Archive of Our Own

As the years pass, it gets harder for people to confuse Colt with his twin brother.

It makes sense when he really thinks about it. Colt continues to age while his brother’s face remains fixed at the point he left, unchanging all around him. He sees it everywhere he goes: glossy, motivational posters on the walls of libraries and classrooms, on statues scattered across the world, the museum that holds one of four beetles that returned to Earth, a video of him playing on loop beside it, and the creased, worn photograph Colt keeps in his wallet.

So, it’s a surprise when he bumps into someone, turns to apologize, and hears a trembling voice whisper, “Dr. Grace? No… No, my apologies.”

“What are you…” The words taper off into nothingness, only because Colt finds himself staring into the eyes of Eva Stratt—the woman who sent his brother to die.

★★

“You look so much like him,” Stratt says when they’re sitting at a cafe table together, two steaming mugs of coffee between them. She’s easily recognizable, even with her graying hair. Colt has seen her picture on various articles regarding Project Hail Mary, his little brother to her at her side—Stratt’s right-hand man. “Especially with those glasses on.”

(When he started approaching his 50s, things started to get blurry for Colt.

Jody was the one who pushed him to get his eyes checked. He fought her on it countless times, and he fully believed he won the argument… until Jody coaxed him out of the house on what was going to be a date, dropped him off at an Optometrist, and drove off before he even realized what was happening. 

After an hour, Colt waited for his wife on a bench outside with a prescription and an order for a pair of glasses.

And when he picked them up two weeks later, Colt tried them on and didn’t see himself in the mirror. No, Colt saw an older version of his brother—same frames and all—and it helped Colt better appreciate his reflection instead of avoiding it entirely.)

“I’ve gotten that before,” he tells her, grabbing his mug to have a sip. It’s not how he likes it, but it used to be Ryland’s order, so Colt has learned to love it. “But not recently.”

“No, I imagine not,” Stratt replies, folding her hands together. She makes no move to grab her cup, gazing at him with an intensity that makes him uncomfortable. How many times did Ryland find himself on the receiving end of such a look? Did she gaze at him similarly on the last day of his life? “But it lined up with what I pictured whenever I dared to think of him.”

It’s out of his mouth before Colt can think, “You don’t deserve to do that.”

Stratt lowers her head. “I know,” she says quietly.

“You don’t deserve to miss him, either,” he says next, wanting to throw his coffee in her face. Sure, Colt would probably get assault charges for it, but who cares? His brother is dead because of her. He thinks it’s justified. “You sent him out there to die. You put him on that ship.” Colt stops, swallows, and feels his lower lip wobble when he says, his voice barely above a whisper, “He said no. And you sent him anyway.”

(The news got released during the year the sun returned to full luminosity. It turned Dr. Ryland Grace, Colt’s little brother by seven minutes, from a beloved hero to a revered martyr, but all Colt could hear was his Ry sounding so scared without Colt there to make it better.)

“I know,” Stratt repeats with a wry smile. It almost looks like her eyes are wet. “But I still miss him.”

And suddenly, Colt is so full of anger that he shoves his chair back and stands. The scrape of the legs against the floor causes more than a few people to glance over him, but Colt doesn’t care. “I don’t know why I agreed to this. Goodbye, Stratt. I hope I never see you again.”

“Wait,” she says as Colt turns to leave. “I have something I’d like to give you.”

“Is it my brother?” Colt asks. “Because if it’s not, I don’t care.”

“No,” Stratt quietly says. “But it is about him.” She sighs, drumming her fingers over the table. “Will you come back here tomorrow at the same time?”

Colt should say no. He should leave this woman here and go back to his life of grieving his other half because there’s nothing she can do to make it any better.

“Fine,” he says shortly. “I’ll be here tomorrow.”

(Jody agrees that he’s stupid for going along with it, but she also holds him when he cries.)

★★

Colt only orders a coffee for himself the next day.

There’s a chill today, but the sun is bright and shining above their heads, bringing warmth that the whole world missed in the passing years. Colt gazes at the sunlight shining on his table through the window and misses his brother.

Stratt arrives on the dot, looking unruffled as she sits across from him. There are shadows beneath her eyes, and he wonders if Ryland haunts her as much as he does Colt.

He doesn’t greet her. She doesn’t say anything about it.

“After the beetles touched down on Earth, we invited the families of Yáo Li-Jie and Olesya Ilyukhina to watch the videos included in the data files,” she begins, hands clasped together. Her expression flickers, and Colt thinks he sees a hint of guilt before it clears. “We considered reaching out after the fact when we realized he had family, but in our haste to get the Taumoeba to Venus, it fell to the wayside.”

“Makes sense,” Colt comments. There’s no mistaking the bitterness in his voice. 

She reaches into her coat and pulls something out of the inner pocket. A small box, it looks like, which she sets between them, tapping the top with two fingers. “Here are all of the videos Dr. Grace sent back to Earth,” Stratt says. “Some were never released due to their unimportance, but everyone watched them nevertheless.” Stratt pulls her arm back, straightening. “I’ve included my information with the files. Feel free to reach out to me if you’d like any additional answers.”

Colt stares at the box. He adjusts his glasses, stomach doing flip-flops as he grabs the box. “Okay,” he says. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, Mr. Seavers,” she says, holding up a hand. “I’m the one who told Dr. Grace that nobody would miss him.”

“I did,” Colt says. “I do.”

“I see that now.”

“And if he were still here, he’d tell you to stop calling him Dr. Grace,” Colt tells her, meeting her stare. “Sure, that’s how everyone knows him now, but he always preferred to be called Ryland.” There’s a lump in his throat. “I called him Ry.”

“That suits him,” Stratt says, voice soft.

“If you had known,” Colt finds himself asking. His voice catches and drops, but he doesn’t stop, “Would you have sent him still?”

“Yes,” Stratt answers without hesitation. “Dr. Grace—Ryland was not my first choice. If Dubois hadn’t died, it would have been him to go, with Shapiro as his backup. Even so, I made him my tertiary failsafe because I could not risk anything going wrong with the project. I could not afford to doom humanity.”

Colt leaves without another word.

★★

(When the Hail Mary videos were released, Colt watched them on his TV and proceeded to get drunk.

Jody found him in a mess of broken glass, sobbing over the last picture he took with his brother—a selfie of them when Colt finally managed to convince him to come on set to watch some of his stunts. Colt grinned crazily into the camera while covered in blood, and Ryland feigned a look of fear.

“He could have come home,” Colt had gasped when Jody managed to step around the shards to help him onto the couch. He had paused Ryland’s last video, and all Colt could see was his smile of acceptance over dying. “Ry could have come home, Jody. But then—the leak, the Taumoeba, and he—Ry’s so good, of course he went back for Rocky.” He sobbed, then, and felt like he was going to throw up. “Of course, he went back.”

She hadn’t said anything, but she did squeeze him tightly, and she even cleaned him up when he, inevitably, got sick. Afterward, Jody spooned him in bed, kissed the back of his neck, and let him cry his heart out.

“He could have come home,” Colt repeated, voice thick. “I wish he came home.”

“I know,” she whispered into his hair. “I know.”

He never watched them again.)

★★

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“No,” Colt says, turning to look at Jody. She’s gazing at him in concern, but the affection in her eyes soothes the worst of his anxiety. Colt manages a smile and leans over to kiss her, whispering, “Thanks for watching them with me.”

“Of course,” she says softly. “Shall we start?”

Most of these videos are ones he watched before. He knows from fleeting glances that the ones with Rocky have accumulated billions of views on YouTube. Once Colt moved past the chunk of grief that kept him in bed for weeks on end, he came to appreciate the alien that kept his brother company and saved his life.

He does cry; there’s no way to avoid it, but Colt finds himself smiling more often than not, especially when Colt reaches the videos of Ryland and Rocky puttering about the lab, mental health room, or dormitory, chattering about life on Earth and Erid. His brother had minimal connections beyond Colt himself, and even Jody after they got to know each other, so it’s nice to see him bonding with someone he openly calls a friend.

At Jody’s insistence, they do take breaks to stretch and eat before they inevitably return to the couch to watch him. Occasionally, Colt will pause to share a story about Ryland—some of which Jody has already heard before, while others are new to her ears, as Colt wanted to, selfishly, keep them to himself up until now.

Colt sees his brother’s highs and lows, listens intently when he enters lecture mode, and laughs at the few corny jokes he says to Rocky, who merely responds with an unamused hum-like sound.

One video, however, breaks him.

★★

“What Grace excited to see when go back to Earth, question?”

“The beach,” Ryland immediately answers, checking the Taumoeba breeder tanks while he talks. It seems like he’s cleaning up the lab. Rocky skitters after him in his ball. “Flowers, grass, and trees. And probably my school. I’d like to see how it held up in the past… twenty-something years.” His lip twitches like he’s thinking of something particularly funny. “I can’t wait to see my brother again.”

“No understand,” Rocky replies. “New word. What that mean, question?”

“Brother,” Ryland softly repeats. His eyes are suddenly wet beneath the lab lights, but his expression remains distant, face pale. “I have a brother, Rock.”

And although Rocky shuffles from side to side and taps two claws together, he doesn’t say anything more, perhaps waiting for Ryland to keep explaining. When Ryland says nothing else, Rocky rolls over to bump his ball against Ryland’s leg, causing the man to startle.

“Grace leaking,” he says, his musical notes coming out lower.

“Yeah,” Ryland chokes out before lowering himself to the floor. He wraps his arms around Rocky’s ball, and compared to some moments in the other videos, Rocky makes no complaints. “He’s my family, Rocky. We… We share the same parents.”

“Oh,” Rocky says. “Like clutch!”

Ryland laughs wetly. “Yeah,” he replies. “We’re from the same clutch.” He sniffs and leans back, wiping his face with the back of his hand. “He’s my twin—my other half. We came into the world together. People could never tell us apart, but it got easier after he broke his nose the first two times.”

“Wow,” Rocky says. “Amaze! Two Graces!”

His next laugh sounds like a sob. “Colt,” he says, wiping his face again. “His name is Colt. I can’t believe I forgot…”

“Mmm. That sound dumb. Grace is better.” Rocky taps two claws together again. “Grace brother will be happy, happy, happy to see Grace!”

“I hope so,” Ryland replies. He curls up on the floor on his side, releasing a shaky sigh. “He always did a great job of keeping me safe—thought it was his duty as the eldest, even though we’re only seven minutes apart, and he knew how to calm me down even when I didn’t know I needed help.” Ryland sniffs. “When I get back, there will be about two decades between us, but at least we’ll be together again.”

“Rocky wish to meet Colt,” Rocky says, tapping a claw against the inside of his ball. “I tell him how Grace no sleep, no eat, no rest, always get hurt, always fall…”

When Ryland laughs this time, it sounds less wrecked, more real. “Don’t even start,” he replies, still crying even as he smiles widely. “Colt is an even worse mother hen than you.”

“Grace tell Rocky more about him, question?”

“Yeah, bud.” Ryland rests a hand against Rocky’s ball, and after a beat, Rocky does the same on his end. “I’ll tell you all about my big brother.”

★★

He cries.

And it’s not silent tears running down his face or the hitched breaths people make when they’re trying to contain the worst of their reaction. No, Colt violently sobs into the couch cushions as he listens to his brother tell Rocky stories about them and their lives, his voice carrying notes of fondness and nostalgia. More than that, Ryland goes off on little tangents about how much he appreciates Colt, how much he loves him.

“I always felt safe trying new things because I knew my brother would be there to help me if something went wrong,” Ryland says while Colt’s heart breaks all over again. “He’d drop everything to be at my side. There was even one time when I was so stressed about school that I called him and just broke down crying. I couldn’t even get a word out and ended up falling asleep still on the call. 

“When I woke up the next morning, Colt was in my kitchen cooking breakfast for us. Then, he dragged me out of my apartment to stare at some jellyfish at the aquarium, because he knew it’d calm me down. Colt didn’t need to do that. He never needed to do any of that for me, but he did. He was always there, always willing to help. And when I finally found it in me to ask why, all he’d say was that it was his job as my brother, but he still would have done it even if he wasn’t because he loved me that much.” Ryland huffs a laugh. “Which is funny, because I can’t imagine a life where he isn’t my brother.”

Colt feels Jody’s hand on his back, but it does little to help. He’s back to mourning his brother all over again, and he wonders, not for the first time, how to exist without him.

★★

He can’t sleep.

Ryland’s video stays paused on the living room TV, but Colt can’t bring himself to watch another second of it, not when grief still makes him tremble, not when his head throbs from his migraine. He knocks back a couple of painkillers, chugs a water bottle and a half, and finds himself sitting out on the lawn, staring up at the stars.

They twinkle back at him from billions of light-years away, a fact he learned from his baby brother, who took him out in their backyard to tell him everything he read about in his new space magazine. Even though Colt never fully understood most of Ryland’s science stuff, he always made sure to sit there and listen. 

(Sometimes, it felt like Colt only let himself feel happy when Ryland was happy.)

“I wish you had called,” Colt quietly says, wrapping his arms around his legs. “I wish I said goodbye. Would that have made it better? I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll ever know, but at least I would have heard you one last time.” He drops his head on his knees, already feeling an ache in his back. Growing old sucks, especially without his twin around to grow old with him. “I wish I could see you again, Ry.”

The stars don’t respond. They never do.

★★

(“Do you feel better?” Jody asks while she’s curled up in his arms.

Colt stares at the last video of his little brother. Ryland looks so confident in his white jumpsuit, his faint smile lingering. There are new scars on his face, but he looks happy, and healthy, even though he’s going to pilot the Hail Mary to certain death. Colt hopes he didn’t suffer.

“A little,” he says, which isn’t a lie. Hearing his brother remember him in the vastness of space and having a subsequent crying session about it was quite cathartic. “Wanna hear about my favorite memory with him?”

“Yes,” Jody says, even though Colt has told her a million times before. “Always.”

“Our parents loved to take us to the beach,” he begins, smiling when she hums. “I loved the water. My favorite thing to do was jump over the waves or try to outrun them before they’d crash on the shore, while Ry liked to go around searching for tide pools.” He looks at the TV, at his brave little brother who, fortunately, didn’t die alone in the stars. “When our mother died, I made Ryland go back out with me to keep the tradition alive and kept trying to convince him to throw himself into the water with me. He had a bucket of shells already, his hands were covered in sand, and he kept denying my request, kept saying no…

“But I knew I was wearing him down! I could see the little smile on his face when he thought I wasn’t looking.” Colt can easily picture it, even now. “And when I jumped over the next wave and came up for air, I saw my brother right beside me, doing the same thing. We spent the rest of the day playing tag—throwing water and sand at each other, and chasing waves. It was the happiest I’d seen him since the funeral, and I didn’t even mind it all that much when he dunked me under the water.”

“And that’s why we got married on one,” Jody says, looking fond.

Colt kisses her forehead. “I would have made him my best man at our wedding,” he tells her.

“Not if I got to him first,” Jody replies teasingly. “He’d agree to be my maid of honor.”

Colt laughs, and although there are tears in his eyes, Jody is kind enough not to mention it.)

★★

“Thank you,” Colt says when Stratt takes a seat across from him days later. This time, there are two mugs of coffee, an apple fritter, and a butter croissant between them. He opens and closes his mouth several times, unsure of what else to say, and finally, after adjusting his glasses, Colt goes with, “Thank you for giving me back another piece of my brother.”

She briefly dips her head, the corner of her mouth lifting when she sits back. “You look like him when you do that,” Stratt says, gesturing toward him. “It was either that, or he’d hang them on his ears. There were several moments throughout the project where he’d—” Here, she stops, breathes deeply, and continues, “He’d complain about misplacing them even while they were hanging off him. I think the crew would make bets on how long it would take for him to find them.”

Colt toys with his mug, considering the slightest hint of fondness in her voice. “Two hours,” he replies, sipping some coffee. “He kept looking for two hours, once, before I felt sorry enough to tell him to look in a mirror. Ry decided not to speak to me for the rest of the night.” He huffs a laugh, shaking his head. “And then he put blue hair dye in my shampoo. God, I almost strangled his ass.”

“That does sound like something he would do,” Stratt says, sounding amused. “He could be very petty when he wanted.” She picks up the croissant and takes a bite. Not a single crumb falls from her mouth. “Especially when he didn’t get any sleep.”

“Tell me about it. You know, Ry only survived his college years because I was there to make sure he ate and slept.” Colt snorts. “There was one time when I made a trip out to him earlier than expected because I made the mistake of asking what he had for breakfast. Do you want to know what he did?” He holds out a hand, and when she shrugs, Colt says, “He sent me a picture of a fucking White Monster. An energy drink for breakfast! Can you believe that shit?”

“I witnessed him drink coffee straight out of a pot,” Stratt replies. She sounds exasperated. “So, unfortunately, yes. I can believe it.”

“I learned to have a mug of coffee ready for him after he started doing that around me,” Colt says. “And I’d make the same one for myself because I knew he’d take it from my hands afterward.” He has another sip of coffee, eyeing her over the rim of the cup. “If you had me on the project, I bet I could have wrangled him in.”

“I’m starting to realize that,” Stratt says, a touch dry, and Colt laughs.

They trade a few more stories. Even though he still resents Stratt, it’s nice to hear about Ryland’s time on the project. Ry could never reveal too much whenever he had the time to call Colt, no matter how much Colt wheedled him for updates.

(“How’s the Astrophage?” Colt asked the moment Ryland picked up.

“Same as always,” Ryland replied. “How is it getting blown up?”

“Same as always,” Colt drawled back, and grinned when Ryland snickered.)

The conversation eventually dies down, and they sit in a semi-comfortable silence. Colt finishes his apple fritter while Stratt toys with a napkin, tearing it to shreds and leaving the pieces in a small pile. Colt notices how her eyes occasionally flick over the room—not out of nerves or anxiety, like Ryland, no, but merely assessing the area.

Finally, she looks right at him, and Colt feels pinned by her dissecting stare.

“I have something else I’d like to say.”

“Okay…?” Colt shrugs. “I’m not going to stop you. Then again, I don’t think anyone can.”

Stratt folds her hands together and leans forward. “As the primary person involved with everything regarding Project Hail Mary,” she begins, voice low. “I have been tasked with heading another trip the world would like to make out to the stars. We have the fuel, we have the flight path, and we are making the ship.” Stratt opens and closes her mouth, which is odd because Colt doesn’t think she’s the type of person to hesitate. “We also have the destination.”

“Oh?” Colt frowns. “Wait, are you supposed to be telling me this?”

Stratt seemingly ignores him. “All of the world’s space agencies are working together to build interstellar relations with the Eridians,” she says, meeting his gaze. Her eyes hold something somber, but it’s not as off-putting as when she sat there with her undeserving grief over his brother. “What we need are volunteers, but not many carry the genes they need to survive the trip.”

“Why?”

“Like I said,” Stratt answers. “Interstellar relations.” In a surprisingly vulnerable gesture, she hugs her arms and looks away. “And I suspect that while Ryland Grace never came home, he may have found one on Erid.”

Colt suddenly feels dizzy, stomach twisting in a way that makes him think he might throw up. He stares at Stratt long enough for his vision to go blurry. “You think he could be alive?” Colt asks, desperate.

“I do, yes,” Stratt says.

His mouth goes dry. “And you’re asking—”

“Yes,” she says firmly. “And this time, I am asking.” Stratt is the first to stand this time, covering her half-eaten croissant with a couple of napkins and sliding it into her coat pocket. “It’s a big decision, I know. I’ll give you time to think about it.”

“More time than you gave Ry,” he says in a distant voice. “Right?”

Her sigh sounds shaky to his ears. “Yes,” Stratt says, and she’s gone, leaving Colt sitting in that cafe with crumbs and napkin pieces all over the table and a tentative hope in his heart.

★★

“I thought you stopped drinking.”

Colt doesn’t lift his gaze away from the glass of scotch in front of him. “I did,” he says, waiting for Jody to sit beside him. “This one’s for you.”

“… Why?”

He slides the glass over to her, clasps his hands together, and sucks air in through his teeth when she picks it up to take a sip. His stomach flip-flops with nerves, something that hasn’t happened in a very long time—trained out of him after countless stunts and falls.

Jody licks her lips and sets the scotch down, giving him a speculative look. “Okay,” she says. “What’d you do?”

Normally, Colt might banter with her about the insult so he can make his wife laugh, but he can’t find it in him to be mock offended about it. And the longer he sits there in silence, simply staring at her, the more concerned she grows. Eventually, Jody reaches out to touch his wrist, and he twitches, the feelings of nausea only increasing.

“Hey,” Jody says gently. “Talk to me, Colt. What’s wrong?”

A tear slips down Colt’s cheek, and he hastily wipes it away with a hand. The other he flips over to grab and squeeze her fingers, exhaling shakily.

“I met with Eva Stratt for coffee again,” he says, rubbing his thumb over Jody’s knuckles. Colt can feel her stiffen, but he presses on, needing to say it all before he throws up. “To thank her for the videos, I mean. She told me they plan on sending another ship out to the stars—to the 40 Eridani system, to be more precise.” His lower lip trembles, tears blurring his vision. “Or Erid, as named by one Dr. Ryland Grace.” 

“Oh, Colt.”

Colt finds himself wrapped up in Jody’s embrace, and he clings to her tightly, biting the inside of his cheek so he doesn’t cry. “Stratt says it’s to build interstellar relations with the Eridians,” he tells her. “And she—” His voice catches, and he nearly sobs. “She thinks Ry might be there. Alive.” 

Jody gasps. She holds him even tighter, and Colt turns his face to bury it in her shoulder. He gives up on trying to suppress his tears, but he feels less likely to break apart in her embrace.

When Colt finally calms down enough to continue, he pulls back and stills, feeling her dab at his cheeks and eyes with the ends of her sleeves. Colt kisses her fingertips in gratitude, staring up at the love of his life while mentally preparing himself to see her expression change to heartbreak.

“She asked if I would go,” he says quietly, watching her eyes widen. 

“What’d you say?” Jody immediately asks.

“I didn’t give her an answer. She’s letting me think about it.”

“What’s there to think about, Colt?! This is your brother we’re talking about!” She grabs him by the shoulders, determination making her eyes blaze beautifully. “You’re going to call this Stratt woman, ask to meet with her, and tell her that you’re agreeing to go! No excuses!”

Her support causes tears to spring to his eyes yet again. “Shouldn’t you be convincing me to stay?” he asks with a watery laugh.

“I could,” Jody says in a steadier tone. “I could absolutely ask you to stay, and almost every cell in my body is screaming at me to do it. But… I can’t.” She exhales shakily, squeezing his hand tighter. “If there’s the slightest chance that you can see your brother again, I think you should take it, Colt. Not many people get this chance.”

“What about us?”

Jody cups his face, giving him a sad smile. Her eyes are damp, but she doesn’t cry. “I love you, Colt Seavers,” she says softly. “I will always love you, whether you stay on Earth or head to the stars, but you can’t let that stop you from going to Erid to find Ryland.”

Colt wraps himself around her, which is when she trembles and breaks. He presses his lips to every inch of her face, feeling a similar sorrow. They come together for what might be their last time ever, slow and loving, but still full of grief and tears. 

And the next morning, Colt shares one long kiss with her. He memorizes the shape of her lips against his, how she feels pressed against his front, and the smell of her perfume, knowing it might be the last time he can appreciate such gifts. She’s crying again, and so is he, but she still doesn’t ask him to stay.

“We’ll see each other again,” he promises afterward, thumbing a few of her tears away. “I’ll find you in the next life, Jody. I swear. We’ll keep our happy ending.”

“Don’t keep me waiting,” she replies, smiling at him. “And tell your brother I said hello.”

★★

When Colt calls Eva Stratt for the second time, they don’t meet for coffee.

Instead, she flies him out to a nondescript building where security takes his cell phone and keys and provides him with a temporary visitor’s pass. Stratt says nothing as she leads him to an elevator, then down the hall on the seventh floor to an office. 

There are barely any decorations, but when Colt sits on the other side of her desk, he spies a framed photo of his brother beside a small, gunmetal gray figure holding up an arm.

“It’s Ryland,” Stratt explains, picking it up with care and passing it over. Colt takes it in his hand and gently rubs a finger over the metal, remembering the video where Ryland proudly showed it off with some of the other xenonite creations. “His Eridian companion, Rocky, made it for him. He sent it to me in one of the beetles.”

“You were friends,” he quietly replies, handing it back.

She laughs at that and seems startled by her reaction. “Friends,” Stratt repeats in a softer voice, placing the figure back by the frame. “Yes, I suppose we were.” She smiles, but it’s not directed at him. “There were rumors about us during the project, but neither of us felt that way for one another… or any people, rather.”

Colt hums. “Makes sense.”

“But that’s not what we’re here to talk about.” She folds her hands together, gazing at him with the same intensity as she did during their first meeting. “Have you made a decision?”

“Yes.”

“And…?”

“That’s my decision. Yes.”

Stratt blinks. “You have a life here,” she says. “People who will mourn you. Are you absolutely certain?”

Colt leans back in the chair and stares at her. For once, he doesn’t see his brother’s murderer, but rather, a tired older woman weighed down by guilt. “I was born into this life with my brother,” he eventually says, the chair creaking beneath him when he starts tipping it backward. Colt keeps a foot planted on the floor, rocking himself while he speaks, “And from then on, I spent every waking moment with him up until he left for college. Even then, Ry would call me every day, usually to talk about class or ask about stunts. Sometimes, he’d call to hear me cook and fall asleep on the line. Those are the moments I think about in the years I’ve been without him.”

He stares up at the ceiling, his vision steadily growing blurrier. “I was born into this life with my brother,” Colt says again. “I think I’d like to die with him, too.”

“Okay,” Stratt says, a definite waver in her voice. “Well, Mr. Seavers—”

“Grace. Use Grace.”

“… Alright. Welcome to Project Tenacity, Mr. Grace. You will be our primary risk specialist and one of three astronauts to depart the Earth in two years.”

Colt sniffs, rubbing a hand down his face before he lets the chair fall back in place. He meets Stratt’s red-rimmed gaze and says, “He forgave you.”

She laughs wetly. “Yes, I know,” she replies.

“I don’t think I can,” Colt says truthfully, relieved when she merely dips her head in acknowledgement. “But… I’m grateful for this opportunity. Even if it doesn’t work, or if I die on the way there, I’m glad I can try.”

★★

Colt is thirty-five when he loses his brother.

He’s seventy-three when he sees him again.

★★

“Eye movement detected.”

Awareness comes in pieces when Colt tries to blink. A light flashes somewhere above him, causing Colt to squeeze his eyes shut. Darkness envelops him yet again, and with how tired he feels, it’s easy for Colt to drift back to sleep…

“What’s two plus two?”

There’s something in his mouth, but before Colt can try and make any sense of it, he feels it move out of his throat. Then, Colt is choking and wheezing, somehow managing to move his heavy limbs as his body automatically attempts to curl in on itself. Something restricts the movement, and that same voice asks again,

“What’s two plus two?”

He coughs. “F—” Colt loses his voice immediately, and he doesn’t think there’s anyone cognizant enough around him to understand that he’s trying to curse them. Even with his slow-working mind, Colt figures he should say something before that voice decides to bother him again.

“Four,” he finally manages to mumble.

“Correct.”

What’s going on? Where is he? Why is he—RYLAND!

Right, Colt thinks through his exhaustion, the flicker of hope in his chest making him smile. I’m going to Erid to see my brother.

Colt goes back to sleep. He can wait a little longer.

★★

As they acquaint themselves with the ship, their bodies, and their mission, Colt keeps an eye on their trajectory.

The engines will shut off when they reach a stable orbit around Erid. Hopefully, it will also put them within range of any communication device the Eridians use. They have a wide range of them on Tenacity, in case the Eridians somehow updated their systems with Ryland around.

(Colt knows he shouldn’t hope, but he wonders if they’ll somehow manage to make contact with Ryland.)

“Is that the Hail Mary? Or am I just seeing things?”

Something in Colt’s neck twinges when his head snaps up, but he doesn’t care. He looks at where Ava, their engineer and Eridian linguist, points and slowly moves over to the nearby window, unable to stop his mouth from dropping open.

“Holy fuck,” he says. “It is.”

Erid is beautiful, most especially the rings around the planet, but the sight of the Hail Mary, a ship that has been long gone and never forgotten back on Earth, sitting in Erid’s orbit makes his vision blur. Ava stares at it with stars in her eyes, while Esi, the doctor of this crew, gasps, covering their mouth with a hand.

“Wow,” Esi breathes. “The theories are true, then! Dr. Grace came back to save his friend, Rocky! And they went to Erid together! It’s true!”

“Yeah,” Colt says, hushed. He feels himself tremble, and turns away so his crewmates don’t have to watch him bawl his eyes out over the possibility of his brother being down there on Erid. Fuck the incompatible atmosphere—Ryland definitely figured out how to make it work. “How about we try and send a signal to whoever’s in charge, huh?”

He leaves it to Ava to handle any communication. Esi goes off to organize their things, waving off his warning to be ready to head back to their seat at any moment, while Colt keeps himself buckled to the pilot’s chair, head turned toward the window to catch glimpses of the planet Erid.

I’m coming to you, Ry, Colt thinks. Please still be there.

★★

The Eridians are excited, to say the least.

“We have had good practice with simulating Earth atmosphere and pressure,” Ava translates when they’re suited up and ready to go use their space elevator—which is something Colt is a little excited to experience after a lifetime of stunts and hours of poring over Ryland’s typed notes about the Eridians. “Savior Rocky worked hard to make it perfect for Savior Grace.”

Colt shuts his eyes at the mention of his brother and exhales shakily.

“It will be slow to help you adjust,” Ava continues. Her voice takes on a monotone quality, but the fact that she’s communicating with an alien keeps Colt’s interest. “Eridian doctors will take you to an observation room and make sure you are okay. Understand?”

“Understand,” Ava says in her normal voice. She arches a brow in his direction.

“Understand,” Colt echoes. Esi does the same.

Although Colt wants to pay attention to their journey through an Eridian space elevator, he finds that it’s hard to do so when every single one of his brain cells is fixated on his brother. His head is a litany of his little brother’s name, and he’s surprised when he blinks and finds himself in a small, dome-like room with what appears to be various medical equipment, as well as several Eridians in clear suits covering their bodies.

One of them chitters at them, and Colt understands the word before Ava voices it aloud.

Safe.

Colt is very used to taking risks. And as the risk specialist (slash pilot) of the Tenacity crew, he decides to be the first person to take off his helmet. A small part of him fully expects that to be the end, but instead, he’s able to breathe in beautiful, wonderful oxygen.

“Wow,” Esi says, taking their helmet off next. Ava’s eyes flick between them before she does the same, looking surprised. “You really did that.”

“It’s my job, isn’t it?” Colt replies with a shrug. He glances at Ava and says, “Can you ask them—”

“About Dr. Grace?” she interjects, sounding a little too excited. “Yes, of course! It might take me a while, Captain Grace, but I’ll get it done.”

“You don’t have to be so formal, Ava. We’re the only humans out here.” For now, he hopes. “Feel free to call me Colt.”

“If you say so, Captain Grace,” Ava cheerfully replies and whirls toward a couple of the larger Eridians. She holds up the protected sound device she brought with her and tentatively plays a few notes. The whole group of Eridians lean toward her, making noise that Colt recognizes as curiosity (from the videos of Rocky, of course), and Ava repeats herself.

The smallest Eridian tells her something. She responds. Three Eridians bounce around excitedly and start chatting to her at a faster speed. Ava points to Colt, who starts, not expecting the attention, and the whole group swarms him.

“Savior Grace has a copy!” Ava translates. “Amaze! Same shape! Amaze! They are from  the same clutch! Humans can have more humans like a clutch! You know what,” she says the last bit in her regular voice, tapping something on her computer. “I’m going to pull a Dr. Grace and implement his little system, because there are way too many voices.”

“Pull a Dr. Grace,” Colt repeats, and snorts. “Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

“What is your name?” the pink and green Eridian says.

“Maybe it’s Grace, too,” another of the same coloring, just brighter shades, suggests. “Like Savior Grace! But just Grace! Oh, that’s weird to say!”

“No, no, Rocky tell us, remember?” the tallest one interjects, stomping a bit. Colt swears the floor shakes. “He said Savior Grace’s copy has a different name! It’s… Colt!” They bob their carapace, whistling a tune that doesn’t translate—Colt assumes it means delight. “Savior Grace will be very happy to see Colt.”

The words spill out of him, “He’s still here?”

“Yes,” one of the smaller Eridians tells him. Suddenly dizzy, Colt guides his body to the bed nearby, feeling his eyes sting. “Savior Grace knows about humans arriving. We thrum about what to do with you. Savior Grace suggested bringing humans down here first, then he can meet them. He is coming.”

Colt can’t even respond. He puts his face in his hands and cries.

“Humans soooo leaky,” an Eridian says. “Why didn’t we make Rocky deal with them? He’s used to it from Savior Grace.”

Somehow, the other Eridians make a collective noise that sounds like they’re shushing them.

★★

Even though Colt is technically the leader of the crew, he lets Ava and Esi handle communication with the Eridians. He doesn’t pay attention to them or their chatter, not even when they all enter a different room for a deeper discussion.

Colt has been without his brother for thirty-eight years. His eyes remain fixed on the door Ryland will soon enter, ready to see him again. Eventually, he ends up lying on the bed he’s sitting on, if only to rest his aching back. He’s relieved that the spacesuit he’s still wearing is comfortable enough for him to do so.

Too focused on waiting for his brother, Colt almost misses the door opening.

Something small enters first—another Eridian, by the looks of it. They stop, stomp a foot against the ground several times, and rush back out the door. Colt strains to hear what’s going on, but all he gets is a few musical notes before someone steps through… and immediately goes still.

Colt finds himself looking into his own face.

Except, there are scars that Colt doesn’t have. He spies one across his copy’s forehead and the bridge of his nose, both white with age. His hair is more gray than blonde, much like Colt’s. One side of his face even seems lighter than the rest, but there’s no mistaking who stands only a few feet away from him.

Dr. Ryland Grace, Savior of Earth and Erid, but when Colt looks at him, all he sees is his little brother.

“Colt,” Ryland says in a trembling voice. “Is that you?”

Colt gives him a thumbs up.

Ryland rushes over and throws himself down on him with a sob.

★★

Colt doesn’t want to let go of his brother.

He thinks Ryland might be in the same boat because he keeps making all these grumpy noises when the Eridians eventually return to try to pull him off Colt. Ryland smells like sweat and the sea, oddly enough. He doesn’t feel too skinny, and he’s warm in Colt’s arms. Whenever he speaks, Colt feels it against his chest. His voice sounds lighter, but there’s an undertone of musical notes with every word—like he, too, is an Eridian.

At some point, Ryland starts to push himself up, but Colt merely grabs him by the back of his sweater to shove him back down, holding onto him even tighter.

“Stop leaving me,” he grumbles. “Actually, you’re not allowed to leave me ever again. I forbid you from doing it, Ry.”

Ryland stiffens and sniffs in his ear. “Ry,” he chokes out. “God, I never thought I’d hear you say that again.” He starts wiggling. “But I need to breathe, Colt. If you hold me any tighter, my brain might squeeze out of his head.”

An Eridian makes an alarmed sound.

“Not literally,” Ryland says, and again there’s music overlaid with his voice. “Human thing. My brain will be fine, and I’m just trying to excuse myself from my brother’s hug so you guys can make sure he’s healthy.”

“Ugh,” Colt says. “Do I have to, Ry?”

“Yes.”

Ava and Esi return while Ryland places a bandage on Colt’s arm after the blood draw. He raises a brow when Ava stumbles in place and stammers through a greeting, but what makes it even funnier is how perplexed Ryland looks after Esi loudly tells him that it’s such an honor to meet him, and even thanks him for his courage and sacrifice.

“Thanks,” Ryland says, bemused. He presses the fingers of his right hand against the screen of a strange device at his side, creating more Eridian musical notes, while the other adjusts his glasses. The frame looks less gold and more gunmetal gray. Is it xenonite? It must be. Colt pats the pouches on his suit and pulls his glasses case out of one, slipping them onto his face before Ryland looks back at him. “I’m not all that brave, really. But it’s nice to have more proof that Earth survived.”

“Shut up,” Colt says, kicking him. “You’re plenty brave.”

Ryland hunches his shoulders, but he looks pleased. 

“Hey,” he says after a beat, reaching out to tap the side of Colt’s glasses. “You copied me!” Then, Ryland grins. It’s one of the best things Colt has ever seen in a long, long time. “Gosh,” he teases. “You’re old!”

“You’re one to talk,” Colt shoots back, flicking the cane across his lap. “A cane? Really?”

“Hey, there’s high gravity here on Erid!” Ryland says, shoving a finger against his cheek. Colt turns his head to try to bite him, which makes Ryland yelp and yank his hand back. His little brother pouts, so Colt sticks his tongue out. It’s all very reminiscent of their childhood. “Whatever. How old are you?”

“Hm.” Colt thinks it over, adding the years of the trip to his original age. “Seventy-three.”

“You missed out on beating John Glenn’s record.”

“At least I’ll hold the record for being the oldest all the way out here.” He pauses, considering his brother. “Unless… Well, what about you?”

Ryland shrugs. “Dunno,” he says cheerfully, much to Colt’s annoyance. And Ryland knows how much it annoys him when he does that crap, so it’s definitely on purpose. “I’ll just say I’m seventy-three, too. I think I’m allowed to do it since we’re twins and all.”

“Fine, fine. I guess I’ll share.” Colt grins at his brother, who tentatively smiles back. 

It’s like the years between them never passed. Here they are after nearly four decades, joking around with one another in a way that reminds Colt of all the years before Project Hail Mary. It used to bug the shit out of their mother when they were kids, most especially when they pretended to be the other.

He draws his little brother into another hug because he can. Ryland holds onto him tightly, his body trembling. “I missed you, Ry.”

“I missed you, too,” Ryland chokes out.

They don’t say anything else for a long time.

★★

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Ryland says for the twentieth time that day (?). Yes, Colt is keeping count. “Out of all things I expected when the Eridians told me that they detected a foreign object coming toward us, I never thought it’d be you.”

“Fair,” Colt says with a shrug, holding out his meal pouch. Ryland takes it hesitantly, squeezes some onto his mouth, and grimaces. “Not a fan?”

“Of the texture? No.” Ryland passes it back, and Colt swaps it with a water pouch, which Ryland starts drinking immediately. “Of the taste? Eh… I guess I’m just not used to those things anymore.” He sucks on the straw lazily, still staring at him. “Why’d you come out here? Actually, a better question, how did you come out here?”

“The person in charge of the project asked me to go,” he says, holding up a hand when Ryland narrows his eyes. “And before you start interrogating me, I need you to promise that you won’t freak out.”

“You saying that only makes me want to freak out.” Ryland peers at him from over his glasses. Colt lets himself feel a rush of affection at the gesture. His little brother did that to him all the time in the past, especially during video calls when Colt was covered in dirt, fake blood, and more. “Who was in charge of it? Do I know them?”

“Well…”

“… No way. No fudging way!”

“You can say fuck, Ryland,” Colt tells him, but Ryland scoffs and waves a hand in his direction. “No, really. I think you deserve to say a bad word! Especially in front of your brother, who hasn’t seen you in a million years.”

“Don’t guilt me!” Ryland points at him. “And stop distracting me! Are you telling me that Eva Stratt recruited you for another project? And you agreed? What about Jody? I heard you mention her enough times to know that you love her way too much to come out here.”

“Yes, I did agree to join the project,” Colt says, shaking his head when Ryland opens his mouth. “The purpose of this trip is to build interstellar relations with the Eridians, and maybe even work together to build a better communication system—it’s all very specific, but honestly? I didn’t care much about the specifics, because all I wanted was to come out and see if my little brother was still alive. And Jody…” He feels an ache in his chest, but he still manages to smile at the thought of his wife. “She encouraged me to say yes.”

“Oh,” Ryland says, voice obviously wobbly. “Colt.”

“I’m here because I want to be, Ry,” he says, moving over to Ryland’s side to sit beside him. He wraps an arm around Ryland and gently knocks their heads together, smiling when Ryland huffs. “This makes the trip worth it.”

Someone sings.

Colt startles at the sound, but Ryland visibly perks up and looks toward the door. “Hey, Rock,” he says. “I hope you’re coming to give me good news.”

The Eridian, who Colt now recognizes as Rocky, tilts his carapace toward Ryland. He delivers a long series of musical notes, and although Colt can pick a few words out thanks to his training on Project Tenacity, it’s not enough for him to piece the whole sentence together. A translator might make it easier on Colt, but they shut it off after everyone left them alone again.

Ryland clearly has no issue. He nods along to whatever Rocky says, the smile on his face steadily growing wider.

“Okay,” Ryland says happily, clapping his hands together. He winces and shakes them out afterward. Colt refrains from laughing at him. “Well, Rocky says you’re clear to leave! The doctors agree that there’s nothing wrong with you or your crew—which is great, compared to how I arrived.”

Colt narrows his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean, Ry?” he asks.

Rocky makes a loud exclamation before scuttling over to the translator nearby. He carefully lifts a claw, taps on a key, and turns back toward them—the robotic words overlapping his musical notes when he says, 

“Grace was in bad, bad, bad shape when he arrived. Sick! Starving! Dying! But everyone worked together to save him! Grace is very important to Erid. And most important to Adrian and me.” He skitters toward Colt, holding up an arm. “It’s good to meet you, Colt. Has Grace always been so stubborn?”

Colt bursts out laughing, only because Ryland is starting to look mullish. “Oh, yes,” he answers, leaning down to shake Rocky’s claw. Even through the strange suit the Eridian is wearing, Colt can feel his warmth. “Very stubborn. Does he still try to keep working even after you tuck him into bed?”

“Yes,” Rocky says. Colt doesn’t miss how his song sounds exasperated, somehow. “He only stops after I pin his legs down with some of my body. Did you do the same?”

“Yup! It always put him right to sleep.” He releases Rocky and peers down at him curiously. “So,” he says. “Are you, like, my brother-in-law now? Alien-in-law? How’s that work?”

“We do not need to discuss this!” Ryland says in a high-pitched voice, face pink. He pushes himself up, using his cane to stay in place. Although that might also be due to Rocky moving over to provide additional support, his musical laughter filling the room. It seems like a natural thing for them, which further warms Colt’s heart. He wonders if he can express his gratitude to the Eridian when Ryland isn’t paying attention.

“So,” Ryland says brightly, holding out a hand. “Do you want to see where I live?”

★★

(“I’m glad you and Jody stayed together,” Ryland says, their arms linked together as they walk toward the airlock door at the end of the tunnel. Rocky skitters ahead of them, occasionally stopping as if waiting for them to catch up. “She could have done better, but whatever.”

“Hey,” Colt says mildly. He fishes out the chain from underneath his shirt, the jumpsuit he changed into partially unzipped and tied around his waist. When they pause for a moment, Colt dangles it in front of his brother and grins at the sight of his gold wedding band. “We had a lot of wonderful years together.”

Ryland beams. “That’s great!” he says. “I’m happy for you, man. You got that happy ending you kept going on and on about.”

“Yup!” Colt places his ring back where it belongs, reaching over to flick the gunmetal gray cuff bracelet sitting on Ryland’s left wrist. It’s inlaid with beautiful brown and turquoise gemstones. “Do I need to ask about that?”

“Shut up,” Ryland says, blushing so obviously that Colt has to pinch his cheek. “Ow! We don’t need to talk about it at all, actually.”

“Uh-huh,” Colt replies. They continue their walk in silence, and it’s only when they’re near the door that Colt asks, “So, is it a homewrecking situation or a throuple thing?”

“I’m going to beat you with my cane.”)

★★

It’s beautiful.

There’s an illusion of sunlight overhead, and with Ryland’s explanation of the entire thing, Colt knows it runs on a 24-hour cycle, dimming as ‘night’ approaches. A gentle breeze blows in from somewhere, tousling his brother’s hair, and the fog reminds him of days spent in San Francisco with his brother. The smell of the sea draws him closer to the gentle waves, and when Colt looks up, he sees a beautiful building perched on a hill beside a tree—Ryland’s home, and maybe his, too.

“What do you think?” Ryland asks, tapping his fingers together.

“It’s good,” Colt says honestly. And then, because he’s an older brother, he slings his arm over Ryland’s shoulder, tugs him close, and says, “You do realize that you’re a zoo exhibit, right?”

Ryland rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t push him off. Colt gets it. He’s not particularly fond of the idea of letting go of his brother so soon, either. “Shut up, Colt,” he grumbles, smiling as he says it.

“Make me,” Colt taunts, just like old times. He digs his knuckles into Ryland’s head, tossing his head back with a laugh when Ryland swats at him with a wordless complaint, and jumps back when Ryland attempts to do the same. “You’re an endangered species, Ryry! They’re conserving you!”

“Don’t call me Ryry!” Ryland exclaims, voice much higher than normal.

It’s music to Colt’s ears.

“Why not?” he says with a grin. “Don’t want your Eridian friends to know that Savior Grace has a silly little nickname?”

Ryland’s face gets all blotchy with his flush. “Stop it!” he whines, and even stomps one foot. Again, Colt only sees his little brother—same expression, same movements, albeit different circumstances. “We’re too old for these games, Colt!”

“Nuh-uh,” Colt says as childishly as possible. He leans over, shoves a hand against Ryland’s shoulder, and loudly declares, “Tag! You’re it!”

His little brother’s mouth drops open. “You—” 

Colt takes a few steps back, bouncing in place. The gravity and his age make it difficult for him to be limber, but the thrill of being with his brother encourages him to try. “Can’t catch me, Ry,” he taunts, and when Ryland lunges for him, Colt takes off with a cackle. “You snooze, you lose! Come on, Ryry! Can’t you do better than that?”

“I’m going to drown you!” Ryland hollers back at him. “I’m going to drown you and bury you so no one ever finds your body! You’re so fudging annoying, Colt!”

“Just say fuck!”

“No!!!”

And so, they chase each other through water and sand, throwing both elements at each other while their laughter carries over the gentle waves. Like before, Colt tries to convince Ryland to throw himself into the simulated ocean, and although Ryland initially protests, the bright grin on his face offsets any denial. 

They get salt water in their eyes, sand in their hair, and every other crevice on their body. Still, they play and play and play, even when the lights go low, even when Ryland has to keep making detours to add more fuel to their bonfire.

Afterward, they lie on the sand, clothes still damp, and talk nonsense to each other. When Colt reaches out for his brother, he finds Ryland already reaching back, and their hands fit together like the years between them never mattered—two pieces of a puzzle snapping together, the whole image finally complete.

★★

Colton Grace dies on a distant planet named by his beloved twin brother.

As the first to enter this world, it makes sense for him to be the first to leave in turn. What he does not see is how his brother curls up beside him, a different type of exhaustion sweeping through him. What he does not know is that seven minutes after his passing, Ryland Grace takes his final breath and follows.

All of Erid mourns them.

Their song of grief swells around the planet, creating a thrum all Eridians feel deep inside them. It steadily grows louder and louder, enough for the children of Erid to join in—unknowing of its meaning just yet, but understanding its importance. 

The lights stay on, the fog rolls in, and the waves crash into the beach gently as two brothers leave this life as they came—together, with the soul promise of seeing each other again in the next one.