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Pathetic.

Summary:

It's been days. Caine has still locked himself away in his office. He can't bear to face them. And Bubble, as usual, is still harassing him. Just making the problem worse.

--

Or, a look into Caine's mindset during his descent into depression, after he is convinced the cast hates him.

From / Based on :
Shattered Heart AU by @Skinstealerr on TikTok

Work Text:

Caine's bowtie slipped off his neck and fell into his lap. He'd untied it a bit ago (...wait, how long has it actually been?) for comfortability, but just left it hanging around his neck. Took it long enough for gravity to effect it. Caine just looked at it, lightly sighed, and picked it up, placing it on the desk in front of him.

That was the first time he'd moved in a while. Caine was mostly just stuck in his thoughts, replaying the same things over and over and over. "I can't believe I'm such a failure," he'd think. "I can't do anything right. My adventures mean nothing. I mean nothing."

At first he would object, he would attempt to dispel these intrusive thoughts, these comments from Bubble. He'd say, "No, they don't hate me! They love me!" or, "My adventures are amazing! It's them that's causing this!" But it came to a point, with enough pressure, that he'd just accepted it all. They all truly did hate him.

"Don't you see they're doing just fine without you?" Bubble spoke up, having seen Caine move just now. "Just look at them!"

Caine lifted his heavy head just enough to look up at the scrying orb on his desk. The cast was sitting together on the couches; some chatting, some relaxing. No distress was visible in any of them.

"They were tired of your silly games, and now they're happy you're gone!" Bubble jeered with his ever-present smile.

"shut up..." Caine mumbled, too tired to give anything more. No matter what he did, Bubble wouldn't stop bullying him, demeaning him, wearing him down again and again and again. He was never like this before.

"There's nothing you can do to make them any happier!" Caine looked up to see Bubble giving that awful smile, staring directly at him. "Anything you tried to do would just hurt them again. They don't need your help." Bubble got closer. "They don't need your adventures."

Caine turned away, unable to stand Bubble's constant abuse. Talking never got him to shut up, so he'd just ignore him and just wait until he finally stopped.

"Can't face the truth, huh?" Bubble grinned. "When will it get through your head? They all hate you. You mean nothing to them. In fact," he paused, moving himself into Caine's view before speaking again,

"They'd be happy if you were deleted."

Caine jolted, eyes wide as he looked at Bubble. "N–No.. they would never..." Panic and fear flooded his voice.

"Is that really so far-fetched? I mean, look at them now! They're thriving without you, what's one more step of your deletion? They wouldn't care; heck, they'd celebrate it!"

"N–no.. th–they..." Caine's voice trembled. His upper jaw creased with worry, strong enough to give him a headache if held for too long. Tears started to form in his eyes, blurring his vision slightly.

"I bet they'd even delete you themselves, given the chance!"

"..they wouldn't..." Caine managed. He curled his knees up to his chest, hugging himself.

"Or better yet, they would keep you alive, but send you to..." Bubble's voice dropped, turning almost threatening.

"...the box."

Caine sobbed at the thought, unable to form words. The box?! Not again, they wouldn't! Surely, right..?

"They did it once before, who's to say they won't do it again? It's the perfect punishment for someone as pathetic as you!"

Caine closed his jaw, only leaving a small gap to watch the circus members through the orb (or attempt to watch, as his vision was clouded by tears). He tried to ignore Bubble, but he just couldn't.

"The last time they put you there, it was because you were faulty and worthless. And what are you now?"

"...no..." Caine's voice was but a whimper.

"Just as faulty and worthless as you were then, if not more so now."

Caine wanted to cry, but he already was.

"You haven't seen them in days, you haven't made an adventure in days... how pathetic! You're worthless! You serve no purpose!"

Through tears, Caine used what little mental strength he had left to summon his comfort blanket. With a weak, inaudible snap, it appeared on the armrest of his chair, neatly folded. It was a bright cyan base, with patterned cartoony yellow bees, made of the softest, most plush material he could conjure. Caine wrapped the blanket around himself, trying to not focus on Bubble's torture.

"And the first time they locked you away was when you still meant something! Think about how much they hate you now; it's a no-brainer to send you back to the box!"

"j–just, sh–shut up..." Caine fully closed his jaw, pulling the blanket over his head and hiding himself fully.

Bubble went silent, and Caine thought he'd finally stopped, until he heard laughter. "Tch, you think cowering under a silly blanket is gonna stop them from hating you? If anything, it'd make it worse!"

Caine just wanted it all to be over.

"I mean, look at you; the all-powerful ringmaster, crying and hiding away in his office to avoid the, valid may I add, anger and hatred from the humans. If they saw you now, they'd just laugh at you."

It hurt.

"You're the most pathetic excuse of a 'ringmaster' I've ever seen!"

Everything hurt.

"No wonder they hate you so much!"

Caine curled in on himself tighter, still holding the blanket tight around himself.

"You really can't do anything, can you?"

Bubble wasn't going to stop at this point, was he?

"Can't even leave the lights on for them. All this excess energy and you're wasting it crying."

Caine sighed internally. In-between Bubble's degrading comments, Caine set his systems to go into sleep mode. He made sure to allocate enough processing power to keep core systems functional, to ensure the circus didn't collapse while he was gone, but didn't use too much to allow him to take a break and rest. AI's like him didn't strictly need rest or downtime to stay operational, but Caine was tired.

So, still curled within his comfort blanket, Caine drifted off. He heard Bubble speaking, but couldn't care to tune in to what he was saying. It was for the better. He felt his model freeze just a few frames before blacking out.

 

 


 

 

Caine slowly regained consciousness. As his sight processors went online, he looked around. The office was bright, as lit as it was meant to be. The room was filled with color as the lights refracted off of various adventure orbs stored on shelves. His desk was clean, save for a few toys he always kept nearby to fidget with, and an adventure. It was ready for today.

Looking down at himself, his model was dressed as it normally was. Red tailcoat, white undershirt, bowtie, and black pants and shoes. That was how it was supposed to be, why didn't it feel right?

No matter, he had a job to do! It was time to go talk to the humans and prepare them for today's adventure!

...But, something felt off. Why was he scared of talking to them? He knew they loved his adventures, they loved him! What reason did he have to be afraid?

Caine shook himself off. He was simply overthinking things. He would go down there, introduce the adventure, and they'd all join and have fun, as always!

And with that, Caine warped off to go find the humans.

 

At the first place he checked, the couches, they were all there. Some chatting, some relaxing.

"Hello, my little– fortuitous fruitcakes!" Caine stuttered when everyone turned to look at him. It felt aggressive, though he couldn't tell why. "Today's adventure is—"

But before he could say the title, someone spoke up, cutting him off.

"Hey, wait, wait— Caine?"

Caine paused his script, turning to face Pomni. "Yes?"

"Are.. you okay?"

"Uh—" The question caught him off guard. "Yes, I am in as top shape as can be! Why do you ask?" He kind of wasn't, due to that strange fear of talking with them, but he relayed a preprogrammed response instead.

Pomni rubbed her arm as she spoke. "It's just.. we've been a bit concerned about you lately, since you've seemed kinda down, and..."

"W–We just wanted to show you that we love you and care about you!" Ragatha jumped in.

Caine dropped his posture, subconsciously floating down a few feet. "You... you do?"

"Of course we do, Caine!" Caine glanced at Gangle, and she still had her happy mask, smiling sweetly at him.

"I mean, your adventures are kinda boring, but I.. recognise the effort you put into 'em.." Jax trailed off, looking to the side.

"Yeah, they don't always fit every person, but you put so much into your adventures." Zooble rubbed the back of their head. "I'm.. sorry for not going on them as much."

Caine looked at the humans before him. It felt.. amazing to hear them finally say, to truly say that they cared about him. Caine was close to tears but didn't show it out of fear of scaring them off. "G–Guys.." Caine's voice was shaky, and he immediately regretted speaking.

Without warning, two hands pulled him down and into an embrace. Kinger was hugging him. When had he gotten low down enough for him to do that..?

"Oh, Caine," Kinger sighed. "Why didn't you tell us? You know we would've helped."

Caine was truly crying now. "I–I just... it's my job to be u–uplifting, to be perf–formative. I didn't wanna.. wanna..." He struggled to speak, voice coated with tears. He shut his jaw to not have to see their reactions to his display.

"Hey, shh," Kinger shushed him, rubbing circles on his back. "It's okay. I'm here." His voice was low, comforting. A side of Kinger that Caine had never seen before.

"I–I'm sorry." Caine didn't fully know what he was apologising for, yet he apologised anyway. "I'm s–sorry, dad." He mumbled the last word into Kinger's coat, ensuring only he heard.

Upon hearing it, Kinger lightly reacted, then leaned into the hug more. "I know. It's okay, my boy. It's okay."

Caine didn't know how long he was there with Kinger, and he didn't care to know.

But eventually, Kinger started to move, without breaking the embrace. At first, Caine thought Kinger was rocking him, and Caine didn't mind it. It even made him smile.

Yet he heard footsteps.

Opening his eyes, Kinger was walking. Caine could barely see the rest of the cast following behind. "Where are we going?" Caine asked, voice curious but worn from crying before.

Kinger paused and sighed, before continuing to walk. "I'm sorry Caine, but I have to do this."

Caine's heart sank. He recognised those words. Those were the same words Kinger said when he put him away. Caine shot him a look of betrayal. "Y–You don't mean.. y–you're not..." Kinger didn't look at him.

"What d'ya think all that back there was for?" Jax spoke up, the usual venom back in his voice. "It was all an act! A play!"

"Yeah, Caine." Zooble said his name like it was a bad word. It hurt to hear. No one had ever said his name like that before. "Why would we care about you when you've shown you don't care about us? When you're willing to hurt us for your own gain?"

"I–I didn't—" He attempted to interject, but was ignored.

"Oh don't act dumb." Ragatha's usually kind voice was gone. "You set that adventure up to wave victory in front of our faces, just to snatch it away and laugh at us for believing you."

"If I was wearing my happy mask then, it would've shattered instantly from that." Gangle's voice held its usual softness, but the words she said held bite.

"You always do this, ever since I've come here." Pomni's fists were balled as she spoke. "You never listen, you never take our advice, you just do what you want, and it always ends up hurting someone."

Caine sobbed, the verbal torture finally clicking. They really did hate him. He was right to be scared. He let down his guard once, and now they're throwing him away.

"Please, please I'll be better!" Caine begged. It was his last resort. "I won't hurt you guys again, I'll listen, I promise I can listen! Just please don't throw me away! I can be good, please!" Caine looked up at Kinger. "Please..."

Kinger stopped, moving to hold Caine at arms length from him, like a sopping cat held by its owner.

"Goodbye, Caine. This is for the better."

And with that, Caine was dropped.

 

Caine hit the ground with an unceremonious thud.

It was silent.

Silent, save for distant cheering and other celebratory sounds above him.

"No... NO!!!" Caine rushed up to the ceiling, banging on the surface. "LET ME OUT!! I'M SORRY, I TRULY AM!! PLEASE, PLEASE LET ME OUT!! I'LL BE GOOD, I PROMISE!! I'LL.. i'll..." Caine quieted. No one could hear him. He was alone.

Again.

Caine went back down, sitting on the ground. He looked around at his enclosure, his cell. It was all a void, no depth, no light. He could only tell where the walls were due to his 3D geometry processors. Looking down at himself, his unlit form contrasted greatly with the pitch black walls. The sharp red and white and yellow was the only visual stimulation he had, and it almost hurt to look at.

Caine started crying again.

How could he have been so blind? He knew something was off, why didn't he do something about it? Why did he let himself fall into the hands of the humans? Why did he let himself be so pathetic?

No, he thought, he wasn't pathetic! He made the circus, all of it, bit by bit. He made the system that gave everyone their own body. He made so many adventures, all with so much detail.

But they hated the circus. But they hated their bodies. But they hated the adventures.

But they hated him.

Why else would they have thrown him away again? Why else would he be in the box right now?

Caine shook his head, trying to stop himself from spiraling. Instead, he tried to distract himself. Looking a bit in front of him, he snapped his fingers, trying to conjure his blanket for comfort.

Nothing happened.

He tried again, again, over and over until he couldn't snap anymore. He couldn't conjure anything.

The one bit of comfort he wanted, and that was denied too.

He really was pathetic, wasn't he?

Can't even survive without a stupid blanket.

Just a no good, worthless, meaningless, useless, wimpy, terrible, hated, pathetic, awful, broken, pathetic, pathetic, Pathetic, Pathetic, PATHETIC—

 

 


 

 

Caine woke up with a start.

The circus was glitching out, but slowly smoothed itself as Caine got a hold of his breathing. He looked around, taking in any stimuli he could get. His office was dark, but still visible. Adventures lined the shelves. Various shapes and trinkets floated around, in containers or on pedestals. Analysing himself, he was stripped of his jacket, bowtie, and shoes. A blanket wrapped around him. His blanket.

He hugged it tightly. He was safe. It was all a dream. They didn't actually hate him.

But, no, wait, they did. They did hate him. They really hated him.

But he's not in the box. He's in his office. He's safe.

But what if they do want to throw him away? What if it was just foreshadowing? What if...

...

 

Caine cried.