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Shane didn’t know why he was so nervous. It’s not as if this would be the first time he and Ilya would be going out together. They were married for fucks sake. But even despite all of that, they rarely actually went out. Occasionally there’d be a small team dinner or a night spent hanging out together, but real dates? Those hardly ever happened. Shane knew part of the reason was him. Even though their relationship had been public for months now, he still sometimes felt that creeping dread whenever they were out in public, the sense of being watched, of being judged simply for being themselves. And deep down, he knew it wasn’t fair to either him or Ilya.
So Shane was on a mission to change that. And the change would begin with the petting zoo.
“Good morning moya lyubov,” Ilya spoke as he came down the stairs, crossing into the kitchen and wrapping his arms around Shane.
Shane melted back into the warmth of him, reminding himself that this was why he was trying, for this incredible man who continuously chose to love him openly, without hesitation.
“Morning,” Shane spoke back as he finished chopping up a banana for his morning smoothie. He grabbed one of the pieces and held it over his shoulder, ready for Ilya to take it.
“So…” Shane began, dragging the word out as he searched for a way to ask without sounding nearly as nervous as he felt. The hesitation seemed more ridiculous with every passing second, yet somehow he still couldn’t force the words out properly. “Are you busy today?”
Ilya let out a low, questioning hum against his skin, clearly sensing there was something more behind the question. He’d tucked himself against Shane’s back the moment he entered the kitchen, arms loose around his waist, his face buried comfortably in the crook of Shane’s neck. Soft, absentminded kisses brushed against the sensitive skin there, still slightly damp and warm from the shower Shane had taken not long ago.
“If I am busy it is with you, so real question is are we doing something today?”
Right.
Shane could do this.
Ilya was his husband, it’s not as if Shane was about to be rejected.
“I was thinking maybe we could go to the petting zoo today, since we don’t have practice.”
Shane tried to keep his voice casual, though he was fairly certain the nervous edge still slipped through. The idea itself wasn’t complicated — just a date, something normal couples did all the time — but his stomach still twisted waiting for Ilya’s reaction.
“Will those fluffy spitting animals be there?” Ilya asked immediately, his voice brightening with such genuine excitement that it drowned out some of Shane’s anxiety.
Shane couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. “Alpacas or llamas?”
“Yes.” Ilya nodded seriously, though the grin tugging at his mouth ruined the effect entirely.
“I’m not sure,” Shane admitted, finally turning in Ilya’s arms so he could face him properly. His hands settled instinctively against Ilya’s waist while Ilya’s remained warm against his sides. “I didn’t exactly spend time researching the animal roster.”
What greets Shane then is a very expectant look on Ilya’s face as he gestured his head over to the counter where Shane’s phone laid. “Really?”
“Please Shane, I want to put my hand in their hair.”
“Fine fine,” Shane said leaning just far enough out of Ilya’s hold to grab his phone from the counter. He unlocked it quickly, pulling up the website for the petting zoo, the same one he’d been quietly checking for the past week while he worked up the courage to actually ask Ilya to go with him.
Shane huffed out a soft laugh as Ilya immediately leaned back in, featherlight kisses trailing lazily up the side of his neck while he waited.
“You’re in luck,” Shane murmured, scrolling through the list of animals. “They’ve got both.”
“I love you.”
“Because I’m bringing you to go see the spitting animals?”
“The fluffy spitting animals Shane, the fluffy part is important.”
“Right of course,” he said as he went back to finishing his smoothie that he got distracted from. “Can’t forget the most important part.”
“See you understand,” Ilya said as he moved towards the stairs, not before dropping a kiss on Shane’s shoulder and a smack to his ass. “I will be ready in ten minutes.”
“We’re really not in a rush,” Shane called over the loud whir of the blender.
“The pacas do not wait forever!” Ilya shouted over his shoulder as he stomped up the stairs. Shane was sure that one of these days he would fall straight through them.
“They’re called Alpacas,” Shane yelled back, his words likely falling lost in the air as Ilya had already barged into their bedroom to get ready.
Fuck. Shane thought to himself as he finally drank his morning smoothie, dropping Anya a few blueberries from where she sat at his feet. I really hope I don’t get spat on.
—————
Forty-five minutes later Shane found himself at the entrance to ‘sunny smiles petting zoo’. Personally Shane thought the name could use some work, but based on the very blinding smile that had taken over Ilya's face maybe it was more fitting than he thought.
“Two adult tickets please,” Shane said to the very bored looking sixteen year old in the booth. He was glad that it didn’t seem too busy. As much as he was trying to push himself into getting better at this being “out” thing he still couldn’t help the nerves that creeped in sometime.
“Would you like to add two cups of animal food for five dollars each to your visit?” the teenager recited in a monotone, clearly having asked the same question enough times already that day.
Shane actually couldn’t think of anything worse than having a variety of animals slobber over his hand as he fed them what he assumed were some off-smelling pellets.
“No thank—”
“Actually, can you make it three cups?” Ilya cut in brightly from beside him.
Shane turned slowly to stare at him, thoroughly unimpressed.
Ilya, meanwhile, ignored the long look being shot his way with practiced ease. He handed the girl a twenty-dollar bill before scooping up the three tiny cups of feed in one hand and reaching for Shane’s hand with the other like he hadn’t just personally betrayed him.
Shane was certainly not thinking about the fact that Ilya was able to hold all three with just one hand.
“Shane what if the animals are hungry hmm? We must feed them.”
“You do realize they get fed right? Like they are not relying on people like us to feed them.”
His senses were hit all at once, the sharp, dry scent of hay mixed with something far less pleasant and distinctly animal, the thick, earthy smell of manure hanging in the warm air. And then there was the noise of the very loud goats.
“Look,” Ilya said while pointing towards the three goats that were beginning to walk up to them. “See, they are so hungry. Starving. They need this food.”
Instead of waiting, the goats began to butt their heads into their legs, clearly becoming inpatient with the lack of food being offered to them. Greedy little things Shane thought.
“Okay, well, give them some food before they start eating my pants,” Shane said quickly, shifting his weight as another determined headbutt landed against his thigh.
Shane expects Ilya to pour some of the food into his hand and offer it to the three beasts that look like they have murderous intent in their eyes, but instead he reaches for Shane’s hand instead.
“Ilya no.”
“Ilya yes.”
“Feel free to get goat slobber all over yourself,” Shane said dryly, keeping a careful distance as another goat pressed insistently against Ilya’s knee. “But I’m perfectly happy just watching and taking pictures when one inevitably tries to eat your clothes or hair.”
“Shane,” Ilya gasped out in horror, one hand flying up to his carefully styled curls as if he’d just been physically threatened. “Do not manifest this.”
Shane let out a laugh, leaning back slightly as a goat immediately tried to investigate the feed cup in Ilya’s hand. “I’m not manifesting anything.”
“When you end up with a bald husband,” Ilya said dramatically, clutching at his hair a little more protectively, “it will be your fault for speaking bad things into the universe.”
Clearly the goats are getting tired of the lack of food in their mouths as the larger of the three butts his head into Shane’s ass.
“Ow,” Shane grits out as he moves his hand to rub at the spot that was just hit, hoping a bruise wouldn’t begin to form.
“Feed the damn goats, they're getting angry.”
Ilya snorts out a laugh which was very much not appreciated, but eventually he shakes some of the food into the palm of his hand and reaches it out to them. In seconds all three of the goats are at Ilya’s hand, fighting for the food there.
“Aww Shane,” Ilya coos out as he looks at one of the goats that had just joined them, this one on the outskirts of the battle for food, “look that one looks like you.”
Shane did not, under any reasonable interpretation of reality, look like a goat.
“What?” he said, the words coming out equal parts offended and amused as he followed Ilya’s gaze. “No it doesn’t.”
“No, no, it does. I have a picture of you just like that”
Shane didn’t even get a chance to argue before Ilya nodded toward the goat again, entirely convinced of his own logic. Despite the fact that it absolutely did not look like him, the goat was now, in a truly unfortunate coincidence, smiling and sticking out his tongue in a way that Shane very much did not like.
He was beginning to regret not suggesting pottery painting instead.
The moment the words left his mouth, Ilya was already pulling his phone out.
Click.
Shane blinked. “Did you just—”
“I had to,” Ilya said, utterly serious, holding up the photo of the offending goat.
“Okay,” Shane said, exhaling as he turned fully toward Ilya, who was still dutifully feeding the trio of very determined goats. “Let’s move on. There are more animals to see.”
“But Shane he is hungry,” Ilya whined out with a pout. “Look, feed him and then we will go to bunnies yes?”
“Fine.” Shane said as he reached for one of the cups of food that Ilya still had in hand. “Give me some.”
Shane poured a handful of the pellets into the palm of his hand and when he looked down the goat was right as his leg still smiling for some fucking reason.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Shane let out with a hint of surprise in his voice.
Ilya let out a snort of laughter from where he stood, phone already up again, clearly documenting the entire ordeal like it was the highlight of his week.
Shane slowly extended his hand toward the goat anyway, bracing himself. The second the slimy tongue made contact, he had to fight every instinct in his body not to yank his hand straight back. It was warm, wet, and far more enthusiastic than he had ever wanted animal interaction to be. What felt like hours, but was in reality less than a minute, the goat finally finished.
Shane immediately looked down at his hand.
“Please tell me there’s hand sanitizer around here,” he pleaded, turning his head toward Ilya but not taking his eyes off the damage, as if staring at it long enough might somehow undo what had just happened.
Ilya made his way over to him, the goats seemingly having gotten bored with them. Ilya planted a quick kiss on his shoulder and then another on his cheek, and secretly Shane was so fucking proud of himself over the way he didn’t even check to see if anyone else was around to see it .
“Come moya lyubov, let’s clean your hand and then we will go see the very nice, not slobbery bunnies yes?”
“Yes.”
—————-
The bunnies were in fact very nice and Shane maybe had to take back his original thoughts on this place after the goat encounter.
He currently sat in the corner of the little ‘bunny barn’ they had, with two rabbits sleeping on his lap. The weight of them felt nice and Shane was obsessed with the softness of their fur in his hands. Shane let out a slow breath, shoulders finally lowering as the noise and chaos of the goat enclosure felt like a distant memory. One of the rabbits twitched its nose against his hand, and he instinctively softened his grip, stroking its fur with careful, almost hesitant fingers.
Ilya was on the other side of the barn, taking so many pictures Shane was pretty sure his storage would be full by the time they left here.
“Baby,” Shane spoke loud enough to get Ilya’s attention but not enough to wake the two sleeping creatures right by him. “I think you have enough pictures of that one.”
“But he is eating a carrot. It is very cute, he looks like you.”
“First a goat and now a rabbit, you trying to tell me something Rozanov.”
Ilya scooped the supposed ‘Shane bunny’ into his arms and made his way over.
Shane didn’t even get a chance to respond before the situation escalated.
The bunny in Ilya’s hands suddenly shifted, twisting its tiny head with alarming intent before delivering a surprisingly confident bite to Ilya’s thumb, the exact spot where he was holding the last stub of carrot.
“Fuck!” Ilya yelped, jerking back on instinct and nearly dropping the rabbit in the process.
The sudden movement sent a ripple effect through the peaceful corner of the bunny barn. The two rabbits on Shane’s lap startled awake immediately, ears shooting up before they hopped off in opposite directions.
Ilya quickly adjusted his grip on the bunny, carefully lowering it back to the floor before dropping the remaining piece of carrot beside it as a peace offering.
“Traitor,” Ilya muttered under his breath.
He hissed softly, bringing his thumb up to his mouth immediately.
Shane visibly cringed at the sight. He always hated Ilya’s approach to wound care, if it could even be called that. It was deeply unsanitary.
“Ilya,” Shane said, voice edged with warning, “do not—”
But Ilya was already unfazed, pressing his thumb between his lips like that somehow counted as first aid.
“Now it is even more like you,” Ilya mumbled out over the thumb still placed in his mouth. “Cute smile and a biter.”
Shane stood up from his spot, wiping off the hay that was sticking to him and made his way over to Ilya.
“Keep that up and next time I bite I’ll also draw blood,” Shane ignored the smirk that made its way into Ilya's lips in response to that and took hold of his finger, checking it out.
“You’ll live,” he said, dropping Ilya’s hand and patting him on the cheek.
“What no kiss for my wound?”
“I have seen you feed goats, rabbits and touch chickens and pigs today. You’re not getting any sort of kiss until you get out of a shower hot enough to burn,” Shane said, eyes narrowing as he took a deliberate step back.
Ilya looked genuinely offended, clutching his injured thumb like he’d been wronged.“That is cruel.”
“It’s realistic.”
“The animals will see you being cruel to me,” Ilya said, pointing vaguely toward the direction of the barn entrance, “and they will attack.”
“Oh no,” Shane said smiling as he reached down towards Ilya’s hand to hold it in his own. Now that he could do. “How ever will I survive an attack by three small fluffy rabbits.”
“They hear you mocking them Shane, prepare yourself they are plotting.” Ilya whispered into his ear as he gestured to where the rabbits were indeed huddled together, glancing over at them as they walked towards the exit.
“You’re ridiculous.”
But if Shane maybe quickened his pace to reach the exit gate faster, well there was no need for Ilya to know.
————-
Eventually they had seen almost everything. Goats, cows, rabbits, pigs, sheep, and even a pond filled with some very cute baby ducklings. Shane was about ready to go, feeling grimy from all the animals on him and the could still feel the faint grit of dust clinging to his skin,
Ilya on the other hand was having the time of his life, having gone back to the entrance booth two separate times for more food pellets. And now he was practically dragging Shane by the hand as they made their way over to his most anticipated find of the day. The alpacas.
“This is what heaven must be Shane.” Ilya said as he made his way over to the fence where five alpacas were already waiting. Shane had to admit they were pretty cute, but he was keeping his distance, the last thing he needed was an alpaca spitting in his face or hair.
“Hello my babies,” Ilya spoke out to them all as he gave each of them a pat on the head. The animals themselves basked in the attention as they pushed forward to get closer to him.
One of them got wind of the last cup of food Ilya still had and started pushing towards it, tongue coming out as if it could reach the food through the fence.
“Ah yes you must be very hungry, Shane come help.”
Shane reluctantly made his way closer while speaking. “I think I’ve fed enough for one day.”
Instead of trying to convince him otherwise Ilya just handed the cup over to Shane and held out both of his own hands.
“There’s so many of them,” he said earnestly, “I must maximize feeding.”
Shane huffed a laugh, the kind that made his cheeks ache from how much he’d been smiling all day. “You’re ridiculous.”
Without arguing further, he took the cup and poured a generous handful of the small, grainy pellets into each of Ilya’s outstretched hands, stacking them carefully until Ilya’s palms were practically overflowing.
Then Ilya stepped closer to the fence and extended them toward the alpacas with barely contained glee.
Shane lifted his phone, quietly snapping photos of the scene in front of him, of Ilya standing at the fence, hands full of feed, laughing as alpacas leaned in with shameless enthusiasm.The sound carried easily through the open space, light and unguarded.
It reminded Shane of something bright and steady, like birdsong cutting through noise he didn’t realize had been sitting in his chest all day.
Six months ago, Shane wouldn’t have imagined this. He wouldn’t have imagined the ease of it, or the fact that he’d be here at all, on a date, standing in a petting zoo without constantly scanning the edges of the world for judgment or eyes or consequences waiting to catch up with him.
Instead he was here in the moment as his husband, Ilya Hollander-Rozanov, stood feeding a whole pack of alpacas with a smile so bright that it would rival the sun.
Throwing the risk of being spat on to the wind, Shane made his way over to Ilya, wrapping his arms around his waist and planting his chin on his shoulder. He couldn’t help but drop the smallest kiss on the bare skin of his neck.
“I thought no kissing till I burn the first layer of my skin off in the shower,” Ilya said to him as he turned his head just slightly, planting a kiss of his own on Shane’s forehead.
“Changed my mind.”
Ilya only hummed in response, as he turned back to the alpacas, his hands now empty.
They spent another fifteen minutes there. Eventually, though, the sun began to shift and it was time to leave.
“Oh Shane, wait.”
“What? Did you lose something? It better not have been the keys, this is why I tell you to give them to me.”
“No, I have the keys.” Ilya patted his pockets with exaggerated seriousness, then nodded to himself. “Okay, I definitely have the keys.”
Shane exhaled. “Good.”
But then Ilya’s attention snapped past him again, eyes lighting up with sudden purpose. “Okay. But look, he is smiling.”
Shane looked to where Ilya was pointing, seeing one alpaca still standing by the fence with what looked to be a huge smile on his face.
“Let me guess,” Shane started. “He looks-“
“He looks like you,” Ilya finished for him as he dropped Shane’s hand and made his way over.
He took what, in Shane’s opinion, were far too many pictures before finally seeming satisfied and wandering back. Only then did he reach for Shane again, slotting their hands together as if it had never been anything else, and started guiding them toward the parking lot.
The noise of the barn faded behind them, replaced by open air and the soft crunch of gravel underfoot. Shane felt the last traces of hay and dust still clinging to his clothes, but it didn’t bother him as much anymore.
“I love you.”
Ilya looked at him and squeezed his hand just once. “I love you too.”
——————-
The next day, when Shane woke up and made his way into the kitchen for his morning smoothie, I sight like no other greeted him from their fridge.
