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rating: unmentionable

Summary:

"Cats and dogs tend to fight, don't they?" Evanescia muses, taking another sip of her drink. "But Mummicat and Woof-Woof Dan seem to have something special. I suppose that's why…"

She trails off with a wide smile on her face, clearly attempting to suppress a fit of giggles. Blade quirks an eyebrow. "What?"

"Mummicat, have you heard of BO3 by any chance?"

Blade has a very interesting talk with Evanescia and discovers BO3.

Notes:

hi everynyan... i present a little crackfic to make up for my absence ^-^ this isn't connected to my other canon-compliant work, i just randomly got the idea while studying and Had to write it
- rated T for references to explicit themes + dirty jokes, there isn't any direct smut in this, but please let me know if i should bump up the rating to M!
- both renheng/hengren t/b dynamics are mentioned.
don't worry i'll get back to the other fics... soon... ૮ ྀིᴗ͈ . ᴗ͈ ྀིა

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Everything regarding Shuhu aside, Blade is enjoying his time in Planarcadia so far.

 

A bunch of young ladies from the Xianzhou  — the Ghost-Hunting Squad, was it? — had come and given him a headband with rabbit ears, before sitting down to play cards with him. It is still sitting on Blade's head after a week; the swordsman has grown rather fond of the headpiece. The plush fur warms the back of his ears decently well, and the passers-by seem to look over the fact that he's a wanted man wandering the streets of Duomension City, because no fugitive would be walking around donning a bunny headband, right?

 

That is, until a pink-haired girl with the same pair of bunny ears walks by. She whips her head around upon sighting his matching accessory, and skips over to wave at him.

 

"Hey! Mr. Blade, right?" she chirps. He instinctively takes a step back, brows furrowed, and reaches for his sword.

 

"Don't look at me like that, I'm not gonna arrest you or anything," she assures him, waving her hands together. "I'm a friend of Baseball- I mean, the Trailblazer and the Astral Express!"

 

"Oh… you're a rabbit too," he points out, putting his weapon away. To his mild astonishment, the girl sighs with frustration and plants her hands on her hips.

 

"I'm a fox, thank you very much," she corrects him while pouting. "My name is Evanescia! Great seeing you, Mr. Blade!"

 

"Evanescia," he repeats, silently noting her very bunny-like appearance despite claiming to be a fox. Silver Wolf may have mentioned her once or twice, but she mentions a lot of people.

 

He doesn't object when she walks beside him; in fact, he even welcomes it. "Mr. Blade, may I just call you Mummicat?" 

 

The pink-haired girl looks like she's about to burst with excitement, so he relents with a nod. Although, judging by his current appearance, Mummibunny would be a better name. Wait, no, Mummifox.

 

Evanescia claps her hands together excitedly. "Yay! Mummicat, I've actually been a huge fan of yours all along! From the very first page of Volume 3, Chapter 1 of the Fluffy, in the opening scene where you appeared in Woof Woof Dan's nightmare-"

 

"Oh? Thanks for the support," Blade says dryly, his interest piqued at the mention of Woof-Woof Dan. He's still not accustomed to being addressed as 'Mummicat', but he's heard far worse. 

 

"Do you wanna grab a drink together, Mummicat? Oh, we'll have so much to talk about!"

 

Blade shrugs — why not? He has nothing on for the rest of the day, so he follows her lead to a Dreamless Coffee stand.

 

 

The barista gushes over their 'matching costumes', saying they look like siblings, and moves to pat Blade's headband. He accepts the praise with a slightly flustered nod, while his new fox friend joins the barista to swoon over how supposedly cute he is. Grown-ass man with an 8.13 billion bounty, by the way.

 

"Ahem." He clears his throat, cheeks flushed. "Can we order now?"

 

"Yes, of course! By the way, what's your skincare routine? You look like you haven't aged a day!" the barista swoons. 

 

"..." 

 

Blade pays for them, which Evanescia is simply delighted about. She gets a "Fantasy's Beginnings" Yellow Peach Ice Cream Float, and the tantalising smell of sweet peaches tempts him to get the same one. However, he eventually decides to order a "Maximum DMG" Hand-Crushed Lime Tea: the Stellaron Hunter instantly got attacked by the sheer acidity and iciness when he took his first sip. The pink-haired girl laughs at him for a while before offering him some of her soda float. 

 

Blade would have liked to get a drink to-go for Silver Wolf, but apparently, that was against the shop's policy — the barista had insisted their drinks were to be consumed on the spot. Still, he marks the location on their shared map, determined to bring her there the next time they're in Duomension City again. 

 

"Mummicat, are you and Bubble- Miss Silver Wolf having fun here?" Evanescia asks after a large gulp of her drink.

 

"Yes… Thank you." Is she really going to start every sentence with 'Mummicat'? Blade wonders why he was even portrayed as a cat in the first place. Perhaps it was because of those feline-like creatures on Herta Space Station. (His cat creature seems to be overweight, though.)

 

He chews on the lime slices in his drink, not really knowing know what to say after that. Thankfully, Evanescia is great at conversation, constantly asking Blade questions and regaling him with Fluffy Across The Blue stories: he quickly learns of Mummicat's involvement with the High-Cloud Squadron, old friendship with Detective Ashwolf, and most importantly, his mysterious (and implicitly romantic, from the sound of it) tension with Woof-Woof Dan. 

 

"Cats and dogs tend to fight, don't they?" Evanescia muses, taking another sip of her drink. "But Mummicat and Woof-Woof Dan seem to have something special. I suppose that's why…"

 

She trails off with a wide smile on her face, clearly attempting to suppress a fit of giggles. Blade quirks an eyebrow. "What?"

 

"Mummicat, have you heard of BO3 by any chance?" Evanescia asks hopefully.

 

"No," Blade replies truthfully. He's lost count of all the passing fads in every planet and frankly thinks that they're a waste of memory storage, although Silver Wolf and Firefly would probably argue otherwise.

 

"It's a site I developed a while ago to rival Furbobo Gossip, though it's still in beta-" Evanescia lets out a giggle at that word, and Blade can't fathom why. "Anyway, go home and search it up. Foxfolio's Secret Shop has reached the digital world!"

 

"BO3… Alright," he concedes rather reluctantly, on the account of Evanescia's sparkling eyes. "How do you spell it?" Personally, he thinks it sounds like a kind of deodorant, rhyming with ones he'd seen on the shelves while trying to get Elio's strawberry body wash. He extends his bandaged left hand for her to write it on.

 

"Here you go," the fox girl hums, tongue poking out of her mouth as she scribbles the URL with a neon pink marker. "It's mainly for fanfiction and stuff like that. You're already a celebrity there, you know~ Miss Silver Wolf and Little Raccoon gave me the idea before we played Cosmicon Collective," she explains cheerily. "Make eye contact with me, and I'll use my psychic senses to guess your ship preference, rating, and keywords ♪ "

 

He takes another sip of his ice-cold beverage while trying to process that large stream of words. "...I'm a celebrity?"

 

"Does it really come as a surprise? You have all the makings of an A-list BO3 celebrity," Evanescia points out. He has absolutely no idea what she's talking about, and it seems to be evident on his face, because she just sighs in defeat.

 

"Oh Mummicat, so innocent and cute. You should just go home and see for yourself," Evanescia winks, as he cluelessly looks at his bright pink bandages once again.

 

BO3.aha.org. He'll definitely be looking into that.

 

 

They exchange contact information after their tea-time session, which is something Blade hasn't done with anyone in ages; his phone is usually with Silver Wolf, since her phone is always running out of storage. He would have liked to chat more, but Evanescia mysteriously grabs a piece of toast out of thin air and prepares to dash off after that — how strange.

 

"Take care, Miss Bunny," Blade calls out to her as she runs.

 

"Good-bye, Mummicat- Hey! I'm a fox, a fox!"

 


 

Blade reaches their 'headquarters': instead of staying in their spaceship like planned, Silver Wolf had fallen in love with a suburban cottage by the outskirts of Seafield City, and tried to justify their relocation by saying the fresh air would do him good. She hadn't been entirely wrong — the fresh flowers outside their door and the oceanfront view do improve his temperament, but he privately thinks that the hacker just wanted to bully the ploo residents.

 

Silver Wolf will be out the entire afternoon: she was talking about meeting the Trailblaze and Furbos from Furbobo Weekly earlier. Blade sits at her desk and enters the URL Evanescia had given him into Silver Wolf's gaming laptop, a surge of excitement coursing through his old bones despite himself. Being a celebrity can entail many troubles, but how exactly did he end up becoming a star on this new planet? Maybe it was because of his involvement in the Phantasmoon Games. Yes, that had to be it. Surely the news about Shuhu hadn't circulated around yet…

 

After some investigation, BO3 seems to be a repository for fan-made works, which aligns with Evanescia's description. Blade diligently browses through the more recent works, only registering the various sightings of his own name after seeing-

 

Dan Heng.

 

It's right next to his, too:

 

☆(>○<) Ship Preference: Blade/Dan Heng (>○<)☆

 

What does that slash indicate? Was BO3 trying to get the readers to choose between them? He reads the underlined words below the titles, labelled as keywords: 'enemies-to-lovers' and 'old flames rekindled' seem to be very common. After some more scrolling, he slowly realises that these are stories about him and Dan Heng with very romantic connotations. In an epiphany, he recalls Evanescia's words:

 

"...It's mainly for fanfiction and stuff like that…"

 

Fan-fiction? It seems that the Fulwish TV paparazzi had really done a number on their reputation… All these love stories just because of a few frames on live television? These people are crazy, Blade thinks incredulously, but seeing as it is Planarcadia they are in, perhaps it isn't entirely out of the ordinary.

 

If walking less than a mile's distance from Dan Heng was all it took for scandalous gossip to spread like wildfire, he couldn't imagine what would happen if more… intimate moments between them had been broadcast to the public. Ah, speak of the devil, there's a work titled Wildfire here. Blade scans through the underlined keywords to find 'improper use of Cloud-Piercer', which instantly makes him do a double take at the screen. The only improper use of the spear he had crafted centuries ago is to write about it in this manner — what blasphemy!

 

He clicks on the link regardless. Rating: Unmentionable flashes on the screen before a pop-up warning telling him the work could have adult content, to which he boldly clicks Continue. 

 

Well, it was exactly what he had imagined. Blade frowns in disapproval, thinking of how the weapon would be a nightmare to clean after they're done. There are much better ways to achieve such… pleasure, without having to subject Cloud-Piercer to such depravity, no?

 

Nevertheless, overcome with suspicion (and some interest), he scrolls back up to the Blade/Dan Heng page and clicks on the fanwork with the most hits, titled Renheng Omegaverse AU: Xianzhou's Number One Alpha.

 

Blade frowns and looks the word 'omegaverse' up, trying to grasp the concept of this fictional universe. He'd never been very tech-savvy, and all these new terms are starting to make him feel even more ancient. He remembers the Fluffy Across the Blue cast and wonders if they are also related to this whole omegaverse shindig — he really hopes not, but Woof Woof Dan being a wolf-like creature makes it plausible. However, as he reads some more, he learns that characters in the omegaverse seem to be regular humans, just with different hierarchies and biology.

 

In this particular fanfiction, his character goes by Ren as an alias, and is a 'Dominant Alpha going into rut', whatever that means. Fortunately, BO3 has an unofficial guide to the Omegaverse world, so he spends the next half hour researching diligently with a faint blush on his cheeks. Ren has huge muscles and a seemingly never-ending sex drive as he furiously 'knots' a blushing Dan Heng — who unfortunately retains his real name — in the sheets.

 

Evanescia, is this what having all the makings of an A-list BO3 celebrity means? He shuts the gaming laptop with a soft thud and doesn't come back to it…

 

…until two hours later, when curiosity gets the best of him once more. The tab is still open in all its white-and-red glory, right where he left off. Blade reads the entire thing with a straight face and a not-so-straight boner, not knowing who to share this with besides the other main character of this fiction. 

 

Suddenly, an idea strikes him: what if he enters Dan Heng's name in front of his own in the search bar? There's been a distinct pattern to the fanfictions he'd skimmed through so far (aside from them all being rated Unmentionable), and he wants to put his theory to the test:

 

☆(>○<) Ship Preference: Dan Heng/Blade (>○<)☆

 

The striking role reversal gives him whiplash. Suddenly, the Blade in this new work — titled My Number One Assassin Can't Be This Submissive, great start — is soft-spoken and shy, having been assigned an 'omega' at birth. As if the bunny fox ears he wore to play Cosmicon Collective weren't enough, now he has to see himself as a rosy-cheeked omega, slick dripping down his character's thighs every time he takes a step. Meanwhile, Dan Heng is depicted as a tall, desirable alpha with golden horns and a musky scent. What a fabulous afternoon he is having.

 

Oh, no, that wasn't sarcastic; not really. Blade is unironically beginning to enjoy this.

 

Eventually, he settles for reading a nice 'fluff' fic, where he's safely cuddled up with Dan Heng after a painful battle. The swordsman smiles to himself, feeling his heartbeat quicken as the story progresses into gentle kissing. He'll definitely be leaving a good review on BO3.



Four hours pass before the unmistakable sound of keys jingling at the doorway snaps Blade out of his reverie. He immediately scrambles to find the Delete Search History button before Silver Wolf can find anything incriminating to blackmail him with. If Kafka and Firefly catch wind of this, he's never living it down…

 

Much to his surprise, it isn't Silver Wolf — does that mean she's still bullying those poor furbos? Instead, Dan Heng turns his keys and walks in.

 

Dan Heng...? Right, Blade forgot that he has a spare key. A blush creeps up to his cheeks as he moves towards the dining table, wondering what he'd brought in.

 

The Astral Express guard sets a bag of groceries on the counter. "...Meddlesome. No need for that," Blade grumbles, "I was about to go later." You didn't have to do this for me.

 

"I remember you wanted to make a chicken stir-fry tonight, so I got the ingredients," Dan Heng explains. "It's almost dinnertime, anyway."

 

The Stellaron Hunter goes through the eco-friendly bags and finds no fault with the contents — it's everything he would have bought and more. Secretly impressed and very pleased, he starts unpacking the groceries into the refrigerator.

 

"So…" he begins rather awkwardly, "where else did you go?"

 

"We went to the karaoke again. It was alright," Dan Heng deadpans, his voice still a little hoarse. "How about you? What did you do today?"

 

Blade ignores the second part, because I was glued to the screen reading fanfics of us all afternoon would probably chase him away. "And you didn't think to invite me?"

 

"You? Karaoke..?" Dan Heng raises an eyebrow, but doesn't comment further. "I'll bring it up to my companions."

 


 

After they're done with the groceries, the sun begins to set and Dan Heng naps on Blade's favourite armchair. His smaller stature makes the chair look bigger than usual, and the Stellaron Hunter can't help but smile.

 

Silver Wolf texts to say that she's not coming home for dinner: she'll be at Yum-Yum Alley with the Trailblazer and a big team of furbos. That sounds like Blade's personal nightmare, but he's glad she is having fun. He replies with a sticker of Woof-Woof Dan, who is drawn exceptionally plump. 

 

While Dan Heng naps, Blade lazily channel-surfs on the couch beside him and finally decides on watching the Fulwish TV news, which is pretty mundane, but it passes the time well enough. Their little cottage has a great view of the sunset, and its golden rays illuminate the sleeping man's face beautifully.

 

Just as Blade was staring at his oh-so-perfect visage, Dan Heng rouses and lets out a sleepy murmur. 

 

"Dan Heng… You're awake." The name is still unfamiliar on his lips, but he'll try. "I have a question."

 

After a cat-like yawn and two slow blinks, he turns to face Blade once more:  "Hm?"

 

"...Nothing." Rating: Unmentionable flashes in his head once more, the obnoxious white-and-red layout lingering in his mind. "We've come a long way from being enemies," he states plainly.

 

Enemies-to-lovers… Ugh, he has to snap out of it. Dan Heng looks rather bemused, but smiles at him regardless, brighter than the setting sun.

 

I'll do anything as long as you promise to smile at me like this forever.

 


 

Blade cooks the chicken stir-fry as promised, adding in various spices unique to the Xianzhou — Planarcadia happens to have designated stores for those, which is a pleasant surprise. The dish is a lovely golden brown, and Dan Heng is more than happy to begin eating, occasionally throwing in a few words of reluctant praise as he scoops more of the tender meat into his rice bowl.

 

The swordsman snaps a picture of the food and sends it to Silver Wolf after he's done, just to show her what she's missing out on. She replies with the same fat Woof-Woof Dan sticker before sending a text that says 'your bf after he's done eating'. He leaves her on read.

 

After dinner, Dan Heng returns to Blade's favourite armchair and curls up in it like a hibernating bear. The Stellaron Hunter sighs and kneels beside him, resting his chin on the shorter man's knee. He squirms at the sudden contact, but doesn't pull away — in fact, he even lets out a soft laugh.

 

"If you intend to come over more often, we'll need to get you your own seat. You are in my chair," Blade complains half-heartedly.

 

"Do you mean it?" Dan Heng has showered and is now wearing one of Blade's sleep shirts, the overly-large collar exposing his neck and some of his chest. How does he make everything he owns look so much bigger? If only this stubborn dragon would eat as much as Woof-Woof Dan in real life…

 

Blade shrugs at his question, not minding getting new furniture in the slightest; and certainly not when it means Dan Heng would be coming over more frequently. "I'm sure there are online catalogues for such things."

 

"You're right, we should start looking. Can I use this device?" he asks, getting up from the armchair and heading to Silver Wolf's gaming setup, which has become a communal work desk at this rate.

 

Blade follows him as if he would be in danger the moment he steps out of his line of sight; nothing new there. "Go ahead. The PIN number is written on the top-left corner."

 

Dan Heng thanks him and quickly keys in the passcode. Blade exhales a sigh of relief, glad he remembered to delete the search history until—

 

( ≧ ▽ ≦ ) Who is Aha: Welcome To BO3! ( ≧ ▽ ≦ )

 

His open tabs have mysteriously been restored, the white-and-red BO3 screen flashbanging both of them alongside a huge graffiti of Silver Wolf's face. That little… 

 

Is this extra payback for the Cosmicon Collective thing? Blade clenches his fists and lets out a long-suffering sigh. If he could have his way, she's definitely getting grounded for the rest of their trip, but Elio wouldn't approve.

 

"Hm. Interesting… I have never seen a site quite like this. Is this like the data bank in the Archives?" Dan Heng hums, scrolling down a little more. "There are keywords too? This could be useful information."

 

No, it absolutely could not, Blade thinks in horror. "Stop reading that," he growls, a distinct helplessness in his tone. He swears that Silver Wolf will get the scolding of her life when she returns.

 

Dan Heng's confused frown deepens as he scrolls further down. "Blade, what is an 'omegaverse'?" 

 

"..."

 

Notes:

edited to link promo tweet here

blade is genuinely such a sweetheart, he wore bunny- ahem, fox ears bc the ghost-hunting squad asked him to and shouted the slogan with us... also the driver's license conversation 😭 found family stellaron hunters is real i'm gonna explode into a thousand pieces. bladie we love you :'3
also, i was at doujima yesterday and had such a fun time! got loads of renheng merch ૮꒰๑´ ᵕˋ๑꒱ა avidyae and mikoratte if you're reading this ilyily
disappearing after this (got loads of coursework due soon and exams are in 2 weeks) /ᐠ •̀ ˕ •́ マ see you after exams!