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The office was deserted, everyone out on assignment or at a boring meeting or something. Ed didn't really care. The stupid colonel had insisted he come in in person to submit his report and he couldn't even bother to be there. Ed walked around the office listlessly. He wanted to leave, just go to the library and get back to his research. The colonel's latest lead had gone absolutely nowhere and they were back to square one. Alphonse was already waiting at the library.
Ed had never been alone in the office before. He felt an overwhelming desire to snoop around, see what kind of skeletons Mustang's men had in their closet. All he found was boring paperwork, an old chessboard, a few books. But sitting in the top drawer of Havoc's desk was his pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Granny smoked like a chimney, when she wasn't in surgery she always had a lit cigarette in her hand. She told Winry, Ed and Al to never touch the stuff but she seemed to like it.
And Havoc did always look so cool with a lit cig dangling from his lips. Ed picked up the cigarette box and flipped it open. He tried to pry one of them loose and then remembered the way Havoc would shake one out of the box. He glanced around to make sure there was no one there watching him. He was sure he'd get chewed out, be told that smoking was for grown ups and he was just a kid and then sent off to do the colonel's dirty work even though he was "just a kid."
But the office was empty, the hallway outside was empty, so Ed took a seat at Mustang's desk, putting his feet up on the neat stacks of paperwork. It took him a few tries to get the lighter to spark and a few more to keep it lit long enough to light the cigarette. He held the cig in one hand and the lighter in the other, before he remembered that Havoc always lit them holdign the cigarette between his lips.
The cigarette caught. Ed nearly dropped both it and the lighter but he fumbled and caught both with his metal hand, avoiding a burn. Ed put the cigarette back to his lips and inhaled. And immediately started coughing his lungs out. He coughed until his eyes watered, holding the lit cigarette between index and middle finger like he'd see Havoc do. Ed struggled to catch his breath and then looked down at the cigarette with disdain. Why did adults like these things so much? Smoking was just like, well, breathing smoke.
Ed gave it a second chance, putting it back between his lips. This time it went down smoother and Ed only coughed a little. It still wasn't pleasant, the taste of tobacco and tar was harsh, bitter and acidic and the smoke burned his lungs.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, kid?"
Ed jumped and looked guiltily at the door where Havoc was standing, hands on his hips, eyebrows raised. Ed pulled the cigarette out from between his lips and crushed it in a metal fist. "No-nothing."
"You know better than to touch my cigarettes, Ed. What's gotten in to you?" Havoc crossed the room and took Ed's hand, opening his fist to take the crushed cigarette out of his hand.
"I just wanted to try them." Ed took his feet off of Mustang's desk, mumbling to the floor.
"You're thirteen, Ed, far too young to smoke." Havoc picked up the mostly full carton and lighter off of the desk and turned them over in his hands.
"I'm not a little kid!" Ed protested, crossing his arms and definitely not pouting. "Everyone always treats me like one, but I'm in the military, too! I outrank you."
"That still doesn't mean you're old enough to smoke, Ed," Havoc said. He sighed. "I'm disappointed in you. I thought you were smarter than this."
"Why do you get to smoke and I can't?" Ed complained. "If it's so bad, why do you do it?"
"You know what?" Havoc pulled out another cigarette. "You wanna smoke, smoke."
"What?" Ed said, sitting up. He didn't get another word out because Havoc put the cigarette between his lips and lit it.
"You're gonna smoke the whole carton," Havoc said. "That ought to teach you what you can and can't handle."
Ed was already coughing from the smoke. He pulled the cigarette from his lips and coughed a bit more. "I don't want to smoke anymore."
"Too late, kid." Havoc crossed his arms. "You wanted to smoke, so you're gonna finish the carton."
Havoc pulled one of the other chairs over and sat watching as Ed smoked his second ever cigarette. As soon as it had burned down to the filter, Havoc lit another one and handed it to Ed.
Ed smoked that one and the one after that. He was starting to feel shaky, jittery and nauseous. At least he wasn't coughing so much anymore.
"Do I really have to do this? I won't touch your cigarettes again," Ed said halfway through the carton. He felt awful. The tobacco tasted disgusting and it was starting to make Ed feel sick.
"I need to make sure the lesson sticks. You're halfway through," Havoc handed Ed another lit cigarette.
"Havoc!"
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"
Ed glanced at the door to see Hawkeye and Mustang coming in in their matching dark coats, dripping water on the floor. Ed missed the furious expressions on their faces because he started coughing so hard he threw up all over Mustang's desk.
"Shit!" Havoc cursed, putting a steadying hand on Ed's shoulder.
Hawkeye didn't censure the two men for cursing in front of Ed like she usually would, instead she ran forward and snuffed out the still burning cigarette under her shoe.
"Why were you letting a thirteen year old smoke? I thought you knew better than that, Havoc!" Hawkeye said angrily, putting a cool hand on Ed's forehead and helping him sit back in the chair. "Come on, put your arms up over your head, Ed."
"I wasn't letting him." Havoc protested, weakly.
"Then what were you doing? Because it looked a lot like you were encouraging him." Mustang's voice was low and dangerous and Havoc jumped at the words, fear written all over his face.
"I caught him stealing one of mine so I was teaching him a lesson, Colonel Mustang, sir," Havoc said, straightening out into a salute.
"A lesson?" Mustang knelt down on the floor in front of Ed's chair, narrowly avoiding the puddle of vomit. He pulled out a handkerchief and wiped at Ed's wet eyes.
Ed wanted to say something but every time he opened his mouth he started coughing again.
"I was..." Havoc swallowed audibly. "I was having him smoke the whole pack."
"He's thirteen!" Hawkeye had slipped her cold hand under the collar of Ed's shirt, her other hand was stroking his forehead. Ed couldn't help but lean into the touch. "He shouldn't have even smoked the one. Roy, we've got to take him to the hospital."
"Come on, kid, up you go." Roy helped Ed to his feet.
His footing was unsure and he was a bit wobbly, but Hawkeye slung an arm around him to steady him.
"I didn't think he'd get sick from it. I stole one of my dad's cigs when I was his age and that's what my dad had me do. I was fine." Havoc took a step forward but stopped when Mustang glared at him.
"Havoc, you go through what? A pack and a half a day? Do you really think you're the best example here?" Mustang took Ed's coat down off the hook and helped him shrug into it.
Ed felt a lot like he was going to throw up again.
"Don't think you're getting off the hook for this," Hawkeye said over her shoulder as she helped Ed out into the hallway. He felt jittery and nauseous. Everything was moving so slowly and so fast all at the same time.
"Clear my schedule and let the others know where we've gone. Track down Alphonse and let him know you put his brother in the hospital." Mustang followed behind Ed and Hawkeye, a glowering storm of rage.
"It was an honest mistake, sir," Havoc followed them out into the hallway.
"Don't push it, lieutenant," Mustang said.
"I'm sorry," Ed said miserably as they led him outside into the rain. "I just wanted to see what it was like."
"Oh, Ed, it's not your fault. We don't blame you at all." Hawkeye helped him into the backseat of Mustang's car and then slid in the back next to him.
"It's a little his fault," Mustang said as he opened the driver's side door.
"Drive the car, sir," Hawkeye said flatly.
They got halfway to the hospital before Ed started to get nauseous again. "I think I'm gonna-"
But he couldn't get the rest of the sentence out before he lost his lunch entirely all over the backseat of the car and Hawkeye's boots.
"I just had this car detailed," Mustang complained from the driver's seat.
"It's okay, Ed, let it all out. It'll help you feel better." Hawkeye stroked his hair soothingly.
Ed leaned his head against her shoulder and closed his eyes.
Mustang expedited their check in at the hospital with a flash of his state alchemists watch, putting the three of them in a room to wait for a doctor with almost no time in the over crowded waiting room.
The nurse checked Ed's vitals, clucking over his rapid heart rate.
Ed was starting to feel a bit better, a bit more clear-headed, after throwing up all over the backseat of Mustang's car. Ed had a well earned hatred of hospitals, needles, and medical settings. "I think I'm ok now. Can we go?"
"No, Fullmetal, we can't go. You need to be checked out by the doctor before we go anywhere." Mustang was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and a sour expression on his face.
Hawkeye was sitting in the chair next to Ed's hospital bed. She still had sick splattered on her shoes but had taken the time to wipe off the bottoms of her pants with a wet paper towel while Mustang waited with Ed in the waiting room.
"Why don't we pick up Alphonse and take you to get ice cream or something once you're cleared by the doctor?" Hawkeye suggested.
"Don't bribe the kid, lieutenant," Mustang said. "He's the one who picked up the cigarettes in the first place. We shouldn't reward him for that."
"I think he's had more than enough of consequences for his actions, sir," Hawkeye said calmly. "It's Havoc you should be blaming."
"Oh, I am, Hawkeye, don't worry about that." Mustang sat down heavily in the other chair. "What the fuck was that idiot thinking."
"Language, sir," Hawkeye chided.
"I've heard far worse from Fullmetal over a stubbed toe," Mustang grumbled.
The doctor came in a few minutes later.
"So you caught your son smoking?" The doctor said, consulting his clipboard.
"Our misguided-"
"I wouldn't call it misguided-"
"friend caught him with a cigarette and thought it would be a good idea to make him smoke the whole box." Hawkeye said, a comforting hand on Ed's back.
"He was acting really out of it and he's been sick twice." Mustang added. "We were worried so we brought him here."
"I'm fine now," Ed said but his point was belayed by a harsh coughing fit that made him bend over and gag once again. When he caught is breath he said "I don't need a doctor."
"Your parents were right to bring you in, son. Tobacco isn't for children. Let's get him on an IV and give him a breathing treatment and we'll move on from there." The doctor wrote something down on his clipboard.
Ed hated getting IVs but he hated the breathing treatment even more. The stupid breathing mask was too big and the medicine kept condensing and dripping down his face. But it did help with the ache in his lungs. They gave him some medicine for the nausea as well, which did help, though Ed was pretty sure he'd thrown up everything in his stomach in the backseat of Mustang's car.
Ed still wasn't sure why he wasn't in trouble for that. Mustang loved that car more than anything, maybe even more than Hawkeye, and he was always bitchy about getting it messed up. But so far, neither Mustang nor Hawkeye were at all mad at him for throwing up or making them leave work to take him to the doctor.
Aside from a few snide comments (that Hawkeye immediately shot down), Mustang wasn't even angry at him for smoking.
"So where do you want to get ice cream?" Mustang asked as they were taking out his IV.
"I thought you said no bribes." Ed closed his eyes and looked away as they pulled at the tape of his IV. He felt Hawkeye's hand slip into his free one and squeeze, and he was so surprised by that he didn't even notice them pull the IV out.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm not happy you stole one of Havoc's cigarettes," Mustang said. "But I think you've learned your lesson. Have you learned you lesson?"
"Yeah, yeah," Ed said. "I won't smoke ever again after this."
"Smart boy." Mustang actually ruffled his hair. And smiled at him. The bastard.