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The week had started out like any other. It was Sunday morning, and Walker had made pancakes and bacon for everyone gathered at the dining room table. The team had made up their minds long ago that because he was a “good ol’ boy from Georgia” that he knew how to cook up a scrumptious meal with no shortage of “Southern Hospitality.”
Not that it wasn’t true, because he absolutely could cook and made team meals the most often, but Walker was frustrated by their assumption anyway.
The best part about it all was that whenever he did make a meal, everyone would hold back their snide comments. He wasn’t sure if it was because they genuinely loved his food or if they were afraid he might poison them in retaliation, but mealtimes were when they treated him best. Being the team punching bag got annoying after a while, so this helped his self-esteem a ton. Today was no different.
That is, of course, until out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of Ava playing with her food absentmindedly with her fork, her head resting against her hand and looking glum and tired.
Ava was a unique case. Though she probably disliked Walker more than anybody else in the Watchtower, she did absolutely love his cooking. Despite appearances, Ava usually had an appetite that rivaled - if not exceeded - that of her super soldier companions, and with the metabolism to match. In fact, sometimes even Alexei would get so full to the point where Ava would happily accept his leftovers. Ava liked to joke that food just went right through her.
Except now, the woman with a bottomless pit for a stomach now seemed disinterested.
Walker didn’t say anything; he knew better than to mouth off and rock the boat, so he kept his concern to himself. Finally, after only a few bites, Ava set down her fork and groaned weakly.
“Babe?” Bucky asked, setting down his orange juice when he caught sight of this, “You feeling okay?”
“Eh,” Ava began, “Not really that hungry today.”
“You’re not sick, are you?” Yelena asked, concerned. She did a double take of her own stack of pancakes and back at Ava, then gave an evil glare towards Walker like somehow he was responsible for Ava not feeling well. Walker said nothing but rolled his eyes in annoyance.
“I don’t think so, no,” Ava said, and Walker could detect the strain in her voice, “Maybe I just need to-“
Whatever Ava needed to do they never found out, for instantly after the words left her mouth she turned a sickly green and put a hand to her mouth, stood up quickly, and then made a beeline for the closest bathroom. Without any hesitation whatsoever, Bucky leapt to his feet and chased after her. Moments later they could hear the sounds of heaving and coughing from down the hall.
Walker got up from the table quickly enough, as had the rest of them, all concerned for the well-being of their teammate.
“That’s it, just let it all out,” Bucky’s voice could be heard from down the hall, “Guess Walker’s cooking isn’t what it’s cracked up to be after all.”
At these words, Alexei and Yelena glowered at Walker, who took great offense and responded “What? You can’t blame me for this. She barely touched her plate!”
Ava’s hoarse voice could be heard next, “No, it’s not that. I didn’t feel so great last night either. Thought it would go away on its own but I guess-“
More heaving followed. Walker, Yelena. Alexei, and Bob decided to move as a group towards where Ava was having a decidedly unpleasant morning.
When they got to the bathroom, they saw Ava’s head half submerged in the porcelain while Bucky held her long, dark hair back in his fleshy hand while patting her back gently with his metal hand.
Sputtering, Ava raised her head up enough and weakly said, “I appreciate the thought, James, but the back rubs don’t do a bloody thing.”
Heh, Walker thought to himself. He shouldn’t have found it amusing, but he couldn’t help it. Once upon a time, Olivia had said the same exact thing to him when-
Walker’s amusement vanished as quickly as it had come.
Oh. Oh shit.
At once, Walker tried to suppress the thought, lest Yelena take one look at his face and smack him upside the head for jumping the gun and making a supposedly sexist assumption. Which is probably what it was, Walker told himself. It was just his imagination running wild and he was thinking the wrong things, as per usual.
At least, that’s what he hoped. People got sick all the time. Even superheroes.
“Sorry,” Bucky told her when he pulled his hand back, “Do you want to get a doctor to take a look at you?”
“Buck, honey, I’m alright. Honestly,” Ava said, bringing her head up more, “It’s probably just a stomach bug. I think… I think I’m just gonna lay down for a while.”
“I can get some tea going,” Walker spoke up finally, and in a flash both Bucky and Ava had turned to stare at him. From the looks on their faces, Walker felt like he’d said something taboo. He didn’t know what compelled him, but he felt he had to say something anyway.
“Y’know, to help settle your stomach,” Walker gulped, “We got ginger, peppermint…”
He trailed off. The intrusive thoughts and memories of Olivia crept back up again, and he went silent.
“Why are you all crowding around?” Bucky questioned them with his brow furrowed. Walker knew he meant nothing by it, he was just concerned for Ava is all. He, Yelena, Alexei, and Bob backed up from the bathroom door to give the two of them space to exit, Bucky’s arm draped over Ava’s shoulders protectively like he was guarding her from some danger lurking around the corner.
“Actually… tea sound rather nice,” Ava let out weakly, Bucky leading her back to their bedroom, “I’ll take a cuppa, then. Thanks.”
Strange, Walker thought to himself, Starr’s never thanked me for anything before. This is a weird morning.
“You got it,” Walker said, then he made for the kitchen. Yelena and Alexei sat back down and continued with their pancakes, Yelena eyeing hers suspiciously in case somehow Walker had sabotaged the batch and that that was the cause of Ava not feeling well.
Bob, meanwhile, gave Walker a hand with the tea, filling up a kettle and handing it to Walker to boil. At least he believed Walker had good intentions, or at least wanted to help Ava.
“Funny,” Yelena remarked, stuffing a forkful of pancakes in her mouth, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Ava sick before.”
“Nor I,” Alexei replied, “Lady Ghost is strong like ox.”
“We all have our off days,” Walker said, grabbing the kettle as it boiled and pouring some hot water into a cup.
“You have yours everyday,” Yelena teased, and Walker just let out an exasperated sigh as he dunked in both peppermint and ginger.
“‘Lena, come on now,” Bob admonished her, “Ava’s sick, we don’t need more of this.”
Yelena raised up her arms defensively, “Hey, all I’m saying is we should explore every possibility. I certainly don’t want to come down with whatever she has.”
“Not likely…” Walker said under his breath before he could stop himself, intrusive thoughts coming back. That had been a stupid thing to say no matter what was going on.
“What was that?” Yelena glowered at him.
“I said I hope she likes this,” Walker said, holding up the finished tea, “Thanks for helping, Bob.”
With that, Walker took the mug of tea down the hall to the bedroom that Bucky and Ava shared. Even though they all technically had their own rooms, ever since they started dating they moved into one of the unused, bigger bedrooms for the pair of them.
Walker knocked twice on the bedroom door, and Bucky opened it and beckoned him in silently. Ava was already tucked into bed, a cold compress on her head and a jug of water by her bedside, clutching that white teddy bear of hers.
Bucky took the mug from him and gave it to Ava, who took a gentle sip and then groggily said, “Thank you, Walker.”
“I can make more if you need,” Walker told them, “There’s more hot water in the kettle.”
“Sure there isn’t anything more you need?” Bucky asked with concern, ignoring Walker entirely.
“I’ll be fine, a spot of rest will do me good,” Ava said, “At worst its the flu.”
“Alright,” Bucky told her, “Just let me know if anything changes.”
With that, Bucky stood up, brushed some of her hair back, and kissed her on the forehead. Walker averted his eyes because he knew he’d catch shit for that later if he was caught staring.
Before Walker could turn to leave, he felt something soft brush up against his legs, and saw a white blur streak past him and leap onto the bed.
“Hey Alpine,” Ava managed to get out, grinning at the little furball who meowed at her almost pityingly, “How’re you doing, girl?”
Alpine slunk over to Ava and then started kneading her head alongside her. Ava reached out a hand and scratched her ears lovingly.
“You gonna keep mama company?” Bucky reached out his own hand and scratched her behind the ear. Alpine happily chirped in reply.
“Now that is the best medicine,” Ava quipped, as Alpine continued to nuzzle into her side…
… and then against her stomach.
For a very long time, at that.
Walker didn’t even realize he’d been standing there for quite a while, nor had the couple or their cat acknowledged his presence. Instead, he stood, eyes transfixed on the white feline continually pressing her head and then her paws against Ava’s stomach and only her stomach.
Lemar’s sister Shenai had a cat named Mr. Smalls. He wouldn’t leave Olivia alone. He did the same thing with her as Alpine was doing with Ava now.
Once Walker had finally summoned enough brainpower to make his exit, he tried to push the thoughts of Ava’s mystery illness out of his mind. He told himself it was a cold or flu or one of those 24-hour stomach bugs. By the end of the week, Ava would be back to normal and Walker could go back to chastising himself for having stupid thoughts as he usually did.
Ava’s condition didn’t improve during the next week. While the tea helped to mitigate her nausea, she didn’t feel any more energetic than before and continued to lie in bed day after day, with Alpine never once leaving her side.
Walker did his best to ignore this fact.
If not for the trips down to the pharmacy to pick up nausea and flu medications, or that one incident with the arms smugglers at a dockyard in Staten Island, Bucky also never left her side. He was practically at her beck and call, though admittedly there wasn’t much he could do except make her feel comfortable, which she still appreciated.
All the while, Walker kept his thoughts to himself, convinced that her sickness would run its course. He kept making her the special tea and also his own spin on lentil soup - something he’d learned to make for Olivia who enjoyed it very much.
Walker told himself that, if what he suspected was true, then Ava and Bucky would eventually figure it out for themselves. They were both adults and would choose to decide what to do. It was not his place to interfere.
But again, he was probably wrong and overreacting. Just because he experienced it with Olivia doesn’t mean he was the authority on what was happening. In time, this would pass.
At least, this is what he had thought until one afternoon during the second week of the illness (Ava had still refused to see a doctor and was firm with Bucky on this).
Walker had been in the kitchen with Yelena grabbing some water after their sparring session. At the same time, Ava had mustered up enough energy to grab some saltine crackers from the cupboard while Bucky was out getting groceries.
Now, John Walker was a lot of things, but one thing he was absolutely not was a prude. Nevertheless, it had become apparent to him that Ava was looking… bigger. Not “bigger” bigger, but just enough that it told Walker that there was something veru different about her.
Of course he knew about bloat, he wasn’t a complete idiot who didn’t understand simple anatomy. That was normal for everyone, especially for people who were sick. That wasn’t the giveaway, though; it came when she reached for the saltines, which were up on a high shelf, and then afterwards she seemed to wince as she massaged the very top of her breasts.
Walker didn’t want to admit it to himself because he had that doubt at the back of his mind telling him he was wrong about everything. Surely someone else aside from him would’ve noticed by now and validated his concerns. Certainly Ava must’ve noticed there was something going on with her body, given she spent the better part of her existence trying to stop it from falling apart.
He saw Yelena standing at his side, watching Ava saunter back to her room, and took a leap of faith.
“You suppose there’s something… different about Ava?” he’d asked.
“You mean besides the ‘being sick’ part?” Yelena asked back, an eyebrow raised, “Like what?”
“I dunno, she just seems different than normal,” Walker asked, “And it doesn’t seem like any flu I’ve ever seen.”
“Beats me,” Yelena said, gulping down water, “Ask her yourself if you’re so curious.”
“Why don’t you? You’re her friend,” Walker offered, but Yelena scoffed.
“Nah, she’d probably bite my head off. Better if you asked,” Yelena suggested.
“So if she bites anyone’s head off, it’ll be mine. Great,” Walker replied sarcastically, “Thank you for being such a thoughtful and considerate person, Belova.”
“Aren’t I?” Yelena smirked at him as she went away to join Bob and Alexei out in the living room, watching a Jeopardy rerun.
Walker sighed, but she was right of course. If he wanted to get to the bottom of this, he should probably ask Ava himself. Bucky was still out so maybe this would be a better time than later, at least so Ava could understand where her head was at - assuming of course, either she or Bucky already knew what Walker suspected.
A few minutes later, Walker arrived with a bowl of lentil soup and a mug of steaming chamomile tea, knocked on the door, and heard Ava groggily tell him to come in.
“Just set it down over there,” Ava’s voice called out, followed by the sound of her heaving into the toilet inside her bedroom. A moment later, Ava stepped out of the bathroom tightening a bathrobe around herself she hadn’t been wearing earlier.
Conveniently, it covered her up.
She paused in her tracks when she saw Walker standing in her doorway.
“Yes?” Ava looked puzzled.
“Can we… talk?” Walker said, his expression stern, “Five minutes, tops.”
Ava chuckled at first and looked ready to give him some sarcastic comment in reply, but through her baggy eyes she could see the seriousness on Walker’s face and seemed to decide that she’d bite the bullet.
“Shut the door behind you,” Ava told him, plopping down on top of the mattress, “What about?”
Closing the door, Walker said, “Just… wanted to see if you liked the soup. It’s, uh, it’s a new recipe I’m trying out. This one has paprika. Alexei told me about it.”
Despite not being at her best, Ava gave him a wry smile, having seen through his bullshit instantly.
“What’re you really doing here?” she asked him, her tone somber.
Walker took a deep breath and another leap of faith.
“You and Barnes are… close, right?” Walker asked carefully.
“Gee, I dunno…” Ava let out sarcastically, “we’re only sharing a room together, so I guess we are.”
Walker raised his hands defensively, “Hey, I was only curious. We’re all part of the same team here and I only wanted to know how you two…get along.”
“We get along fine,” Ava replied sharply, “What, do you want me to regale the story about two lost souls coming together to find love? Think again, Wanker.”
Walker sighed, “It seems I’ve upset you, I’ll go.”
“Wait,” Ava stopped him before he could turn to leave, “Say what you need to say.”
Walker took another deep breath.
“Have you and him talked about the future at all? Like, when all this eventually ends, what’ll end up happening with you two?” Walker asked earnestly.
“I… I don’t know,” Ava told him truthfully, “I mean, I sorta pictured that we’d… but I’m not sure that’s in the cards for us.”
She didn’t need to say it. Walker understood perfectly. More than that, he knew that she must’ve known, or at least suspected, what he already knew.
“Ava…” Walker began gently, “You’ve been feeling… different, haven’t you? Different from normal I mean.”
“Well, yeah, it’s this damned flu. It’s got me all out of sorts,” Ava tried to force a laugh to conceal herself, but Walker saw through it. Maybe it was time to lay it out on the line.
Walker held out a hand. Ava hesitated for a moment, but saw Walker’s serious expression. No anger, no judgment, no smart-ass remarks, and she took it. Walker saw her face blanch.
“I… recognize the signs. Olivia had them too. Neither of us had all the answers, we were learning as we went along. The only thing we both knew was that… it was something we both wanted. We’d planned on it from the beginning, ever since high school,” Walker explained, “I’d never been more scared in my life, but… I’d never been happier either.”
Walker saw the fear creep up on her face, like things had started to click into place for her.
“But…” Walker continued, having more to say, “I understand it’s not for everyone. It’s not something to be taken lightly. Did I fuck up along the way? Absolutely. But it was something I’d gotten into with both eyes open. You… you don’t have to decide now, but understand that whatever you choose to do is entirely your choice-”
“Please leave,” Ava told him, looking away. She did not shout or tell him off like he thought she would, and honestly that stung worse than anything she could’ve said. He knew the weight of this, the responsibility it carried. And despite their differences, it would be her choice whatever she chose to do.
Without another word, Walker left the room and closed the door behind him. Now he was starting to wish he hadn’t said anything.
Another week had gone by. Ava’s nausea had abated, though she and Walker had hardly spoken except for when there were team discussions. Bucky still doted on her day and night, but he seemingly remained oblivious, as did everyone else in the Watchtower. The only one who knew what was going on apart from Walker was Alpine, whose communication skills were limited to meows, chirps, and (in Alexei’s case) hisses.
Bucky had gone out again, this time to pick up pizza for the lot of them because there’d been a kitchen fire where Yelena and Bob somehow managed to burn water of all things, and during that time Walker was sitting in the common area with his nose in a book about his hero, Abe Lincoln, and trying to ignore the world around him.
It wasn’t too long into this that he felt a rapping on his shoulder, and he turned to find Ava standing there, draped in one of Bucky’s oversized T-shirts with her arms crossed. Her expression was curiously blank, but Walker could tell. She knew.
Walker snapped his book shut, got up from his seat, and followed Ava back to her and Bucky’s bedroom. She closed the door behind him, making sure Yelena wasn’t somehow spying on them, then took a deep breath as she disappeared into the bathroom and reemerged with something small in her hands, holding it up for him to see.
Two lines. Positive.
Fuck, here we go.
“You’ve cracked the case, Walker,” Ava let out with bitter sarcasm, “Gold star for you.”
Ava threw herself down on top of the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Walker was at a loss for words on what to say right now. Somehow, despite his suspicions, he couldn’t quite process it correctly.
“Oh and before you ask, there’s another five in the loo that all say the same thing,” Ava quipped, somehow reading his mind, “so yeah, it’s real.”
Walker’s next move - which might’ve been his last all things considered - was to sit down on the bed next to her. He wrung his hands together, searching for just the right thing to say at this moment.
“... How do you feel?” Walker finally asked, “I mean… how does this make you feel?”
Ava didn’t answer. She was still staring up at the ceiling.
“Like I said before, you don’t need to make any decisions now. It’s life-changing. And no matter what you end up deciding, I guarantee Barnes-”
“Stop,” Ava cut him off again, and she slowly pulled herself up, “I know what you’re going to say, but I don’t want to hear it.”
Walker sighed, “I understand.”
“No, you don’t,” Ava interjected, “I want this baby and I’m going to keep it, and if I hear another word about ‘options’ I’ll throw a chair at your head.”
Walker blinked. He pictured the many ways in which this conversation would turn out, but he was quite surprised this is how it was going. He didn’t exactly picture her as “that kind” of person.
“I’m sorry,” Walker began cautiously, “I thought, the way you reacted last week, that-”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but I am happy about this. Ecstatic, even,” Ava told him in a stern voice, which only increased Walker’s confusion. If she was happy with this outcome, then why was she so hostile about it?
Ava sighed again, “Look, for the longest time I thought this sort of thing wouldn’t be possible for me. My… condition didn’t really make human contact possible. And then all the things they’d made me do, I thought that I would… well, I told myself that if by some miracle it were to ever happen, regardless of when or how, I’d embrace it wholeheartedly.”
“Oh,” is all Walker could say. He still didn’t know how to make sense of this.
“I’ve just… well…” Ava began again, “Then I met Bucky, and everything just kind of… shifted.”
Walker bit his tongue to stop himself from making a joke he knew that would cause Ava to rip his heart out of his chest.
“Things have just been so wonderful between us that… now with this…” Ava trailed off. Walker felt an urge to finish her thoughts for her, but chose not to.
“I love him, I know that much,” Ava continued, “I love Bucky with all my heart. But this changes things for us. I was hoping we’d have more time to be ‘just us’ before we had to think about the future, and…”
Ava sighed and didn’t continue. Once again, Walker took a leap of faith.
“Does he love you too?” Walker asked her.
“I’m sure of it,” Ava responded, not a second’s hesitation in her voice, “But this is beyond him. Us. This is…”
Alpine appeared from nowhere and jumped onto the bed, her tail swaying back and forth and she curled up against Ava’s stomach once more.
“I know it’s not going to be easy, but I’m ready to be a mother. I want this child more than anything else. But I’m scared of what this’ll do to James. Either he’ll feel like I baby-trapped him, or he’ll run away just like everyone else has-”
“Stop,” Walker said at once. He wasn’t angry, but he was firm. He knew he had said it that way because he didn’t want Ava to become overwhelmed with despair, but he’d be lying if the words “run away” didn’t push him over the edge just a bit.
It made him think of Olivia. And Freddie.
“Bucky will not run away. He loves you too much to even have the thought,” Walker reassured her, “And he’ll love this kid too. You’re not ‘trapping’ him at all. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.”
“I wish I could believe you,” Ava responded, unconvinced.
“Believe him,” Walker said, “He’s a pain in the ass, but Bucky Barnes is one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met. He’ll make as great a dad as you’ll be as great a mom.”
Ava couldn’t help but chuckle in that moment, “In that case, this kid is doomed from the start.”
The pair of them laughed. If he’d been thinking about it, it would be the first time they’d shared one.
“Well, they’ll have Alpine for a big sister, so you got nothing to worry about,” Walker said, scratching the cat’s ears as she purred contentedly, “Plus countless aunts and uncles that’ll go to hell and back for this little asskicker.”
“You mean it?” Ava asked.
“Yeah, absolutely,” Walker responded playfully, “You ask me, it’s about time we boosted our team roster.”
“Oh God,” Ava put her face in her hands, “I’m gonna have a bloody super soldier baby kicking my ribs in the next few months.”
The pair of them laughed again.
“Look, Ava,” Walker began again, “I’m not saying you have to say or do anything today, but when you do tell Barnes, he’s gonna give it 110% and then some. Mark my words, he’s gonna babyproof the Watchtower and spoil that kid rotten.”
With that, Walker stood himself up and went for the door, thinking there really wasn’t much left to say or do. It was still going to be a rocky road ahead, as expected when you have a kid, but he knew that in the end, Ava and Bucky were going to be just fine.
“John,” Ava spoke as he put his hand on the doorknob. He froze in place as he looked back over at her. She’d never called him John before.
“Thank you,” Ava said earnestly.
“Don’t mention it,” Walker replied with a grin.
“Oh, I don’t plan to,” Ava’s expression changed into something mischievous, “If you tell anyone else I’ll deny it.”
“Heh,” Walker chuckled, “I don’t doubt it for a minute.”
With that, Walker left the room, and another thought came to him. He pulled out his cellphone, went down his contact list, and hesitated for a minute as his finger hung over Olivia’s name.
Walker knew he’d recognized Ava’s symptoms from when Olivia had them. But now, he realized just why exactly he was so fixated on it.
He pressed call and the line picked up after the fourth ring.
“Hello?” Olivia’s voice crackled through the other end.
“Hi, Liv. It’s me,” John hesitated, “Can we talk?”