Chapter Text
Noelle was walking through the snow.
It was a sunny winter morning.
It crunched under her hooves as she trudged on along, several paces behind her mother. On either side, she saw trees. Dull, gray trees with sharp, leafless branches.
“M-Mommy, hang on! I’m trying to catch up.”
Her mother was a black outline up ahead. She stumbled over a snowy drift when she looked up, and gasped softly as she almost doubled forward. The black, antlered silhouette carried on. The sky past her mother was a bright, pale, yellowish haze.
The path was straight ahead. The snow was just so high, and her legs so short, and her mother just kept going. Why wouldn’t she stop? Why wouldn’t she wait for her to catch up?
“Mommy,” Noelle said, “please. Wait a second. I can’t walk very fast ‘cause of all of the snow!”
Her hooves broke through the surface.
It had gotten so cold that in some places, the snow was packed frozen solid enough for her to stand on it. But each time she tried to walk forward, her weight broke through the thin, icy film, and her hooves plunged into the frigid pile.
The cold snaked up her legs. Everything was out of sorts. She was panting. Her chest burned. Her hooves felt wet and hot. She felt heavy.
“Mommy, please. I’m trying. I’m really trying, okay?”
She took another step. The snow crunched, and then collapsed. She yelped and fell forward until it was up to her knee. Her other hoof was still buried in the drift behind her that she’d just climbed over. Her snout was all drippy. She sniffled.
“Mommy…Mommy, please. Wait. Please, I just-”
She watched her mother’s head turn. The profile of her snout came into view. Noelle squinted into the frosty glare caused where the sunlight hit the snow, just in time to see a puff of mist roil out from her mother’s nostrils as they flared in annoyance.
“Get a hold of yourself,” said her mother sharply.
The snow started to rise.
Her mother’s one eye glared. Her face was paper, and her eye was a cut-out slit. The sunlight harshened inside as her pupil twitched and boiled angrily.
Noelle’s throat squeezed shut. Suddenly, her chest felt all cold.
“Don’t be a bother. Don’t give me your excuses. Get yourself together, and hurry up. We’re already late as it is. Do you hate me? Do you hate your Mommy, Noelle?”
She was already shaking her head, “no, no Mommy. I don’t hate you. I co- I could never hate Mommy. I-I just…”
She was frozen. She was on fire.
“Do you hate Mommy? Is that why you’re always finding these little ways to piss me off, Noelle? Do you hate Mommy and want me to die, Noelle?”
“I-I don’t-!”
“You do,” the shadow said confidently, “you hate your Mommy. You’re just like your sister. And what’s going to happen to you, Noelle, when Daddy gets sick again, when Queen leaves, and Mommy goes back to being awful? It’s going to happen again, Noelle.”
The sky was too bright. The snow, frozen stiff, held her on the spot. She grunted as she tried uselessly to pull herself free.
“...will they look for you, when it’s your turn to be the lost girl, Noelle?” Its eye throbbed. Her head hurt. “How would they remember you? ‘Oh, she was so good. So sweet. One of the best in her grade. Oh, it’s so sad. Such a loss…such a tragedy’.”
Dimly, she felt angry. I’m more than that. I’m not just that.
“Maybe if you disappeared, Mommy would be nice forever. Just a thought.”
She couldn’t breathe. She felt awful. She felt sick.
“She’d help you,” it said, “but she’s gone. You have to get your shit together and figure out how to get through all of this, Noelle. Come on. Get to it.”
It was so, so cold…
“Aren’t you supposed to be a good girl, after all?”
…and then, she woke up.
~~~
Wearing hoodies everyday had its perks when the weather got colder. Last night, it had even snowed a little bit. There was frost on the bedroom window when they got up this morning to look out and see how the brownish grass was now covered in a silvery, wet glaze.
It would probably freeze overnight. The ground would get hard and tough, and the grass and flowers would go to sleep until spring came to thaw it all out. Kris was pretty sure that there was some personal lesson to be found in this knowledge. They didn’t really care about that stuff at the moment, though, to be honest.
They stood next to Susie with their hand and wrist together in their front hoodie pocket. The monster girl scratched at her neck, before she sniffed once, and reached out to press the doorbell.
A jolly jingle chimed out beyond the door.
We wish you a Merry…
There was a pause.
Susie sniffed again. “Guh, I fuckin’ hate allergies.”
Kris hummed sympathically. Susie’s nostrils twitched and flared. Her eyes screwed shut. Kris dimly heard footsteps approaching from behind the door as Susie lifted her head and quickly jerked it down to bury her snout into the crook of her elbow. She sneezed, gagged, and quickly rubbed with her sleeve, just in time for the door to swing open.
Susie’s snout broke into a tooth grin. “Hey, Queen!”
“OH Ho, Hey Susie Hi Kris,” Queen greeted brightly, “What Is: Up? I Predict With A 0.09 Percent Chance Of Inaccuracy That You Are Both Here To ‘Chill’ And ‘Hang’ With: Noelle? Y Or N?”
When she laughed, she brought a hand to her mouth. She had a baggy t-shirt on over her chassis that was big enough to reach down past hips. It was entirely black, with a design on the front that showed a bunch of white dots in a loop above the words “Hang on, I’m loading”.
“Yeah! Is she here?”
“Affirmative. She Just Got Back From Doing Some Stuff And Things At The Librarby.”
A voice from inside made Queen look back in over her shoulder, while Susie’s face lit up even brighter. “Oh ho ho, is that Susie that I hear with my noise-holes?”
“Lancer!”
Queen hooted another laugh and stepped aside. While Susie threw her hands up and charged on in, Kris merely shuffled forward past the threshold. They gave Queen a tiny “hi what’s up” nod.
“Kris Buddy Honey. How Are…Things?” Queen tilted her head slightly, her visor curving upwards on one side as her voice softened.
Kris glanced down at the floor. Their voice cracked, “uh, ‘s…it’s okay…I guess.”
“Would You Like A Fun Age-Appropriate Beverage Of A Sorts?” Queen hitched a thumb in the general direction of the kitchen. “We Got Options. Cap’n Cola, Sprit, Mild Yellow, Popsi, And So On.”
“Cola?” They managed dryly. They closed their mouth to cough.
“Righto On That Shit,” said Queen. She turned sharply on her heels and snuffled into the living room, where she then paused to look at Susie and Lancer. “Hi Hello Hey Do You Either Of You Desire An Age-Appropriate Beverage?”
“Ya got any Hill Dew?” Susie asked. Kris walked after Queen and saw that Susie was standing near the foot of the stairs, while Lancer was perched on the couch.
The word ‘YES’ appeared on Queen’s display. “Ye,” she said.
“I’ll take whatever Susie’s having,” Lancer chimed.
“I Will Highkey Probably Regret Giving You Anything With Sugar But Ya Know What? This Will Be Funny LOL. So Yay, Okie!” With this, Queen turned to enter the kitchen. Kris saw her linger with her hand on the door. They could feel her looking at them, and they rolled back their shoulders.
Because you’re always really quiet whenever you’re in this house. Because she’s worried about you. Because she knows, because now everyone knows. Poor, poor Kris. Poor, pathetic thing.
Queen slipped into the kitchen. Kris went over to join Lancer on the couch. They liked Lancer. He was easy to get along with in the way they supposed most little kids were easy to get along with. When they sat down, the tip of his pointy head perked up and leaned towards them as he smiled a big, wonky smile their way.
“Ah, the Krispy Cream themself! And you’ve got a face with eyeballs and everything,” he said this like it was something that made any amount of sense. That was Lancer. Lancer was really fucking cool.
Kris pat the pudgy boy’s head. Lancer giggled and stuck out his blue tongue. They then craned their neck to look over the back of the couch towards Susie. She had a hand on the rail. She was looking up towards Noelle’s bedroom door.
She must’ve felt them staring. She looked over, eyes wide, and quickly blinked as she said hastily, “I’m gonna see if Noelle wants to, like. Hang out. And maybe watch something, yeah?”
They shot her a supportive thumbs-up.
“Yeah so. Watch my Dew,” Susie said.
“If you don’t, a fly may happen by and slurp it,” Lancer cautioned.
“Yeah Kris,” Susie said with a heavy look on her face, “don’t let a fly slurp my fuckin’ Dew.” She gave them a ‘I’m watching you’ look and gesture, shaking her head as she turned to finally proceed up the stairs, muttering as she did so.
Kris snickered. They smiled, and reached for the remote. “Wha…do you wanna watch?” They asked Lancer.
“Girldad and me were watchin’ Mythbreakers last night. I like the parts where stuff goes kabloohy!” He threw his hands up and out to demonstrate the motion and general process of something going kabloohy.
Based, they thought. Kris pressed the ON button, and tensed around some hard, heavy feeling in their chest as the TV screen lit up. They heard the door open and lifted their head towards Queen as she padded over.
“Oh Yo Are We Watching Mythbreakers?” She set several bottles down on the coffee table. Her visor displayed the word ‘BASED’ as she hurried over to the nearest arm chair, jumped up, did a really sick flip, and then landed so she was laying longways on it with her legs and head dangling off either of the armrests. She then gracefully reached over and snatched herself a bottle of Hill Dew: Code Red. “Yo Kris S-Tier Choice, This Shit Funny Ass Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.”
Lancer’s hands flew to his cheeks. “GASP. A swear word. I’m gonna become beset by gangs and smoke all the drugs! Jester Dad warned me of this sorta thing!!”
Queen snorted. She waved a hand at him dismissively. “Nah You Will Be Fine. Just Do Not Say Stuff Like That At School, Okie?”
“Oh, okay then.”
“Susie I Assume Is Going To Say Hi To Noelle?” Queen’s visor shifted towards Kris, who nodded. “Cool Cool. Yeah. I Am…Glad You Guys Swung By. Noelle Will Appreciate The Company I Think.”
They hummed. They picked up the bottle of Cap’n Cola. Lancer grabbed one of the regular Hill Dews, looked at it, and after a solid beat, started to shake it about. “Gotta wake up the bubbles,” he said matter-of-factly.
Kris side-eyed this, and glanced at Queen.
“Ha Ha Lancer You Are Funny. Do Not Open That.”
“Why?”
“It Will: Explode.”
“Oh, yay!”
“In A: Bad Way.”
“Oh, no!”
“LMAO It Is Fine. You Can Keep Shaking It Tho Or Whatev.”
“Oh, yay!” Lancer did just that.
There was a question on Kris’ mind. Kris didn’t mean to ask it out loud. It wasn’t a good thing to ask. Asking was telling, and by letting the question slip out, they basically admitted that they didn’t feel safe in this house, with its festive halls and jolly garlands, even when by all means, they should’ve.
“Is Carol home right now?” They asked.
“No,” Queen answered promptly, “She Is: At Work. And Rudolph Is Over At Your Lesser Father’s Shop."
They felt relieved. They felt bad for that. The air in the room lightened, and the walls shrunk away. Their mind kept wandering to the stairs. The stairs that led up to the master bedroom. It was a long way up. It also wasn’t very long at all.
When they imagined the stairs in their mind, they went up and up and up, twisting off to the side until the door was askew.
Run, a part of them said, get out of here. It’s going to happen again.
I can’t, they told it, I gotta get this stupid thing open and hang out with Noelle.
Kris was in the process of trying to get their bottle open without asking for help. Yes, it was stupid. Yes, it was a bad idea to use their teeth, and every time Papa caught them doing it, he told them to not, and they still kept doing it because it was easier than holding the bottle with their knees while they turned the cap. It was also easier than asking for help.
The gasp of sheer offense that came from Lancer nearly made them gag on the bottle. “Kris! ‘Lesser Dad’ is a Lancer Incorporated trademark! You will be hearing from my lawyers.”
“Hi This Is The Lawyer,” Queen said happily, “Yeah Nah It Is Chill. And Also: Accurate.”
Kris’ eyes popped open.
…IS IT?
“Oh, okay then. Nevermind.”
…I mean, he kind of is a Lesser Dad, isn’t he…?
Kris wondered for a moment what that made Tenna. They looked at the remote, and then at the TV in front of them. This TV was just a TV. Items were just items. This world was just the world, now, and even in the deepest dark, this TV would always be just that.
It was kind of sad. It was also kind of a relief. Kris was pretty sure that there was some kind of lesson to be found in this.
They finally got the cap off, and set it on the table before they took a swig of Cola.
~~~
Noelle and Susie were dating, now.
Gosh…I have a girlfriend. Susie is my girlfriend.
Noelle felt kind of silly, feeling so jittery about it. It was weird, too, because it was just…a thing? Neither of them really confessed or asked one another out the way it always played out in all the stories. Not exactly, anyhow.
It just sort of happened. Some time after everything got fixed, she was over at Tenna’s house in Susie’s room, and they were sitting together on the floor. Noelle remembered looking at Susie and taking in how the window glowed behind her head. It tried to box her in with its orange-red, fiery sunset glow, but because of how she wore her hair, the spiky flares of Susie’s mane broke out from the edges and blocked the light behind her.
They were just…talking.
Talking about…well, whatever, really! Noelle was pretty sure she had been rambling about an assignment for school when Susie suddenly reached out and grabbed one of her hands between both of her claws. She remembered going stiff, and then immediately relaxing her shoulders, because gosh, Susie’s scales were so soft where her palms pressed against her fur!
Susie was really soft.
Just. Like. As a person.
She was strong and tough, but also, she was very sweet, and very, very kind…in her own Susie way, anyhow. She wasn’t exactly nice sometimes. But Noelle liked that about her. It reminded her of…
…maybe you guys could’ve been friends…maybe…I don’t know…it’s a nice thought, I think.
Susie had said all quietly, “Noelle…can I uh…tell you something?”
And, of course, Noelle said, “oh? Yeah, w- what’s up?”
She remembered watching as the tip of Susie’s snout twitched slightly as she breathed. It felt like it happened in slow motion. Susie lifted her head, looked at her, and squeezed her hand a bit. She was so firm, but also so, so sweet and gentle with how she did it.
Then, Noelle looked into Susie’s eyes, and saw that they were glowing.
Noelle never thought that black fire could look so warm.
“I just…I think you’re really, really…cool.”
It was just…simple, really.
“And…I think you’re pretty…a- and funny…and I…I REALLY like to hang out, and like. Do stuff. Together with you, I mean.”
Chest all tight. Butterfly wings. She kept pinching herself, even now, thinking back on it. Because surely it couldn’t be happening. Not really. Not actually. It was always a nice thought, but she knew better. She was the good, smart, proper mayor’s daughter, and Susie was…rough. She could have her little daydreams and still grow up and get together with someone who was more…respectable.
That was what her mom was always saying. She had to find someone respectable. Someone with good grades who was an active member of the local community. Of course, whenever her mother said this, Noelle’s first thoughts went to someone like Berdly. Noelle loved Berdly. Just…no…not like that.
She remembered thinking about how her mom came in to take the guitar. What was she thinking? Of course her mom was upset. Of course she was angry! That was Dess’ guitar, and Noelle thought that she could go and let just anyone (my friend, Kris, and Susie, the girl I like a lot) come in (come over to study, and also hang out) and manhandle it?
Susie wasn’t the best at playing guitar…but it had been nice…it was nice in the same way it was nice to hear Kris play the piano again, even if it was just for a while.
It had been nice to hang out with her friends for a while.
…she liked having friends. She liked hanging out with Susie, and Kris, and Ralsei, and Berdly. Noelle had recently realized that she was kind of lonely. She wondered, bitterly, what her mom wanted more: a happy daughter with rough friends, or a lonely daughter with a respectable spouse?
The thought hurt. It was a heavy, real thought, and all her thoughts about Susie were soft and fuzzy, and above all else, fantastical…or…she thought so.
It was fun to imagine and play pretend…but Noelle knew better. She had to grow up and think about the real world. She had to be good. It’s what Dess would’ve wanted, right…? For her to be good, and find someone who would make her happy, and who she could live a good, proper, happy life with…?
It was certainly what her mom wanted. And Dad…Dad just wanted her to be okay.
So when Susie said, “I just think it’s nice to be together like this. Hanging out and stuff, with you. Like. It feels good. It makes me happy.”, Noelle just…laughed. It was a laugh of relief, honestly! Honest!
Something lifted.
Something thawed.
She felt really bad when Susie looked all worried. Because Susie just said something REALLY nice, and oh gosh, Noelle laughed at her? Oh, gosh. Even thinking about it made her cringe and go all stiff in her chair. She looked down at the paper she was working on and squeezed her candycane-striped pencil tight as the embarrassment ran its course.
Her eyes bulged. She cupped a hand to her cheek as her face started to burn.
Why did I LAUGH at her? WHY DID I DO THAT?!
She tapped the pencil’s erasure on the desk sharply, gritted her teeth as she tried not to dwell on it, failed, and kept on cringing at herself for almost messing something like THAT up by being STUPID.
“WAIT WAIT WAIT, SORRY, I’M NOT-” I’m not laughing at you! I’m not saying no! I like you, too! I’m happy when I’m with you, too! I like your jokes and your voice and the way you talk about things! You make me feel safe and happy! “I’M NOT SAYING ‘NO’, I’M NOT MAKING FUN OF YOU, SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY-!”
“Uh! Okay!! Okay! Thanks for? Not? Laughing at me?”
She stared. Susie stared. They both stared at each other…
…and then they both started to laugh.
…and then they were girlfriends. And now, she was in her room, sitting at her desk and doing some homework. She had gotten most of it done at the library. Berdly had helped her with some of it while he was sorting through some books, so now all she had left was a few short questions, and then she’d be good to…
…I don’t know. What do I wanna do today, anyway?
There was that one visual novel that she got a while ago and hadn’t gotten around to playing. It looked cute, but all the pages about it warned that it was actually really scary. Would Queen be alright with her playing something like that, though…?
Probably…she is pretty chill.
Noelle’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock at her bedroom door. She looked up from the desk, just as it swung open, and Susie stepped inside.
“Hey,” Susie said.
“Oh! Susie, hi!” Noelle suddenly decided that she could finish the homework later, actually. She scooted back and stood up. “I didn’t hear the doorbell. How long have you been here?”
“I just got here,” Susie said, “Kris is downstairs hangin’ out with Lancer and Queen.”
On cue, they both heard a ruckus downstairs that was muffled, if only slightly, by the door. Noelle heard something explode and crash on the TV, followed by a squeal of delight from Lancer and a loud holler of laughter from Queen.
Susie grinned. Noelle giggled. “Fahah! They’re watching Mythbreakers, I guess?”
“Yup. Anyway, wanna hang out?”
“Sure!”