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“Kiss me,” Tyler commanded, as he tugged at the hem of Josh’s shirt.
He pulled it over his head quickly, discarding it onto the carpet. He looked at Tyler for a moment, then pressed a hesitant kiss to the man’s lips.
It wasn’t new, they’d kissed plenty before. Their relationship was still relatively new, but they were no strangers to each other. And Josh liked it, he really did. It was just that Tyler had started wanting to take things further. When they kissed, it was always more heated, intense. Tyler’s lips had a way of sneaking down to Josh’s neck.
Tyler kissed back, hands coming up to tangle in Josh’s hair. They moved to the bed, Tyler pushing Josh down onto it first.
“Ty-“ he gasped, one hand steadying himself on the bed, the other jumping to Tyler’s face in surprise.
The man wasn’t done. He pulled his shirt off, tossing it to the floor beside the bed. It cued a feeling in Josh’s chest that wasn’t entirely pleasant. But he loved seeing Tyler shirtless, it wasn’t that. It was just the implication.
Tyler moved slightly so he was resting on top of Josh, kisses trailing across his jaw and down to this throat. Josh moaned softly against his will, head tilting back with a shiver.
“Josh…” he murmured between kisses. “Pretty boy.”
He’d moved all the way down, kissing Josh’s bare chest. He shivered intensely. Tyler kissed across Josh’s scars, faint now after so many years. Suddenly he was weak, letting Tyler push him back into the pillows. The man’s kisses were getting lower, as were his hands. It filled Josh with a sort of dread, aching in his chest.
“Can I?” Tyler sounded almost desperate, out of breath.
No no no no-
“Yeah,” he stuttered hesitantly. Josh didn’t know why he said it. He didn’t want this.
Josh was struck with a wave of discomfort as Tyler began to kiss just above the waistband of his shorts. He tried to endure, keep his mind somewhere else, but he couldn't. This was far too real. He liked the kisses, but he really didn’t want to be touched there…
“Ty-“ he tried again, feeling himself flinch away from Tyler’s mouth on his waistband. “Wait, I changed my mind-“
Tyler paused instantly, moving back from Josh’s hip.
“Do you want me to stop?” His voice was kind and understanding, but Josh was shaking.
“I-I don’t want to…” he managed.
Tyler moved back, placing a hand on Josh’s shoulder and helping him sit up. He felt less exposed this way, sitting like an equal with his lover.
“I didn’t mean to rush you.” Tyler tentatively reached for his hand. “You okay?”
“I know. I’m fine.” He took Tyler’s hand gratefully.
“Do you want to go back to kissing?” Tyler asked softly. “Or we can do something else. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, ever.”
Josh thought for a moment. He loved Tyler. He wanted to be beside Tyler forever. But he didn’t want Tyler to fuck him. Maybe in theory he did, but when it had come to the moment, all Josh had felt was fear.
“Josh? You okay, baby?”
He looked up, Tyler’s soft brown eyes staring at him in concern. Josh was fine, really. He just didn’t know how to tell Tyler how he felt. It wasn’t something Tyler would really understand, he just didn’t have the same experiences.
“I’m alright. I just…” he watched Tyler’s face as he mumbled. “I don’t want to have sex. I’m sorry.”
“Hey.” Tyler smiled slightly. “That’s okay, you know. It’s all okay. We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”
“Yeah. But I… I like kissing. And-and touching…” he murmured awkwardly. “I want to keep going.”
He leaned in as if to prove his point, kissing Tyler slowly. The man didn’t reciprocate, instead pulling back.
“Josh, seriously, it’s okay if you don’t want to.”
God, Tyler was a good partner. Josh nodded hurriedly.
“I know. I mean it, Ty, I’m okay with this. It’s just sex I’m not… and even that, maybe. Maybe another time, I just can’t do it right now, or-or for a while.”
“No pressure, baby. I promise. We’re only gonna do what you’re comfortable with.” Tyler’s voice was soft, enticing. “How about we pick this up again? Make you feel better.”
Yeah, that sounded good to Josh. He nodded.
“Need you to say it out loud, baby. You wanna kiss?”
“Yes,” he whispered. “Yes, please, kiss me again.”
Then Tyler’s lips were on his again, one hand brushing up through his hair. Josh kissed back happily. Why had he been so scared to just talk about it? Of course, Tyler was okay with it. It was Tyler. Josh knew he didn't have to pretend with his best friend, that was the one person in the world that he could be completely honest with.
“Love you, baby boy,” Josh murmured. “Love you so much.”
“Love you too,” the man replied.
Josh’s hands trailed down Tyler’s neck as they kissed, eventually resting them on his shoulders. Tyler broke the kiss, moving back just enough to whisper.
“Can I kiss your neck?”
“Yes,” Josh breathed, certain and confident.
Tyler looked him in the eyes as he nodded again, satisfied. Then he moved, trailing delicate kisses first along Josh’s jawline, and then down his throat. He shivered, leaning into Tyler’s touch. Josh liked this feeling, being so vulnerable yet so safe. That's how it always seemed to feel with Tyler.
“You okay?” He checked in, almost unintelligible.
“Yeah. Can I…” Josh reached out, brushing his fingers against Tyler’s neck, where the black paint usually covered him. There was something intimate in knowing that this version of Tyler existed almost exclusively in private, with nothing to hide here with Josh.
“Yes,” the man replied eagerly. “Please.”
Josh smiled, and slowly pushed Tyler onto the pillows, hands on his shoulders. He revelled in Tyler’s grin as he did so, kissing him lightly on the lips before moving. He let his breath tickle the man’s neck for a minute, feeling him shiver in anticipation. Josh kissed gently at first, then harder. He loved the feeling of Tyler’s pulse jumping under him, loved how he whispered breathy ‘I love you’s every now and then.
Tyler’s hands were in his hair, pushing him further down his throat and across his collar bones. Josh had an idea.
He began to trace the outline of Tyler’s tattoos, with his fingers at first and then with his mouth. Tyler whispered his name, out of breath.
“You like this?”
Tyler nodded quickly and offered his arm. Josh took it gladly, pressing kisses to tattoos and scars in equal measure.
“You’re pretty, Ty.”
The man hummed in response. Then he was tapping on Josh’s chest, fingers hovering across one scar.
“My turn?” Tyler asked softly.
“Yeah.”
Josh lowered himself onto the pillows, lying across from his lover. They looked at each other fondly, each memorising the other’s body. Then Tyler’s hand was reaching out to Josh’s chest, just barely touching one faded scar.
“You can touch them. You’re always allowed to touch them, Ty,” he murmured.
“I know. Just checkin’, Joshie.”
No words could explain how grateful Josh was to have someone like Tyler. The man brushed up and down, fingers grazing the faint scars on Josh’s chest.
“So beautiful.”
Tyler moved close enough for Josh to rest an arm around his waist, sighing contentedly. Josh could lie like that forever, Tyler in his arms, tracing his scars like they were holy. With Tyler, intimacy could be anything. It could finally be something Josh was comfortable with.
“Tyler…” the man’s fingers immediately stopped moving. “No, keep going, it’s not that.”
Then Tyler’s arms were around him again, and he snuggled closer. He pressed a gentle kiss to each scar before dropping his head back to the bed.
“What is it?”
“Thank you. I just wanted to say thank you. For respecting my, uh, my boundaries. People haven’t always…” he trailed off awkwardly. “Thank you.”
Tyler moved back, resting on the pillow inches from Josh’s face. His deep brown eyes stared quizzically.
“Josh…” he began softly. “This is the bare minimum. If someone doesn’t respect what you’re not comfortable with… that’s not a good person.”
“I know,” Josh mumbled, gaze flicking down to the twisted-up blanket between them. He fiddled with it, not wanting to look Tyler in the eyes. “I know.”
“Do you? Hey.” Tyler had begun to stroke up and down his arm. “Look at me, baby. I’m so sorry that there are people who haven’t respected your boundaries. I want you to always feel comfortable saying no to me. I will always respect it.”
“Okay. Thanks, Ty.” He curled into his lover’s arms, bodies fitting together like they were always meant to be.
“Of course. Of course, Josh.” Tyler pressed a soft kiss to his hair. “I love you.”
“Love you too,” he smiled, pulling back enough to kiss Tyler properly.
Tyler responded by kissing the tip of his nose. Josh giggled, pressing his forehead to Tyler’s.
“I love you so much, baby boy.” Tyler blushed visibly at that. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
“I love you too.”
They lay there together for a while longer, smiling at each other and giggling like little kids.