Archive of Our Own

“i like you so much…” dohoon whispers, pacing around his room. “i like you so much. i like you so much.”

he types out the message and deletes it about fifteen times before taking a deep breath and sending it. he locks his phone immediately after and looks around, trying to ignore his racing heart. 

a few minutes later, his phone dings.

i like you a lot, too.

dohoon cannot hide the giddy smile that blooms across his face. but just as he’s about to celebrate, he hears a crash.

one of the porcelain swans on his desk has fallen to the floor and shattered to pieces. oh. okay. dohoon sighs and walks over to clean up the mess. he doesn’t have a dustpan in his room, so he just sweeps it up with his hands. it’s not until he sees a streak of red against the white porcelain that he realizes his finger is bleeding.

of course this would happen to him. he sighs again and unlocks his phone to stare at youngjae’s message, and it’s enough to make him smile once more. youngjae likes him too.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon wakes up to something shimmering in the sunlight. he opens his eyes fully and immediately scrambles to sit up in bed when he sees glitter all over his clothes and skin. what the hell happened here?

he lifts his arm and looks a little closer. it sparkles beautifully but doesn’t look like neatly cut glitter at all; it looks like shards of something broken. he spends a few minutes inspecting it before sighing. he has a class soon and he’s probably not going to figure out what this is before then, so he just takes his clothes off, praying to god that the washing machine can handle it, and steps into the shower to scrub the glitter off his skin.

it takes a while to go away. but the glitter flowing in the water is quite pretty, he thinks. even after getting out of the shower, there’s a few traces of glitter on his cheek. oh, whatever. he did his best.

but when he gets out of the bathroom, he catches sight of the two porcelain swans on his desk. what? he could’ve sworn one of them broke yesterday.

dohoon inspects his pinky finger and sure enough, there’s no trace of a cut. was it all a dream? but he remembers it bleeding quite a bit… he checks his messages to see if he dreamed the confession too, but the last message is from youngjae, just as he remembers. i like you a lot, too.

he doesn’t have time for this. he’s going to be late for class; he already spent way too much time in the shower. he’ll have to run if he wants to make it in time.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon makes it to his music theory class just in time. thank god, since the professor is strict about attendance. he takes his usual seat next to hanjin. his cheeks are flushed from the run and he’s breathing heavily.

hanjin raises an eyebrow.

“woke up late again?”

dohoon debates whether to explain what happened that morning, but before he can say anything, the professor starts the lecture.

throughout the lecture, he can feel hanjin’s suspicious eyes on him. 

“what?” dohoon hisses. hanjin picks out a shard of glitter from dohoon’s hair and narrows his eyes but doesn’t say anything. fuck.

after class ends, hanjin looks at him expectantly. dohoon doesn’t really feel like explaining the glitter, so he tells hanjin the next thing that comes to mind.

“so…” he says, smiling shyly, “i may or may not be dating someone now.”

hanjin’s eyes widen and he covers his mouth with his hand.

“oh my god, did you and jihoon finally get your shit together?”

dohoon tilts his head slightly in confusion.

“no…? jihoon is my best friend,” he says, looking at hanjin a little strangely before the giddy smile returns to his face. “i’m dating choi youngjae.”

hanjin’s eyes widen even further before he schools his expression into something slightly more neutral.

“oh? i’m so happy for you, hyung.”

dohoon beams.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

later that night, dohoon sits at the kitchen table across from his roommate, jihoon. dohoon has made two packets of ramyeon for them. he looks at jihoon curiously as jihoon takes the first bite.

“you know, if you just bought two of the same kind like i asked you to, i wouldn’t have had to mix two different brands.”

“i didn’t know!” jihoon whines. “you just told me to get two packets that i like. i thought you meant two different ones!”

“why on earth would i mean it like that?” dohoon asks, laughing exasperatedly. “but whatever. is it any good?”

jihoon takes another bite and hums.

“better than i expected. it’s not bad at all!”

dohoon finally puts some in his own bowl after hearing that. he takes a bite and yeah, it’s pretty good actually. thank god.

they eat about half of their meal in silence before jihoon speaks up again.

“so, hyung,” he starts, “are you and youngjae…?” he asks, trailing off.

dohoon narrows his eyes slightly.

“how do you know?”

jihoon just hums and tilts his head slightly, his expression unreadable.

“do you really like him? like, you’re sure he’s the one for you?”

dohoon is a bit suspicious, but he just responds with teasing.

“why, do you have a crush on him or something?” he asks, taking another bite. “or…” he grins, “do you have a crush on me?”

jihoon’s ears flush red but he laughs.

“yah, hyung, don’t say things like that.”

they both take a few more bites before dohoon responds to jihoon’s question properly.

“i like him a lot. i really do,” he says, a shy smile on his face. “i hope he’s the one for me.”

jihoon looks up at him, smiling genuinely.

“i’m happy for you, hyung. i hope he’s the one for you too.”

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

“youngjae,” dohoon starts, his hands behind his back, “do you wanna grab something to drink with me?”

youngjae looks up from his textbook and smiles at dohoon.

“yeah, sure.” he closes the textbook and puts it back on the shelf, and dohoon leads him out of the library and towards the café.

once they’re inside, youngjae turns to dohoon.

“what’re you gonna order?”

“just my usual,” dohoon says. “iced tea with a shot of espresso.”

youngjae hums.

“i’m not really in the mood for a drink, honestly. but i could use some sugar after all that studying. i think i’ll get a slice of the strawberry cake,” he says.

dohoon looks at the cake in the display case and nods.

“it looks really good. i’ll try some of yours!”

“of course,” youngjae replies, smiling.

once they get the cake and drink, they find a table in a sunny spot by the window and sit down. dohoon takes a sip of his drink and hums at the sweetness before extending it out to youngjae. youngjae tries it and tilts his head, thinking for a minute before nodding.

“it’s pretty good.”

he then opens the box with the cake in it and cuts a piece with his fork, popping it in his mouth. dohoon finds himself thinking youngjae looks ridiculously adorable when he eats, almost like a guinea pig. his eyes crinkle fondly.

“do you like it?” he asks.

youngjae nods enthusiastically, eyes wide, and offers a bite to dohoon.

dohoon leans in a bit for youngjae to feed him. youngjae takes the opportunity to wipe the cream from his fingers onto dohoon’s cheek, giggling, before placing the fork in dohoon’s mouth.

dohoon playfully narrows his eyes at youngjae and starts laughing too.

“this cake is so good. we should come here more often.”

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon is walking around campus after class when he remembers the results for theater auditions should’ve been posted today. his friend kyungmin is in theater, so dohoon thinks he should go check on him. he makes his way to the theater building and spots kyungmin right outside. dohoon calls out for him and kyungmin looks around for a second before spotting dohoon.

“hey, how did auditions go?” dohoon calls out as he walks over. “did you get the lead role?”

kyungmin laughs and lightly shoves dohoon’s shoulder.

“you know i wouldn’t get the lead role as a freshman,” he says. “besides, there’s no hope for anyone else as long as shin junghwan is there.”

dohoon nods at that. junghwan is really good; he’s gotten the lead role for most, if not all, of the plays their college has put on.

“i don’t mind at all though,” kyungmin says. “i’m more than happy to be citizen 1. less work for me!” he giggles. dohoon smiles fondly.

“what play are you guys doing this semester, anyway?” dohoon asks. “i forgot.”

“romeo and juliet!” kyungmin replies.

dohoon rolls his eyes jokingly.

“ugh, how cliché.”

kyungmin laughs. 

“right? but i think it’ll be fun anyway.”

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

it’s a warm, sunny day, and dohoon spots youngjae in the courtyard after his class is over. youngjae is sitting on a bench, absentmindedly eating a slice of watermelon.

“want some?” he asks when dohoon approaches.

dohoon pretends to be shocked.

“you’re sharing your watermelon with me?”

youngjae laughs.

“yah, shut up. you know i like you.”

dohoon’s heart warms at that. he takes a slice from youngjae and takes a bite into it; it’s nice and crisp, perfect in this weather.

once they both finish eating, dohoon licks the juice dripping down his fingers and turns to youngjae.

“you wanna come to my place?”

youngjae’s eyes widen but he easily complies. dohoon takes his hand and leads him to his apartment just off campus.

when they get there, jihoon is in the living room, watching something on the tv. when he sees youngjae with dohoon, he raises an eyebrow and opens his mouth to say something, but dohoon beats him to it.

“shut your mouth.”

“i didn’t even say anything!” jihoon laughs. dohoon narrows his eyes.

“i know you too well.”

jihoon just giggles at that and goes back to watching his show. dohoon leads youngjae to his room.

as soon as youngjae steps inside the room, one of the swans on dohoon’s desk starts to wobble. a few seconds later, it falls, but youngjae quickly catches it before it hits the floor.

“you shouldn’t keep it so close to the edge,” youngjae scolds lightly, but he laughs. “good thing i caught it.”

dohoon is slightly confused; he doesn’t remember the swans being so close to the edge in the first place. but he lets it go. maybe he just moved them while dusting and forgot.

youngjae moves to sit on dohoon’s bed, late-afternoon sunlight spilling onto his hair through the window, and with a sight like that in front of him, dohoon easily forgets about the swans. he climbs onto youngjae’s lap and takes in the sight for a moment before closing the distance between them with a kiss.

dohoon could never get tired of this. youngjae’s lips are soft against his, sweet and a little sticky from the watermelon. he wants to be closer, closer, closer, slowly pushing youngjae down onto the bed without breaking the kiss for a second. youngjae whines at that and dohoon feels a little dizzy.

they make out for a while longer before dohoon pulls away to look at youngjae. youngjae’s eyes are glazed over slightly and his lips are bright pink, a little swollen. the sight makes his head spin. youngjae is so, so beautiful.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon wakes up the next morning to a mess of crushed glitter covering him. huh. why’d it happen again? he thought that was a one-time thing.

he sighs, knowing it’ll be a good while in the shower before all this gets off of him. at least the washing machine didn’t blow up last time, so he doesn’t have to worry about his clothes. he steps into the shower and lets the water run over his body, watching the glitter flow down the drain, shimmering under the bathroom lights.

after a while of scrubbing the shards of glitter off his skin, he decides it should be good enough. he steps out and checks himself in the mirror. it’s mostly gone now, thank god.

he gets dressed and makes his way to the kitchen. he sees jihoon standing at the freezer, grimacing and pressing an ice cube against his finger. 

“what’d you do this time?” dohoon asks.

jihoon looks up and his eyes widen in surprise. he looks a little jittery.

“ah! i just burned myself making toast. not a big deal. i’m just clumsy!”

dohoon clicks his tongue.

“yah, i told you to be careful, didn’t i?” he scolds lightly.

jihoon giggles.

“it’s not a big deal, i swear! i’m used to it.”

dohoon rolls his eyes affectionately.

jihoon closes the freezer after a moment and turns to dohoon with a smirk on his face.

“so…” he starts, “did you and youngjae have fun yesterday?” he asks teasingly.

dohoon’s ears flush red.

“shut up. that’s none of your business.”

jihoon just laughs loudly.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon spots youngjae outside the music building and walks up to him. youngjae blushes slightly when he sees dohoon approaching, and dohoon smiles at him.

“hi,” he says, tucking youngjae’s hair behind his ear. dohoon’s eyes widen when he sees a flash of jagged glitter on youngjae’s cheek. has this been happening to him too?

“what are you looking at, hm?” youngjae asks. 

the glitter sparkles beautifully on youngjae’s skin.

“nothing,” dohoon replies. “you’re pretty.”

youngjae just smiles at that, a little shy.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

hanjin and dohoon are sitting in the library together, studying. hanjin reaches over and grabs dohoon’s paper, looking at what he wrote, and scrunches up his face.

“are you stupid?” he asks jokingly. dohoon’s neck heats up in embarrassment as hanjin corrects his mistakes and hands the paper back, explaining what he did wrong.

dohoon turns his attention back to his paper, looking at the corrections hanjin made, when someone approaches their table. he looks up, and it’s kyungmin.

“hi, romeo,” hanjin says teasingly. kyungmin blushes slightly, taking the seat next to him.

hanjin gently runs his fingers through kyungmin’s hair, and kyungmin almost purrs at that, his eyes fluttering shut. dohoon rolls his eyes.

“can you two get a room or something? i’m trying to work.”

hanjin laughs loudly.

“what, are you jealous?” he asks.

dohoon looks at hanjin with a deadpan expression.

“i literally have my own boyfriend, in case you forgot,” he says. “but some of us actually need to study.”

“aww, he’s jealous,” hanjin says, completely ignoring dohoon’s words. kyungmin laughs.

dohoon sits back and stares at the two of them, fond amusement on his face.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

one morning after his music theory class, dohoon walks outside to find youngjae already waiting for him, drink in hand. 

“for you,” youngjae says sweetly. “an iced tea with a shot of espresso. your favorite, right?”

dohoon’s heart stutters. youngjae remembered?

he accepts the drink shyly and the two of them start walking together.

“how’d your class go?” youngjae asks.

“just the usual,” dohoon says, taking a sip of the drink. “nothing i can complain about. but i just feel like i’m going crazy these days,” he says, laughing slightly.

youngjae smiles a bit.

“it’s stressful, huh?”

“you could say that,” dohoon says lightly. but youngjae seems to suspect that there’s more to it, and he furrows his eyebrows slightly.

“you can talk to me about anything, you know,” he offers. dohoon can’t help but smile.

“no, i’m alright, really!” he says. “how are your classes going?”

youngjae hums and starts talking about his vocal lesson earlier.

“ah, i had to work on my falsetto today, and now my throat hurts a little,” he pouts.

dohoon frowns. he opens his bag and starts rummaging around inside, before he finds a packet of lozenges. he hands a few to youngjae.

“take one now and save the rest for later, okay? you have to take good care of your throat if you want to sing.”

youngjae accepts them, unwrapping one and putting it in his mouth before putting the rest in his pocket.

“thank you, dohoonie,” he beams.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon comes back to the apartment to find jihoon laying on the floor.

“are you alright?” he asks, vaguely curious.

jihoon perks up when he sees dohoon.

“yeah,” he says, still sounding a little tired. “i have a dance performance coming up soon and it’s just a lot to practice. but i’m okay!” he makes quick tutting motions with his hands, unable to keep himself still as always.

dohoon catches sight of a few marks on jihoon’s hands. they look almost like small burns.

“hey, are your hands okay?”

jihoon immediately puts his hands down.

“oh, yeah,” he says absently. “must’ve bruised them while dancing.”

dohoon hums and makes his way to his room.

“don’t overwork yourself, yeah?” he calls out as he leaves.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

kyungmin is waiting outside the theater building; dohoon can spot him from where he’s standing.

“how are rehearsals going?” dohoon asks as he approaches.

“thank god i didn’t get one of the main roles.” kyungmin says, laughing. “i’ve been done for ages and the leads are just now finishing up! i had to watch junghwan go over his monologue like, ten million times. i’m sick of it and it’s not even my part!”

dohoon chuckles and ruffles kyungmin’s hair affectionately. 

“look. here comes romeo,” kyungmin says playfully, pointing at the door. sure enough, junghwan walks out of the theater building. “oh romeo, romeo, wherefore art thou romeo?” he recites mockingly in junghwan’s direction. 

unfortunately, junghwan notices and looks toward kyungmin questioningly. dohoon claps a hand over kyungmin’s mouth and leads him away. kyungmin flushes red in embarrassment; he hadn’t expected his dramatics to be noticed.

“are you crazy?” dohoon asks, but he’s laughing hysterically. kyungmin is too embarrassed to say anything.

when dohoon pulls his hand away, he notices a fragment of jagged glitter on his skin. huh? he hasn’t seen the glitter in a few days. he looks at kyungmin’s mouth and sees something shimmering by his lip. is the glitter showing up on kyungmin too, now? or is it just from himself?

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon is working on his assignments when jihoon bounces into his room, looking far too excited.

“hyung,” jihoon says, dragging out the word cutely, “i have a dance performance this weekend. i told you, right?”

dohoon rolls his eyes playfully and nods.

“of course, it’s not like that’s the only thing you’ve spoken about in the last two weeks or anything.”

jihoon’s cheeks turn pink.

“well… do you wanna come watch me?” jihoon asks, tilting his head to the side hopefully.

dohoon laughs.

“you don’t have to ask, jihoon-ah. i always come to all of your performances.”

jihoon smiles even brighter at that, his eyes turning into crescents. 

“thank you, hyung. i’ll make sure it’s my best performance yet!”

dohoon smiles fondly as jihoon leaves the room.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon’s jaw drops when he sees kyungmin’s hair completely covered in glitter. it’s a familiar sight on his own skin these days, but why is it on kyungmin now? 

“kyungmin! what the hell happened to you?”

“ah, about that,” kyungmin laughs a bit awkwardly. “just an accident in the costume department. nothing to worry about!”

dohoon narrows his eyes. now that he’s closer, he can see the glitter properly now, and it’s the same kind that’s been showing up on him: unevenly cut, jagged pieces. he knows this was no costuming accident.

he quickly looks around, confirming that no one is around before leaning in closer, lowering his voice. 

“no it isn’t. i’ve seen this glitter before. it’s been showing up on me too. why is it happening to you now?”

kyungmin’s eyes widen in shock.

“you too?” he grabs dohoon’s hand and pulls him into the closest empty room he can find. dohoon is only more confused now.

as soon as they’re inside, dohoon just stares. kyungmin looks stressed.

“so…” dohoon starts, “what’s going on with the glitter? do you know why it’s happening?”

“you can’t tell anyone this, okay?” kyungmin says. he looks incredibly serious, so dohoon just nods.

“i won’t. please tell me.”

“so you know how i’m dating hanjin, right?”

“of course.”

“yeah. so he’s actually a cupid.” 

dohoon raises his eyebrows. a what?

kyungmin continues without waiting for a response.

“and cupids can see in the stars. they can see which lovers are soulmates and which lovers are star-crossed. me and him, we’re star-crossed.”

this is a lot for dohoon to take in, but he tries his best.

“so the two of you are doomed?” he asks.

“pretty much, yeah. but cupids can also alter fate by crushing stars. but it’s not easy, you know. and it leaves behind this mess,” kyungmin says, pointing at his hair.

dohoon’s eyes widen. all this glitter on him has been crushed stars?

“so whenever something important happens, he has to crush a star or two to change our fate,” kyungmin explains, before blushing slightly, a little lovestruck. “but he told me he’d do anything to protect me because i’m his baby…” he says, trailing off at the end, suddenly embarrassed at saying that out loud.

dohoon can’t help but smile. of course hanjin would say something like that.

but after a minute, kyungmin looks more worried.

“if it’s happening to you, though… you’re dating youngjae, right? youngjae’s not a cupid. someone else must be crushing stars for you.”

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon sits in bed that night with his laptop, pulling up the tragedy of romeo and juliet. they’re the only star-crossed lovers he’d heard of before today.

he knows the story, of course, and he recognizes quite a few of the lines from kyungmin mockingly reciting whatever he had to rehearse during theater. but reading it like this, it’s too much, too tragic. is this what star-crossed lovers really are? what did he and youngjae do to deserve a fate like this?

but then again, what did romeo and juliet do to deserve their fate? is that just what fate is like? how cruel.

he groans and runs a hand through his hair, shutting his laptop. he looks toward the porcelain swans in the darkness, lit up by the moonlight streaming in through the window.

crushed stars, huh? what a concept. there’s no way he’d believe in such a thing if he hadn’t seen the very evidence of it littered across his skin. 

how does that even work? kyungmin’s explanation of cupids had left him with more questions than answers, but he doesn’t know who else he can ask. he’d already promised not to tell anyone.

he opens his laptop again and tries to search about crushing stars, but before the search results can load, his laptop dies. huh. he doesn’t remember having low battery at all.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon doesn’t know how to bring it up, but he needs to ask youngjae about it somehow.

“have you noticed anything… weird recently?”

youngjae tilts his head to the side.

“not really, no. is something wrong?”

“i was just wondering…” dohoon says, “if maybe you knew anything about the stars being weird?”

youngjae furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

“what are you talking about? dohoonie, are you okay?” he asks, pressing the back of his hand to dohoon’s forehead to check his temperature. “maybe you’re just overheating. do you want to go get some ice cream with me maybe?”

dohoon decides to let it go. clearly, youngjae has no clue about this, so there’s no point in overwhelming him for no reason. and ice cream with him does sound nice.

“yeah, sure. i guess i’m just tired,” he says. “exams coming up and all. let’s get some ice cream?”

youngjae smiles easily and leads dohoon away. they each order a scoop of ice cream and eat it underneath a tree, sunlight beaming down on them.

after they finish eating, dohoon gently wipes youngjae’s lip with his thumb and licks it clean. youngjae bats him away playfully.

“ugh, you’re so cheesy!” he complains, but he’s giggling shyly. dohoon feels proud.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon and youngjae find seats near the front of the auditorium a few minutes before the clock strikes six.

“jihoon is such a good dancer,” dohoon gushes. “like actually insane. you won’t believe it until you see him.”

“oh, really?” youngjae’s eyes widen.

“yeah! he’s always front and center, so it’ll be hard to miss him.”

the lights in the audience section dim to darkness then. dohoon steals a glance at youngjae’s side profile for a second before turning his attention to the stage.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon finds his way backstage after the show, and youngjae follows him. he sees jihoon sharing a hug with a few other dancers, and he lets them have their moment until jihoon breaks away. jihoon’s eyes brighten the second he sees dohoon waiting for him.

dohoon presents jihoon with a bouquet of yellow roses but jihoon immediately sets it aside and pulls dohoon into a hug.

“how’d i do? did i look cool?” jihoon asks excitedly. dohoon chuckles and pets his hair.

“of course you looked cool! you’re the coolest dancer ever.”

jihoon pulls away, grinning brightly at dohoon. he turns towards youngjae then and smiles a bit more politely.

“thank you for coming,” he says. “i hope you enjoyed the performance.”

“you’re actually so good,” youngjae says, a bit awed almost. “dohoon was telling me about you but i don’t think i really expected that. you’ll make it big.”

jihoon covers his face with his hands, blushing at the praise.

“thank you,” he says shyly, looking between the two of them. dohoon can’t help but think jihoon looks incredibly young in that moment.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon is sitting at the kitchen table working on a paper when jihoon finally comes back. jihoon immediately makes a beeline for the freezer.

“what, did you burn yourself again somehow?” dohoon asks.

“yah, i’m not that clumsy!” jihoon says, reaching into the freezer and pulling out a popsicle. “just overheated. i need something refreshing.”

he leans against the counter, popsicle in hand and an easy smile on his face. his hair is still lightly stuck to his forehead from sweat. he pretends to think for a moment before addressing dohoon again.

“you know, a good friend would’ve taken me out to dinner to celebrate,” he says, pouting playfully.

dohoon groans, not even looking up from his laptop.

“you know i’m busy. i literally have to pull an all-nighter tonight to get this paper done cause i came to see you.”

“do you not like me anymore?” jihoon asks jokingly, completely ignoring what dohoon said. dohoon finally looks at jihoon, who has a teasing smile on his face. his lips are stained cherry-red from the popsicle.

“han jihoon. you have been my very best friend for as long as i can remember, but right now i have a paper to finish. so just keep your mouth shut for a few hours and i’ll treat you to a meal next week, yeah?”

jihoon bites the popsicle stick once before throwing it away and going over to ruffle dohoon’s hair, giggling.

“thank you, hyung,” he says, “but i was just joking. i’ll still take you up on the offer though!”

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon blearily walks into his early-morning music theory class when hanjin immediately begins pestering him.

“hyung, do you have a charger? i forgot to charge my laptop last night and now it’s gonna die in the middle of class,” he pouts.

dohoon groans and wordlessly starts digging in his bag, looking for his charger. soon enough, he pulls it out and hands it over to hanjin, but as he does, he notices a few small cuts and burns on hanjin’s fingers.

he feels awake all of a sudden. that must be from the star-crushing, right?

hanjin smiles and thanks dohoon before ducking under the table to plug in the charger. he gets back in his chair and connects it to his laptop, clapping his hands when the brightness of the screen increases.

dohoon finds himself sneaking glances at the marks on hanjin’s hands throughout the lecture. he wants to bring it up, but he doesn’t know how. he’s not supposed to know about cupids at all.

when class is over, hanjin hands dohoon the charger back and thanks him again. dohoon’s eyes drag across the cuts.

“you must really love kyungmin a lot, huh?” he says.

hanjin’s eyes narrow slightly in suspicion, but he brushes it off quickly and smiles again.

“of course i do. how could i not?”

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

it’s not too hot for once, and when dohoon sees youngjae sitting outside, he wants to ask youngjae to walk around campus with him and enjoy the weather. but before the words are out of his mouth, there’s a sharp crack of thunder and it begins to rain. 

dohoon grabs youngjae’s hand and starts running towards the nearest building.

“yah, kim dohoon!” youngjae yells. “slow down! i have an umbrella!”

dohoon finally stops running and turns to youngjae, letting the raindrops fall onto his skin. youngjae digs in his bag for a moment before pulling out an umbrella and opening it above the two of them.

youngjae smiles and places his hand on the back of dohoon’s neck as they walk at a slower pace now. his fingers are cold against dohoon’s skin. dohoon exhales a bit shakily, his face heating up.

only a moment later, he notices that youngjae’s umbrella is one of those compact ones. it’s not nearly big enough for two grown men, he realizes, when he sees youngjae’s shoulder getting wet in the rain. he pretends not to notice youngjae holding the umbrella towards him, but he walks faster anyway.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

jihoon and dohoon are sitting on the couch together, halfheartedly watching some show. they’ve been watching it for a while and it hasn’t gotten any better. 

“let’s find something else to watch, yeah? i’m bored out of my mind,” dohoon says.

“yes please. what were the writers thinking with this show?” jihoon asks, laughing.

“just stuck a bunch of clichés together and called it a day,” dohoon says. “i think i could predict the entire plot after five minutes.”

he reaches his hand out and jihoon looks at him questioningly.

“pass me the remote,” dohoon says.

but when jihoon holds it out for him to take, he notices the injuries littered across jihoon’s hands. they look just like the ones he’d seen on hanjin. dohoon’s eyes widen, and he takes jihoon’s hand instead of the remote. he turns it over once or twice, scanning over the marks, some fresh, some healing. dohoon feels dread fill his stomach.

“jihoon, how did you get hurt?” dohoon asks tentatively, already afraid of the answer.

jihoon instinctively pulls his hand out of dohoon’s. dohoon tightens his grip for a second, but jihoon slips free.

“oh,” he says, scratching the back of his neck, “i was making something in the kitchen earlier and it didn’t work out. it was just an accident.”

dohoon’s eyes narrow. he does not buy that at all.

“the only thing you know how to make is ramyeon. i know damn well you didn’t get all those cuts and burns from cooking.”

“i was just… trying something new!” jihoon tries. it doesn’t work.

“jihoon-ah,” dohoon says, a bit resigned, “please be honest with me.”

jihoon sighs.

“i can’t. i’m sorry. i can’t.”

“i already know about the cupid stuff,” dohoon says. “is that it? are you a cupid?”

jihoon’s eyes widen dramatically.

“who told you about that?”

“never mind that. am i right?”

jihoon doesn’t answer for a moment, but he realizes there’s no point in lying now.

“yeah. i’m a cupid.”

“and the injuries… have you been crushing stars?”

jihoon nods. he looks broken inside.

“for… me?” dohoon asks gently, a little afraid to push.

“i have to.” jihoon replies, surprisingly firm.

“can’t you just… let it be? let the stars do whatever they want to?” dohoon asks after a moment of thought. “i can handle my own fate. please don’t hurt yourself for me.”

jihoon looks a little pained.

“i can’t tell you exactly what i know, but you and youngjae are really star-crossed. i’m sorry. there’s no happy ending for you unless i do something. i’m doing what’s best for you, hyung.”

“you’ve read romeo and juliet, haven’t you?” jihoon continues. “or you know the story at least. they were star-crossed lovers.”

not that stupid play again.

“it couldn’t be that bad,” dohoon tries to reason.

jihoon tilts his head, a little pitying.

“you got hurt when you first confessed to him, didn’t you?”

“how did you know—” dohoon starts, before realizing it’s a stupid question. of course jihoon knows. he literally fixed it.

jihoon just smiles a little sadly.

“that’s not anywhere near the worst of it.”

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon is sitting in bed, pulling at his hair. he tried to work on his assignments earlier, but he couldn’t focus at all.

it’s been jihoon this whole time?

he feels a little nauseous. he thinks back to every morning he woke up covered in glitter, every little injury jihoon got from being ‘clumsy,’ realizing that jihoon has been getting hurt all this time because of him.

and jihoon is still so terribly young. so puppylike. barely out of his teens. how is it fair for someone like that to carry all this burden? 

dohoon cannot reconcile the image of his sweet best friend with a cupid who shatters stars at night to protect a love that isn’t even his. how could fate put someone like jihoon in such a position?

he pulls the blanket over his head. the guilt is eating him alive.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon finds some ointment in a drawer and goes over to jihoon’s room. the door is slightly ajar, so he just pushes it open and steps inside. 

jihoon is sitting on the bed, absentmindedly scrolling on his phone, but he looks up when he sees dohoon. dohoon crosses the room and takes a seat on the bed right next to him. jihoon locks his phone and places it on the nightstand to give dohoon his full attention. 

dohoon pulls out the ointment and jihoon’s eyes widen for a second before he laughs. 

“hyung, these burns are from crushing stars,” he says. “that ointment isn’t going to do a thing.”

dohoon’s face twists at that, but he remains firm. 

“let me try, at least?” he asks, looking into jihoon’s eyes. 

jihoon suddenly goes quiet and offers one hand to dohoon. dohoon takes it in his own, and with his thumb, he gently traces along the cuts and burns blooming on jihoon’s skin. they’re quite small, left by fragments of stars, but jihoon hisses at the touch. 

dohoon uncaps the ointment and carefully applies it to every little injury he can find. when he holds jihoon’s wrist, he can feel the spike in jihoon’s pulse. jihoon cannot make eye contact, and his ears are burning red.

after applying the ointment onto all the injuries on both of jihoon’s hands, dohoon screws the cap back on and places it to the side. quietly, he takes one of jihoon’s hands in his own again, bringing it to his lips. dohoon gently presses his lips against each and every cut and burn on jihoon’s hand. he doesn’t miss the way jihoon’s entire face flushes a pretty pink.

“hyung, that’s—“ jihoon starts, but his words die in his throat. dohoon doesn’t say a thing, just takes jihoon’s other hand and kisses the injuries there too. he kisses the back of jihoon’s hand last. 

“i hope it heals soon, jihoonie,” dohoon says sincerely. “i’m sorry.”

jihoon tries to say something in response, but he stutters too much for it to be coherent. 

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon so desperately wishes he could go back to living a normal life. he gazes upon youngjae, so pretty in the warm sunlight, wanting nothing more than a regular, boring future with him.

what does fate have against him? he wonders, for what seems to be the millionth time.

but as youngjae slightly turns his head, dohoon notices a flash at his temple. a piece of crushed star. his stomach turns. he feels sick all of a sudden.

jihoon crushed another star. jihoon hurt himself for this.

“i have to go,” dohoon says suddenly. 

youngjae looks confused.

“are you alright?” he asks.

“yeah, sorry.”

dohoon leaves without another word.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

“how do you know about cupids, anyway?” jihoon asks. “humans aren’t supposed to know.”

dohoon thinks for a second before deciding to admit it.

“kyungmin was covered in glitter one day, so i asked him. and he told me.”

jihoon rolls his eyes.

“kyungmin, huh? that kid can never keep his mouth shut,” he says, but there’s a hint of affection in his tone. 

dohoon chuckles.

“hanjin’s gonna get us all exposed dating someone like him,” jihoon continues, lightheartedly.

dohoon’s face shifts slightly at the mention of hanjin.

“hanjin has the same cuts on his hands as you,” he says softly.

“i know,” jihoon says, a little sadly. “you know, when they first got together, i told him to find another love that wasn’t star-crossed. how can he do that forever? but he said he wouldn’t.”

dohoon almost laughs at that, a little bitterly.

“like you aren’t doing the same?”

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon tries to smile when he sees youngjae in the courtyard as usual, but it’s a little bit strained. he can’t ignore the voice in his head constantly repeating ‘it’s doomed. it’s doomed. it’s doomed.’

youngjae is sitting under a tree. he smiles brightly when he sees dohoon, and dohoon has to hold back a bitter laugh at that. he doesn’t know a thing, does he?

but dohoon makes his way over to youngjae anyway. when he takes a seat next to youngjae, there’s a sharp gust of wind, and he hears a loud crack. he ducks his head instinctively.

youngjae immediately lifts his arm over dohoon’s head. a branch has fallen from the tree, and he catches it before it hits dohoon. 

youngjae’s eyes widen in shock as he tosses the branch onto the ground. 

“are you okay?” he asks. but before dohoon can respond, he notices bright red trickling from youngjae’s hand. a cut. 

he takes youngjae’s delicate wrist in his hand and looks at the gash. he feels horribly guilty. 

“i’m sorry,” he says, his heart twisting in his chest. 

youngjae giggles. 

“what are you sorry for? it’s just a little cut, i can handle it. it’s not your fault.”

but dohoon knows it is. and if it’s hurting youngjae too now, then he has to end it. 

he bitterly kicks a rock on the ground. everyone around him keeps getting hurt. what do the stars have against him?

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

“i think i’m going to break up with him.”

jihoon’s eyes widen in shock. 

“no! no. you can’t. why?” he asks, pained. “is this about youngjae getting hurt? i fixed that already, the cut should be gone, i’m sorry i didn’t catch it in time before it—”

“jihoon-ah, i can’t let you keep doing this for me. you’re hurting yourself,” dohoon interrupts gently.

“no, that doesn’t matter. don’t leave him. you love him, don’t you?”

“i do,” dohoon says truthfully. “i love him a lot.”

“then don’t break up with him.”

dohoon doesn’t respond, and a minute later jihoon continues. 

“if you break up with him,” jihoon says, a little choked up, “won’t this have been for nothing?” he asks, holding up his injured hands. 

dohoon looks pained. he thinks for a minute.

“but how long will you have to crush stars for? does it ever end?”

jihoon remains silent, and dohoon knows the answer. crushing stars is forever. 

dohoon takes a deep breath. god, why does this kind of bullshit have to happen the very first time he falls in love?

“you’re sure you can’t let fate be? please tell me the truth.”

jihoon looks like he’s about to cry. 

“it’s not safe for you, hyung. or for youngjae.” he says solemnly. “but i can protect you, i promise.”

dohoon puts his head in his hands and groans. 

“i can’t let you do that, jihoon. i like you too much for that.”

jihoon looks at the floor.

“but it wasn’t for nothing, jihoonie,” dohoon says after a moment. “please don’t think that way. i was really, truly happy with him for the time we had together. thank you for giving me that.”

dohoon sounds so sincere. a tear falls down jihoon’s cheek.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

that night, dohoon lays in bed looking through his photos of youngjae. 

youngjae with ice cream at the corner of his mouth. youngjae with watermelon juice dripping down his fingers. even a picture of youngjae with his lips swollen from kisses. dohoon blushes slightly at the memory.

god. youngjae is so beautiful, really. his hair looks golden in sunlight, his lips pink and pouty, his eyes sparkling. even the horrible shards of glitter dohoon notices in a few photos only make him prettier.

he smiles a little, despite himself. 

his first love.

dohoon’s heart squeezes painfully all over again at the thought of breaking up with youngjae. youngjae is all summery warmth and sweetness and everything he’s ever loved. how can he willingly walk away from that?

but then he hears a door click shut on the other side of the wall. jihoon must be going to sleep now. jihoon, who willingly bled for this love to last even a little bit longer.

dohoon puts his phone down and takes a deep breath. he’ll do it tomorrow.

he doesn’t get a minute of sleep that night.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

“i think…” dohoon starts, his voice a little choked up, “i think we should break up.”

youngjae’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t say anything immediately. he just tilts his head to the side, his lips parting slightly in that way that always makes him look like a cute little guinea pig. god, dohoon already knows it’s going to take him a long time to get over youngjae.

“why?” is the only thing youngjae asks after a moment.

“i don’t know…” dohoon says, not knowing how else to explain it. “we’re just not meant to be, i think. it wasn’t written in the stars for us.”

youngjae laughs, a little hollow.

“since when do you believe in that shit?”

dohoon doesn’t know what to say.

“i’m sorry, youngjae. i still love you. please don’t think i never did.”

“then why?” youngjae asks again, sounding pained. “did i do something wrong? you can tell me the truth.”

dohoon wants to cry. he almost wishes he could tell youngjae the truth, but he knows he shouldn’t.

“you never did anything wrong, youngjae. i’m sorry. i just don’t think this can work out.”

youngjae reaches out his hand. dohoon feels his own fingers twitch; something in the back of his mind urges him to take it, just like all those times before. but he can’t. it’s too late.

“we can figure it out together,” youngjae says. “were you not happy with me?”

dohoon’s heart twists painfully at the words. youngjae gave him some of the happiest memories of his life. but he doesn’t know how to say that, so he just keeps silent. youngjae’s hand falls back to his lap. he looks more hurt by the minute.

“you made me really happy,” dohoon finally says after a moment. “more than you know.”

“then why can’t you stay?” youngjae asks, his voice breaking.

dohoon lowers his gaze.

“i’m sorry.”

and then, quietly enough that youngjae cannot hear:

“thank you for being my first love.”

dohoon can’t bear to see the pain on youngjae’s face any longer. he just apologizes once more and turns away before youngjae can see the tear trickling down his cheek.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon hides his face when he gets back to his apartment. he walks straight to his room and lays face down on the bed, finally letting the tears fall. but his peace is interrupted a few minutes later when jihoon quietly enters his room and sits on the floor by dohoon’s bed.

“did you break up with him?” he asks softly.

dohoon turns his head to face jihoon and scoffs.

“what do you think?”

jihoon looks guilty at that.

“i’m sorry,” he says. “you didn’t have to.”

dohoon looks upset. his eyes fall to the cuts on jihoon’s hands.

“i did. how could i let you hurt yourself for a relationship that wasn’t even yours?”

“i would’ve done it till the end,” jihoon says, sincerely. “i only wished for you to be happy.”

dohoon feels himself tearing up again. he presses his face back into his pillow, but he can’t hide the way his shoulders shake slightly.

jihoon looks away. dohoon only cries harder.

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

dohoon is sitting in his room, alone. he closed the curtains earlier; the sun was shining too brightly, as if it were mocking him. he almost groans when he hears the door open; jihoon can never mind his own business, can he?

jihoon doesn’t say anything at first, but his eyes catch the swans on dohoon’s desk. the one on the left has a small crack running down the side. jihoon picks it up, gently caressing its head with his thumb, and the fracture seems to disappear. he places it back on the desk and looks toward dohoon.

“hyung,” jihoon says softly, “you can’t just sit in your room all day.”

“i don’t wanna go anywhere,” dohoon mutters without looking up.

“we don’t have to go anywhere outside,” jihoon says gently. “just the kitchen, maybe?”

dohoon looks up finally and jihoon looks so hopeful that dohoon cannot deny him. he reluctantly stands up and follows jihoon to the kitchen. 

jihoon must’ve gone out earlier. there’s a cold drink on the table, condensation dripping down the sides, and a small box next to it. 

“your favorite,” jihoon says. “iced tea with a shot of espresso. i know your mom told you to stop drinking these, but i figured it’d cheer you up anyway.”

dohoon doesn’t say anything, so jihoon continues talking. 

“and i got you some cake too.”

that seems to strike something inside dohoon. 

“it’s not strawberry, is it?” he asks. 

jihoon tilts his head, slightly confused. 

“huh? no, it’s tiramisu,” he replies. 

dohoon finally sits down at the table. jihoon sits across from him, pushing the drink towards him and opening the box of cake.

“i took a bite just to try it cause i couldn’t help myself, sorry,” he says, giggling. “but all the rest is for you!”

dohoon smiles just a little at jihoon’s earnestness. 

“thank you,” he says softly.

jihoon just smiles bashfully at that, resting his chin in his palm as he watches dohoon.

dohoon looks at jihoon for a moment longer before he laughs to himself, almost bitterly.

“you love me, don’t you?”

color rises to jihoon’s cheeks, but he doesn’t respond. he knows it isn’t fair to. dohoon continues after the silence settles in.

“i like you too, i think. but my head’s all a mess,” he says, pulling at his hair. “what about us, huh? are we doomed too? star-crossed or whatever nonsense?”

jihoon keeps silent for another minute before he answers quietly.

“no,” he says. “we aren’t doomed.”

dohoon lets out a shaky breath at that.

“that’s nice,” he says, thoughtfully. “maybe someday, then.”

-ˏˋ ☆ ˎˊ-

epilogue.

the spring semester eventually comes to an end and the next one begins. it’s a hot day in late august when dohoon catches sight of youngjae sitting in the courtyard, just as he always did, eating a slice of watermelon. it’s always been youngjae’s favorite. 

dohoon hasn’t seen youngjae in months. he almost wants to say something, but what is there to say? so he just keeps walking. but he spots someone approaching youngjae, and he looks to see who it is. it takes dohoon a second to recognize the face.

shin junghwan? huh, he must’ve bleached his hair over the summer.

youngjae smiles at junghwan and offers him a slice of watermelon. dohoon smiles at that, just a little, and keeps walking. 

he finds his way to the dance facility. practice should be over, but jihoon always stays late to work more. dohoon steps inside the practice room and rolls his eyes affectionately when he sees it completely empty except for jihoon.

“jihoon-ah, that’s enough,” he calls out.

“five more minutes,” jihoon whines.

dohoon knows there’s no point in arguing with that, so he takes a seat on the floor by the mirrored wall and watches. god, jihoon is mesmerizing.

about fifteen minutes later, jihoon finally turns off the speaker. he takes a long drink from his water bottle before putting it in his bag and taking out a piece of hard candy.

“let’s go home?” dohoon asks, standing up.

jihoon nods and follows him out, unwrapping the candy and popping it into his mouth.

jihoon always has a lot to say, and dohoon listens to him intently as they walk to their apartment. dohoon takes jihoon’s hand in his own and looks it over, finding traces of the faintest scars. but all the wounds have fully healed.

the sunlight filters through the leaves on the trees and onto jihoon’s hair, almost blinding. jihoon smiles easily at him, his lips stained red from the candy, and in that moment, dohoon truly thinks that jihoon is absolutely beautiful. almost impulsively, dohoon leans in and presses a quick peck to jihoon’s lips.

jihoon completely freezes before he covers his face with his hands and squeals, color rushing to his cheeks immediately. 

“yah, what was that for! you can’t just do things like that!” he whines, still completely rooted to the spot.

dohoon giggles and ruffles his hair affectionately.

“just thought you were really pretty.”