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“And then Eric got out of his car, in the middle of the parking lot, and asked me,” Bella chuckled, telling her story with more theatrics as Jacob got more invested.
“You’re kidding,” he gaped at her, the motorcycle part he’d been working on momentarily forgotten in front of him.
It was rare for her to tell stories. She enjoyed listening to them a lot more than telling them, which meant she’d become very good at leading the conversation in a way so the other person would go on a rant. But somehow Jacob had managed to do what no one had before and get her to do the talking for once.
She didn’t have a lot of stories that were worth telling. Well, she had a good amount with him - becoming the eight wheel to a vampire family was certainly story worthy - but she didn’t talk about him. Hell, she rarely even thought about him anymore.
But as they’d been talking, she realized she did have a few interesting stories. One of which being that time she got asked out three times for a girls-ask-the-boys dance.
“What did you say?” Jacob asked, clearly enthralled by what she was saying. The wrench - at least she thought that that was what the tool in his hand was called - moved an inch above its target, tightening the air instead of its intended screw.
“Something like: ‘next time’,” she responded, groaning at past her’s stupidity. “Which came back to bite me, because he showed up at my door the day of the end of year dance.”
Jacob shook his head, silently laughing. “Who knew you were such a maneater,” he teased, his gaze playful as it landed on her.
She blushed, looking down at her swinging feet. She was sitting in the front seat of his Ford, her legs dangling out the open door, so she didn’t have to sit on the floor like he was. She hadn’t minded copying his position, but the light colored sweater she’d worn on the first day in his garage would have. He’d noticed that fact before she could and had insisted she sit in his car. It had become the norm now. The door was usually open, waiting for her, before she even arrived at his house.
“I’m really not,” she defended, even though she knew he hadn’t meant it negatively. “I was just the new girl, that’s all. They hadn’t found out how clumsy I was yet, otherwise they’d never have asked me to a dance.”
He didn’t respond.
She shouldn’t have phrased it like that: like it was a bad thing and not just a fact. Because now he was stuck trying to find a way to tell her she wasn’t, when they both knew she was very clumsy.
She didn’t have to mentally scold herself for much longer, because two voices drifted towards the garage.
They shared a look, Bella’s filled with curiosity, while Jacob’s seemed to hold annoyance.
“Jake!” a voice that was slowly becoming familiar yelled, as two boys entered the garage.
“Oh.” Embry came to a stop once he noticed Bella, stopping Quil with a hand on his elbow.
“Bella’s here,” Quil added, though it wasn’t clear by his tone if it was a question or a statement.
Both boys greeted her, which she responded to with a simple smile and wave.
They’d come by a few times over the days she’d been here. Specifically once every two days, as if they learned their lesson of not bothering Jake in his garage but only for 24 hours.
“Still working on these bikes?” Embry asked, tapping one of the wheels with his shoe.
Jacob shrugged, sending his friend a narrowed glare. “I just like them.”
Embry and Quil shared a look. Bella didn’t need to understand their silent friend language to know that Jacob had meant her when he’d said ‘them’.
She couldn’t help the soft blush that covered her cheeks at the unspoken sentiment.
“Jacob has a real way with them,” she stated, leaning forward so her head poked out of the car. “It’s as if he’s talking to them or something,” she raved, genuinely very impressed with how efficiently he’d been working on them.
The boys shared a laugh, as Jacob sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “They’re motorcycle’s, Bella, not horses.”
“Well regardless, I think it’s very impressive,” she shot back, crossing her arms. Their gazes stayed locked for a second too long, her teasing smile turning soft.
“Excited for them to be done?” Embry asked her, forcing her eyes away from Jake’s.
She nodded, surprising herself by how much enthusiasm filled the movement. “Very.” It was hard to remember why she’d even wanted the bikes in the first place when she hung out with Jacob. His presence had healed the gaping hole in her chest to a point that she actually wanted to learn how to ride a motorcycle, instead of using it as an excuse to hear his voice.
“Can’t wait for the riding lessons?” Quil asked, hardly suppressing his grin.
“Guys,” Jake sighed, annoyance slipping back into his tone.
Quil sent him a look full of false innocence, as she tried to come up with a response.
“Um, yes, I’m really looking forward to them,” she answered honestly, not really sure what all the looks meant.
Quil and Embry dissolved into laughter, as her brows furrowed, head cocked to the side as she tried to find the joke.
“I’m sure Jake is too,” Embry added, his smile teasing, as he turned to his friend.
“Guys.” This time it sounded more like a demand than a warning.
Jacob’s tone had its desired effect, because they left almost immediately after, laughter following them out.
The garage suddenly felt very empty without them, but she welcomed the emptiness with open arms. She usually didn’t mind Quil and Embry. They were clearly important to Jacob and, seeing as he was important to her, they were important by proxy. But in this moment, she didn’t like them very much.
She couldn’t make heads or tails of their teasing and jokes, which probably meant she was the butt of it. It had happened before that people were making fun of her or bullying her and she hadn’t caught on until someone told her, so this was probably one of those situations. And it bothered her.
She’d been so absorbed in thought, she hadn’t realized they’d sat in silence for a good minute, until Jacob broke it.
“Don’t pay attention to them. They’re idiots,” he stated, waving his hand as if he was shooing them out the door.
She stayed silent for a moment. “Do they not like me?”
“What? Of course not, they like you,” he quickly assured her, seeming upset that she’d think that.
She nodded weakly. As much as she wasn’t convinced they did, she trusted Jacob. He wouldn’t lie to her to make her feel better. So the joke wasn’t her then.
Silence befell them again, as she replayed the conversation in her head, pinpointing the source of the teasing.
Riding lessons. That’s what they’d been laughing about.
But why? What was funny about Jacob teaching her how to ride a motorcycle? Was it the fact she wasn’t able to already? Probably not, otherwise what would the comment about Jake looking forward to it too mean?
She hated not knowing. She hated being in the dark like this.
Her gaze found Jacob, who had focused on dismantling the bikes again, but she could tell his head wasn’t completely there. His gaze seemed far away. It probably bothered him that his friends had forced her back into her shell. Right when she was opening up to him too.
She took a deep breath, mentally preparing herself to continue opening up to him. If it bothered her this much, he’d want to know about it. Besides he clearly knew what the joke was, since he’d reprimanded them about it.
Her lower belly suddenly tightened, as if she knew whatever the answer was would change something between them, but her curiosity was stronger.
‘I might regret this later,’ she thought, before breaking the silence. “What were they laughing about?”
Jacob looked up, seeming a bit surprised by her question. “Don’t worry about it. As I said, they’re idiots,” he answered, his gaze looking at her just a bit too intensely.
“But what did it mean?” she insisted. “I don’t get it. What’s funny about you giving me riding lessons?”
He swallowed thickly, his eyes widening with surprise.
Her head cocked to the side. So it was surprising she didn’t understand the joke. She wasn’t sure if it made her feel better or worse.
“They were just teasing me,” he reinstated, which only made her more curious.
He didn’t want her to know. That should have been a sign for her to back down. But instead she slid out of his car, her feet softly landing on the garage floor.
“No, I get that,” she told him, folding her hands behind her, as she leaned against the side of the car. “I just don’t get the joke. Is it horses? Like they’re comparing bikes to horses? Since riding is used for both,” she spitballed, as he seemed to grow more nervous.
“No,” he admitted. “I just- I don’t think I should be the one explaining this to you.”
Her brows furrowed, as her curiosity grew bigger. There were very few subjects Jacob wasn’t open to discuss, so whatever the joke was, it was a big deal. It could explain why he’d been so bothered by it.
“I don’t know who else to ask. Charlie?”
“No, no,” he immediately exclaimed, seeming horrified at the idea. “He’d never let you come over anymore if he thought we were talking about stuff like that.”
If he was trying to dissuade her to figure it out, he was failing miserably. A small part of her finally understood what this mystery joke was probably about, but it was too quiet for her conscious brain to get more than feeling.
“Then who else can I ask?” she asked, hoping he would give up and just tell her at some point.
He sighed, looking down at his lap in a way that made it clear she’d won. She did her best to hide her victorious smile.
“They meant riding as in-” he thought for a moment, “as in riding a person,” he blurted out, his face redder than she’d ever seen it.
Well that was anticlimactic.
“Like riding on someone’s back?” she asked, genuinely confused. What was so funny about that? Besides, why would she ever ride Jacob’s back? She wasn’t five anymore and he wasn’t her dad.
“No,” he corrected gently, surprise overtaking his expression again. “Riding someone in the sexual sense.”
“Oh. Oh.”
Her eyes turned the size of saucers, as her gaze slid away from him, unable to look at him.
Well at least it explained why she hadn’t gotten the joke. It was about the one subject she knew even less about than motorcycles: sex.
It wasn’t really surprising she knew nothing about it. She’d gotten all her awkwardness from Charlie and Renee was more her daughter than her mother most of the time. Everything she knew came from biology class at school, which meant she knew all the theory and none of the practice. She’d only turned 18 recently, so she hadn’t had the time to watch those kinds of movies yet and all the books she liked came from an era where people didn’t write about stuff like that, so she had zero sources.
Except apparently Jacob.
She wasn’t horrified by that fact, more just surprised. She’d have never thought that sweet Jacob knew more about this subject than her. Though she was pretty certain everyone knew more about that subject than her.
Which was probably why she still didn’t get it.
Well she got why Quil and Embry were laughing. She knew Jacob had a crush on her, so it wasn’t surprising that his friends had made sexual jokes about him and the girl he liked.
No, it was this new definition of the word ‘riding’ she was confused by. How? What parts? What movements?
‘Shut up, shut up,’ she repeated to herself as her questions grew louder until- “Riding what?”
Jacob looked up from his lap, seemingly having been lost in his own train of thought, seeing as no progress had been made on the motorcycles.
He stayed silent for a long moment, as she grew scared she’d overstepped. Maybe he didn’t want to talk about this stuff with her. The subject wasn’t a taboo one for no reason.
“Anything,” he finally responded, though the word seemed a bit complicated to come out. “From what I know, it’s just the grinding motion. So it can be done on any part of someone’s body,” he explained, surprisingly calmly.
Oh God.
She shouldn’t have asked. She should have kept her mouth shut. She should have accepted not knowing. She should have been okay with her ignorance.
Because now her mind was filled with one image and one image only: Jacob lying on his back, his shirtless chest glittering with sweat, as she sat on his hips, her own moving with a ferocity that was uncommon coming from her. She could practically hear the sound of skin against skin, the squeakiness of her moans, the animalistic edge to his groans.
“I’m sorry,” she blurted out, even though she knew he couldn’t hear her thoughts, but she felt dirty for them nonetheless. She shouldn’t be thinking about this. Not about her sweet Jacob.
Sweet Jacob who knew more about this subject than she’d ever have imagined.
The thought almost made her salivate. Oh God, what was wrong with her?
She’d been so good at suppressing these kinds of thoughts around Edward. It’d been weirdly easy with him. As if she knew deep down it would never happen anyway. What was the use in fantasising about an angel? He’d never stoop down to her sinfulness.
But Jacob was no angel. He was simply a person of flesh and blood like she was. He was warm to the touch, unlike the cold marble statue that Edward was.
That was the difference between them, she suddenly realized. Edward was the statue you prayed before in a church, who you put your faith in because a being of so much power must be worthy of it. Jacob was the man you came home to, you made a life with, who you put your faith in because he’d shown you he deserved it.
“Why are you sorry?” Jake asked, brows furrowed in concern at her clear shame.
“I shouldn’t have asked- shouldn’t have forced you to tell me,” she rambled, pulling her sleeves over her hands.
He chuckled softly. “You didn’t force me to do anything, Bella.”
Don’t say my name, she mentally pleaded, the sound adding itself to the picture in her mind.
She squeezed her eyes shut, her hands digging into her thighs, as she tried to get a grip.
“Are you okay, Bells?” he asked, dropping the wrench he’d been aimlessly holding for the past few minutes into his tool box.
She nodded, humming unconvincingly, as she pried her eyes open. He was suddenly up, his body a lot closer to hers than she remembered. They still had a few paces between them, but the space felt too small.
“I’m-” fine, she was about to say, but the lie died on her tongue. He didn’t deserve a lie. He deserved the truth. “I’m just uh- processing,” she responded, finding it the best way to describe what was going through her without going into any of the detail. There was no way she’d be able to say any of what she was thinking right now.
He nodded, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I’m sorry if I shocked you,” he said softly, his expression unreadable because of the slowly setting sun behind him.
“You didn’t,” she assured him. I’m the one who’s shocking me, she thought.
Silence befell them for a second, as her heartrate slowly went back to normal, the images in her mind becoming hazier as her focus on them lessened.
“This counts for at least five years in my favor,” he joked, his easygoing smile making her heart lighter.
“You shouldn’t gain any, I should lose some,” she countered with a chuckle. “I mean, it’s normal for a man your age to know about this stuff.”
He laughed, a smile staying on his face even after the laughter died away. “Actually, if you don’t mind me asking, how come you don’t know about this stuff?”
She bit her lip, looking down at her shoes in thought. “I don’t know,” she shrugged, looking back up at him. “Happenstance I guess. I mean, it’s not brought up in any of the books I like or never shown in more detail than kissing in the movies I watch. And I never had a reason to be interested in it.” She took a breath. “Until now.”
His head snapped up, eyes wide with surprise and hope, before disappointment corrupted them. His shoulders fell, as he nodded.
Did he think she was talking about Edward? Damnit, no that’s not what she’d meant.
A part of her wanted to stay silent about it. Let him think that whatever was left of her heart still fully belonged to Edward to keep him from getting too attached to her. He deserved better than damaged goods.
But another part of her wanted to continue opening up to him, continue letting him in and be honest with him. He didn’t deserve to hurt like she did. He deserved better than her, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t take steps to be that better person.
“I didn’t mean him,” she quickly corrected, not trusting her mouth to form his name. “We never did anything. He didn’t want us to,” she said, the words spilling out before she realized what she was saying.
A flurry of emotions passed over Jacob’s face, before landing on confusion. “He didn’t want to?” he repeated dumbstruck. “He had you and then didn’t want to?” he asked, completely baffled.
She shrugged, her face becoming almost uncomfortably hot. She should probably have mentioned that he had his reasons, but it felt so good to be treated as desirable and not as a fragile little flower that would break at the smallest touch.
“Well damn,” he sighed. “He’s stronger than I am, that’s for sure.”
Her mouth almost fell open at his forwardness. She feared after this conversation, the line between friendship and something more would be buried under the sand.
“So, is that reason enough to only deduct three years instead of five?” she asked with a hopeful smile.
He narrowed his eyes at her. “Four years.”
“Deal,” she grinned. “So that makes me 21 and you 27.”
“I’m in the lead,” he reminded her in a sing-song voice, as he leaned towards her.
“For now,” she threatened playfully, naturally gravitating towards him.
Their eyes locked over the space that separated them, their teasing grins dissolving into something softer.
“I should go,” she whispered, the multicolor sky behind his head reminding her of the time.
“It is quite late,” he agreed.
Both of them stayed in their spot for a second longer, waiting to see who would take the step to break the moment first. It was her.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said, taking her stuff from the front seat of his Ford. Her voice went up slightly at the end as if it was a question, though she knew he’d agree.
“Of course,” he nodded, his posture a bit stiff, as if he was holding himself in his spot.
She sent him a smile, as she walked to the grass right outside his garage.
“Bella,” he suddenly called out, making her stop in her tracks. She turned her upper body, her hair glowing in the light of the sunset. “If you ever have any more questions or anything, you can come to me.”
That’s a very dangerous proposition, she thought.
But instead of saying that, she simply smiled, hoping to convey what she couldn’t put into words.
With one last look, she walked to her truck, suddenly not so sure if she wanted to push down all her fantasies.