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“Do you feel guilty?”
Two Time turns, glancing in the direction of that familiar voice, one they’ve yearned to hear for so long. The wind around them breezes by, and they’re standing in a field of flowers. In the distance, a figure stands, waiting for them. It was the person they had so dearly loved, Azure. His hat sways in the wind, nearly carried away into the horizon. He’s staring at them, a knowing look in his eyes.
The world… was nothing but cruel to them. They know that they have done something unforgivable, a sin that cannot be undone—but why must the Spawn be so cruel, and haunt them? Was a torment like this a truly necessary punishment?
“Azure…? Is that you?” Two Time questions, though they’re barely able to choke out those words. The feeling of guilt has begun to fester in their chest, unwilling to let go of its hold on them. They can hardly breathe, let alone speak properly. And they can't do anything but watch Azure fade away, just like he did so many nights ago. They’ve grown accustomed to this tortuous routine, of constantly seeing their shadow and having to live their days with nothing but regret in their heart. This cruelty had almost become an old friend, of sorts—but it could never replace that void in their heart, the one that wished to see their beloved again.
Azure refuses to move. Despite all of Two Time’s cries, he remains there, his expression twisting into something along the lines of pain and grief. “Why did you betray me, Two? I trusted you."
Two Time takes a step forward, hoping to make amends. But in the end, it is a fruitless effort. They cannot do anything but watch this dream play out, over and over again. If only I could go back into the past, and change it. If only I could undo what I have done, and fix what’s been lost.
“And I loved you—”
"You liar,” Azure spits out, his words dripping with venom. But underneath it, hurt bleeding out, present in every syllable. The wind around them starts to pick up, turning from a gentle breeze to the warnings of an incoming storm. “Look at what you’ve ruined."
Before Two Time can say anything else, his figure turns, and fades away into the wind. Within seconds, the peaceful abode transforms into a world of their own torment. The empty hole in the ground is now filled, with aged dirt and blooming flowers. The flowers surround that messy pile, mixed with spilled blood and past regrets. Their own blood seems to stain the soil beneath their feet as they collapse to their knees, burying themselves amongst the body of the deceased. Their arms reach out, wrapping around the petals, and whatever that has been left of him.
"I hate you, Two. And I will never, ever forgive you.”
Something bitter rises in their throat. It's the faint scent of nightshades, blooming viciously in their lungs. They cough weakly, choking more loose petals into the soil before the pain eventually subsides, dulling into nothing more than a memory. They settle onto the ground, though it feels cold and unwelcoming. They feel like a visitor, if anything—they don't quite belong with the fallen, but they aren't deserving of living, either. Around them, the wind drifts past once again, just like always, except it now carries something sweet in its midst… the finality of knowing that this is the end.
Goodbye, my sweet world.
They slowly close their eyes, ready to embrace the inevitable kiss of death. To let it take them, for they have nothing left to lose. The end is nigh, and after an eternity of waiting, it has come for them. After all their sins, they can finally rest, and atone for everything, every mistake they’ve made. They can meet their beloved, and apologise for what they’ve done.
But this is not mercy. This is retribution, one they know they deserve.
They wake up from that dream.
They’re dripping with cold sweat, but that's not what worries them. No, it's the feeling of something curling around their neck, tightening its grasp on them. They struggle for air, and the world begins to spin, becoming nothing more than a blur in the endless darkness. In their panic, their hand slips towards the drawer, hoping to find something to aid their plight. But an insidious thing waits inside, urging them towards their downfall. A thought slips into their mind, one worthy of sin.
In the end, death meets them once again. The blade rests in their grasp, heavy and damning. Their sleeves have been drawn up, revealing the bare skin underneath. The silver twists between their fingers, finding its way against skin and bones. And the object lingers there, waiting for their choice. The abyss beyond calls to them, beckoning for their soul to return to its rightful place, and to be reunited with the one they betrayed.
Death does not grant them mercy today, however. There’s a knock at the door, one that halts their downward spiral. It seems as though someone has requested their presence at this ungodly honour.
Just like that, life has kept them trapped between its teeth, refusing to let go. Another day they shall live, unfortunately, while the world slips by. Time has long since lost its meaning, feeling almost distant, alongside everything else in their life. There is little purpose left beyond serving their god and continuing onward. The blade slips from their grasp, returning to its rightful place in the drawer, as all things should be. It is for another time, another attempt—just not right now.
Wearily, Two Time rises to their feet. Today, the world calls for them, and they, dutiful as always, shall answer.
The one waiting at the door is another familiar face. Elliot Builder, the healer of the group. He was another survivor just like them, trapped within this purgatory and forced to endure such deathly games. But unlike them, he was a kind soul, someone undeserving of being stuck in such a wretched place. He was kind to everyone, making sure they were feeling alright, and tending to their wounds. A truly admirable soul, if they must say.
“Heya, I just wanted to check in on you. Heard some stuff, and well… are you okay?” Elliot asks, eyes sparkling with concern. Even now, he worries for them, even when he shouldn't. He was the most innocent of them all—the only one who did not deserve the fate of being trapped here for the rest of eternity. He must have heard their cries, or something close to it—inevitable pained sounds that slipped free from their nightmare.
Two Time nods, trying to reassure him, though it feels forced, just like a puppet on a string. Elliot sees through their act almost immediately.
“Did you have another nightmare?” he asks again, growing even more concerned. He knew how bad it could get, especially for Two Time… honestly, they regret admitting the truth to him. It made lies harder to tell, though it did ease their burden on their mind, ever so slightly. The confession had come out during a moment of vulnerability, when they had let the truth slip past their lips and confessed the struggles they had faced when night fell. Ever since then, Elliot had worried about them, and tried his best to pay attention to every little thing they did. He had begun to see through the lies, the words they would tell to dissuade the others. Just like now.
“I did,” they answer, though their voice sounds more distant than before. They don't want to become a burden to Elliot, and drag him deeper into a sin they themselves cannot crawl out of. He doesn't deserve that, not at all. And they certainly don't deserve his kindness.
“I’m fine, Elliot. You need not be concerned."
But he doesn't buy it. He reaches forward, and tugs lightly at the edge of their sleeve, unwilling to leave them alone with their spiralling thoughts.
“Don’t say that. I... worry about you. A lot.”
He doesn't say it outright. He doesn't put that unspoken fear into words, because he knows he doesn't need to. They both know what he’s alluding to, what he means to say—that he’s afraid of what they might do to themselves. Rightfully so… the last time he had found them, they had been in another state of turmoil, one far worse than before.
"Can I…?”
Elliot begins, before trailing off, unsure of how to continue. Although they don't directly voice his request to stay with them, they already understand what he means to ask. That tugging at their sleeve, and that unwillingness to leave… he simply wants to stay close to them tonight, and make sure they’re alright.
Surely it couldn't hurt, right? To accept their request, and let him in their heart, just this once. They just have to give him the permission to do so.
“Only because it’s you, dear Elliot.”
Two Time steps aside, allowing him to enter the room and accompany them for the night, before shutting the door behind them. Usually, Elliot would sleep at the side of the room, either on the sofa or the spare bed, but this time, he seems to carry another idea in mind. He’s looking down at the ground, fidgeting with the loose fabric of his pyjamas.
“Would you mind if we both shared the bed? I don't want to be alone right now either. But it's okay if you don't! I… I’m sorry—”
“I don't mind."
At that, he doesn't say anything—he only offers them a faint, yet grateful smile in return. Two Time walks towards the bed, and fluffs up another pillow, making sure it was comfortable for him. Then, they settle onto the sheets, leaving enough space for Elliot to lie right beside them. They don't usually do this, but they don't mind. Elliot quietly settles alongside them, still as quiet as before. Perhaps he doesn't know what to say, how to break the awkward tension between the two… and Two Time doesn't either. They simply glance towards him, looking at his face.
Huh. They had never noticed it before… but Elliot, he looked tired. In the past, they had been too busy to pay proper attention to their face, but now that they’re this close, they can finally see the exhaustion in his eyes—there are dark circles hidden underneath, probably from sleepless nights that must have passed without them ever realising. Two Time finds themselves staring intently at his face, something that he picks up on instantly.
“Is there something on my face? You’re… staring at me.”
Two Time blinks, the sound of his voice catching them off guard, and snapping them out of their train of thought. “My apologies. I didn't mean to, I was just… thinking.”
“About what?” Elliot asks, curious about what they were going to say.
And there are so many things they want to tell him, that they wish they could. They want to tell him about the endless nightmares, and their thoughts of dying. But none of it ever leaves their mouth—they dare not admit the truth, and lose him too, just like how they lost their beloved Azure. Instead, they decide to focus on him for once, and ask why he had seemed so tired lately.
“You seem restless. Did you… have a nightmare as well?”
For a moment, Elliot looks hesitant, like he’s uncertain on whether he should tell them the truth, or simply utter another fruitless lie. Eventually, honesty wins over, and he nods slowly, admitting that he did, indeed, have a nightmare, just like them. “I did, yeah.”
Two Time however, is slightly surprised by his sudden confession. The reason was not that it was seen as unwelcome by them—on the contrary, they were glad Elliot felt as though he could trust them with such a personal burden. But rather that they had never expected him to do such a thing. He had never spoken about his own struggles with them, or with anyone else on the team. He had always kept such things to himself, never wanting to trouble others with his issues. But here it was, laid out for them… a rare moment of vulnerability, between the two. And they’ll be damned if they don't use this as an opportunity to understand him a little better, and repay him for all the aid he’s given them in the past.
“Might I ask what it was about?”
Elliot bites his lip, nearly drawing blood. He stops, however, upon seeing Two Time’s uneasy frown at his harmful action. “Well, I don't want to trouble you…”
But they refuse to let him brush it aside. Not again… they won't allow it to happen. They gently reach for his hand, wrapping their fingers around his, hoping to provide some form of comfort to his weary soul.
“Please, Elliot. Just tell me whatever it is that is on your mind… you know I will not judge.”
Elliot looks at them, meeting their kind gaze. Eventually, he lets out a soft sigh, and relents—he could not resist such pleading eyes. And although he doesn't reveal much about his struggles, it's enough for them to understand what was truly going on.
“I don't usually get so emotional about things like this, but… it was about my family. I thought they died, and I just miss them so much, y’know? I feel so lonely here, and I can't help but worry about them.”
At first, Two Time says nothing. They offer no words of advice, nor anything meant for solace. Instead, they simply squeeze his hand once more, and lean in a little closer, serving as a reminder to him that he was not alone.
“It must be difficult, being away from the ones you love for so long.”
“It is," Elliot admits quietly, fighting back the tears beginning to form in the corner of his eyes. "I’m just so scared, and I don't know what to do. What if they’re hurt, or worse? I have no idea if they're even okay, and—”
Suddenly, he pauses, seemingly realising how much he’s said, how many vulnerabilities he’s revealed to them. Those thoughts were never meant to escape his mind, let alone leave his lips. Regret starts to sink in, and it’s clearly present in his voice.
“Ah, I’m sorry… I ended up talking too much again. I didn’t mean to...”
“No, it’s alright. You need not apologise,” they murmur, slowly withdrawing their hand from Elliot’s before resting it atop his head instead. Their fingers slip through his soft hair, and they begin to stroke it gently, while offering him soft, comforting pats. “I promise that I do not mind such things. I’ll always be here to listen to you, alright?"
This was their way of doing things, of showing affection to others. They were never quite good with words, so they could only hope that their actions were enough to express their intent. And they truly meant what they said—they did not mind comforting him in the slightest, as a way of showing their thanks for all of the times he had cared for them.
“Thank you,” Elliot breathes, words barely above a whisper. There's a look in his eyes, one they recognise almost instantly—it’s devotion, wrapped in layers of untouched kindness, one they dare not accept—they are afraid of ruining his good nature, of tempting them with sins they cannot be forgiven for. “That means a lot to me.”
Two Time desperately tries to erase that memory, but that look on his face… it lingers in their mind, unwilling to fade.
I can see the light in your eyes, and feel the way it is bleeding into my veins, making me believe I am worthy of forgiveness. But I wish not to put this rising sensation in my chest into words, for I fear what it will mean for the both of us. And even as I reject your memory, like I have countless times in the past, I cannot erase your feelings of pity. Your eyes, they sparkle brightly, and you continue to look at me, as though I mean something to you—like my wretched existence is somehow worthy of your love.
Then, Elliot pulls them closer, enveloping them into a soft hug. Two Time is pressed so close against them that they can practically feel his heartbeat beneath his ribs—it is the reminder that both he and them are alive, that this isn't simply a dream they can brush aside. They can feel their warmth slowly wrapping around them, melting away the cold that clung to their skin, and the secrets they’ve kept buried deep within their heart.
With your own two hands, you have granted me that salvation I have so desperately sought. You treat me kindly, and with so much endless affection, though I know I am far from deserving of it.
They stay in that position for a while longer, until Elliot withdraws from them, releasing their body from his grasp. But he still keeps his hand in theirs, as reassurance that they are never as alone as they believe themselves to be. And eventually, the time of slumber comes.
“Sorry, I’m feelin’ kinda sleepy," he mumbles drowsily, about to drift off into the world of dreams. “Goodnight…"
“Goodnight, Elliot," they answer, before realising they’ve already been overcome by sleep.
"May you have the sweetest of dreams.”
That is a hope Two Time wishes for Elliot, that he may find some reprieve through the endless torment of his nightmares. They wish the best for him, even if they know they cannot do so for themselves. Because deep down, they know they won't be able to find sleep so easily… they could never embrace comfort as readily as he does. They know that they will end up lying awake in bed, waiting until Elliot wakes. Even in his arms, surrounded by his kind warmth, they are still not granted the mercy of rest.
Tomorrow will come eventually. Life will go on, and this fleeting comfort will never last. Despite how fervently they pray for this torment to end, they know it never will.
I am not worthy of forgiveness. And I do not believe myself to be worthy of someone as kind as you, Elliot. Even if you ask me to make you a promise that I will treasure this life, it will be nothing but lies and false hopes that I will have given you. My mind has long since decayed, with my conscience all but rotting away. I have already ruined everything that I have loved. I seek redemption that I am undeserving of.
All my life, I have waited for a light that will never come for me, for a peace I can never be granted.
Two Time’s eyes drift back to Elliot—to his sleeping, peaceful figure, so oblivious to the tragedies they have resigned themselves to. He remains unaware of the guilt they carry, the past they know they cannot escape, and the burning desire they have to finally end it all.
I’m truly sorry. I hope you understand.
He probably thinks that they’re getting better, always being by their side. And they wish they could say it was true, but it isn't. All they’ve done is waste his effort, and his precious time. Just like always, they have proven themselves unworthy, time and time again. They have hurt everyone in their life, and now… they are hurting him too.
Please, forgive me. I beg of you, Elliot.