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“Tomorrow,” Poe said, looking at Rey. “That’s not long. We can manage until tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow!” Rey said, scowling. “That means we’re stuck here all night, Poe. All night! Plus they only said it might be tomorrow.”
“Well, damn, sorry, I’m just trying to be optimistic here. I mean, at least we got the comms working; could’ve been longer.”
That was clearly the wrong thing to say because Rey flounced off in a huff.
Poe sighed.
He tried not to take it personally; being stuck in a tiny hovel on a cold, barren planet in the Outer Rim until the Resistance could stage a rescue wasn’t his idea of a good time, either. Still, though. He couldn’t help but think that Rey wouldn’t be this pissy if she were stuck with, say, Finn, for example, rather than Poe.
If Finn were here, he and Rey would probably be giggling and talking over each other and finding clever ways to amuse themselves, enjoying themselves enough that it would hardly seem like any time at all.
Poe wasn’t Finn, though, a fact of which he was painfully aware.
In Poe’s perfect version of events, this might have been a bit romantic. Not the location, exactly, or the décor, or even the situation, but the idea of the two of them, alone together. If only Rey weren’t so unhappy; if only Poe hadn’t accepted a long time ago that his dreams would never be reality.
Regardless, it wasn’t like Rey could go very far. The building (it was almost too generous to even call it a building, Poe felt) was little more than a room with sections partitioned off by old, threadbare drapes that had clearly seen better days. The cold was too bitter for either of them to stay outside longer than they needed to, so Poe figured Rey would need to be seriously upset to venture back out there.
Or else desperate. Poe wasn’t planning on doing anything that resulted in Rey being desperate, either to help him or to escape him, though.
Of course, Poe didn’t plan on doing a lot of the things he did, so there was that.
Poe went after her. He knew Rey was the sort of person whose first instinct was to do things alone, to cut herself off, but she wasn’t alone. She was here, with Poe, and they were stuck in this together. Whether she liked it or not.
Rey was sitting cross-legged on the floor near a rickety cot that was probably where they were going to have to sleep (or where one of them would sleep, anyway, clearly too small for both, so Poe expected he’d end up on the other side of the partition), her datapad in her lap. She had taken it apart, likely attempting to fix it. The fall had been terribly unfortunate.
“Can I help?” Poe offered, sitting beside her.
Not even looking at him, Rey said, “No.”
Stifling another sigh, Poe said, “If you’re angry with me it will just make this worse.”
“I’m not angry with you.”
“You’re not, huh? So you’re always this charming when you talk to people?”
“I thought charm was more your style.”
“Doesn’t seem to work on you.”
Rey was chewing on her lip as she focused on the datapad, as though she had never seen anything more fascinating in her life.
Though, Rey did tend to find any sort of machinery incredibly enthralling so maybe it was true.
“Maybe you should find something to keep yourself occupied with,” Rey suggested. “Since we’re stuck here. All night. At the very least.”
Poe risked nudging his shoulder against Rey’s. “Can’t I occupy myself with you?”
Rey rolled her eyes. “Do you want me to kill you before the Resistance gets here?”
“Not particularly. Though if you do, please put my body outside so it can freeze. I’d like to make a handsome corpse, at least, if I’m gonna die here.”
“Stars,” Rey said, finally looking at him. Her mouth was doing that thing it did when she was trying desperately not to smile so she would come off only as exasperated rather than amused. Poe knew this look well. Rey seemed to spend most of her time exasperatedly hiding her amusement at Poe.
It was better than pure exasperation, definitely. Unfortunately, however, not quite the reaction Poe wished he could get out of Rey but he was learning to live with that.
“Admit it,” Poe said. “You’re charmed.”
Rey’s mouth twitched again.
Poe grinned.
Rey dropped her gaze and then rose to her feet, leaving the mess of her datapad on the floor. “I’m hungry. What have we got to eat?”
“Just the ration packs, unfortunately,” Poe said, getting up. “The rest got lost.”
“Ugh,” Rey said but she brushed past Poe anyway, her hand trailing over his hip for an instant.
It was silly how weak that simple touch made Poe. He wished Rey would hold his hand like she did Finn’s; he wished she would lay him down and drag her fingertips over his skin, maybe followed by her mouth; he wished -
Poe swallowed and followed after Rey, trying to think of anything but that.
She was rummaging through their salvaged bag of supplies, pulling out the small tin of rations. She took out a protein bar for herself and then tossed one at Poe, biting into hers like it didn’t taste like druk.
For Rey, food was food. She obviously (very, very obviously) enjoyed the wide selection on base and the even wider selection when they ate in diners while on missions, but a life spent on Jakku had taught her not to be fussy.
This made Poe sad, but then, a lot of things about Rey made him sad, made him want to give her everything that was good, everything that she had never had, everything that she had only dreamed of wanting.
Sometimes Poe dreamed of showing Rey the galaxy, flying with her from the Outer Rim to the Core Worlds, letting her taste every delicacy he could find. When he was being more realistic, though, he only dreamed of her letting him take her on a date.
It was kind of pathetic, honestly, that he couldn’t even get her to tolerate being with him in this empty building for a night.
“I’m really not angry with you, you know,” Rey said, catching Poe’s eyes. “I’m more… angry at the situation.”
Poe wondered how obvious he had been for Rey to feel the need to say something. “At being stuck here with me?”
“No, at being stuck here. I don’t like feeling...” She trailed off but it was only too easy to guess what she had been going to say.
Helpless. Powerless.
Now it made sense. “You aren’t helpless,” Poe told her, watching the nervous fluttering of her gaze. “It was mostly because of you that we were even able to get in touch with the Resistance. You did that. Now we’re just putting our trust in our friends to help us. Sometimes that happens. Sometimes we need help.”
“But I don’t--”
“You aren’t alone anymore, Rey. You don’t have to do everything on your own.” Poe tried smiling, hoping Rey would see the affection in it. “Even if most of the time you can.”
Rey actually laughed a little but when she spoke, her words were serious. “I don’t mean to be…” She hesitated. “It feels strange to rely on anyone besides myself.” She seemed desperately uncomfortable, pink rising in her cheeks.
“Gets easier,” Poe promised, touching her hand, pleased when Rey let him do it. “It’s good to be independent but it’s also good to recognize when you need a little help. You’ll always have back-up now, Rey. You’ll always have me.”
She was staring at him now, eyes wide, and Poe felt heat bloom in his own face.
“All of us, I mean, obviously, me and Finn and everyone in the Resistance. That’s all I meant. Um.”
Rey turned her hand over, loosely clasping Poe’s. “I know, Poe,” she said, expression soft, and Poe’s stomach clenched at the look on her face, the tone of her voice.
It was all Poe could do to stop himself from shouting out, me, me, you’ll always have me, Rey, that is what I meant, just me. Please say you’ll have me.
Poe embarrassed himself, really. It was good that no one else could see into his head.
Or, it was good that Rey wouldn’t, anyway, because Poe was fairly certain that she could if she wanted to.
Rey was still holding his hand. Poe wanted her to never let go.
But she did. She pulled her hand back, letting it fall to her side, seeming self-conscious. She dug through their pack again, this time retrieving a small flashlight. “I’m going to try to fix my pad,” she muttered, moving past Poe and the tattered drape.
Poe stared after her for a moment before following.
It was cold even within the walls of their shelter, no electricity and thus no heat. Rey’s hands were shaking as she tried to piece together her datapad and eventually she swore under her breath as she fumbled and dropped the circuit board for the third time.
“Here,” Poe said, grabbing her hands between his and rubbing them briskly.
Rey’s eyes went wide. She stared at Poe, then at their hands, and back at Poe again before yanking her hands out of his grasp. “Don’t do that.”
“Sorry, I… I just wanted to help.”
“Don’t, okay? Don’t.”
Poe couldn’t help but think it was him; it was him she was objecting to. She wouldn’t have minded so much if Finn had tried to warm her hands. She probably would have liked it, the two of them smiling and laughing at each other.
It was easy between them. Poe could only long for that sort of simplicity between him and Rey.
He didn’t know what to say so he decided to pretend nothing had happened. Nothing weird or uncomfortable at all. “It’s dark, anyway. Can you even see what you’re doing?” The flashlight was on the floor and pointed towards Rey’s project, but it only gave off a small beam of light.
“Not very well,” Rey admitted, pushing at the innards of her datapad with her fingertips. “I guess I should leave it.” She gathered it all up, standing, and went to dump it all on the lone table beyond the partition. She stood there looking at it for a moment before transferring her gaze to Poe, who had stood again to go after her.
Poe felt like far too much of his time lately was spent chasing after Rey.
“Maybe we should just sleep,” Rey said. “Might be good to catch up on our rest.”
“Yeah,” Poe said. “Yeah, you’re right. You can have the cot, I’ll just… I’ll sleep out here.”
Rey looked like she wanted to protest but she hesitated, seeming to conclude it wasn’t worth it. “Okay. Um, good night, then?”
“Night,” Poe said, feeling as awkward and ungainly as he had when he was a teenager. He would wonder why this beautiful girl made him so crazy except… Rey. She was Rey. That was why.
Rey was still standing there, shivering even in her thick coat so Poe took off his own and draped it over her shoulders.
Her face did this weird sort of spasming thing. “Stop doing that!”
Poe held up his hands. “Stop doing what? I’m not even doing anything.”
“Being so damn nice all the time! Just… just stop, it’s confusing, and stop… Stop touching me, and stop standing there looking at me with your stupid face!”
Bewildered, Poe touched his chin. “What’s wrong with my face?”
Rey made this wordless noise of frustration and before Poe even knew what was happening she was kissing him, his coat slipping off her shoulders and onto the floor.
It was a little clumsy; Rey’s aim wasn’t quite on and their noses bumped until she settled, just the firm press of her mouth. Her fingers slid up the back of Poe’s neck into his hair and Poe didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to do except savor the slide of their lips and the warmth of Rey’s mouth because maybe this would be the only chance he got.
He wasn’t even completely sure he wasn’t imagining it, honestly; he had dreamed about this so many times but had never truly thought it would happen.
But Rey’s nails were scraping against his scalp and she tasted like standard rations and a faint scent of sweat clung to her skin. Poe didn’t think he could imagine all that, not and have it feel so real.
Rey’s face was red when she pulled back and her mouth was wet. Poe felt vaguely dazed and he still wasn’t sure what was happening.
“Your dumb face makes me think things I shouldn’t,” she said in a mumble. “That’s what’s wrong with it.”
“If those things include kissing me then you should absolutely think them because I’ve dreamed about this for months,” Poe said without thinking.
Rey blinked at him.
Blast.
“I like your dumb face, too?” he tried.
Oh, kriffing hell. Poe hated himself sometimes.
“I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me or you,” Rey said, her mouth doing that exasperated-amused thing. “You for being such a kriffing weirdo or me for liking you anyway.”
Poe rubbed a hand through his hair. “So you do think I’m charming?”
“That’s one word for it.”
“The other is less complimentary, I’m guessing.” Poe felt a smile stretch across his face, though it was a little bit self-deprecating. “You are the one who kissed me, though.”
Rey crossed her arms over her chest. “Regretting it a bit just now.”
“Really?” Poe’s smile wavered.
Rey’s expression softened. “I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t want to. But…” She hesitated.
When she couldn’t quite seem able to work out what she wanted to say, Poe thought maybe he could help. This was hard for Rey, he knew, letting him in, letting him see her. Poe’s problem, on the other hand, tended towards letting people see too much. He had never suffered from an excess of subtlety.
He hoped that wouldn’t be a bad thing in this particular instance.
Poe rubbed Rey’s shoulder through her coat. “I wasn’t exactly thrilled to get stranded here, either, but if it had to happen, I was glad it was with you. Because… because even if you could never want me the way I wished you did, I just wanted to be with you, to be around you. And, uh, I liked the… fantasy of it? I mean, just the two of us, alone out here, in the middle of nowhere. It could’ve been nice.” He stopped himself before he said ‘romantic’ because even he wasn’t that much of a dork.
“Poe Dameron,” Rey said, smiling slowly, though her face was still red and Poe didn’t think it was entirely from the cold. “Are you trying to tell me that you wanted to seduce me?”
“Figured I’d let you seduce me instead.”
A tiny giggle escaped from between Rey’s lips before she caught her bottom lip between her teeth. “And if I didn’t want to seduce you?”
“Actually I kinda assumed you wouldn’t,” Poe admitted, feeling self-conscious.
“Why?”
“I just… I thought… I didn’t think you’d, uh, noticed me? That way? I mean, I know I’m not Finn--”
“What does Finn have to do with anything?” Rey asked, eyebrows drawing together.
“I’ve watched you together. I’m not stupid, Rey. I’ve seen how easy it is between you, the way you look at each other, the--”
“I’m not stupid, either, Poe,” Rey interrupted, sharp anger in her tone, “and don’t act like you know what I’m thinking or how I feel.”
Poe felt his jaw go slack as he stared at her, feeling completely out of his depth. “I didn’t mean…”
“Is that it? Is that the only reason? You thought I was in love with Finn?”
“Well, no, I… What, you want a list? How about I’m too fucking old?”
Rey seemed taken aback, standing there silent as if she couldn’t even think of how to respond. Finally she said, “What the hell does that mean?”
Poe wasn’t even sure why he had said that. It was the first thing that had come to mind in the long litany of reasons he had repeated to himself over and over as to why this was a terrible idea, why his feelings were inappropriate, why Rey would never care for him and why this could never happen.
“We aren’t in the same place, experience-wise,” he managed to say. “I don’t want to take advantage; I don’t want you to feel like you’re…”
Rey started talking over him again. “Do you know how it is on Jakku? On Jakku, everyone finds love-- or something approaching love-- where they can. Different races, different ages, different genders… What does it matter? When you find someone who makes life a little bit more bearable, why would you try to find a reason to let that go?”
“That… that sounds sensible,” Poe said, his mouth feeling weirdly dry as Rey moved just a little closer to him, so that he could feel her there against him.
“Do you actually believe that you would ever take advantage of me? Or that I would let you?”
Poe swallowed. “I guess not. Sounds ridiculous when you say it.”
“Because it is ridiculous. Do you have any good reasons? Or just more excuses?”
“Suppose it depends on your point of view.”
“Excuses, then,” Rey said, a fleeting hint of her smile returning. “Do you know why I was so upset at being here? I wasn’t… completely honest. It did have something to do with you. It was because I was afraid to be here with you, only you, because you’re so… confusing, you make me feel things, want things, that I’m not really sure what to do about.”
“Like kissing?” Poe prompted when Rey seemed to have hit her quota for sharing feelings.
“Like kissing,” she agreed, her hand coming up to Poe’s cheek. “But it was nice, wasn’t it? If you want that, too?”
Her hand was so cold. Poe raised his to cover it. “I think we’ve established that I’ve wanted that for a long time. As long as you do. If you’re sure. I want you to be sure.”
Rey’s eyes flashed with amusement. “And you seriously thought you might take advantage of me? Should I write out a contract that says you’re allowed to kiss me?”
Poe couldn’t help but laugh and then he was cupping Rey’s face in his hands. “Maybe we can skip that part,” he said and kissed her.
This time it was longer and slower, as Rey pushed herself against him and Poe held her close. He wished there wasn’t so much bulk between them, thick clothing and Rey’s heavy coat, but Poe was beginning to realize that there would be time for that.
Maybe Rey would let him show her the galaxy after all.
Rey made this soft, happy little sigh as their lips parted. “Doesn’t seem confusing at all when we’re doing that.”
Poe smiled at her. “Well, I am very good.”
She laughed as she smacked his cheek lightly. “If you start claiming you’re the best kisser in the galaxy I’m going to have to end this.”
“Won’t have to claim it. A few more kisses and you’ll be declaring it yourself.”
“With no standard to judge you on? Should I go around and gather a baseline comparison first?”
“How dare you,” Poe said, kissing her again quickly. “I’m offended you would even consider kissing behind my back. Obviously I’m so good at it that you don’t even need a comparison.”
“Oh, obviously,” Rey said, rolling her eyes.
Poe concentrated on her sweet face and the joke because if he didn’t he was probably going to freak out about being the only person Rey had ever kissed, fuck. Maybe Rey didn’t care about how old he was but Poe was going to need a moment to quietly panic every now and then.
But when he was done, he would have Rey to come back to, so he thought maybe that was all right.
“I should let you sleep,” Poe said, remembering what they had been doing before this whole kissing and confessing thing. “Catching up on our rest is still a good idea.”
Rey made a humming sound, eyeing the drape that separated them from the sleeping area. “I was thinking,” she said. “It’s terribly cold in here.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes. So maybe you shouldn’t sleep out here. Maybe you should sleep in there. With me.” She chewed on her lip, watching Poe with big, anxious eyes.
“Um. In there? With you?”
“That’s what I said.”
“Think that’ll break the cot,” Poe said because he was an idiot.
“Rather be warm on the floor than alone in the cot.” Rey was blushing so brightly that Poe thought all the blood in her body must have gone to her face.
He considered how difficult it must have been for her to even bring this up and then to keep going with it even as Poe acted like an ass.
He considered how much she must want it.
“Sounds excellent, actually,” he said, using his fingertips to lift up Rey’s chin and kissing her again. He made it a little deeper this time, brushed his tongue over her lips, and Rey gasped.
“Mmm, okay,” she murmured. “Just for, er, body heat. It’s only practical.”
“Very practical,” Poe agreed.
He retrieved his forgotten coat from off the floor and took Rey’s hand as they pushed past the drape. He looked at the floor for a moment and then turned back around, yanking the drape from its tenuous hooks on the ceiling. Tiny chips and bits of debris floated down.
As he spread the old material on the ground, he said, “Might be a bit musty but definitely more comfortable than the chilly floor.”
“I’m not complaining,” Rey said. She took the small pillow and the blanket from off the cot, setting the pillow on the makeshift bed Poe had created before lying down.
Poe stared at her, his mind going a bit blank.
“Come on, then,” Rey urged. “Still cold. Body heat, remember?”
“Yes,” Poe said, trying to kickstart his brain into working. He put his coat back on but didn’t close it, lying beside Rey on his side, facing her. Carefully he undid her buttons while she watched him, breath hitching.
“I’m not… Er, not that I don’t want to undress you?” Poe began awkwardly. Shit, fuck, why am I such an idiot? “But don’t worry, I’m not a total sleemo, it’s just that this works better if we’re wearing less. So we’re actually sharing heat.”
“Thought I might have to smack you for getting frisky with me,” Rey said with a grin. She curled into him, spreading the blanket over both of them.
“We’ll maybe save that for somewhere we can take our clothes off without worrying about frostbite.”
Rey kissed Poe again, sweetly. “Maybe,” she breathed against his mouth, her arm around his waist.
Poe fell asleep breathing in the scent of Rey’s hair, feeling as warm as he had since they’d arrived on this planet.