Chapter Text
Chapter 1
Buck lets the call go to voicemail the first time. Unknown number.
He tells himself it’s probably spam or a wrong number, or something he doesn’t have the energy for after a double shift.
The second time, it comes through while he’s standing in Eddie’s kitchen preparing dinner whilst half-listening to Christopher explain something about a video game level he’s stuck on.
Buck declines the call. Again. Eddie notices, of course he does.
“You gonna get that?”
“Nah” Buck says too quickly, already reaching for the olive oil. “Not important”.
The phone buzzes again. A voicemail now sitting in Buck’s inbox. Buck doesn’t listen to it, why would he? The only people who need him are; Maddie who he spoke to earlier that day or Eddie and he’s with him.
It’s not until later that night, when he’s alone, that Buck checks his voicemail.
“Hi, this is Dierdra from Social Services, I’m calling about….”
Buck puts the phone down. Unsure of what this means.
Theo has an emergency placement with a foster family.
Buck was the sperm donor. A 5-minute trip to a clinic where he signed some paperwork and went about his day. He wasn’t anything to Theo. Actually, he was Mr Poop. So why were Social Services contacting him?
The third call comes through when Buck is at the grocery store. Stuck between choosing which toppings for his newest muffin recipe. With a sigh, Buck answers, knowing it will be Dierdra.
“Hello, is this Evan Buckley?” a woman on the other end of the line asks.
He nods automatically, forgetting it’s a phone call. His throat feels tight. “Yeah, it is”
“My name is Dierdra, I’m a social worker with Child and Family Services. We met at the hospital a few months ago” She says gently, practised. Not rushed or cold. “I’m very sorry for the loss of your friends.”
That’s when it hits again. Not the words, he’s heard those already following the loss of Kameron and Connor on that bridge. But what they mean.
His friends are gone.
Theo.
Buck swallows hard. “He-” his voice catches, unsure what he should be saying. “He’s okay, right?”
On the other end of the line, Dierdra sighs “He’s okay, he’s safe.”
Buck nods again, eyes flicking between the dried raspberries and chocolate chips. Somewhere in his chest something loosens, not by much. Just enough to breathe. Theo is safe.
“Good, that’s-” He exhales. “That’s good.”
What is Buck supposed to say? His friends died in a tragic accident. Theo is with a foster family. And Buck is just Buck. By himself. As always.
Dierdra doesn’t fill the silence right away, giving Buck a moment. Then carefully she says “I understand you were a close friend of Theo’s parents.”
Buck lets out a short humourless huff. “Yeah.” His fingers curling around the trolley in front of him. “I guess you could say that.”
He doesn’t elaborate. He can’t. Not without everything else spilling out with it.
“They didn’t have any immediate family listed locally” she continues. “We’re in the process of identifying and contacting extended relatives, but that can take time”
Humming along, Buck wonders what the purpose is of Diedra’s call. At the hospital, he had asked Theo if it would be okay for him to check in from time to time. But since Connor and Kameron’s funeral, Buck’s recovery and the busy schedule of a firefighter, Buck hadn’t been able to visit Theo. Once again, ghosting this little boy.
“We also have reason to believe that you may have a biological connection to Theo.”
Hearing those words, Buck goes very very still. This is not a phone conversation he should be having in the baking aisle of a supermarket. This is not a conversation he should be having at all. Theo wasn’t his. Theo was Connor and Kameron’s. Buck just helped them get to this point.
“Yeah” he says after a second, quieter now. “Yeah I- I was a donor. For them”
Buck forces himself to continue. “Through a clinic. It was all - - legal. Paperwork. I signed it. I’m not -” He shakes his head. More words ready to pour out of him. “I’m not his dad”.
With no hesitation, Dierdra says “I understand.” and she sounds like she means it.
“You aren’t listed as a legal parent, and this is not about assigning responsibility to you”
Buck lets out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding.
Okay.
Okay.
Good.
But - what is this about then?
“However,” she says, “you are the only identified biological connection we have confirmed at this time, and your presence at the hospital following the accident suggests an existing relationship with the family.”
There it is. Buck hasn’t moved from the flour and sugar now. Theo doesn’t have any other blood relatives they can find. Kameron and Connor were some of Buck’s closest friends years gone by. But he realises - he doesn’t actually know that much about them.
“This is where I’m required to ask you a few questions,” Diedra says. “Is that alright?”
The next part of the conversation is a blur. Buck answering questions about his relationship with Theo, his relationship with Kameron and Connor, Theo’s emergency foster placement. The next words Dierdra says, shakes Buck out of autopilot
“Given your connection to Theo, you may be eligible to be considered as a kinship placement”.
“You’re asking me to take him? I- no. I don’t think - I mean, I’m not - anything. I was a donor”
“I’m asking if you would like to be considered. There is a process. Background checks, home assessment-”.
“I’m a firefighter” Buck cuts in, a little sharper than intended. “My schedule’s - I mean, I can’t just-”
“I’m not asking you to decide everything right now,” she says, calm and unshaken. “Only whether you’re open to being part of that process.
Buck thinks of Theo. His mop of sandy hair, his never-ending energy. An energy he is all too aware of. Then Buck thinks of the foster system. How easily children get lost in it and how easily they lose themselves in the process.
“I’m not his dad,” Buck says again, softer this time. Less defensive. Almost like he’s trying to convince himself.
“No” Dierdra agrees. “You’re not”
“But you are someone he knows.”
That lands differently. Making Buck pause again.
“You can decline, we will proceed with other placement options. This is entirely your choice.”
💜
The first shift back feels wrong.
Not in a big obvious way. Nothing’s on fire. No one’s dying. Yet, Buck feels half-asleep. Feeling just a little too slow, a little too distant.
All Buck is thinking about is Theo and the steps to becoming a foster parent for him.
He’s still in recovery following his opioid dependency. He would be doing this by himself. He’s not like the rest of the team with their family units. Chim has Maddie. Hen has Karen. Eddie has Tia Pepa and Chris.
At the end of their last 12 hour shift before their 4 days off, Buck asks Hen if they can talk. Maddie is a licensed foster parent but he can’t ask her about this. It’s too close to home. He can’t talk to Eddie about it either - Buck has to be able to do this for himself. If he has any hope of being there for Theo, he has to.
“Buck, what’s going on?” Hen asks, leaning against the kitchen counter in the loft of the 118.
“Dierdra called.” Buck says, hanging his head.
That was all Hen needed to know, nodding and waiting for Buck to continue.
“They want me to take Theo as a kinship placement. Kinship? I’m a donor. That’s all I am. I’m not -, I’m not his dad. That was Connor.”
“But?” Hen prods, watching Buck closely.
“But what? I can’t take Theo in. If I do, I’m going to fall in love with that little boy like I love Chris. And what happens if they find him a permanent placement or blood-relatives that can take him? I can’t do it, Hen.” Buck exclaims, scrubbing a hand over his face.
“Do it anyway. Karen and I became foster parents and were able to help so many children to feel loved. Even if it was only temporary.”
“I’ll be doing it by myself. I’m not like you or Chim, I don’t have a partner to help me” Buck’s shoulders tightening.
“Buck” she says slowly. “You do have a partner, you have Eddie.”
Scoffing slightly at Hen’s suggestion. That Buck and Eddie are more than just best friends.
“Hen, he’s straight. And he has Christopher” Buck shoots back. “I could never ask him to help me with Theo.”
“Did Eddie have to ask you to help with Christopher? You’ve been co-parenting that boy with Eddie for the last 8 years.”
Hen’s words land hard. Buck looks away. He can’t have that either.
“Hey” Hen says, pushing off the counter stepping closer to Buck. “Look at me”
Buck does.
“You don’t have to do this alone.” she says.
Leaving that shift, Buck doesn’t feel any lighter. He feels heavier. Dragged down with the fear of not being enough. Sitting in his jeep, aimlessly driving home, street lights dashing past him.
Buck gets left behind. That’s what happens - Maddie left him for Boston, Eddie left him for Texas, Bobby left him for good.
A family is all Buck has ever wanted. One that loves him. Sure, he has Eddie and Chris. But they’re not really his family, not how he wants them to be.
💜
Eddie doesn’t knock. He never does. The door’s unlocked - and even if it was, he has a spare key.
He lets himself in with a familiar and easy “Buck?” as he nudges the door shut behind him.
No answer.
“Hey, I brought-” he lifts the takeaway bag slightly, as though Buck is able to see him from wherever he is in the house. “-coffee, and those new danishes you wanted to try from that place on-”
Eddie rounds the corner into the kitchen and Buck is standing at the island. Laptop open. iPad propped against a stack of cook books. Phone on the counter.
He looks. Tense.
“Hey?” Eddie says, realising Buck didn’t hear him enter the house.
As anticipated, hearing Eddie’s voice startles Buck from his concentration. His shoulders jerking, hand knocking lightly against the counter as Buck steadies himself.
“Holy shit, Eddie-” He exhales sharply. “You could knock.”
Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Since when?”
Buck doesn’t answer him, his eyes flicking down to his screen. He quickly reaches out and flips the iPad face-down with one hand whilst swiping out of whatever tab he had opened on the laptop with the other in one smooth motion.
Too smooth. Too fast. And too familiar.
Eddie stills. That’s very familiar. Sending Eddie back to when Buck arrived at his house all those months ago, with a giant basket with scones and Eddie was preparing for an online house viewing.
For a second, neither of them says anything.
Eddie sets the coffee down slowly, gaze fixed on the back of the iPad like it might flip itself back over if he waits long enough.
Sensing Eddie is waiting for him to say something, Buck begins with “It’s nothing, just paperwork. Stuff.”
Eddie leans back against the counter, crossing his arms. “Uh-huh. Stuff.”
The silence stretches between the pair. Buck keeps his eyes on the laptop screen. Whilst Eddie keeps his eyes on Buck.
“You gonna tell me” Eddie says after the silence stretches thin “or am I supposed to guess?”
Buck exhales through his nose, turning his head away from Eddie.
“It’s not a big deal, Eds.”
“Then why’d you hide it?”
Buck looks back up at his best friend, knowing he doesn’t have a good answer for that. Because the real answer is sitting right there between them, and he knows Eddie will think it’s a big deal.
Eddie watches him for another second, then pushes off the counter, stepping into Buck’s space. Not crowding him, but just there. Letting Buck know he’s not judging him.
“Buck.”
There it is. That tone Eddie has, the one that says: I’m not dropping this.
“I’ve got an interview,” he mutters. So quiet that Eddie barely hears him.
Eddie’s eyebrows draw down into a frown. “Okay?”
“With Social Services.”
That’s not what Eddie was expecting. He blinks, trying to process. “Social Services?” he repeats. “Like-”
“Like CPS, yeah.”
Eddie straightens up slightly, confusion flickering into something sharper. “Why?”
Buck hesitates. Just for a second. But it’s enough for Eddie to notice. A flash of something Buck doesn’t quite understand crossing through Eddie’s eyes.
“It’s about Theo. Deirdra, the social worker on Theo’s case. She asked if I would consider a kinship placement for him.” His voice catching on kinship. Buck knows better than to think he’s Theo’s family.
Eddie nods slowly, tracking Buck with his eyes. Glancing between Buck and the iPad.
“Your interview today. It’s part of the placement process?”
Buck looks up at Eddie, giving him a small nod. Unsure where Eddie is going with this.
“...and you didn’t tell me,” Eddie says finally.
There’s no accusation in his tone. Which somehow makes Buck feel worse.
His shoulders tensing and looking away again. “I was going to”
“When?”
Buck doesn’t answer. Eddie exhales slowly, looking away for a second before dragging a hand over the back of his neck.
“Okay” he says, grounding himself. “Okay. So - you’ve got an interview. Today?”
Buck nods. “In like….twenty minutes.”
Eddie lets out a quiet breath. “And you were just gonna - what? Do this by yourself?”
“I can handle it,” Buck says a little too fast.
Eddie’s gaze snaps back to him. “Yeah” he says. “I know you can.”
Buck frowns slightly. Not understanding what Eddie is implying.
“You could’ve asked me for help. I know since Texas and Bobby and New Mexico, I’ve missed a few things. But I’m your best friend Buck.”
Best friend. Two words that usually make Buck proud and excited. But now they make his stomach drop. He doesn’t want to be just Eddie’s best friend. He wants to be his partner in every sense of the word.
“Eddie-”
“You aren’t doing this alone. You want them to know you can do this? Then you show them what your actual life looks like.”
Buck swallows.
“And what’s that?” he asks, barely above a whisper. Dreading whatever words come out of Eddie’s mouth next.
“It’s not just you. We’ve been parenting Christopher together ever since Shannon died. You’re his legal guardian if anything happens to me.”
Eddie pulls up a stool for Buck and himself. Gesturing for Buck to sit.
“I’m not his dad, Eds”
“You aren’t Christopher’s dad either, yet you love him and take care of him the same way I do.”
Buck looks at Eddie. Buck knew their relationship was different. Since coming out as bisexual and everything Tommy and Maddie had said, Buck never let himself think of the what ifs.
Placing his hand on Buck’s shoulder, Eddie looks at Buck. “There’s no one in this world I trust with my son more than you.”
Tears forming in the corners of Buck’s eyes, remembering the first time Eddie said those words to him following the tsunami.
“And there’s no one in this world who is more equipped to help that little boy. We can do this. Together.”
💜
After the interview, Eddie stays with Buck. It was hard. Having to strip down every decision Buck has ever made in the last few years.
How he met Kameron and Connor. Why did he say yes to being a donor? Who is his support system? What is the most important thing when it comes to Theo. Who he would turn to when he needs help.
Whenever Buck was at a loss for how to answer, Eddie stepped in. Placing a hand on Buck’s thigh to reassure him he was there.
Together, they pick Christopher up from school. The car ride back to South Bedford is quiet, Christopher sensing that neither his dad or Buck were up for talking.
The front door clicks shut behind them. Buck stands in Eddie’s kitchen like he’s forgotten how to occupy space. The house is quiet in a way that feels wrong. Christopher’s backpack sits in the hallway, discarded by its owner who went straight to his room.
“I kept thinking,” Buck says finally. “If I say the wrong thing, they’ll decide I don’t know how to do this. That I can’t do this.”
Eddie leans back against the doorframe across from him, folding his arms. “You didn’t say the wrong thing.”
Buck gives him a look. Tired. A little sharp. “You don’t know that.”
“No.” Eddie agrees easily, “But I know you.”
Both men fall quiet. Unsure what to say next. Knowing that Buck is quietly spiralling.
“They asked me about routines,” he says quickly. “Bedtimes, school drop offs. Discipline. Like it's a checklist you can pass or fail.”
Buck is recounting the interview, highlighting things that Eddie knows already. Buck has been doing these things for years already with Chris. Stepping in when Eddie has a shift.
“Do you think it’s enough?” Buck asks. The question of am I enough goes unspoken.
Eddie crosses the kitchen to stand in front of Buck. A similar position they found themselves in earlier that day. But with twice as much tension.
Holding Buck’s face with one hand, Eddie looks him in the eye.
“You will always be enough Buck. To me. To Christopher. To Theo.”
Buck looks at him then, really looks. He finally figures out what he saw flashing in Eddie’s eyes earlier. Family. Hope. They are a family. And Eddie wants the four of them to be a family.
After a moment, Buck nods once. Outside, a car passes. Life continues like nothing significant has shifted. But inside something has.
Not resolved. Not fixed. Just steadier than it was when they walked into that house.