Chapter Text
“… Mhm, I just landed. Why?” Sunghoon carefully held his phone in between his ear and shoulder, balancing the action alongside taking out his passport from his bag. With poise, he handed it to a staff member and nodded, before taking his phone back to straighten his posture again. “What’s the matter?”
Jungwon on the other side sighed, long and dragged. “Nothing. I guess it’s just me unused to being separated. Again.”
Sunghoon tries his best not to show any reaction to his words but ultimately fails when he pauses for a split second. That sentence sounds particularly hanging, the specific words: ‘from all of us’ left behind a bland taste in his mouth. He loses the thought as the staff member from before gestured for him to walk.
Still on the phone, he nodded and began walking, “—You know I only have about two to three days here, right? It’s not that long, relax.”
Is what he said. The truth? Even he himself didn’t know it.
Another sigh. “I know. Which is why I’m even more distressed, I guess.”
Sunghoon walked past a row of high-end stores; ranging from expensive perfumes, exaggerated promotion of countless luxury brands, to dessert houses that probably sell bitter chocolates — he always suffered from that. It should not have taken more than a minute for him to arrive at an escalator and finally rest his feet. He lets the momentary silence between them fill with random background noises, an announcement in three different languages, people chattering excitedly and designer bags rolling on the squeaky clean floor. “And why is that?”
Jungwon takes a while to answer. Sunghoon didn’t comment on it. Instead, he takes in the view of the airport as he holds his phone in hand, a mask covering half of his face and a cap to hide his messy hair.
His mind naturally wanders. It’s been quite some time since he last visited Japan, back in 2025, probably, for that highly anticipated animation starring their group. After that, they left for a fansign back in Seoul, if his memory serves to be correct, then another, and yet another. These days, his memory tends to be a lot blurrier than it usually is. He wonders why that is.
Or rather, he wonders why he refuses to acknowledge the reason he already knew all too well.
Jungwon’s voice lifts him from his thoughts, a nice distraction, “… I don’t know.” He stopped abruptly. Sunghoon didn’t interrupt him.
He continues with what Sunghoon presumes is a sad smile, “You know what, I realise it now, that… I don’t know a lot of things the more I think.”
Sunghoon hummed as he caught a person taking a sip from her drink. It looks like matcha and also enticing. “I get it. Don’t we all do? We’re all under 25s and are still growing. I read from an article that our… something something brain, hasn’t fully developed yet, so I guess that answers that.”
On the other side of the phone, a laugh echoed. “You mean the frontal lobe?”
Somehow, Sunghoon knows that Jungwon had said the correct term and still refuses to use it. Just for ego, of course. Or mischief, maybe. “Yeah, that. I guess. Whatever.”
Jungwon laughed out to his heart’s content and Sunghoon couldn’t be any happier for him, really. Being the leader of a globally known boy band hasn’t spared him even a second of rest, so Sunghoon is glad whenever he gets to relieve some of that burden, however little he is helping.
“… haa. Haha. You’re funny, hyung.”
The term of endearment catches him off guard once again. Sunghoon blinked once and suddenly the entire busy, noisy airport seemed to have disappeared from his head right under his consciousness.
“You’re cheating! What the hell, hyung?”
The piece of memory barges ahead without a warning.
“… hyung? Sunghoon hyung? Are you there?” Sunghoon blinked dumbly, a couple of times, refocused his vision and directed his gaze around to ensure he’s still in the airport. Jungwon had unknowingly saved him from yet another nightmare, it seemed like. How pathetic.
“Yeah, sorry. Wasn’t in my right head space just now.” Sunghoon shakes his head a little with a mellow smile, even if he knew the other couldn’t see it.
Jungwon gets it, probably from his lack of tone, or detachment… or, whatever it is that makes the younger one so intuitive. To hell with it. “… ah. Okay. Should I leave you alone?”
Sunghoon again shakes his head as he pinches the area in between his eyebrows, “No — I mean, I don’t mind, Jungwon-a. You can hang whenever you feel like it.”
He feels like he could see Jungwon nodding, saying, “Yeah. I’m not here for much longer too, I guess. You still need to make it to your hotel. And I need a shower.”
At that, Sunghoon smiles easily, familiar with this part. “Go shower then. You stink all the way here to Japan.”
“Exaggeration. I’m not the one who took a flight to Japan earlier today without showering.” The tone he uses is deliberately mocking, in a way that makes Sunghoon smile harder.
“Excuse you. I showered, okay.”
“I guess my odour is so strong that I even thought you didn’t shower.” Jungwon laughed at his own joke.
Sunghoon smiled until his cheeks ached. It was nice. It was wonderful. “Disgusting. Go shower, leader-nim.” He affectionately says with another smile, soft this time.
“All right, all right. I’ll call you later!”
“… Mhm. Catch you later.”
He pulled away the gadget and slid the red icon, hanging up. Somehow their conversation ends with a light note, despite the heavy intro.
By the time Jungwon hangs up, he had already arrived at the main gate, which separates the terminal area that only allows passengers to enter and the public area where reporters and fans are already screaming, as it sounds like. Maybe he should have rested a little before walking out. Sunghoon steeled himself as he and some staff members walked out of the gate, flashed by cameras and cheers deafening his ears, not that he wasn’t used to it. Jet lag can be a bitchy companion, though, alongside the screams and flashes, but the flight to Haneda only takes about an hour and forty five minutes, so it’s not too bad.
As soon as he manages to make his way through the overwhelming crowd, a reporter from Dispatch, maybe, immediately approaches with minimal distance. “Hello, Sunghoon-ssi. How are you today?”
He nodded briefly as he can’t afford to be unaware of his surroundings, too many fans were flooding in the area. The bodyguards he was provided with struggled to make way which made Sunghoon want to sigh, since it’s always been this way, isn’t it. “I’m fine, thank you for asking.”
“Have a lot of rest, Sunghoon-ssi. We wish you the best in Japan.” The reporter then pulls away, creating a larger distance that increases as he films from afar, which honestly made him feel grateful. At least someone is understanding.
The feeling subsided though, the moment he could sense his personal area greatly diminishing as the flashes from the phones felt blinding — it felt a whole lot closer, for a moment there he regretted not taking out his sunglasses. He inhaled sharply.
“Get out of the way! Make way!”
The security tried their best, truly, but what can you do with a dozen people and double the crowd when you’re just two bodyguards protecting a team of individuals? Maybe specifically one, but some of the staff members should also be taken care of, in his opinion, with the crowd that only seemed to grow larger as they approached the exit. It made him confused a bit, why did it look like it’s getting worse?
It gets to a point that he eventually has a phone knocking into his shoulders and face, to which he tries to avoid, but the effort proved fruitless. Another one bumped into him, causing him to halt abruptly, as being shoved aside isn’t exactly a great feeling, especially surrounded by phones that are recording you. Fucking hell. Not this again.
When has Haneda ever lacked security? Is it because he is a one-man team, this time, which drew a larger crowd than expected? Taking advantage of the situation, are they?
He didn’t get much time to ponder, as something was immediately flung to his face.
… Ouch. Sunghoon ignored the slight pain, wincing and closing his eyes, covering his face with his left arm, avoiding the flashes that intensified with the screams. And curses. Fuck. That hurts quite a bit. Not his damn face.
The phone, falling onto the floor pathetically, was stepped on by him and the staff members, ruining the protective screen and eventually breaking it to pieces. He wished he could burn that thing.
“Crazy bitch! How dare you—!” There was a lot more than that going around, circulating, as he opened a large stride despite the overwhelming crowd, wishing he could arrive at the van sooner. He walks a good distance after that, finally seeing the glorious red exit sign from afar, sighing in relief. Thank god.
Eventually, the crowd thinned the more he neared the van, which felt weird all of a sudden, but then he could breathe easier and the fresh air of a slightly rainy Tokyo welcomed him into its embrace. Whatever. Conspiracy or not, he gets into the van particularly quickly, avoiding any eye contact with cameras, just wanting a goddamn shut-eye already.
He just arrived in Japan and it was already a hell on earth.
“… Hyung, are you really okay? I saw the video and it looked very concerning,” Jungwon again, being the attentive and responsible leader that he is. Sunghoon leaned back on the chair that he was resting in. Honestly, what was he even thinking? Of course it would headline the news. Breaking: Worldwide K-pop Boy Group ENHYPEN’s SUNGHOON received a phone to the face, inciting fans’ outrage all over the internet.
How embarrassing. He wished he could dig a hole and crawl into it, never coming out ever again. “Yeah. It was. My face bruised a bit, too. A good throw I guess,” he chuckled self-deprecatingly.
Jungwon clicked his tongue on the other side of the phone, disappointed, maybe? Sunghoon has always been like that, never minding too much when things happen to him. As a former athlete, he’s definitely never experienced getting hit by a smartphone a fan would throw, but he’s been falling and getting injuries all the time on the ice, so it’s not all that bad, he guessed. Not that Jungwon would care, however. “You shouldn’t say that. I spoke with the company, they should sue her soon enough.” See.
“—Would they, though?” Sunghoon chuckled for an answer instead. As a result, he winced a little, the compress he’s holding against his cheek rubbing uncomfortably with his skin, condensation trickling down slowly to his clothes. Sucks.
A small smile forms instead, as he could conjure up the image perfectly in his mind: Jungwon pursing his lips and frowning in frustration. The silence he receives is enough to prove something they’ve already known, causing Sunghoon to chuckle yet again, ignoring another wave of pain. “You can’t even retort something back, can you?”
The response he acquired this time is a low sigh, defeated. “… I’ll do my best, hyung. You should too. Don’t give in too easily to them.”
Sunghoon stares back at his reflection in the mirror blankly. The smile he summoned earlier is now gone, replaced by a hollow look in his eyes. “… Mhm. Sure.”
“I’m serious, hyung. Rest a little. Don’t stay up tonight.”
“… Shouldn’t I be the one saying that, considering the fact that you’re the one staying up late every night scrolling X?”
“… I’m hanging up. Good night, hyung.”
He smiles back this time. “… Uh-huh. See you tomorrow.”
The line ends. Sunghoon’s smile faded completely as he threw the phone on the dressing table, eyes still on himself. The black, glinting orbs automatically roamed all over the mirror.
… Sunken eyes, hollow look, messy hair and parched lips. He looks nothing like the Park Sunghoon he appears to be in the news, probably broadcasting everywhere right now, nor does he appear to be the perfect Park Sunghoon promoting the brand he endorses globally, too, boasting smooth lines and a clean cut figure.
In short, he doesn’t look anything like the person he displays himself to be in the public. Sunghoon wanted to chuckle, but his mouth wasn’t moving. Too tired, too noisy, too complicated.
These days, all he wanted to do was lay down in his bed and sleep. Perhaps never waking up again is a good choice too. That means never putting on a smile on his face again, never listening to schedules being read endlessly everywhere, never practicing late into the night as the music plays off into his dreams and so on and so forth.
Another hell on earth.
So instead of wandering off into the unknown world of his thoughts again, scary, he spaced out for a good few seconds before sighing and gradually got up to get ready for sleep. His motto nowadays seems to be: don’t think, just do it. It always provides the best solution to everything. Tired? Don’t think, just do it. Didn’t get enough sleep? Don’t think, just do it.
He shakes his head and pushes off the chair backwards, time to get some sleep and possibly get an earful of lecture from his manager tomorrow.
The moment he opens his bag, however, his phone rings again, which instantly makes him pause. He turns around from his place on the floor, beside his bag, brain thinking numerous possibilities as to who it could be, calling him and disrupting his rest in the middle of the night?
At first he thought it could be another one of those sasaengs, which made him roll his eyes and continue digging for clothes. But, he pauses again, remembering that he hasn’t been harassed by those people for quite some time, so the probability was very low, which ignited a burning curiosity deep within him. Who could it be?
He turns towards the ringing phone for the second time, buzzing on the dressing table, creating a series of noise that sounds like a woodpecker. Wait, woodpeckers?
Sunghoon sprung up, ignoring his wide open bag and walked over to the dressing table once more. How the hell he even arrived at woodpeckers, he doesn’t even know. All he sees is a vibrating phone with a caller ID that reads—
Wait, what?
With a swift move, he snatches the phone away from the wooden table, opening his eyes wide and focused on the screen displaying a caller ID he didn’t expect at all to call him. No way.
Calling… Heeseung hyung.
… Heeseung hyung.
He presses the green phone icon, sliding it upwards hurriedly with little to no hesitation. “Hello?”
…
…
…
Quiet on the line.
Sunghoon tries not to get his hopes up too much, remaining calm and slowly pulling away, ensuring that he has the right person on the call before closing the distance, trying again. “… Hello?”
Still quiet.
Sunghoon frowned at last. Maybe he did get scammed, after all? “If there’s no one then I’m hanging—”
“… Sunghoon-a.”
The man in question held his breath.
“… Yes,” he tries to answer. Keyword: tries. Failing immediately at the attempt as he gulped nervously. “… You, uh. Why’d you call…? Um, I mean, hyung?”
His previous attempt at bravery to hang up the call flew up like smoke, replacing the irritated Sunghoon with an embarrassed, slightly ashamed and likely pathetic Sunghoon. Urgh.
—God, he sounds so weird. Sunghoon took another deep breath, given that Heeseung on the other side hasn’t replied yet, or bothered to. “It’s late,” he winced. Still stiff. Another gulp. “Is there, um, anything you want to tell… me?”
A few minutes perhaps had passed as he waited for a reply. He almost thought the older one had accidentally slept with the way he was so silent on the call when he finally heard a sigh. Sunghoon glanced at the nearby clock. 12:41. Is that a good or a bad thing?
“… I saw the news. Are you doing all right?”
… Oh. Okay. Yeah. Of course it’s about the news. Sunghoon tries to chuckle, which sounds like he’s trying hard not to wheeze instead, fuck, “Yeah, um. I just finished, uh, pressing my compress. You know, yeah, it was a bit bruised from the throw, haha.”
… Okay, Park Sunghoon, what the fuck was that. He wanted to slap himself across the face for being so awkward. For god’s sake, this is Heeseung hyung. His hyung who had been with him for almost ten years. Is he still being a dumbass here? Sunghoon decides that maybe he’s had enough of playing the awkward guy as he sighed out loud. He massages his head, easing the ache forming. “… Sorry. Yeah. Anyway, I was just about to shower. I’m doing quite fine, if that’s what you’re asking, despite the bruise.”
… Now he just sounds cold, or ignoring the issue like he’s too cool for it, but maybe that’s better than seemingly about to choke on every single word his mouth spouted. At least he can manage some sentences now, no? Sunghoon grimaced.
“… oh. Am I bothering you? You sound very tired, maybe we should continue this some other time.”
“No — I, uh. It’s fine, hyung, really,” he tries to convince the older one. Pinching his forehead, he was about to let out another sigh but held back instantly, not wanting to interrupt the conversation anymore. A mess. Everything’s an absolute mess right now.
It takes a lot of convincing and words (and time) for Heeseung to continue speaking again, but somehow, Sunghoon handled it pretty well, he supposes.
“I… Actually, I wanted to tell you that I’m releasing my first album soon, so… yeah.”
… ah. Right. Sunghoon struggled to find the proper words. Something. He wants to say something, but the words in his brain seem to have magically evaporated into the air, leaving him with nothing but a jumble of weird, incoherent noises once again. “… oh, um. Ah, er. Yeah?”
… Embarrassing himself might just be his new talent that should be written down in history, cause what the hell was that.
He hears the chuckle going off in his ears as they become shamefully red in the reflection, fuck. “… Yeah. I guess that sums it up. A bit of a hectic day for another news to drop, isn’t it?”
“I’m sorry,” apology is the one thing that can never go wrong. Especially with Lee Heeseung. Everyone knows how much of a soft hearted person he actually is. “—I mean it, hyung. Congrats, I’m sorry I couldn’t say it immediately. You’ve worked really hard, I’m sure. Sorry again.”
“It’s okay, Sunghoon-a,” another image pops into his mind, clear as day. Heeseung hyung, smiling softly and gently as he stares right into his eyes, a fond look pasted on his face. And if ‘gentleness’ could be bundled up into a person, he thought, it would be Heeseung hyung right at that specific time and space.
… Wow, the air in this room seems unbearably hot now. Or maybe that’s just his prickly eyes talking as the world blurs slightly into uneven shapes and mismatched colours.
“… I just want to tell you that, whatever happens next, I’m right by your side — and you shouldn’t be keeping your feelings to yourself. Talk it out, maybe with Jungwon, or is it Jake?… Ah, anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot lately, about all of us and ENGENEs, too. And for me, things are definitely going to change for the better, the more time passes by. I believe in that. I just hope that you’ll be by my side too when that time comes.”
… Yeah, fuck it. He’s so not surviving this call. What did Heeseung hyung expect from him, honestly? For him to bawl his fucking eyes out and have a heart-to-heart conversation alongside him? Fuck no. Or yes? He doesn’t even know anymore. A sob nearly tears his chest out to pieces. He doesn’t want to do this, shit.
“… Alongside Jay and Jungwon, you’ve been beside me the longest ever since we met. I know this might sound cringe, or weird right now, but I really appreciate having you by my side all these years. And I hope, for the next years to come, too.”
Fuck. Why does it sound like a goddamn farewell then?
“… Anyway, my album’s dropping soon. Not to promote it to you or what, it’s just that I hope you can lend an ear to it, yeah. It might not be to your taste, I guess, but hearing all of them at least once is enough for me.
“… I think that’s all. I’m sorry for bothering you — right when you’re resting too, but I just think this is the right time to say it.
“I love you a lot, Sunghoon-a.”
—The line ends abruptly. What? Sunghoon looked at his phone’s screen in disbelief, what the fuck just happened? It didn’t take him longer than a second to call him again.
No answer.
Sunghoon kept on trying, again and again, praying for a different outcome each time.
The number you have dialed is unreachable…
What the fuck?