jumps to his feet. "I go check on Taumoeba! Grace call Rocky if something wrong."
"I will," I call after him as he scuttles off. I'm already dreading the taste of Taumoeba as I say, "Mary, feed me, please."
As Arm-ando swoops down from the ceiling, holding a menacing tube of slurry, I remind myself that I have to make it to Erid so I can see Rocky and Adrian reunite. If that thought makes a pang of loneliness echo through my chest, then I just pretend it's more hunger pains and reach for my food.