Chapter Text
Frank Iero was a tired boy. After almost nine months of school, it was almost over. He slouched in his chair at the back of the choir class, chewing on the end of his pencil. Mumbling some shit in Latin he couldn't give two fucks about. He only took choir so he could see Illi, his best friend, and long time crush. She sat a row ahead of him, swaying back and forth as she read the hymn book. Her motion was sort of hypnotic.
Choir was one of their afternoon classes after that Frank had Spanish, Illi and Mikey had history, and then they all had closing Worship in the auditorium together. Frank wasn't the happiest with being in a Catholic school at all, but it was one of the better options his mother had given him. As she put it 'if you don't come back to the lord, Fiona, you're hellbound.' god, he hated his name, and he hated the woman that gave it to him, and her gaudy ass perfume she reeked of. He was excited for graduation, it meant he could finally skip this loser town and never see that bitch again.
Of course, everything came with a price. He'd miss his friends, and his dog. Maybe he could take Sweetpea with him, it wasn't like his mother was going to take care of the dog. Nonetheless, he had a car, and some money saved up, and that was good enough. No way in hell was he going to college, he was gonna find a shitty apartment, and a shitty job, with okay pay, and he was finally going to be free. He was going to be able to take testosterone, something he'd been wanting since he was like, twelve. And he was going to never be called-
"MISS IERO!" Frank snapped back to choir class, Mr. Strauss was staring him down.Im
"Wha?" Frank replied idly.
"CLASS. IS. OVER." Mr. Strauss replied.
"Oh, alright." Frank mumbled as he stretched out of his chair and left the classroom.
He rushed his way down the hall, trying not to be late for Spanish class again. Ms. Rose had already given him enough detention for one lifetime. He ran into the classroom, nearly running into the door on his way in.
"Miss Iero, have a seat, please." Ms. Rose said sternly.
Frank sighed, two more weeks of school, two more weeks of being called 'Miss Iero', two more weeks of being loser Fiona Iero, then a lifetime as loser Frank Iero. Frank sat in his chair, barely paying any mind to the actual schoolwork.
Once Spanish was over, Frank had one more class, closing worship, then he got to go from one shit show to the next. Home wasn't ever much of a fun place to be. Especially not since his mother found out about him being well... Him. There was a reason he tried to stay at Ray's or Illi and Mikey's so often. They were some of the only safe people out there. Without them, Frank would probably be dead already. He was grateful for his friends, and he'd miss them a lot when he moved, but they knew as well as he did that there was no way he could stay. Illi was going to stay in town for the summer, before going to art school, Ray was going to college out of state, and Mikey still had three more years of school left. Nobody could come with him, they all had their own plan, and that was fine. He'd miss Illi the most, she'd always been there for him, and Frank couldn't deny that his feelings for her were part of the equation. They always had been. But Illi was his friend first, crush second.
Frank walked into the auditorium, where the whole school was gathered for closing worship. Some old dude would give a sermon and then they'd all pray. Frank wasn't a big fan of this class, but at least it was shorter.
The short boy walked towards a row of chairs where the rest of his friends were already sitting.
"Frank! It's DnD night! You better not have forgotten the snacks this time!" Ray said.
"Aw shit, I completely forgot." Frank replied. "we can stop by the corner store on our way to your place though."
"Fine, but you're still paying." Ray looked like a disappointed father.
Frank sat down next to Mikey, who was busy tapping away at his DS. His glasses were so far down his nose Frank was impressed they hadn't fallen off. Frank glanced at Mikey's screen, he was playing some sort of Pokemon game, Frank didn't know which one. He'd never been one for that type of game.
Frank watched Mikey win battle after battle during worship, it was a good distraction from the preaching and shit. Eventually Mikey closed his DS and put his earbuds in. Frank tuned into the end of the sermon.
"And that is Leviticus 18:22, as you can see, god states that homosexuality is sinful," there was this balding man at the front speaking. He looked ugly as hell.
Frank bit his nails and ignored the rest of the sermon. He was getting really good at not paying attention. Frank glanced at Illi, her shiny, shoulder length, black hair looked gorgeous as always. She tapped her feet and looked anywhere but the stage. Her gray uniform pants were ironed to perfection, and her entire uniform was pressed to perfection. God, she was pretty. Apparently Frank was staring for long, because Illi looked back and him. Frank immediately turned away and his face went red hot. He needed to do something about his feelings soon, he didn't have much time left. He pulled out his shoddy flip phone and texted Ray.
Frank: can u set me up w ills?
Ray: ask nicely (:
Frank: oh Raymond toro, god of love, will thee set me up with Lillian McMillin?
Ray: sure lol
Frank sighed, Ray was such a hassle to talk with. Not half as bad as Illi, but with her, it was Frank's fault. When he was alone with Illi he became a bumbling mess. No words could save him.
After worship they all left the school. The group walked to the gas station near Ray's house. As they stepped through the glass 7/Eleven door, a little bell chirped.
"Split up into pairs. Mikey you're with me, we'll get drinks, Frank and Illi will get chips and candy." Ray proclaimed.
Frank gave Ray a dirty look before taking Illi's hand and heading the section of the store with chips in it.
"Ills, what'dya think we should get?" Frank said, trying his best not to sound nervous.
"Um... These," she pointed to a large, brightly colored bag of chips, "and these." She bent over and grabbed another bag.
"That all?" Frank asked.
"Yep." She said, smiling at Frank.
Frank grabbed another bag of something or other that he knew Ray and Mikey wouldn't complain about, and headed to the checkout counter. A tired guy about Mikey's age stood at the counter. He wore a red and black striped hoodie over his 7/Eleven uniform.
"Cash or card ma'am?" The guy asked.
"Cash." Frank muttered before rolling his eyes. Frank pulled out his phone as the guy was scanning their items.
Frank: get here now or ur paying
Ray: k
Ray and Mikey were standing next to Frank in record time. Ray placed two large bottles of Mountain Dew on the counter. The guy scanned the bottles before winking at Mikey. Frank paid for the snacks and carried them out in a plastic bag. The group practically ran all the was to Ray's house. Ray fumbled with the key, unlocked the door, and held it open for everyone.
"It'll be ready in about twenty, so get comfortable." Ray said.
"Imma take a shower." Frank said.
Frank had stayed over so much that he just had stuff here, a couple changes of clothes, an air mattress, the works. Plus, the DnD sessions lasted three hours or more, so everyone usually stayed the night every Friday.
Frank grabbed a change of clothes and locked the bathroom door. He practically ripped the ugly ass school uniform off, he was so done with that skirt. He stared at himself in the mirror for a second and felt cold. He felt wrong. Frank knew this feeling well, there was a reason he avoided mirrors after all. He hated his body, every inch of it. His long hair, his hips, but most of all, his chest. He would wear layer after layer to cover it, but sometimes he couldn't hide from himself. Sometimes he'd look in the mirror and still see Fiona instead of Frank. The girl he'd worked so hard to hide just wouldn't go away. She was still everywhere, at school, at home, everywhere except with his friends. He could hardly bear leaving the people he loved so much. They were the family he never had.
Frank walked away from the mirror. He turned the shower on hot. He felt more numb now. He sat on the shower floor, almost motionless, except for the slow rise and fall of his chest. Solemn, choked sobs poured out. He was almost there, and yet these days were the longest. He could withstand her abuse, the screaming, the slurs, and the occasional beating, until his goal was in sight. Once you have something to live for, suffering becomes harder. The sobs slowed slowed until all he could hear was his own heartbeat.
"boys don't cry." He whispered to himself. He bit down on his tongue, hard. Teeth scraped his tongue until he tasted blood.
Frank turned the shower water to cold and stood up. His friends would be waiting for him. He washed his hair quickly and dried off just as fast. He pulled on his clothes, taking one last look in the mirror.
"Tonight's the night." He said.
DnD was business as usual. Ray had ordered pizza while Frank was in the shower and everything was ready. The session was one spent with laughter. One of those perfect moments Frank wished could last forever. Frank felt safe, he felt loved, and he felt safe for once in his life. Around Ray's dinner table Frank had found a home.
After the session they all curled up on the couch. Mikey put on some random film in the background. He was soon out like a light, Ray followed shortly. It was just Frank and Illi. Almost completely alone, except for their nerves.
"hey," Frank whispered.
"hey," Illi echoed.
"I uh..." Frank mumbled.
"what's up?" Illi asked.
"so... for a few y-years I've sorta... Kinda been... totally in love with you," Frank couldn't believe he'd said it.
"Shut up," Illi spat. "No 'fuckin way."
Frank shot her a confused expression.
"M-me too." Illi confessed.
"Really?" Frank asked.
"Really," Illi confirmed.
"What'dya wanna do about it?" Frank asked innocently.
"This." Illi put one hand on Frank's face. The other around his waist. Her lips were on his in an instant. Frank put his arms around Illi.
God damn, he needed this. The two split apart, they stopped and stared at one another.
"You're beautiful." Illi whispered to Frank.
"Shouldn't I be telling you that?" Frank questioned.
"You need to hear it more than I do." She returned. It was true, Frank felt like a piece of shit half the time.
"Aw, fuck you," Frank muttered.
"You wish!" Illi teased.
"Shut up and kiss me again!" He said.
She obliged happily. Illi kissed Frank like she'd been waiting her whole life for this. It was sweet, just like her. He felt good inside. He didn't deserve her, but he got her anyway. She was beautiful, and he was a fucking sin just to be alive.
That's when fear decided to bite him. He knew God fucking hated him. This wouldn't last, he'd be leaving in two weeks time. God had given him this joy, just so He could take her away. Frank knew this would only make it hurt more. This would kill the both of them.
"Frank, baby, are you okay?" Illi had broken off from him, and was giving him a puzzled look.
"Oh... sorry," Frank muttered, "I-i... I'm not sure if this is... the right thing to do."
"Frankie? What do you mean?" Illi asked him.
Frank fiddled with the drawstrings on his sweats. "Well... You know I'm leaving soon and... Won't this just make it harder on both of us?" He asked solemnly.
"oh... Oh Frankie! I..." Illi looked away from him.
Frank realized he was right, they couldn't continue it would just hurt more. He bit his tongue, realizing the huge mistake he'd made. He should've never said anything. Frank had just fucked himself over. Or at least that's what he thought.
"Frankie... I fucking love you." Illi looked back at him and smiled. She hugged him tight. All his guilt dropped in an instant, why did he have to leave Illi? He could leave town without leaving her. He could go with her.
"We can talk about making this work later..." Frank stated, "we can make this work."
"Yeah." She said, releasing Frank from her clutches.
Illi stretched and yawned lazily, leaning back onto Frank. Mikey stirred half awake from the noise.
"unicorns!" He mumbled sleepily.
"how about we..." Illi started.
"go somewhere else?" Frank finished.
"yeah." She confirmed.
The duo crept their way outside, onto Ray's front porch. The old, creaky wood floors certainly didn't help. They sat down together on the steps.
"So... um... What do we do now?" Illi asked.
"Stare at the stars and say some poetic bullshit." Frank mocked.
"Sounds about right." Illi replied.
Frank and Illi sat there peacefully. Illi moved her hand through Frank's shiny, black hair. Frank shifted uncomfortably.
"Frankie?" Illi spoke.
"Yeah? What's up." He asked her.
"Are you alright?" Illi questioned.
"Uh... Sorta, could you like... Not touch my hair though? It bothers me... I don't like thinking about... It." Frank said.
"Have you ever thought about cutting it?" She asked.
"Yeah, just knew It'd look like shit if I did it." He answered.
"why don't I cut your hair?" She spoke.
"Ills, you're a genius." Frank laughed.
"Well, of course I am! Dumbass!" She took his hand and lead him inside.
-Timeskip-
"Alright Frankie!" Illi spoke gleefully. "You can open your eyes now."
"Oh my..." Frank whispered. Illi stared nervously as Frank ran his fingers across his freshly cut hair.
"Do you... Like it?" Illi asked shyly.
"Ills! I love it! Thank you!" Frank exclaimed. He excitedly leaped out of the chair and hugged Illi.
"You're welcome Frankie..." Illi said, "but I know something's bothering you."
"You've figured me all out." Frank said, "Right?"
"I know you don't want to leave us..." Illi spoke, "So I was wondering if you'd like to spend the summer with me and the guys. My mom wouldn't mind you being around, so we could take the summer to figure things out, yeah?"
"I'd love to Illi... but on one condition..." Frank said.
"Yeah?" She asked.
"Would you be my girlfriend?" Frank asked.
"Yeah, dumbass, why wouldn't I?" She responded