Chapter Text
“Do you ever have any regrets, Azure?”
Azure remembers that fateful day, when Two Time had asked him that simple question. He had thought nothing of it, and assumed it was another philosophical question of theirs, meant to be answered by the Spawn.
“Of course… but doesn't everyone? I mean, living life without any regrets is kind of impossible, right?”
Back then, Two Time had given him a look—one he hadn't understood then, but one he understands now. He had initially chalked it up to something else, not knowing what they had truly been asking.
“Mm… I suppose you’re right.”
And just like that, came the end of the conversation.
If only I had known what you had meant to say, Two. If only I had seen the signs, before it all ended. If only…
You had been begging me for help. To see that you were struggling, with the weight of the world on your shoulders. But I had remained as oblivious as ever, thinking nothing of it.
Now, I understand what you meant. What you had kept hidden from me, underneath that smile. You had so many regrets, so many secrets you never dared confess to me. I wish you had told me, Two. I wish I could have helped you, so you didn't have to endure such struggles, all by yourself.
Even now, I can't help but think about that conversation we had, when you asked me whether I had any regrets. If I had told you that despite having them, you could still live on… that you were still worthy of kindness, even if you saw yourself as flawed… would things have changed? Would the outcome be different?
That was one of the last times I saw you, Two. It was one of the last true conversations we had. And the words I should have done something is all that echoes in his mind, haunting him at every waking moment. But no matter what he does, he knows he cannot fix things. He cannot go back to things once was. And now, he will forever be reaching for something he cannot have, someone who had slipped by his grasp, just barely.
Why must the world be so cruel?
He stands there at the edge, barely more than a ghost. As he watches them carry the body to the center of the earth, ready to be buried, his breathing grows weak, with his heart growing unbearably heavy.
I wish I could have had more time with you, Two. I’m sorry I didn't notice sooner… I wish I could have saved you.
Amarah, their mentor, places a hand on Azure’s shoulder, hoping to provide some form of comfort to them. But it does the exact opposite—if anything, it sends a chill down his spine. He could never bring himself to trust them, especially after everything that had happened.
“It will be over soon," they murmur softly, their words meant to reassure him. But it only makes him feel worse, realising that within minutes, they will be buried into the ground, forever lost to the world. That they would be forgotten, becoming nothing more than a body devoid of meaning.
No, it won't. Stop lying to me. Things could never be the same without you, my nightshade. How can I possibly accept this, and move on? How can you expect such a thing, after seeing what the world has robbed from me?
Amarah doesn't know about the burdens he’s carrying, the secrets they’ve left buried. It was something they both held for a very long time—it was the fact that they were in love, and cared for each other deeply. It was something they had hid well, especially from the elders like Amarah. It was because such romantic love was forbidden in the cult, as it was believed that one’s love should only be reserved for the Spawn. One could not be devoted to one another, without being alienated from their name. So for him to suffer such a loss… to them, it seemed like he merely lost a friend. But to him, he had lost his entire universe, his very reason for living. His love and joy, the one who gave him purpose.
To them, they were replaceable. Nothing more than an expendable devotee. To Azure, they were irreplaceable. They were their everything, and their other half. The soul that completed him, that made him feel whole. And now, they are gone.
An accident, they had called it. A sacrifice gone wrong. Fancy words, meant to cover up the truth—they did not wish to invoke panic in the crowd of devoted followers. But Azure knew better. He knew the lies they told, those insidious justifications they had used to convince themselves that they were of no fault.
Two Time had killed themselves. And the cult had made them do it.
He remembers walking to their room, thoughts filled with concern. He had been wondering why he hadn't seen them all day, and realised that they hadn't even left their room. They must have slept in, he guesses, though it was unusual for them to do such a thing. They usually woke up bright and early everyday, always ready to recite their daily prayers. But this morning had been different, unlike the rest. Perhaps they simply needed more sleep, and chose that particular day to do so.
You should have known the truth, Azure. And maybe you did… maybe you knew something was wrong, but you refused to believe it. What a fool.
Azure softly knocks on their door, waiting for a response. But there's nothing, except silence. He knocks again, growing more worried by the second. Once again, no one answers him.
“Two? Are you okay?”
Still, there's nothing. He knocks harder, again and again…
Something’s wrong. I can feel it.
Eventually, he wraps his hand around the doorknob, ready to force it open. He pushes it, assuming it was locked, but turns out it wasn't.
Please, just be okay. You have to be.
Azure gently opens the door…
The room is dark. The curtains by the window have been drawn, refusing to let any light enter the room. But in that darkness, he can make out a faint glint of metal, lying on the ground.
A familiar-looking blade. It was their dagger. But what was it doing here? And where were they?
Then, Azure takes an uneasy step forward into the room. His foot ends up landing on something that makes his skin crawl. His fingers fumble about, looking for the lamp nearby.
With a quick tug, the lamp turns on, bathing the room in light. The first thing that hit him is the smell—it’s that of iron. No, he’s wrong. It’s blood.
His eyes land on the floor. And that's when he sees it… his worst fear come true.
Two Time is lying by the bedside, the dagger in hand. A long, deep slash runs across their wrists, and their head is tilted to the side, with their eyes pale and lifeless.
No. No, this can’t be happening…
Azure instantly rushes forward, before giving their body a shake, hoping to stir them from whatever this was, and to convince himself this was just merely a horrible dream. “Two…? Please, you have to wake up.”
He shakes them again, desperately hoping for a response. None comes, and the only sound he can hear is the rapid pounding of his heartbeat, drumming away in his ears. He rips off his cloak, trying to press it against their wounds, to stop the bleeding—he needs to do something, anything to save them. His hands tremble as he presses deeper, watching as the blood continues to spill out, staining the ground a horrifying crimson. A pained scream escapes him, a noise he didn't even know he was capable of making.
“HELP! SOMEONE, PLEASE—”
Underneath them, their body has grown cold. He tugs at them again, begging for them to wake up, to open their eyes, and tell him that it was all going to be okay. But no matter how hard he pleads, they never do. And they never will.
You were already gone when I found you, Two. There was no saving you—I cannot bring back the dead. I’m sorry, I should have tried harder. And I wish…
“It’s time, Azure.”
Amarah’s voice calls out to him, snapping him out of his thoughts. Azure realises he has been spacing out again, his thoughts forming into a downward spiral. They seem concerned for him, but he ignores it, not wanting to engage with them any further.
It’s time for him to say his goodbyes. Even if he doesn't want to, he must—because he will never get a chance like this again.
Slowly, Azure walks forward, towards the body lying in the ground. He can't even kiss them goodbye, because the others would find out the truth. He can only stand there, watching from a distance, forced to play his role and silently bid them farewell.
He knows that life is unfair, that he should be grateful for the Spawn’s blessing. But none of it makes sense. Death isn't supposed to, but it just… doesn't. The Spawn was a cruel god, for taking you away from me.
How can you be gone, Two? How can I possibly accept this outcome? Weren't you alright, just hours ago?
Azure wordlessly stares down at the body, unsure of what to say. It all feels unreal, from the way their eyes will remain forever closed, to the way he knows he will never feel true joy again, not without them by his side. A few flowers rest near their hands—a couple of white roses, the prettiest of the bunch he had picked out from his garden. At the very least, he had been given this. This was the only way he could express his love for them, and how much he truly missed them.
“Goodbye, Two," he murmurs softly, the words barely above a whisper. His eyes are unable to tear away from the body, and he stares at it, memorising his last moments with them.
Goodbye, my one and only love.
After that, the funeral processions begin. It's a quick, short ceremony, one that feels far too brief for him to grieve properly. That's not enough time to cry, not enough time to process they are truly gone. And there never will be.
When the funeral comes to an end, Azure cannot bring himself to leave. Even as they begin to fill the grave with dirt, he cannot move an inch. This void left in his heart remains, unable to be filled with something as meaningless as the soil underneath him. And even as the others start to walk away, including Amarah, he stays there, rooted in place, watching the spot where they once rested.
Please. Please say this is just a horrible dream. Let me wake up, and see you alive, right by my side. Tell me that such a tragedy cannot be true, Two.
Something wet drips down his face. The tears have begun to flow, spilling free onto his cheeks. He waits there, for what seems like an eternity, praying that they will somehow rise, and miraculously return into his arms. Eventually, the clouds gather alongside him, waiting. It starts to rain, and the water soaks his clothes entirely—and despite that, he does not move.
I always thought that we would be together, for the rest of our days. That we will grow old together, and live life to the fullest… but now, I know that was nothing more than a silly dream. I have been forced to bury you, far before me.
The memory of their face, pale and lifeless, is still engrained into his mind. He can still see the blood dripping across their wrists, forming a puddle on the ground. And the way they looked… they had seemed so peaceful, as though they had welcomed the end willingly. Had they really been suffering for so long, while he had remained unaware? Had they really found solace in their death?
What a fool you are, Azure.
Even as it begins to rain more heavily, he continues to cry, unable to stop. The heavens pour above him, seemingly mourning his loss as well—maybe they pity him, shown in a grief he cannot express.
The Spawn truly is a cruel god.
Dark spots dance across his vision, as the storm above envelopes him, drowning him in its misery. He’s just about to pass on, to be swallowed up by the darkness—and he accepts his fate with open arms, unable to fight that pain for any longer. And as his eyes begin to close, there is only one thought that remains, one that has been waiting far longer than the cold that now seeps into his skin, with the sensation settling deep within his bones.
I wish I could join you, my nightshade.